I know what you are thinking... Another story? Well, I wrote this while I was in my summer camp and it's almost finished. I think. It's not a long story but it'll have long chapters. I ant to try to update daily, with it's complicated, which I'll update soon when I finish some details of next chapter. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this story. It's not a normal story, it has a lot of history behind it and a lot of things happen. Please please review letting me know what you think!
Prologue.
Trying to be happy ended up being miserable.
Meredith hates her life. She hates her husband, her job. She needs a change; to start over. One day, she makes a wish, and when she opens her eyes she finds herself in her accidental life.
Main characters: derek sepherd, meredith grey.
Secondary characters: Cristina Yang, Addison Montgomery, Lexie Grey.
OC's: Jake Forbes.
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Meredith Grey is laying on her unmade bed. She has decided she is never going to move again; for a good reason. The world is not going to stop if she dissappears; dissappearances happen, and the world keeps moving. They managed to do it when the president of the united states was killed, so her? Nothing would change if she just went away. That's all she wants. To go away.
She can already picture herself laying on some beach. The only sound she can hear is the sea. That's it.
She looks at her hands. They don't look not as bad as they did after the accident; but still, not good enougt to do surgery. And she was an excellent surgeon. One of the best. She could have been even better than her mom. But a car decided to ignore a red light. And all she remembers is everything fading to black slowly as the car flipped.
One. Two. Three times.
She should have died. Like Lexie. Her sister.
But she lived.
And for what?
She knows she should be grateful and be one of those persons who live everyday being grateful to be alive. But she is not grateful for this life. His husband is so tired of her he has turned into an ass; and she is almost 100% sure that he is cheating on her. And she just doesn't care. Before the accident, she would have. Now she is so numb she can't feel the pain. The only feeling she can remember is the depression.
Before she closes her eyes; she wishes everything would be different.
It takes two seconds for some things to be ruined.
She had locked him at the botton of her mind. But this morning she has seen him. She doesn't let herself feel often, but when his blue eyes met hers, the world stopped. Then she saw a red haired woman handing him a cup of coffee. She knew Derek. Knew. Past tense. She doesn't know him anymore. Not since she married Jake. He asked her to make a choice. And she did. But she chose wrong. She chose the wrong guy. And that decision has marked her her since that momment. Derek cut her off after she said she was staying with Jake.
They had met in college, but she had met Jake before. He had always been there. It had been, what? Sixteen birthdays, christmas. And five years of anniversary dates, sex, love, friendship. She was afraid of throwing that away. Jake asked her to marry him. How was she supposed to say no?
She did the right thing, but deep inside in her heart, she knew that wasn't who she wanted to pick.
And now, when he sees him, she knows Derek is not happy. Neither is she. She just wanted to throw herself into his arms. But then the red head came. And she realised it was too late to apologise.
She used to love the hospital. It was like her sanctuary. She loved it there. After the accident, she just hated it. But she punishes herself sometimes when she goes to see Cristina.
Although Cristina punishes herself leaving this place to visit her sometimes.
They are kind of even.
"Hey, bitch." Cristina greets her, patting her on the back.
"Well, Hello to you too." Meredith rolls her eyes.
"Are you okay?" She asks, Cristina has like this radal that can sense when she is upset or mad. Which is like always she comes here.
"You know I hate this place." She lies. This time, her biggest problem is Derek. And the redhead. Which shouldn't be her problem at all.
But still, it is.
"Hmm." The cardio surgeon sits down on a bed down on the tunels; she remembers this place from her intern year. They used to come here. With Alex, who is now working on a private clinic, George who left for the Army, and Izzie, who drove Alex away and then ran too. No one knows where she is. It's just her and Cristina; but Cristina it's actually the only one standing.
She still remember when Richard said on their first day that only two would make it.
Apparently he was wrong.
"I am serious." Meredih groans.
"Sure you are." Her friend rolls her eyes, taking a bite of her turkey sandwich.
Meredith crosses her arms over her chest. She sighs.
Cristina doesn't say anything, she just opens a box of chips and starts eating them, making an annoying noise. It's making her anxious.
Meredith groans.
Cristina keeps eating chips.
Somehow her best friend always gets what she wants without doing anything.
"Okay, I will tell you. If you insist. "She sighs dramatically."I saw Derek." She finally says
Cristina starts chocking.
"Holy crap!" Meredith exclaims, quickly reaching for her friend to help her spit the bite of turkey stuck on her throat.
Once it's laying in the floor, Cristina coughs.
"Are you okay?" She asks worriedly; handing her a cup of water.
Cristina sighs, taking a sip of the water and leaving it on the table.
"You almost killed me!" She exclaims." And I can't do surgery on myself, which means that If you had caused me a heart attack I would die."
"There are other cardio sur-" she trailes off. She doesn't want to start this argument again. She shakes her head." Well, I saw Derek. Try not to choke this time."
"I almost died!" The korean argues." Anyway, you saw Derek..." Cristina raises her eyebrows."Did you do it?"
Meredith frowns." Do what?"
"Him." She smirks." You know, like in the old times." She pats her again. Why is Cristina always patting her?
"What?!" Meredith gasps." Of couse not!" Althought, she wouldn't mind. Maybe sex is what she needs, she doesn't even remember what an orgasm feels like.
"But you want to."
"I just saw him walking down the street." She rolls her eyes." Besides he was with someone." She looks at the ceiling, leaning her head against the wall.
"I am sorry." Cristina says.
Me too.
"It's just... Sometimes, I wonder if it would be different, you know?, If I would be happy if I had picked him." She admits. She wonders it almost everyday since she made her choice. "Maybe the accident...-
"The accident thing wouldn't have changed. It had to happen and it did. You can't keep blaming yourself for it. Lexie wouldn't want that." Cristina says simpatetically.
"I know." Meredith nods." But maybe I would still be a surgeon. I would have been amazing." She whispers, bitting back a sob. "I know I shouldn't but... I miss him. I miss him so much I..." She can feel the tears streaming down her face. It's pathetic. And sad. But still, she is there; regretting a decision she made years ago.
"I know you do, I know." Cristina hugs her softly. Which surprises her because her firend is not a hug- person. But she thanks her; she kind of needed that. She only has Cristina left. If it wasn't for her, she doesn't know where she would be.
"So, how was your day?" She asks. Maybe this is the first conversation they have had in months.
"Good." He simply says, avoiding her eyes. She knows Jake. He is a good man. And he knows that screwing your secretary behind your wife's back is not a thing to be proud of. But she can feel how ashamed he is when he looks at her.
She knows. The wife always knows. Men are morons who think they are being discrete; But the person who knows them best in this world, in most cases, are their wives. A wife always knows when their husband is making up excuses not to gohome, or the guilty looks on their face after an screaming orgasm with a younger girl.
Sometimes she wishes they would have had kids. Maybe it would be different. Mabe she would have forgotten about Derek. Now it's just too late. Not because she is old; she is not even on her mid-thirties, she just doesn't want to bring a child into a world where her husband hates her and she hates life.
She is miserable, and raising a kid on her own wouldn't make her happy enough to be a good mom.
"I am going to bed." After a few minutes of silence, Jake finally speaks.
"Okay." She whispers.
"Okay."he sighs, shaking his head. He heads back to their bedroom. The bedroom two people share. But still, it is so empty she feels even more alone.
flashback.
"Party at 8. You comming?" She read the text with an angry face. After that, she decided to ignore it by leaving her phone on the grass and grabbing her anatomy book again. But she couldn't concentrate.
She remembers being so excited about college. Jumping around and telling everyone she was going to be a doctor. Well- now she wants to punch that girl on her face.
It's not that med-school is hard. She is getting great grades. It's Jake. The asshole of her boyfriend who still thinks they are in high school. She thought that he would grow up when they graduated but she was wrong.
he was going to be a lawyer, and well, she didn't know how he was going to make it without studying and just partying. She was tired of her drunken boyfriend trying to feel her up. Insulting her or ignoring her. She loved him. They had been together for years. She lost her virginity with him. And she knew that deep insidie he loved her too. He was just too naïve to see whathe was doing to her.
"Meredith?" She looked up from her book, smiling when she saw Derek in front of her, giving her one of his smiles. Derek was his classmate. Both loved neurology. Surgery. She enjoyed talking to him and he was good friend. He had helped her with Jake a couple times. He was a good guy and she obviously liked him a little. Not that she was gonna admit it but even if she did, she couldn't.
"Hey, Derek." She smiled. "Sit down with me." She offered. He sat down a few seconds after the sentence left her lips.
"Are you okay? I saw you a little upset. " and he always read her like a book. Meredith bit her top lip, leaning her head on his shoulder.
"The same as always." She shrugged. She knew he knew that meant Jake.
Jake always happened.
"Oh." He didn't seem surprised. Neither was she. Not anymore." You should dump him. He has you and doesn't see you. And you..." He trailed off for a few seconds, his eyes meeting hers.
"I wish I could but I... It's not easy." She admited. Derek frowned. Like he is trying to understand why she is still with him.
"I love him. Maybe not in the love of my life way but it scares me to say goodbye to sixteen years knowing him. It's just... He's always been there." Her voice breaks softly and Derek hugs her closely. He doesn't have to say anything to make her feel better. She just curls up against him.
I know this might seem a little confusing but well, I will explain it all. Please review and let me know what you think!