Title: Without you

Series: Tennis no Oujisama

Author: DianaLineelu2001

Pairing: Fujiryo/Thrill Pair

Warning: Shounen ai (obviously), Angsty! Ryoma, some situation (you get what I mean –wink-)

Rating: T (because of the pairing ;)

Word challenge: Sad

Words in italics are Ryoma's thought.

Bold + Italics is memories or dreams

----

Ryoma stood next to the coffin, staring at the beautiful dead face of his lover. Syuusuke...You looked as if you were sleeping, Ryoma thought. He then slowly bent his body to kiss the cold lips, for the last time. Funny, just a few days ago I kissed you and it was warm and...Smiling. You looked odd without the smile, Syuusuke...

He turned his body and walked down from the stairs, ignoring all the concerned glances that were focused on him. Some spoke ill of him, they wondered how can he not cry on his own lover's funeral? If Fuji was here, he'd shot a death glare at you noisy people. He quashed the urge to smirk humorlessly, less he scare everyone away. Not to mention that his family would question his mental health too. They didn't understand, really. He was so sad that the tears could not come out of it's confinement.

A week had passed. Everything around him reminded him of Fuji. He still could not fully accept that Fuji was gone. Hey, maybe this was just a dream. And maybe in Fuji's dream, Ryoma was dead. He would wake up to see his lover smiling at him, hugging him, kissing him and said he was relieved that it was all a nightmare. But this is reality... He fought the urge to smash his fist to the concrete wall.

Everyone offered him condolence but he could not care about it. Everyone asked whether he was alright. He answered "Mada-mada dane". Not good enough yet... this was the understatement of the year. He didn't feel better at all. He kept on wondering, if the accident didn't happen, what would Fuji and him do now? Where would they go? Were they going to the tennis court again? Or will Fuji drag him to somewhere new to fulfill his obsession for photography with Ryoma as the main subject (of course). It was painful.

By the end of the day, he only had enough energy to clean himself up and sleep. And he hoped tonight Fuji would be in his dreams, both of them happy. Little did he know, the moment his eyes closed, Fuji would come, and caressing his cheek feather light, blue eyes darkened with sorrow as his hand went through Ryoma's chest. I could not touch him... I could not soothe his pain.

A month...without Fuji, time passed within a blur. He lost a lot of weight, often finding himself without appetite. He knew he made everyone worried.

"Ne Ryoma, I made special wasabi sushi for you. Don't you feel lucky for being my boyfriend?" Fuji smiled as he held the place in both of his hands.

"Fuji, idiot... I don't like spicy food,"

"Mou, you're being so mean to me. Just one piece, please? It wasn't so spicy, really. And you don't eat much lately."

"Wasabi is not spicy?" Sarcastic.

"Ryoma, aa, open your mouth."

"No-! Mmph!"

His baka oyaji often asked him to play with him, trying to make him move on. His mom often cooks Japanese foods, his favourites. Hell, even Ryoga came back from America to be with him, to be a support. Still, he couldn't cry. Still no tears fell. Still, the pain didn't lessen. Still, he couldn't walk away from living in memories, in denial. The pain was maddening, to the point of driving him crazy.

And Fuji, couldn't do anything else but watch... it hurt.

He couldn't take it anymore. It was raining. It triggered his memories and him, about them... about the memories they made in the rain. It was ironic how the coldness reminded him of the heat, the passion that Fuji showed him on that day, in this locker room.

Both were wet, drenched in rain water but it was ignored.

Fuji's eyes were burning with love and lust but his touch remained gentle, loving on Ryoma.

And then, they became one and he was whole...complete for the first time in his life.

But now, there was nothing. This room was cold, dark and empty. No Fuji. Ryoma sat huddled on the bench in the room. It was next to the locker, the shadow of the furniture made his area to be darker that it should. He didn't bother to turn on the light. There was nothing to see. The wind blew through the window. He shivered and pulled his wet school uniform closer to his body, knowing it was in vain. He didn't know how long he stayed that way, shivering like an idiot, staring at nothing in particular, mind far back to the time when everything was alright, when he was still happy, when they were together, alive.

He closed his eyes and dreamt.

"Ryoma please... stop doing this onto yourself."

Fuji...

"Please move on. Don't do this to me... It hurts..."

I can't move on! Please don't leave me!

"I love you Ryoma. I can't be with you in body anymore but I am always here, by your side in spirit..."

I want you here, Fuji! I love you! I want you here with me!

One final feathery soft lips and a smile.

"Ryoma no baka... I am here with you. Can't you feel it?"

Frantic footsteps approached the room but he didn't realized it. The doorknob was turned but he ignored it. Someone shouted to someone to get the damned key quick. Another group of footsteps came and the door opened. Light was turned on. Ryoga and all of the Seigaku regulars entered. Ryoma remained silent as he opened his eyes. He was smaller that what he used to be and thus, they wouldn't see him from that position.

"Chibisuke!"

"Are you alright?" The warm hands touched his thin shoulders. Ryoga grimaced at the contact. Skin and bones, that's what you were Ryoma... Tears welled up in Ryoma's eyes. Then, his threw his arms towards his startled brother and held him tight, crying his heart out. The room fell into a hushed silence save from Ryoma's sobs. He cried and cried, bit by bit the pain lessened a bit. Bit by bit, he felt alive again. Bit by bit, he accepted that Fuji was gone, no more denial. Bit by bit...

I'm moving on Syuusuke, but please forgive me for still being sad about you.

-Owari-

This is actually my second Fujiryo fic and sad to say it was angst and character death... I'm sorry to kill our beloved Fuji Syuusuke naa... I didn't want the story to happen this way too but when I start writing... yeah, it turned out this way. Blame it on the funeral I've seen on the way back from school...

I think I might put Ryoma a bit OOC but... judging by the situation, it is understandable. Ryoma is the kind of person who always set a fixed boundary with everyone he met; no one was ever that close. That's why, when he lost someone before, he still can move on quite easily. But if he gets into a relationship (especially first time) that mean he had fully exposed himself to someone else (that is our Fuji, cough, I'm so biased). And when he lost them, he will not be able to accept them so nonchalantly and went into a state of denial. He didn't want to believe that the person is gone. For him, it was just a dream.

Annnnd the lemon, yeah... that was as far as I could go... Even with just that I was blushing like crazy.. –shakes head-

Sorry that I didn't put much of Fuji in this fic. I didn't want to make this story fall into a super-natural category anyway... meh. Feel free to point any error and I'll try to fix it! But, be kind in your response okay? That's all for now and pray that the next Fujiryo fic (probably during the next holiday season (Malaysian almanac calendar) because school's being bitch...) will be a happy one. Please! -