I winced at the thick air that rushed in to greet me, it was heavy with water and colder than I'd expected. It was soothing and suffocating both in the same moment, and it's hard to believe that this used to be the norm for me. "It's like breathing soup, damn, you say you used to live here Sarge?" Airman Jordan asked, coming up behind me, wheezing a little. Phillips laughed and threw his arm around Jordan's neck, "You telling me you don't like breathing your water? Colonel Richards would say it was damn efficient. What do you say Sarge?"

I raised an eyebrow at them, amused by their antics, they had been acting like children ever since we got the letter telling us to go home. First time my tour ended before the year was up, if I'm being honest, it's the first time my tour ended and I didn't plan on signing up for another. "I say get the hell off my base." I gave them both smiles, "I hear you have herds, no, droves of gorgeous women stalking your ugly mugs." Jordan blushed, he was the worst off, of the three of us, with burn weals all down his neck and chest, it wasn't ugly by any means, but it's enough to give any woman pause.

Phillips straightened up a little, his grin shining against his mahogany skin, "Damn straight we do, and every one of them'll be jealous that you got a fistfull of our asses first."

I rolled my eyes brushing of the reference to our first meeting, "Yeah and that was more than enough, so get." I loved them both like brothers, but I didn't want them in my hair anymore than I wanted to see Renee right now. The boys gave their salutes and raced down to the office to get their release papers in order, shoving and pushing like little boys. I stood with a wince, putting most of my weight on the cargo netting, nothing like a fifteen hour flight to stiffen the legs.

I tossed my duffle over my shoulder and grabbed my crutches. It was a long walk to the office, but by the time I got there, all was prepared for me. Being a hero has it's perks sometimes. Dad waited for me in the parking lot outside the base, I didn't want him uncomfortable or me, and I knew he'd ask questions at all the saluting, maybe grumble about making an injured woman stand at attention. Everything would just go better with him and I meeting outside all of this.

He met me at the car, gave me a hug and stowed my bags. Save for a short comment about how I cut a fine figure in my ABU's, that's my battle uniform for those uninitiated in the world of the military, we drove in absolute silence. That's why I need Charlie. No face paced talking, no interrogations about injuries. Just me and the quiet. The shrinks out there said I need people, and they're probably right, but I just don't think my mother would be a good fit for that. Charlie was there when I lost my shit the first time, at least this time he understands it. Even cops get damn PTSD.

I passed out somewhere between Kitsap, the Seattle base, and Forks. It felt good to wake up in a quiet space, no guns, no chatter, no jokes about Taliban and ISIS, just good old shitty radio and my dad's solid presence. "How far?" I yawned, scrubbing at my eyes. All this sleep is starting to make me feel groggy, putting me on edge. My head may be in Forks, but my body is still at war, and groggy means people die.

Charlie chuckled, and I tensed as we bumped over the curb and into the driveway, "Shit, sorry Charlie." I relaxed my death grip on the oh-shit handle. "Guess I was tired. Pop the trunk?" I started to get out and Charlie leveled me with a look that questioned every level of my already shaky sanity.

"I'm getting your bag. Honestly Bella…" He shook his head and got out, taking my duffle over his shoulder before I could really muster up the energy to argue. Same old Charlie. I hobbled my way into the house, knowing I had to look like shit compared to the last time I'd gone on leave, at least then I'd been able to walk without a pair of aluminum sticks mocking my dignity.

I followed him upstairs to see that my room was… Still… The same way I had it since I lived there as a kid. "Oh hell no. You put that bag on the couch." I shook my head at the small space, it was more than enough to live in, but it needed work. "I need to get new furniture, and some paint up there first." I refuse to live in the exact same room that a twelve year old slept in, let alone a stupid, infatuated teenager with the inability to tell the difference between love, and mutually beneficial bullying. Sure, I got the saint kissed right out of me, and damn did that virgin boy know how to kiss, but his behavior was nothing short of bullying. "I'll see if I can't get someone to take me up to Port Angeles to get some supplies."

"Actually…" Charlie shifted uncomfortably, and I narrowed my eyes, he'd already planned for this, so either I'm going to love it, or I'll need my own apartment sooner than I thought. "I invited Billy and Jake over for dinner, thought maybe you two would like to catch up?"

"Sure sure." I gave him a little smile, relaxing now that I knew what he was up to, "So how are things with you and Sue?" I teased. If he gets to play matchmaker, then so can I. Charlie turned purple and started to stammer. "That's what I thought." I looked around the room, "You want help with dinner?" I knew he was a decent cook when I left, eggs, meat, basic chuck veggies in the microwave kinda guy.

Charlie puffed his chest out, "I've branched out, we're having chili tonight, it's been in the crock pot since yesterday." I frowned and sniffed, not smelling anything, Charlie chuckled, "In the garage. I would have cracked it open before now if I could smell it."

I barked out a laugh, "Makes sense. I'll be downstairs in a little bit then. I have to sort out this mess." He nodded with a warning that I should ask him for help before he went downstairs. The TV flipped on and I heard the game playing on his impressive sound system. I closed my eyes and stood there, swaying on my good leg for who knows how long, breathing slowly. Birds chirping outside the window, cheerful commentary, and the occasional clack of Charlie's beer on the glass coffee table, no gunshots or arguments. Neighbors were too far out for visits, it was just the two of us.

The air whooshed out of my lungs as I sagged in relief, relaxing for the first time since god knows when. The first thing I did was pull the sliding glass panes out of the window, leaving a gaping hole out into the back yard. Next thing was to chuck all my shit out the aforementioned window with extreme prejudice. I flung the CD's and pictures I'd found in my floor just weeks before I shipped out to bootcamp, the bookcase, the rickety desk, old homework, and whatever the hell else was in those boxes of shit. I hadn't needed or wanted them in years, so there was no reason to keep them now.

"Everything okay up there?" Charlie called, sounding concerned.

"Yes sir! Spring cleaning sir!"

"If you say so.." He didn't sound very convinced, but he didn't come up, so either he was afraid to find out, or he trusted me, either one works. Now for the hard things. The bedframe is total crap, along with the mattress which needs replacing even if I did want it, and the computer, the desk chair can go downstairs by the table or something. I looked between my crutches and the pine frame devising a cunning plan.

Twenty minutes later Charlie and Jake came running up the stairs to see me laying on my back, and my frame splintering in multiple places. Charlie looked weirdly tall from my position, but Jake looked freakish, "Did you actually get bigger?" I blurted in shock. He had to duck to get through the doorframe, and he was so broad in the chest, I'm amazed he didn't get his shoulders stuck or something.

Jake snorted and picked me up like I was nothing, something that I know for a fact is total bullshit because I do pushups all the time and I am heavy. "I dunno, did you get dumber?"

I glared at him, and his giant stupid face, "No, I have to break down the frame so I can get it out the window."

Charlie spluttered, shook his head and went downstairs, probably to tell Billy that I'm not dead. "You didn't think to try a screwdriver?"

I rolled my eyes, "Put me down Jake. Screwdrivers involve being able to walk to the garage forty times to find it. All of it's going in the trash anyway, so I figure I throw it out the window, and I don't have to take the stairs."

Jake set me down by the wall and went over to peer out the window. He gave a low whistle, "How'd you fit all that stuff through this tiny window?" He leaned half-way out, and I seriously considered kicking his massive ass out of it. He'd probably survive if it weren't a mess of broken shit down there.

"Magic." He gave me an annoyed look, "I'm a cripple Jake, not an invalid. I picked the shit up, and I shoved it out the window. If it didn't fit, I gave it a kick and it went flying." He raised his eyebrows at me like I was insane, so I shrugged. It all made perfect sense to me, but then my men made it a point to call me insane on a daily basis, both to my face and behind my back. The second school learned to say it to my face pretty quick.

"Uh huh." Jake flopped on what was left of my bed ignoring the groan of protest from the frame, "So what's it like being home?"

I leaned back against the wall with a shrug, leaving my dignity on the floor with my crutches. "I dunno, I've been back for what, a few hours? I haven't even been fully debriefed yet, so technically I'm still on leave. I won't be 'home' until tomorrow."

"What do you mean? I thought they asked you about all that shit as soon as you got in the hospital?"

"They do." I nodded, "While it's all fresh, but then they have to do a second one on the homefront, make sure I know which stories to tell, and which ones to bury in a hole." I shrugged, "It's all about the red tape."

"Intense." He commented. I nodded, sighing. That was about the gist of our chat, he agreed to take me down to Port Angeles to job hunt, and car hunt, and every other kind of hunt that didn't involve shooting bunnies. I promised to hang out with him on the res, and catch up with him about everything going on at home, it was pretty productive. Dinner was surprisingly delicious too, but by that point I was peopled out and zoning out entirely. We watched the game, everyone was excited about whoever won, so I guess it was good. I vaguely remember Charlie ushering everyone out and tossing a blanket over me, but that might have been a dream.

"Soldier what's your status?!"

"Vertical and ventilating sir." I wheezed, hunched over the handheld. "We are holding a position," I checked the odometer on the jeep, "Ten clicks south of the encampment. Airmen Jordan, and Phillips are out of commision. We need a med-evac and air support at…" I listed the coordinates, and thanked the gods that I'd found a GPS and a radio in the jeep we hijacked.

"Good work soldier. Hold position, we'll have your air support and evac in twenty minutes. You think you can hold that long?"

"Hell yeah." I mumbled into the radio before setting it back in the console. I hopped out of the jeep and started setting up as close to camo as we could get. Piling up tumbleweeds and bushes and shit all around the outside. It covered anything shiny, and while it was conspicuous, it wasn't random jeep in the middle of shitcreek Iraq conspicuous. "Philips, how you holding up back there?" I climbed into the bed of the jeep to see he was layering canvas over Jordan's chest and neck.

"It's FUBAR sarge, but he'll make it. White boy promised he wouldn't die until he screwed every woman along the east coast, Maine to Florida, so he's got at least a few centuries left." Philips cracked, I would've smacked him upside his stupid head if it wasn't bandaged so heavily.

"And you?"

He shrugged, "Thick skull."

"Ain't that the truth, I'm going to-" I hand latched onto my shoulder and slammed me into the wall, shattering glass all over my head. I screamed out as a dozen shards sliced through my skin, embedding themselves in my flesh.

"Mmmn, such a beautiful sound." The voice was like silk. "Scream again for the camera." He reached down, and through tear-streaked eyes, I watched him pinch my thigh, snapping my femur like a twig. I closed my eyes, and clenched my jaw as more screams ripped from my throat. Lights danced behind my eyelids, and everything turned a blinding shade of red as my whole body tensed from the pain.

Someone ripped the gag from my mouth and smacked my face, "Wake up! Yalla!" I opened my eyes and saw my two best friends in the whole wide world. Angry guy #4, and bitchtits himself. I dunno who he is, but I know he's in charge.

"Not again." I groaned, scooting to sit up a little taller, "Can we reschedule for next week? I'm a little under the weather bitchtits." Angry guy #4 hit me again, slapping me across the face. "Seriously? What's the point of beauty sleep if you just ruin it ham hands?" I griped, ignoring the pain. I'd had so much worse, from far scarier friends.

"Tell us where the weapons are." He demanded, dragging me to my feet and slamming me against the wall with his very human hands. He radiated anger and a sickening heat that made me want to heave the little that was in my stomach. What I wouldn't give for a vampire to be the one interrogating me, at least then it would be nice and cool.

"Uhhh, lemme think…" I let my head fall back, and put a finger in front of him to stop him from getting pissy on me again. A grin spread across my face as I decided what to say, "Tarakt lahum fi kuss 'ummik." My accent is terrible, but if I did say it right, I told him to go look in some undesirable places on his mother's person.

"Stop!" Bitchtits caught Angry guy #4's hand and pulled him away from me, letting me sag to the floor. They muttered something angry or another, but when I tried to listen in, #4 planted his size 13 in my solar plexus. After that I just hugged my poor injured ribs and let them have their little talk. Bitchtits shoved Angry guy out the door, and then knelt over me with a pistol to my head, "You will tell us what we want to know." He informed me in heavily accented english.

"Whatever you say." I replied, rolling my eyes. He chuckled at me and his mood shift had me on edge. It reminded me too much of James when he caught me.

Angry guy #4 and his fellows, #1-3 filed in leading hostages. Eric, Angela, Charlie, Renee, Phil, and more. Hundreds of them filed into the room, names and faces of everyone I'd ever known, even the ones I hated. "Where." He shot Eric, "Are," Angela went down. "The," Phil took two bullets. "Weapons." Renee fell with the blood of her husband staining her face. The four of them fell into a bloody heap.

I stared as the crimson flow stained my boots. "I don't know." I whispered. Flinching when they shot the next one, and the next one. "I don't know." I said it louder, my vision blurring as I stared at the mess before me, the pool growing deeper, soaking into my socks. More shots rang out, the pile growing higher as I sobbed, shouting out my chant. I wanted to stop them, to lie, to sell them some shit but I couldn't. I had to tell the truth, and the truth is that I had no idea what weapons I was supposed to tell them about.

The mountain of bodies before me grew as the pain in my chest grew. A gun, sizzling hot from near-constant fire pressed to my forehead. "WHERE ARE THE WEAPONS!"

I felt my heart rend in half, "I don't know…" I whimpered.

"Wrong answer." Charlie removed the gun from my forehead and glared at me with blood red eyes as he choked the life out of me. I kicked out, flailing, grabbing at his hand as it constricted around my throat but I was helpless. Darkness encroached on my vision, and pain lanced through my throat, burning for an eternity.

I woke up with my hand clenched tight around my neck, cutting off the screams strangling themselves in my throat. My clothes were drenched in sweat, disgusting sticky sweat. I swear to god if I never sweat another drop in my life, it will still be too much. I listened carefully, waiting to hear someone come rushing in with their fluttering hands and their bullshit pity and apologies, but the only sound was wildlife and Charlie's snores.

Thank god… I kicked off the quilt Charlie had tucked around me, and stumbled off the armchair, ignoring the aches in my back and neck. I opened my duffel and pulled out my spare camo's and a tank top along with my toiletries and made my way upstairs to the bathroom. Slowly. Hopefully Charlie's still a heavy sleeper, because my sticks of inferior hobbling are not too quiet, clicking every time I put my weight on them. In this silence, it sounds like gunshots. I started up the shower, and poked my head out, waiting to hear him ask what the hell I think I'm doing taking a shower at… Shit, 0300 hours.

He didn't twitch, so I didn't bother making a fuss about it, I got in, washed, and got out. I didn't even realize how fast I was going until I saw the mirror wasn't even fogged up. Damn military training me for efficiency, if I wanted to be efficient I wouldn't be showering at all, they can't keep their noses to themselves, and now they butt into my relaxation time. Every freaking time.

I cleaned up my clothes and tossed them into the hamper I'd put in the linen closet. I figured that if Charlie had ever used a linen closet it would be awkward, but since it looked to be first aid shit, and some ratty old towels, I was safe keeping my clothes in there until I got my room sorted. Down those asshole stairs again, and into the living room. Sleep definitely isn't going to happen again, might as well catch up on some reading.

Charlie found me that way at 0730 when he dragged himself downstairs for breakfast. Me, hair still damp, reading Sun Tzu Was A Sissy. "Eggs?" He asked.

I shrugged, and I guess that counted as a yes, cus he pulled out the carton and started cooking. It was nice. Quiet. Serene even. A plate and fork were deposited on my lap and Charlie sat down on the couch, eating his own breakfast. We ate in silence, and I took the chance to really look at my dad. He was getting older, still working the same old 9-5 at the police station, and nothing bad had happened to him yet. A minor miracle considering it's inhabitants. Between the werewolf gangs, and the vampire menace, he should be taking a dirt nap.

Maybe it's the mustache, even vamps have to respect a good mustache right? Unless he has some kinda gift, like Jasper was such a charismatic fool as a human, maybe dad has something too. I wonder what I got. I dug in, and to my delight, the eggs are even better than I remember. "Thank god for yellow eggs." I mumbled, closing my eyes in delight.

"Is there any other kind?" Charlie snorted.

I grinned wolfishly, "We had a new cook, didn't last long, but he liked to serve blue eggs." Charlie raised his eyebrows. Silently asking the ultimate question. "Did you know," I started nonchalantly, "That if you put raw eggs in aluminum, they turn blue?" Charlie's eyes went wide, "Uh huh, he didn't stay long." I smirked and went back to my eggs, it was two months the guy stayed, and after the first three days I didn't eat another egg. They didn't taste bad, but damn if the eggs are turning blue, what else are you screwing up back there?

"Uh huh…" Charlie nodded, looking a little green around the gills. God, it is way too easy, I'm going to have to save my stories for non-mealtimes if that one has him queasy. "I'm uh, work." Charlie pointed at the door, "You mind doing the dishes."

He looked a little uncomfortable asking me to do it, so I smiled up at him, "Sure thing Charlie." Charlie nodded, strapped on his belt and got out the door. His concern was kinda cute really. I got up and started for the kitchen, ignoring the shooting pains up my spine, and the vicious stiffness from sitting too long. Of course, half an hour is too long. I can never decide if it's better to keep moving and hobble around like a disabled old granny, or just curl up in a ball and settle into the discomfort until I have to move again and it's tripled for an hour. By the time I'd finished cleaning up the dishes, Jacob was walking in the front door. "Don't you know to knock?" I snarked, unconcerned, I'd heard his heavy footsteps on the porch.

Jake smirked, "Well I thought you wanted a ride, not manners. I can do one or the other."

I laughed, "Oh yeah, I remember." I remember punching his face in when he kissed me, that was right before I got shipped off to my first tour on a base in Qatar, and he got it in his head that if he kissed me, I'd fall in love AND turn my back on my duty. Of course I broke my hand, but it was still worth it.

Jake rubbed the back of his neck, and do I spy a blush? My god I think he's blushing. "I never did apologize for that did I?"

I smirked. I, Isabella Swan, at 5'6" and weighing in at all of 156 pounds soaking wet, had made this mountain of a man blush. I am freaking awesome. "No you didn't, but it's okay Jakey bear, you can make it up to me by being my personal chauffeur. I've got a date with a Colonel in three hours in Port Angeles, and then I need to go furniture and paint shopping, I've been wanting to look for a job, and then of course there's the PT, I mean I'm already sick of these damn crutches and I'd like to be off them alre-" I raised an eyebrow at Jake's ham-hand covering my mouth, "You want to lose that?"

Jake rolled his eyes, "No I just want you to zip it. I already agreed to take you to Port Angeles, and I figured I'd be driving. You aren't exactly mobile Bells. Come on." He jerked his head toward the door and started walking. It took me a minute to follow him. I'll never tell him, but he covered my mouth, and I almost stabbed him. He scared the living shit out of me.

We chatted, caught up on old friends in the car, told me about the guys living on the res. Turns out the wolves just kept exploding into action even after the Cullens left, and eventually the packs split up. Sam took one, and Jake the other, did I mention my best friend is a werewolf? It figures considering my first boyfriend was a vampire. Of course that relationship lasted what, two months? And another two months of obsession before that. Cus that's totally healthy. I swear supernaturals are the worst at keeping secrets.

I met more than one funky creature out in the deserts, but I didn't stay to ask what they were, knowing my luck, they'd try and take me as their brides too. With a two for two love/obsessed record, I'd made it my goal to never interact with another supernatural after the Cullens left. All my friends from high school were moved out too, except Mike Newton, and Angela Weber. Mike was still working at his parent's dinky little sports shop, and Angela had gotten a degree in journalism or something and she was working for the Olympia gazette or something.

The rest moved out and moved on, not surprising really. Forks is one of those places you just can't escape once you're stuck there. It slows you down, catches you like molasses and holds on, it was that same quality that brought me back. I need to catch my breath after what happened. Anyway… My debrief went as expected. Don't tell anyone about Al Qaeda, or the other places I flew my pretty airplane, do I remember anything else about the POW camp I was captured in? Am I feeling okay, You're eligible for getting such and such medals for such and such, thank you for your service, oh my god is your friend eligible to serve in the military?

The last one was funny to watch, Colonel Plant just about broke his jaw he dropped it so far, and Jake just shook his head and said he had previous obligations. I'm pretty sure the Colonel would have begged if he'd seen how much Jake could bench, I dunno about his accuracy with a gun, but Jake was pretty much the perfect soldier. After that we hit up some furniture places, and a hardware store for the wood and paint I'd need. Thankfully, Jake kept that old monster of a truck I sold back to him before I deployed. It's still ugly as sin, but faithful.

"Ugh, is that it? I'm pretty sure this counts as slave labor Bells." Jake informed me.

I smirked, he should try shopping with Alice, it's three times as bad because you know she's only going to stop when the mall actually closes. "I need to hit up a PT before we go, I can leave job hunting for a while." I had plenty in savings, and it wasn't like I planned on living it up. Just me and Charlie and my physical therapist.

Jake gave a dramatic sigh, "Well I guess if your ass is hurting that much, we can get it checked out." He pulled out of the parking lot, "So what do you wanna do once you're up and walking again? Flying planes?"

I rolled my eyes, "You really think I would have retired early if I thought I could still fly after this shit? Jake I'll be lucky to fly commercial, let alone anything even as powerful as a Texan." He gave me a frown, and I interrupted whatever sun-shiny shit he was about to spout. "Jake, I flew co-pilot on a Warhawk, navy chopper, after they retrieved me and the boys. That shit is child's play compared to the F-16's I've flown, but I almost blacked out from the pain of take-off. I can't imagine what even 6 G's would feel like with this damn leg, but I can't do that." I shook my head, clenching my fist on my right leg, my bad leg.

"You're scared." Jake seemed stunned to realize it. "You've faced vampires, werewolves, and armed gunmen, but it takes a bum leg to scare you?"

I bit my cheek, rubbing the stiff muscles on my thigh, trying to loosen them a little. Bum leg. God, if only it was just a bum leg. Even sitting in the car had electric pain shooting up my back, making my left arm spasm. I could ignore it, given enough time, and the right distraction, but it's always there, reminding me that I screwed up. I lost a dozen airmen and friendlies, my co-pilot, and who knows how many died while I was rotting in that hole.

I hadn't just suffered pain, that was hell, but I just about had a panic attack when we lifted off the ground. Jake… He wouldn't understand, he's practically indestructible, and while he's hurt himself bad enough to put him in bed for a week, Jake has always healed. I don't. They put me on a stretcher and took me to a doctor who could only say there was a hell of a chance I would never walk normal again. I did my time in the wheelchair, waiting for a plane to ship us home, decided I'd die if that's what it took to walk right, but, those kinds of consequences stay with you. The thought of getting in a plane again, letting other people depend on me, it doesn't feel right, I was the highest ranking officer, I should have known something was off.

"We're here." Jake said softly. I looked the place over and nodded, climbing out of the car with an internal wince. I ignored the agony threading up my back and along my spine and up my shoulder. Inside was mellow colors, and music meant to relax you, all kinds of stuff designed to make it feel like a shrink's office. The lady at the desk saw me and immediately jumped up like she was going to offer me a chair or some shit.

I waved my hand and shook my head, "You have a good PT in here?"

"Yes of course ma'am, we have a whole suite of services we offer, massage therapy, chiropractic, occup-"

I shook my head, "You take military insurance or whatever?" I just wanted to know if they'd cover my shit.

"Yes of course we work very closely with-"

"Thanks." I took her hand and shook it, "I'm Bella, you'll be seeing a lot of me. You got a card or something I can call you with once I get my doctor's note?"

The woman shook in a daze, seemingly confused by my abrupt decisions, "Uhm, yes of course." She handed me the card.

I nodded, "Thanks for that, uh, Cindy." I tucked the card into my pocket and hobbled back to the truck. I looked at the hunk of junk, and Jake's questioning looks and just wished I could walk home. I think it would actually be worth it to take the hike.

"Bells you okay?" I blinked, realizing Jake was out of the car and standing in front of me. "Dude you still there? You phased out there."

"Yeah, yeah I'm cool, I just, I really don't want to go home yet." Translation, I really don't want to feel like I'm sitting on a sixteen inch dagger for two hours.

Jake chewed on his cheek, "You want me to call Embry to get the car?"

I frowned, "Then how-" Holy shit, wolf rides. I grinned, "Yes please." Jake mirrored my expression and whipped out his phone to call his packmate. I don't care how much this hurts, it's gonna be totally worth it. Embry showed up about 30 minutes later, took the keys, and my crutches and drove off with only a short hug and a hello from me. It was weirdly reminiscent of custody hand-offs between Renee and Charlie, except my truck was the child in this weird divorce scheme.

Personally I think I got the much better side of things, I mean there was the awkwardness of letting my best friend carry into the woods so he could strip down, but I've had worse. Sometime I'll tell you about the bathroom arrangements in the cargo planes they cart us around in sometimes. It's fun. Anyway, after Jakey bear got over his exhibitionist tendencies, we had the fun of getting me back on the metaphorical horse. "Well this should be interesting."

I'd forgotten how big he is. "Get over here you big lug." He'd had me lean against a tree and that was great and all, but the idea of hopping across the forest floor for any significant distance is not my idea of fun. Jake rolled his eyes and sidled over to me, his massive bulk radiating heat. Thank god I'm still in my canvas pants and tank top from last night, otherwise I'd be sweating buckets. "How is it that you're this hot, and still not attractive enough to get a girlfriend?" I joked.

He grumbled and laid down so at least he was only waist height now. "Fuck me sideways." I muttered, grabbing onto my pants to help lift up my right leg over his back, it was agony and a half but I made it over with only a bitten lip and probably some bleeding from my cheek where I bit it trying to keep myself silent. That's me, stoic as hell, and twice as stupid. Jake looked back at me, concerned, and I rolled my eyes, "Come on you big baby. You're fine." He huffed and stood up backside first.

"Shit shit shit shit." I chanted, scrabbling to get a hold of his fur to stop me from sliding off right over his head. I squeezed his sides with my legs and it felt like I just got stabbed, but it's probably fine. "Okay, we are good." Jake turned to look at me, and I could feel his judgement. "I said we're good lassie." I teased, "Now start walking or we'll be here all day."

Jake shook his head and sneezed. I've never known a sneeze to be judgemental, but damn he pulled it off with aplomb. He started walking slowly and I'll admit it, it hurt like hell. I was gripping him too tightly, worried I would slip right off his back, and clenching my legs together didn't directly affect the torn muscles around my hip, but it was close enough to them that it sent shooting lines of pain every once in awhile. Just often enough to hurt, without being often enough for me to get used to it.

After ten minutes or so of a slow walk, I relaxed into it a little, learning how to shift my weight with minimal pain. Even better, the curve of his back let me rest my chest on him, so my back was almost entirely relaxed. In turn that meant that the usual lines of electric agony up my arm were mostly gone. "You can go faster." I told him, probably a little sooner than I should have, but I mean come on, I'm riding a giant wolf, and it only feels as bad as boot camp recovery.

Jake picked up the pace to a canter. I take it back. Worse than boot camp. Way worse than boot camp. "Mmmmmnf." I groaned through gritted teeth. Jake slowed back down with a whine, looking up at me, worried. "Shut up." I growled, "I can take it." It's just a hip, it's just a hip. "It's better than driving back, so move your ass."

Jake gave another whine and picked up to a trot, "Oh fuck no, you cannot bounce me around like this Black." The bouncing was worse, jarring my whole body, tensing it for each bounce. The wolf reverted to the canter, and again, it took a little while to get used to it, but the lack of jarring made it feel so much better. Perspective you know? Eventually, I relaxed enough to look up, and I realized we were moving at a fast clip. At least as fast as the truck on a good day, maybe faster.

As I relaxed, Jake did too, and he opened his mouth wide, letting his tongue loll out like a dog with his head out the window. "Awww, that's a good puppy." I cooed, scratching him behind the ears. He made a laughing bark kinda noise. "You are so weird." I informed him cheerfully… I'm happy doing this, genuinely happy. I felt happy and free with the wind screwing up my hair, and the trees flying by me at a pace that only sports cars could keep up with. I ducked my face into his fur, taking deep breaths to push away the fear and sadness. This is the closest I'll ever get to flying again.

Jake took me to the woods outside my house, I dunno how long it took, but he laid down and I rolled off of him with a sigh. I sat in the dirt, staring at my legs while he went to get changed. "Hey Bells you okay?" Jake asked, coming out from behind the tree, thankfully clothed.

"I'm good." I nodded, reaching up like an overgrown baby for him to pick me up. Not so much with dignified, but well, crutches don't leave much dignity either.

He scooped me up bridal style and carried me into the house where I would be stuck until Embry got back with my crutches. "You sure I didn't hurt you too bad?"

I rolled my eyes, "Jake everything hurts. That was just a cool way of hurting." I shrugged it off, "It's fine." He spent the next hour or so asking me if I was okay, offering to help me around the house, do I need anything, how are you feeling, eventually I just buried my face in a book and ignored him until he shut up. It's bad enough that I have to depend on anyone, but to have him smothering me in affection, it's even worse than Renee. Finally Embry arrived with my furniture and the crutches, so I got to direct everything around the room.

"The dresser goes into the Northeast corner, and Jake, Jake no the hardware is last, I have to build it into my closet. Go get the bed while we still have room to maneuver." I commanded, narrowing my eyes when Jake muttered a sarcastic 'yes ma'am' under his breath.

"Jeez Bella, when did you get so bossy?" I raised an eyebrow at Embry, "I've been training shave-tails for the last eight months. Forgive me if I treat you like you don't know your ass from a propeller."

Embry snorted, "I take it your trainees aren't too bright?"

I shrugged, "It's not that they're dumb, it's just that they're expected to become experienced professionals in less than six months. Think of it like when you first shifted, except the vamps in town are aggressive, and if you fuck up, you don't have super healing."

The shapeshifter paused, "I guess that does make it a lot scarier." He looked at me, "Was it like that for you?"

Vampires, shapeshifters, kidnapping and total abandonment, "Fuck me Embry, I don't know. My life isn't exactly the paragon of normality. I had a bright future ahead of me, I was already looking to be a Tech Sarge before shit went down, that's one of the hardest ranks to get, but I was on my way. All my CO's had one thing in common to say, I was born for crazy shit to go down. After what happened to me, I should be in a loony bin, or needing serious shrink help. Instead I have a prescription for sleeping pills, and some pain meds."

I shifted uncomfortably, his gaze was a little too understanding, a little too painful, "I mean my first tour was scary, all of it's scary really, but you get into this groove of taking things in stride, it's not about the next guy to shoot at you, it's about getting the job done. I wanted a career in that shit, flying jets, I mean you saw me after they left. I was…" Crazy, insane, in need of serious shrink help.

"An adrenaline junky." Embry supplied.

I smirked, "Hell yeah. The first time they put me in a centrifuge I thought I was gonna die, it felt like I had the whole pack sitting on my chest, crushing the air out of me. It was the hardest thing I did in my training, but Embry… Those jets, the speed, the power it's such a rush knowing that if you twitch you're going to be sent halfway across the continent. The burst of speed as you break the sound barrier, those aren't things you get to do every day. Now I…" I looked down at my legs, "I'll never sit in a military jet again. You understand that Embry? Those bastards took away everything from me, and now I'm stuck a crippled vet after only six years of service, staring at an empty life." He opened his mouth and I glared, "Don't you bullshit me. Don't you dare. Nothing is going to stand up to that lifestyle, and the service I was able to render."

"They took your wolf." Jake said quietly. I whipped my head around, how long was he there? I glared, it doesn't matter. I won't take his pity, or his bullshit.

"What the hell does that mean?" I snapped, angry that I had opened myself up, had let someone else hear about it. It's one thing if Embry knows, he's cool but he's no dear friend. Jake knows me, he'll worry about me and mother hen me to death.

The big man ran a hand through his hair, "The Alpha of each pack, his word is absolute. When you break the laws of the pack, he, or she, ensures that the punishment is properly applied. The worst punishment an Alpha can give, is to take your wolf spirit. They take the shifter right out of you, leave you with all your memories of living as one, and working as a team, the rush of being so powerful, they leave you with that, and then take away the one thing that gave it to you. It's worse than death." He gave me a dead-eyed look and I realized he'd had to do that, or he'd witnessed it.

The anger drained away, and I nodded. "Sounds about right."