Chapter 1
Chapter 1
Samantha Puckett softly brushed the hair out of her eyes, sighing. 'Today's the day…' she told herself for the hundredth time, her heart pounding at the thought of it. 'Today I tell Carly I'm a…' She stopped; she could hardly even bare to say the word out loud. 'A lesbian,' she whispered, her voice full of shame and disgust.
She hated being…that way. It was such a taboo in her family; if her parents had known, they'd have thrown her out for sure. She knew Carly would react well to the news…she would be, if not encouraging, at least accepting of her friend's…orientation. At least, Sam told herself that. 'But, what if she hates me? What if she never wants to see me again?' It was thoughts like that that made Sam want to stay in the closet.
She realized she was gay – really realized it – when Jake Krandle split up with his girlfriend. She remembered the other girls being so excited about it, the idea that one of them would be lucky enough to actually date him. She asked herself 'Why don't I like him? He's cute, right?' She willed herself to feel the same way as the other girls…the same way Carly felt.
And when she was cheering for her friend, holding her hands, jumping up and down and squealing at Jake's promise to 'hang out' with Carly, she wasn't happy because she would get to spend time with the teenage hunk; she was glad for her friend. And in the back of her mind she couldn't help but think about how much nicer it was holding Carly's hands than it would be to hold Jake's.
It had taken her months…nearly a year…to come to grips with her sexuality. It had been nerve-wracking and she'd gone through so many sleepless nights wondering about it. But, now, she finally felt it was the right time to tell her friend what she was – who she was.
It was the words Sam had trouble with. Even when she practiced in front of her mirror, they seemed to echo around the room, mocking her. Just four words…why was it so hard to say? 'I…am…a…lesbian…' she muttered.
Sighing again, Sam swung her legs over the bed. 'Time for school,' she said out loud. 'And time to tell Carly I'm a lezzer,' she thought, her heart sinking.