Don't press it don't press it you don't need to hear it again just leave it alone...
Hello Jane!
Oh god, there she is... Hi Maura...
I though I would give you a quick phone call just to let you know I have almost completed my paperwork and in another hour or so, I'll be ready for our date tonight!
That's fine Maura, you take your time, there's no rush, no rush at all honey...
I know it sounds silly, considering we live together and are in the same building almost twenty four hours a day… But I'm really looking forward to seeing you tonight Jane.
Oh Maura, you have no idea…
We haven't had much of an opportunity this week to be alone together and as much as it pains me to admit it…
That laugh. Oh god Maura, please don't stop laughing… Just keep laughing, forever…
I have missed your company. The morgue seemed empty without you there the past few days Jane… I'm sorry; I can imagine you rolling your eyes right now.
Her voice. So gentle, melodic. Like raindrops landing on a window, like fingers tapping against piano keys, like walking on the beach at sunset, like beauty… She sounds like beauty and innocence.
Don't apologize to me. Don't ever apologize to me sweet, sweet girl.
But, as is customary when one has the benefit of not being face to face with one's conversational partner, it's easier to be upfront and honest.
You are honest. Always honest. Honest and pure and wonderful Maura. Oh god, I can hear the smile in your voice. The little halt as you wonder whether you're pushing me too far… You're not. You're not, I promise… Keep talking, please, I need you to…
And honestly Jane, I don't want another week like this. Another week where I don't hear you stomping into the morgue…
… Not stop talking…
Hey! I don't stomp Maura Isles.
Another week where we go entire days without seeing one another, only to fall asleep at different times and leave with barely a kiss on the cheek goodbye. I don't want that.
I know, I'm so sorry honey… I should have made more of an effort. I should've been there for you.
As much as you often consistently ask me to speed up my scientific process, it actually pushes me to try harder. For you. And the team of course…
You helped us solve so many cases Maura. You never got enough credit for the things you did. The things you saw. I should have given you my medal at the time… I wish I hadn't had to just…
I'm going a little off track here.
….Bury you with it…
Anyway, that's all I really wanted to say. You put the champagne on ice, and I'll be home in an hour or so.
I'm so sorry we never got the chance to celebrate. I didn't drink the champagne. It didn't feel right without you there beside me to toast…
And don't worry I'll remember to order you pepperoni pizza…
That's just like you Maura. Always thinking of me, thinking of other people before yourself. It is something so inherently good about you. If only it didn't make you the hero you are…
But I still love it about you.
Before I go Jane I just want you to know, that even though we did just go an entire week without so much as lunch, and we both haven't exactly been… Pleasant to live with… You… You were on my mind a lot. Just like always.
And you never leave mine. Not even for a moment baby. I still see you every single day… I still see…
And I love you Jane Rizzoli, pepperoni pizza, stomping feet, annoying demands and all.
…The blood, god I'm so sorry…
I love you and I can't wait to see you tonight. Oh, there's Susie with the last report!
If only she kept you there five minutes longer…
Susie completed it for me, how very kind of her! That means I'll be home shortly Jane, don't forget what I said about the champagne! We have a lot to…
Just five minutes longer and you would have missed it.
Celebrate tonight!
That little intake of breath before she speaks again. It burns. It burns a path down my ear canal and directly into my mind and I can see her. I can see her standing in her office, grinning at Susie, that wide eyed, genuine grin that makes people want to make her smile again. And again, and forever. Just like it did with me. I can see her closing the last file and pulling on her blazer that was shredded and bloodied beyond all recognition by the time I got to her and held her as the ambulances roared around us and people were pulled screaming and bleeding and dying from inside and around the building as she smiled up at me.
She smiled. Even as her life was leaking out of her, she smiled.
I can see her sweep her soft, perfect blonde locks out of the collar of her coat, bid everyone goodnight with a jaunty wave and head outside to her car.
I can see her drive off in the direction of home. Our home. Our home that we share, that we have shared for five years. Five amazing years whilst we built our lives together. Our little world.
I can see the moment she notices something is wrong up ahead. I can see her brake, and finally kill the engine and step outside. I can see her standing there, on her tip toes, gazing along the line of traffic and the people who have also stepped outside their vehicles to stare at the tragedy unfolding, feeling the slight breeze kiss her skin, the palpable aura of panic surrounding the area, the indescribable heat plowing through the air and brushing against her.
She would have moved forwards after a moment. She would start running, those ridiculous high heels not giving her pause, not even for a second. Because someone, some Mother's son, some poor person's Father, brother, sister, friend, lover, someone needs her up there. Someone's life is in danger and that means Maura has to help.
It's what she does, it's who she is.
And her dress would have been flapping behind her as she ran, and her heels would be making that loud CLICK CLICK that always announced her presence well before she made an appearance, and she would have been calling out to the bystanders, asking them to move back, politely ushering them away from the scene, telling them to call the police…
To call me. To call the police. To call her wife. To call the person she needed most.
Then she would have seen the carnage. The blistering heat that somehow crackles and burns even from a great distance. The waves of screams, the pleas for assistance, the terror…
And then she would have kept going.
I know what happened next. Witness reports and testimonies told me what happened in step by step, minute detail. Details that people like Frost and Korsak wanted to keep from me, to stop me from knowing everything that occurred before my arrival. But I found out anyway. I needed to know.
She stripped off her fancy, expensive jacket and draped it over a woman who was lying on the ground, screaming, her legs jutting out at odd angles beneath her blood streaked body. She asked what happened and the woman told her 'IT WAS A BOMB! SOMEONE SET OFF A BOMB IN THERE! OH GOD…'
She calmly assured the woman that help was on the way.
That woman didn't make it. She died a week later from septicemia. Her family wanted to bury her with Maura's coat, because Maura helped her, Maura gave her hope, even if it was just for a little while.
I let them.
She would have wanted me to.
She stood there, for maybe three seconds, just staring up at the ruined building. Once, it was a newly renovated, popular bank. Now, it was nothing but smoldering wreckage. A burnt out shell. A shell standing like a tombstone. Like a broken, rotten tooth in the mouth of a corpse.
She then moved forwards to assist a man, who was lying unconscious on the ground, bleeding and…
What happened next is still slightly unclear. After working the case for another two weeks and interrogating the suspects over and over, Frost and Korsak managed to break the bastards. They admitted they had been waiting for the first wave of responders.
And by the time Maura had made it to the front of the building the initial wave of the cavalry had arrived.
The cavalry that only added to the body count.
They waited until enough men and women, enough people who lay their lives on the line every day to keep people safe, were gathered outside, ready to try and save whoever might still be inside.
And then they detonated the second explosive device.
I arrived on scene moments later. Every available officer had been ordered to get down there immediately, to leave whatever they were doing and whichever post they were on and get to the scene as soon as possible.
It was chaos. Utter chaos.
It was impossible to determine how many people were injured or dead. There were too many.
The air was filled with the cloying scent of blood, scorched flesh and something else… Something I can only name as fear. It has a scent you know. It does. I used to go home smelling like fear, tasting it in the back of my throat. It's there, whether you notice it or not.
It's everywhere.
The area was in the process of being evacuated, in case there was a third explosion waiting to go off. Civilians and officers alike were helping the wounded, dragging them where it was necessary. All rules, all boundaries, all decorum dissipated into the night's sky as everyone worked together to clear the danger zone.
And that's when I saw her.
I had my arms wrapped around an old man, helping him limp towards the safety of the park nearby where the medics were setting up a temporary treatment area. There was just too many to send to hospital at the same time.
The old guy was thanking me over and over, complimenting my hair, congratulating me, wishing me well, and then I just happened to turn around and out of the corner of my eye…
Her hair.
I caught sight of her hair.
A med tech grabbed the old man before he could hit the grass because I just let him go. I didn't mean to. He just slipped from my grasp.
I found him again, two months later, and apologized. He looked at me like I was crazy and told me not to be so stupid.
'Your wife was more important than me.'
I let him go and sprinted towards her. The asphalt a blur beneath my feet.
I knew she wasn't going to make it as soon as I was close enough to her to see the damage.
I think I started sobbing then.
Frost told me later that he had been performing CPR on a man close by, and saw me running like a wild animal, screaming something… Screaming for Maura.
Her eyes were open. They were open and aware. She knew what was happening. She could feel it. I knew she could. I remember begging for help, for anyone to save her, for someone to do something…
But nobody came.
She was a lost cause.
There was a large piece of debris jutting out of her abdomen and another directly through her neck.
A piece of glass in her throat and a great big wooden splinter in her stomach.
She was gasping and choking on her own fucking blood.
Her pretty, dainty, deceptively strong little hands were holding herself together.
One against her stomach. One against her neck.
Pointlessly applying pressure.
And I took her in my arms, rocked her against me as she made these noises these…
Tiny gasps. Dying breaths. Dying rattles as her body fought valiantly, right to the end.
She looked at me, with love written on her face.
Because I could see it you know. I could. In her eyes. Her hazel, endless, timeless, depthless eyes.
She took her hand, which was shaking and covered in grime and dust, and she placed it flat against the slight bulge almost hidden underneath my shirt. And I covered hers with my own. Staring into her eyes.
She smiled. Her teeth were bloody.
But she smiled.
The last thing she did was die with a smile.
We can start telling people after tonight Jane. About our baby. Goodbye Jane, I love you.
The message ended. I could hear the smile in her voice there just as clearly as I saw it before she passed on.
I lowered the phone, pulling our sleeping baby closer to me and burying my tear stained face in her soft, dark hair as we lay on the bed together.
I love you too Maura. I will always love you.
And mini-Maura loves you just as much.
A/N: Jane was the one who was pregnant, to answer a query from a guest reviewer, not Maura. I accidentally originally said 'blonde' instead of 'dark.' Sorry for the confusion, my bad!