Perfection
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry & Friends, JK Rowling does. But, I do own my unique and warped sense of humor.
A/N: It has come to my attention that there are entirely too many "perfect and powerful American girl that Harry falls in love with" stories. Thus, this story is the embodiment of everything I don't like in a fanfiction.
~ * ~ * ~
"I want you all to welcome your newest class mate, Mary Sue, from America" Dumbledore said nervously to his assembled students. Throughout the great hall people were crying out in terror, desperately trying to make a mad dash for the door. With a tired wave of his hand, the old headmaster waved in Mary Sue. She was at least 5'11" and gorgeous in every way. Her silky blonde hair fell in gentle ripples down her back and her deep blue eyes were the clearest and most perfect color of blue ever seen, with the intelligence of a hundred Hermiones, She smiled a breathtaking smile full of even white teeth and waved amiably to the hall. Dumbledore just sighed.
"We really didn't see any reason to sort her, since we all know what house she will be in..." Immediately the Gryffindor table began trying to fill up all the empty seats and let out a general roar of protest. "Mary Sue, go sit with the Gryffindors," Dumbledore instructed. The other houses looked on with sympathy as the beautiful American made her way to the Gryffindor table. Even the Slytherins were trying to offer silent support to their unlucky compatriots. Mary Sue walked slowly across the hall, finding an empty seat right next to Harry, which he and Ron promptly tried to fill, but too late.
"Hello," Mary Sue said in a voice that sounded like warm honey, flashing a smile that could make boys weak at the knees. The people around her muttered their greetings and tried to scoot away. "Oh! You're Harry Potter aren't you? Omigosh, that is so great! I've read all about you!" she exclaimed as soon as she saw Harry. Harry paled visibly and made a desperate run for the common room. "Oh, poor Harry, he must be so sensitive. That's okay though, I understand what he's been through. My parents were killed when I was younger too." Ron and Hermione both nodded and smiled, the entire time inching off to the common room after Harry.
"Wait up guys!" Mary Sue called, standing up so that her long legs peeked out from under her robe. Without hesitation, both students ran madly after their cowardly hero friend. When they got to the common room, they dashed up to the boys' dormitories where Harry was huddled underneath his blanket. "Is she gone yet?" came his muffled question. In answer, both of his friends joined him under the blanket. "Why? Why me?" Harry moaned desolately.
"Well, we've dealt with this before, right?" Hermione tried to reason. "I mean, what happened to the last one? Didn't we tell her that the most powerful evil in the world was hiding under the polar ice caps at the South Pole?" The two boys nodded. "Then this can't be too much worse. Right?"
It was then that the door to Harry's room flew open and Mary Sue stood in the doorway, the light behind her framing her like an angel. "Harry! Come on! Voldemort's attacking and, according to the ancient prophesy that was told about me hundreds of years ago, only through our love, and my never-before-seen power can Voldemort be stopped." Harry peeked out from under his blanket.
"Voldemort is here?" he squeaked. Mary Sue nodded heroically. Suddenly a dangerous fire came into the teenaged boy's eyes. Without waiting, he ran out of the doorway, past Mary Sue who used a spell never before known to anybody to teleport after him, since she was powerful enough to apperate at Hogwarts. When Harry finally found Voldemort he dropped down on his knees before the imposing figure. "Please, Voldemort! Oh, please, please, please, KILL ME!" Voldemort looked at the pleading boy curiously and was just raising his wand when Mary Sue appeared.
"I'm going to kill you once and for all, Voldemort, because I have the power of a thousand wizards and I am the 'Chosen One' who will destroy you!" she cried, raising her supple wand in a slim, soft looking hand.
"DEAR GOD! NOOOOOOOOOO! NOT ANOTHER ONE!!!" Voldemort cried, and then proceeded to run from the room crying, a puddle left on the floor where he had been. Harry looked up at Mary Sue slowly, then shrugged his shoulders in defeat.
"Ah, what the bloody hell," he muttered. "Hey, Mary, wanna jump in the sack with me?" he asked.
"No! She was supposed to shag me!" Ron cried. Both boys drew their wands and pointed them at each other.
"Now boys," Mary Sue said sweetly, trying to step between the two of them. But then Dean stepped up to face them.
"She's mine!" he yelled, drawing his own wand. Soon all of the boys had their wands out and looked ready to kill for the girl. Mary Sue, however looked pleasantly flustered.
"Oh, my, now what am I going to do?" she huffed, her hands on her shapely hips. Just then Dumbledore appeared.
"What is going on in here?" he demanded. No one answered right away, but he took one look around the room and nodded knowingly. "Ahhh.... Yes, I see. Mary Sue?" All of the boys nodded. "Well, Mary Sue, since you seem to be causing so much trouble, perhaps you should come with me. To my... 'private' bedchambers." With a sharp crack both figures disappeared and the boys stood where they were, stupefied.
"Ah well," Harry said, putting his wand away. "Hey Herm, you up for a shag?"
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry & Friends, JK Rowling does. But, I do own my unique and warped sense of humor.
A/N: It has come to my attention that there are entirely too many "perfect and powerful American girl that Harry falls in love with" stories. Thus, this story is the embodiment of everything I don't like in a fanfiction.
~ * ~ * ~
"I want you all to welcome your newest class mate, Mary Sue, from America" Dumbledore said nervously to his assembled students. Throughout the great hall people were crying out in terror, desperately trying to make a mad dash for the door. With a tired wave of his hand, the old headmaster waved in Mary Sue. She was at least 5'11" and gorgeous in every way. Her silky blonde hair fell in gentle ripples down her back and her deep blue eyes were the clearest and most perfect color of blue ever seen, with the intelligence of a hundred Hermiones, She smiled a breathtaking smile full of even white teeth and waved amiably to the hall. Dumbledore just sighed.
"We really didn't see any reason to sort her, since we all know what house she will be in..." Immediately the Gryffindor table began trying to fill up all the empty seats and let out a general roar of protest. "Mary Sue, go sit with the Gryffindors," Dumbledore instructed. The other houses looked on with sympathy as the beautiful American made her way to the Gryffindor table. Even the Slytherins were trying to offer silent support to their unlucky compatriots. Mary Sue walked slowly across the hall, finding an empty seat right next to Harry, which he and Ron promptly tried to fill, but too late.
"Hello," Mary Sue said in a voice that sounded like warm honey, flashing a smile that could make boys weak at the knees. The people around her muttered their greetings and tried to scoot away. "Oh! You're Harry Potter aren't you? Omigosh, that is so great! I've read all about you!" she exclaimed as soon as she saw Harry. Harry paled visibly and made a desperate run for the common room. "Oh, poor Harry, he must be so sensitive. That's okay though, I understand what he's been through. My parents were killed when I was younger too." Ron and Hermione both nodded and smiled, the entire time inching off to the common room after Harry.
"Wait up guys!" Mary Sue called, standing up so that her long legs peeked out from under her robe. Without hesitation, both students ran madly after their cowardly hero friend. When they got to the common room, they dashed up to the boys' dormitories where Harry was huddled underneath his blanket. "Is she gone yet?" came his muffled question. In answer, both of his friends joined him under the blanket. "Why? Why me?" Harry moaned desolately.
"Well, we've dealt with this before, right?" Hermione tried to reason. "I mean, what happened to the last one? Didn't we tell her that the most powerful evil in the world was hiding under the polar ice caps at the South Pole?" The two boys nodded. "Then this can't be too much worse. Right?"
It was then that the door to Harry's room flew open and Mary Sue stood in the doorway, the light behind her framing her like an angel. "Harry! Come on! Voldemort's attacking and, according to the ancient prophesy that was told about me hundreds of years ago, only through our love, and my never-before-seen power can Voldemort be stopped." Harry peeked out from under his blanket.
"Voldemort is here?" he squeaked. Mary Sue nodded heroically. Suddenly a dangerous fire came into the teenaged boy's eyes. Without waiting, he ran out of the doorway, past Mary Sue who used a spell never before known to anybody to teleport after him, since she was powerful enough to apperate at Hogwarts. When Harry finally found Voldemort he dropped down on his knees before the imposing figure. "Please, Voldemort! Oh, please, please, please, KILL ME!" Voldemort looked at the pleading boy curiously and was just raising his wand when Mary Sue appeared.
"I'm going to kill you once and for all, Voldemort, because I have the power of a thousand wizards and I am the 'Chosen One' who will destroy you!" she cried, raising her supple wand in a slim, soft looking hand.
"DEAR GOD! NOOOOOOOOOO! NOT ANOTHER ONE!!!" Voldemort cried, and then proceeded to run from the room crying, a puddle left on the floor where he had been. Harry looked up at Mary Sue slowly, then shrugged his shoulders in defeat.
"Ah, what the bloody hell," he muttered. "Hey, Mary, wanna jump in the sack with me?" he asked.
"No! She was supposed to shag me!" Ron cried. Both boys drew their wands and pointed them at each other.
"Now boys," Mary Sue said sweetly, trying to step between the two of them. But then Dean stepped up to face them.
"She's mine!" he yelled, drawing his own wand. Soon all of the boys had their wands out and looked ready to kill for the girl. Mary Sue, however looked pleasantly flustered.
"Oh, my, now what am I going to do?" she huffed, her hands on her shapely hips. Just then Dumbledore appeared.
"What is going on in here?" he demanded. No one answered right away, but he took one look around the room and nodded knowingly. "Ahhh.... Yes, I see. Mary Sue?" All of the boys nodded. "Well, Mary Sue, since you seem to be causing so much trouble, perhaps you should come with me. To my... 'private' bedchambers." With a sharp crack both figures disappeared and the boys stood where they were, stupefied.
"Ah well," Harry said, putting his wand away. "Hey Herm, you up for a shag?"