What Hurts The Most
Written by:
Obsessive Kabuto Fangirl
The lyrics to 'What Hurts The Most' are owned by Rascal Flatts, and I am only using them for an unpublished piece of writing. I do not own Naruto. I do own Mika.
Mika took in the information slowly, shaking her head in disappointment. Her father, who'd never been a major part of her life, was there, looking at her sadly. He'd been the one to tell her the news. Her mother was sitting on her bed, staring mindlessly out the window into the cold, dark, soulless rain.
"Mika..." Her father started, being careful not to hurt her too much. Or try, any way. "Mika...There was a car wreck..."
And then her father told her the rest of the news. Mika shrieked. She ran at him angrily from across the room.
"I hate you!" she hissed. "You killed him! You hated him! You made him do it! Tell me that you made him do it! Tell me!"
"Mika..." Her father started.
Her mother started crying. "Orochimaru...stop..."
"Only for her, Anko." He said spitefully.
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry
Every once in awhile even though going on with you gone
Still upsets me
There are days every now and again
I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me
Mika sat up in her bed. She felt a little nauseous, but she could probably hold it in. She looked out the window beside her bed. It was raining a cold, heartless rain. But it didn't bother her...
She started to remember him, and when she remembered his smile, his face, and everything else about him, she started to cry. She just let herself cry. She didn't care about the damn rule. She could cry in a situation like this. She wouldn't be afraid to cry, even if it meant loosing her dignity, pride, and self respect.
Some days, she pretended that he was still there, sitting beside her in his old blue truck. But, then of course, she'd remember that he wasn't and she'd break down again. But that wasn't what hurt her...
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing what could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Was what I was trying to do
No...what hurt her the most was knowing that she'd been so close. So close to giving in to her emotions completely. Knowing she'd had so much to say. And then watching him walk away without saying everything she so desperately wanted him to hear, not knowing that she'd never see his face...again...Never knowing what could've happened between them was mainly what hurt her. It was a deep pain. A pain no kunai could give; a pain no slap could ever equal. An emotional pain. The kind she'd only felt once before when her father had left her...
But the greatest pain of all was not seeing what she should've seen. She was trying to love him. But she'd never understood love, so she'd never come to recognize it. She hadn't known that loving him was what she'd been trying to do. She always realized too late. Every damn time...
"What's wrong? Is it your dad?" Kabuto asked the depressed girl sitting beside him in his old blue truck. He pushed a strand of her black hair behind her ear. She looked up at him with hopeful red eyes.
"No," she said sadly. "No. Do you ever think about the future? What do you see?"
"What do you see?" he asked comically.
"I'm serious, Kabuto."
"I see you." he answsered. "Yeah...I see you."
She laughed a little, then kissed him. After a few minutes, she nuzzled noses with him, and opened the truck door and ran off into the field.
"What do you see?" He called after her.
It's hard to deal with the pain of loosing you everywhere I go
But I'm doing it
It's hard to force that smile
When I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade; give away
All the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
The next day, Mika sat in the class. She heard two girls across the room talking about him. She was going to puke. How dare they talk about him! They'd barely even noticed him. They'd only had bad things to say about him! So why talk about him? Idiots. She'd get revenge on them someday. The girl behind her softly touched her hair. She forced a friendly smile.
"Hey, Sakura."
"How is it, Mika?" Sakura asked her sadly. "I hope you're okay."
"Yeah..." She said. Suddenly, she felt alone. She grabbed her books, and ran out the door, looking like she was going to puke. It was getting harder each day. She had to drag herself out of her bed, she grudgingly got dressed, and she couldn't look in a mirror.
She would've traded or given away all of the words that she'd never said to him. Three little words. I love you. So why hadn't she been able to say them? It was simple. Kabuto, I love you. But he'd never been that kind of guy. He hadn't only wanted a good time. No, he wanted a solid relationship. But every time she started to try to say it...Kabuto, I..., he'd run off. Then she'd whisper...Kabuto, I love you...tell me you love me, too. But he'd never had the chance.
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing what could've been
And not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do
She ran home from the school. She couldn't deal with it anymore. She ran into the bathroom, ignoring her mother, who was sitting in her bedroom doorway. She kneeled in front of the toilet, and retched for about three minutes. Then she got up and ran. She ran down the highway. The one that had claimed Kabuto's life. She ran for thirty minutes, until she stopped about 20 yards short of a small white cross in the ditch. She walked to it slowly.
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing what could've been
Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do...
She remembered the conversation she'd had with her father. The one she'd found out that he was dead.
"Mika..."
"Yeah, dad? What? Trying to hire me now, too? God, you're pathetic." she criticized her father. Her mother kneeled on the bed with her head in her hands. She couldn't see this. She'd known the time would come when Mika would have to see her father...she'd known it wouldn't be pretty. But she hadn't known it'd be this ugly, either.
"Mika...there was a car wreck...Kabuto...Kabuto died...DUI..."
"KABUTO WAS NOT DRUNK!" Mika yelled at her father. She punched him hard in the gut, then nailed him in the jaw. "DON'T EVER INSULT MY BOYFRIEND AGAIN!"
"Mika...your father is trying to say he's dead!" Her mother yelled. "He's not your boyfriend anymore!"
"YES HE IS!" she screeched. "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!"
And with that, she'd run out the door.
Not seeing that loving you...
That's what I was trying to do
She knelt on the cross. This is where he'd been when he'd died.
"I saw you." she whispered. Tears streamed down her face. She nodded, as if hearing an invisible, inaudible voice. "Yeah...I saw you. I'm sorry. I love you." She said. She smiled, the first she'd smiled since the news, and walked away, humming their favorite song.