"Sigyn-" Loki's voice was hoarse with disuse as his hand clamped down on her wrist as she tried to leave. Her dark vermillion eyes sparked off his uncharacteristically dim ones. White hot rage coursed through her. How dare he speak her name with such a victimised tone? Does he not realise what he had done to her? To them all?
He was different to how she remembered, darker. He was no longer hers.
"No Loki." she sighed, throwing away any last glimmer of hope she felt she could extend to the fallen prince. To her husband. She had been foolish to come here, she had lost her husband years ago, in Jotunheim- the day he became aware if his true parentage. He had become twisted and bitter, self centred and hell bent on making anyone pay for his own short changing.
"Sigyn!" again he called out to her, falling to his knees as she wrenched her arm from his, she had no time, no love left to foolishly devote to the lost man.
She had others, innocents to protect from his self destructive rage.
She almost made it out of the room that was to be his prison now- after he had left her for that foolish conquest on Midgard- she had almost encased her heart in lead from the icy reaches of her former lover and friend. Almost, but she couldn't resist one last glance, a closure to the beautiful memories they shared- a time that had once been.
That look, that final glance was her undoing. The way his head slumped to his knees in shame, his broken body was a shadow of the self assured, confident, loving prince she knew him to be. His eyes, his beautiful eyes were hidden behind their lids, his thin, pale fingers twisted into his coal coloured hair. He began to sob, thinking she had gone, left him forever as she had planned to do.
She watched, appalled at how broken he was. She had thought him evil, mad, cruel, venomous and spiteful even, but never had she paused to entertain the idea that he could be broken. That his actions were caused from sadness, weakness, heartbreak. She was too wrapped up in her own heartbreak and resentment at being abandoned to see the truth. For never before had Loki truly needed his wife as much as he did now. He was not evil, he was alone. So alone, he had lost his way like a child. A child.
Her heart, resolve and hatred broke as in him she suddenly saw another. Nari, their son. Her little boy. The innocent that she had sought to protect from his father in removing him from their lives. Yet as she watched Loki, she saw the stark resemblances between father and son. Both proud, unable to admit they needed help until the moment they fell. Choosing to hide their pain behind venom, both would sooner speak hateful words than accept help, even from those closest to them.
She saw her little boy, crying on the floor, needing her help, comfort. She saw her husband, her friend, her lover needing her strength as she had needed his in the past. What sort of wife could abandon her husband? Did her vows count for nothing? In that split second, hearing the broken sob and seeing Loki crumpled, her world changed.
Her mind cast back to their home, their bedroom that had been purged of anything that reminded her of his existence. She refused to acknowledge she had loved so foolishly, so naively believed that she could save that which was beyond saving, beyond wanting to be saved. Because what was there to save? What did she expect from the God of lies and mischief? Since when did she crave a safe partner? She had always loved his mischief just as much as every other part of him, it was the main thing that had drawn the together. For she was a Nymph, a wild spirit- she liked to push the limits. But he had gone too far this time. She had banished his memory from their home, saving her sanity in the process, saving her son, their son.
Would Loki everunderstand her necessary evils towards him? Would she ever understand his towards her? Did it matter now, at the end of the day?
For the whole of Asgard might condemn him, judge him, make him repent for his evils, yet she would stand by him. Protect him from their venom that would only kill him further. She had vowed forever- she did not take that promise lightly.
She would heal him, bring him back to her, for her own sake, for Nari. Every baby boy needed his father, no matter how foolhardy that father had been in the past. For that was in the past now, no matter how hard it snared her heart to think about.
"Oh Loki. Oh love" his eyes met hers in astonishment as her arms folded around him on the floor, smoothing his hair like she had done so many times in the past.
She had not forgiven- he knew. She would not forget- he understood. She would not leave- he realised. For he loved her more than he ever thought possible, more than he deserved to love anyone.
Still, he wept.
Together, crumpled on the floor, they lay for hours. No words could sooth the deep scars that the past year had left on them both. Nothing could be done to remove the feelings his actions had caused to well up in her heart. No deeds could ever change the love that existed between them.
"Nari." Loki gasped as if the name had occurred to him for the first time. He had been so young when Loki had left. The prince's face contorted into pain. Sigyn's heart stammered at the fatherly love that kindled deep within the god.
"Is well. Beautiful, strong, charming and wicked like his father" Sigyn assured soothingly. There would come a time when she could admit to Loki how much his actions had hurt her, caused her to suffer, yet now was not this time. Now she had to be a wife, a mother, a balm.
Loki smiled his first genuine smile since the night of Thor's attempted coronation "No" he breathed "like his mother."
And below the sallow skin, the bagged eyes and heavy lids, the lengthened, slicked hair and pained expression, Sigyn saw her husband. Felt the unfamiliar rush of love she hadn't felt in years run through her at the simplest of glances he would send her way. She felt herself love him again.
"What will we do Loki?" she whispered aloud, whether or not it was a conscious decision to speak or not, she didn't know. She worried she was pushing him too fast. Not five minutes ago he was staring at the floor like a ghost while she screamed at him in anger, slapped him and clawed at his front to get a response from him as he stood like a statue, his mind trapped in a different time.
She was stunned as she felt his strong hand support her back, his hear leaning back to look directly into her eyes, his own twinkling with some of their former mischief that she loved.
"we live." he breathed simply and it took her breath away.
He was right. What else was there to do but to move from day to day, slowly return the trust he had broken, slowly make Asgard see how he was sorry? Slowly become what they had been, before.
"yes." she breathed back, placing her forehead against his, she had missed this. How many hours had she led awake at night, needing his solid form beside her? Needing his advice and comfort?
"I love you." she exhaled as for the first time in a long time, she spoke the words out loud. She didn't care if it was too soon. The truth rang in them. Love him, she always would.
He said nothing but held her tighter in response. Perhaps it was too soon for that, she decided, resolving for the moment to just lie in Loki's arms. To be with her husband and pretend that everything was well, that Aesir eyes didn't follow her everywhere she went, the spouse of the traitor, the mother of the trickster's child.
Her family was whole again, and for once, her eyes closed in peace. Her husband and son the sole things on her mind.
Nari would be ecstatic to see his father, whom he loved like no other. How had she doubted her husband so easily, when her child had always seen so clearly the unbreakable truth that was Loki would never cease to love them?
She would bring Nari to visit, in time. But Loki's wounds were still very raw, and she was incapable of exposing her baby to them, no matter who their bearer was. It would be slow, painful and probably impossible at times- for she knew how stubborn and adamant Loki could be in his feelings. Whether they were for good or for bad.
Yet with time, they would once again be a whole. She kissed Loki's forehead softly, humbling lightly the old songs of times past under her breath as she did to Nari at night. Her position as Goddess had not removed her from her motherly role, she had been adamant of it.
"Sleep love, it has been too long we have both neglected that necessity, from what I can see."
Loki shot her one final guilty, apologetic look as he took in the dark crescents under her own eyes, running his finger along them before nodding and resting against her again.
All would be well, with time.
Just a quick one shot- I couldn't resist writing my own spin on the myth of Sigyn holding the bowl over Loki's mouth to save him from it's venom. I hope you liked it...Reviews? Please, tell me what you think! :)