CREAK!
"Identify yourself!"
"Who asks?"
"I cannot tell you my name, but I can tell you that I am the ninja sent to kill the boy- Alex Rider- who has brought much dishonor to our prestigious group- The Society of the Red Lotus."
"Hey, wait a second- I am the ninja sent to kill Alex Rider!"
"How dare you mock me? I have been sent by the great Grand Master!"
"How dare you mock me? I have been sent by the grand Great Master!"
"You insolent brat! If you shout any more, you will wake up my target…"
"He's my target! Not yours!"
"Uh...wu…wo…wut? Who are you two?"
"Now look at what you've done!"
"I have made his future killer known to him! His descendants will now forever tremble at the name of the Red Lotus! That is the way of the Great Master…"
"You incompetent novice! Those who follow the Grand Master will know that stealth is the only way to eliminate a target! It vastly reduces the chances of them fighting back."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Break it up, guys. You all need to calm down…"
"Alex Rider! Be prepared to meet your doom at the hands of a follower of the Grand Master!"
"No! Alex Rider! You have met your doom at the hands of a disciple of the Great Master!"
"Look, guys. I'm sure you both want to get the honor of killing me and receiving ultimate fame and fortune in the ninja world, but for that to happen, I need to know who killed me."
"That doesn't make any-"
"So, how about I call the Supreme Master, who I have on speed dial, and maybe he'll tell me which one of the Masters sent you guys to kill me and which one went on his own? Sound like a deal?"
"But, there is no Supr-"
"Good! My phone's just over there…."
RING, RING, RING
"Hello? Is this the Supreme Master?"
"We have a team of MI6 agents on standby. Do you want me to send them in?"
"Sooooo, there are two ninjas who have to come here to kill me, but they're arguing about which Master sent which one. Got any answers?"
"The team will arrive in 60 seconds."
"Oh, whaaaaat? It was the god-like GLORIUS Master who sent a ninja? Are you saying that these two acted out on their own?"
"Uh-huh. Okay. Yeah. Bye! Yeah, I'm sorry guys, but apparently none of you were sent here. You should probably just confess and report back to your headquarters."
"Yes, I confess. It saddens me to say this but I did act out on my own. I will forever be a stranger in the eyes of the Red Lotus now."
"Hey, wait! Don't listen to that bull crap! I WAS sent here by the Great-"
"MI6, put your hands up!"
"Finally, there you are! I was getting tired of talking these two!"
"Alex Rider! You betrayed me! I shall never forgive you! You hear that? The Red Lotus shall never forgive youuuuuuuuu!"
"Blah, blah, blah. Hey, Jones, did you see that? Are your secret cameras working?"
"Yes, Alex, our secret cameras are working. They showed us how you brilliantly used your manipulative skills to alert us into rescuing you from the two ninjas, although I would have gone for a more… orthodox approach"
"Whatever, Jones. It was fun to mess around with people for a while."
"Before you hang up, I have one more thing to point out. Did you purposely wear that onesie? Did you even change from two nights ago?"
"Couldn't be arsed."