A/N: Originally written for the Phoenix Wright kink meme.

Phoenix and Maya weren't planning to spend long in the Wright Talent Agency office. Their plan was simple: go in, rummage around under Charley for the hidden stash of burger money (hidden so that Trucy didn't spend their next month's dinner on the new magic hat or the expandable rabbit with real rabbit sounds and a detachable carrot), get out again, get burgers. They only got as far as the first stage; then they ran right into someone else's plan.

Phoenix's desk had been emptied of its mess of the old cases and legal books that he no longer used. Instead it had been covered with a pink tablecloth, pink napkins and two pink trays of food, carefully covered like the food in restaurants. Between the trays, there were two pink candles.

Phoenix and Maya looked at each other.

"I guess we know who's behind this, huh?" said Maya.

"I only really know one person who likes pink this much," said Phoenix.

"Or who'd be interested in... well, in making the two of us eat a romantic, candle-lit dinner."

Maya was blushing. Phoenix was surprised to discover it was infectious when his own cheeks started to get warm.

"Well, I guess if she's gone to all this trouble, we might as well enjoy it," said Maya.

"I'm thinking they," muttered Phoenix. At Maya's questioning look, Phoenix expanded. "Pearl wouldn't know where to buy this stuff, not around here, and I doubt she'd be able to find the office block's communal kitchen. And Trucy's been asking me to find her a mummy." Phoenix blushed again.

"You have a point. But, uh, how do you think they paid for it? Cos, um, I didn't really leave Pearl with much money..."

Phoenix's eyes widened. He lunged for Charley and picked him up, while Maya looked at him as though he were mad. Then he gave a big "No!" like Luke in Star Wars when he discovered Darth Vader was his father. His dinner money for the next month was gone, all in this one meal.

Maya watched him concerned. "...are you alright?"

Phoenix sighed. "Well, I guess if we're going hungry for the next month to pay for this, we might as well enjoy it."

The two of them awkwardly sat opposite each other at the table. Their eyes met for a moment, then they looked away. Phoenix decided to break the awkward silence by lifting the lid on his plate. Maya followed his lead.

Phoenix's plate had a large set of pork ribs, with a generous serving of chips on the side. Maya's had a gourmet burger, complete with a toothpick holding it together.

"I really don't want to think about our girls handling hot oil," muttered Phoenix.

"Or the fry pan," Maya added. "Or even the oven. I was under the impression that Pearl couldn't cook. Trucy must have set a good example."

"Strange... I didn't think Trucy could cook either."

Maya was halfway through taking a bite into her burger, but she spat it out. "It's kinda raw."

Phoenix tentatively tried the ribs. "These are cooked, but uh... The sauce they've used is interesting. I think it might've been cookies and cream icecream, once upon a time."

"Yeah, I can still see the chunks of cookies."

"Well, at least the chips are okay. I mean, they don't have any salt and there's none here in the office, but if you want to share..."

Maya's stomach growled.

"I'll take that as a yes," said Phoenix.

As the two of them sat at the table eating the chips, Maya started laughing.

"What's so funny?" Phoenix asked.

"Nothing!" said Maya through a mouth full of chips.

"What!"

Maya shook her head, so Phoenix threw a chip at her. She expertly caught it in her mouth.

"You know, that's virtually... Like, how couples feed each other bits of each other's food to try? Well, what you did is virtually that. Pearl will be so happy."

Phoenix spluttered, then realised that Maya had almost succeeded in changing the subject. "What's so funny?"

Maya sighed and gave in. "Well, it's just... I never thought I'd be having a romantic dinner with a gay guy."

Phoenix spluttered again, then hesitated. He picked up a chip, held it out close to Maya's mouth, so she could eat it from his fingers.

"I'm not gay," Phoenix said. This time it was Maya's turn to splutter. "And I'm not sure why you think I am."

"Well, it's just... you and Edgeworth..."

"Huh? What? We're friends. Anyway, I kinda thought you were seeing him - you two have been going off alone together a bit..."

"What?" Maya seem surprised. "I was just trying to get to know your future boyfriend. And what do you mean you're not gay for him? You became a lawyer for him! He chartered a plane to see you when you had a cold!"

Phoenix sighed. "I'm a little disappointed that you of all people think I'm gay."

"What do you mean?" Maya looked confused.

Phoenix couldn't really think of the words necessary to express himself, so he leaned over the table, and kissed her.

There was a long moment of silence, where everything seemed perfect and the thought of starving to death was completely wiped from Phoenix's mind. Then a strange clapping sound brought him back down to reality.

He turned. Trucy and Pearl had apparently been watching from inside a cupboard; now they came out, clapping.

Maya looked to Phoenix, then looked back to the young schemers. "A moment ago I was planning to murder you both. Now, I'm not so sure." She grinned at Phoenix, who seemed to be looking nervously at her. Could he not have realised?

Maya knew that the only polite thing to do was to lean over and kiss him again. Unfortunately, in the process, she knocked over the candle.

"We need the fire extinguisher!" shouted Trucy. A moment later, Phoenix and Maya were covered in extinguisher fluid.

Pearl grinned at them over a fire extinguisher that she could barely hold. "Trucy said that people in the movies always knock everything off the table in romantic displays of affection. We decided that we needed to be careful, just in case. It would ruin your special evening if something caught fire!"

Phoenix and Maya laughed.

"I think I need a change of clothes," said Phoenix apologetically. His blue suit was covered in the extinguisher fluid.

"Yeah, me too," said Maya.

They moved to walk off, when Trucy called out, "Wait!"

She threw a small box at Phoenix. "You'll need these."

Phoenix looked down. It was a box of condoms. He blushed, and considered throwing them back at her, then thought about it. If he gave his ten-year-old daughter condoms, the child protection services might have something to say about it. So he decided, the only sensible thing would be to tuck them into his pocket.

Just in case.