A thousand pardons.
I am experiencing major writer's block and am just writing as much as I can of my long list of oneshots-to-be until I can get through it. XD This is one of them...
It took her one minute to realize she was not alone.
Another to realize that she was not alone- a greeting died on her lips and for thirty-some seconds she sat very still and made herself very small and watched.
It took them a minute to cross the courtyard, stop, talk. Smile. Laugh.
It took them a minute that seemed like an hour to kiss, slowly and deeply and gently like they were the only people in the world and, to her, they were. She was nonexistent.
It took her a minute to realize that she was holding her breath and that breathing was essential to living and she was supposed to be alive- her heart was still beating anyways. But she was nonexistent.
It took her a minute to realize they were leaving, quickly and quietly and suddenly like they had committed a crime and needed to leave the scene and she began to comprehend, as they left with their secret, that she was a witness and that put her in just as much trouble as the criminals.
It took her a minute to calm her panic.
Another to begin planning, working out how to solve this problem because a problem it was and what are they for besides solving? By the end of a minute she was alive again and that was the key to her solution. It was a very simple solution.
It took her a minute to stand and exit the site of almost homicide, purposefully and inconspicuously and emotionlessly so she would not draw suspicion.
Another to force herself to stop and turn around, eyes going to the spot in the center of the courtyard where she could still see them kissing her out of existence and she began to feel that her heart was breaking. It hurt so much more than she had imagined it would (and she had spent twenty-four years imagining it would). But it had been breaking ever since they met, she and her. There was a very simple solution.
It took her one minute to climb the steps that usually took her five minutes another to recognize that she was running away, that she was scared and that it made her heart beat too fast- the faster it beat the faster it broke. She would have to calm down. Accept everything and fear nothing any longer.
It took her a minute to reach her room and open the door.
It took her a minute to undress and carefully lay out her uniform. She could not remember it looking more beautiful.
It took her five minutes to take a shower: one to adjust the temperature, one to savor the sensation of warm water on her freezing skin, one to wash and rinse her hair, one to wash and rinse her body, one to savor the sensation of tepid water on her burning skin and step out, turning it off. She was the cleanest she could be and also the dirtiest she'd ever been her entire life. But there was a very simple solution.
It took her one minute to put on her old dress, not her uniform because it looked so beautiful empty on her bed (and she was no longer worthy of wearing it, no longer an exorcist).
It took her one minute to look around the room for the last time and wonder what she'd ever found homey about it.
Another to open the door, close the door, take the steps up, up to the tallest point in the world as she knew it- the closest place to heaven-
but she was there. She was there in the hallway, so blissful and beautiful for an almost murderer. And she did not know there'd been a witness. It was such a simple solution.
"Oh! Hello, Miranda! Where are you off to?"
It took her a minute to realize she'd been asked a question.
Another to answer.
"I'm just… taking a walk. It's lovely weather for taking a walk."
She smiled brightly and innocently and, for all the world, ignorantly. As if she did not know what a kiss was.
She smiled back, despite herself.
"It really is, isn't it? I hope you have a nice walk, Miranda!"
It took her a minute to begin escaping, to pull back her resolve when quitting was suddenly so much simpler, but she didn't want to feel her heart break because it was crumbling apart so very slowly, so very very slowly- "By the way, you look beautiful today!"-
It took her one minute to stand after finding herself on her knees, holding her chest so that if it exploded she would be the only one to burn.
Another to continue walking, faster now because she was running out of time, but walk all the same to the door of the rooftop- the closest place to heaven- and cross it, running now because it was falling apart faster and faster.
It took her a minute to stop at the edge and look up, wondering what it was like up there and if she would miss anything by never knowing.
It takes her a minute to look down to Earth, wondering what it will be like down there and if she knew there was a witness after all and what beautiful means.
It takes her one minute to realize she was holding her breath and soon it won't matter anymore because she is nonexistent.
And as she releases the breath, she steps out into space and begins to wonder: If it takes half an hour to resign yourself to hell, how long does it take to get there?