Hayley POV
I turn over in the bed to find his side empty and cold. This never gets easier. He always woke up early on these days. The days he had to head back on the road. I wish he would just take in every moment and lay with me, but no, not Dean. He has a habit of waking up at 5am and pacing. He checks all his belongings two or three times and then sits, and watches me sleep. Today, I must have slept longer than usual, because when I look over at the chair angled in my direction, I don't find him, he's back to pacing again. I always wondered why he was so antsy.
I remember the first time I shared the room with him, after weeks upon weeks of not seeing each other and arguing back and forth, he had finally confessed, he wanted me. Me, and only me. I thought long and hard about what I was getting myself into, but decided if I was going to do anything, I would rather it be Dean Ambrose than anyone else. I didn't know it then, but he was my other half. I remember stirring awake at about 5:30am, and there he was staring at me. I was creeped out to be honest, my first time sleeping with him and there he is sitting in the dark, watching me. It seemed like a scene out of some horror movie, if I'm being truthful. I never did ask him what he was thinking or what he thinks about while he sits there. I just, sort of, accepted it over the next several months after.
The sound of a cup hitting the floor knocks me out of my thoughts of yesteryear. "Dean" I groggily call out and watch him quickly appear, leaning his body on the door frame. He has this guilty look on his face, he probably thinks he woke me up.
"I'm sorry, Hayles" he says softly. He's already dressed in his light-colored jeans, white shirt and that leather jacket. God, do I love him in that leather jacket. I gave it to him our first Christmas together, he hasn't gone anywhere without it since. It'll randomly make a cameo here and there when he's on television or doing interviews. I wear it when I miss you the most, his words echo through my entire body, giving me chills, I shudder. "You alright?" he asks.
I nod, and run my fingers through my bright orange hair. "You have a few hours until your flight, come lay in bed and cuddle with me" I say, holding out my arms towards him. He shakes his head and goes back into the other room. I don't know why I ask, I always get the same response. I toss the covers off of me and quietly follow after him. "Are you okay?"
He looks up and me, giving me a shrug and nod all at once. What kind of answer is that? Ugh, damn it, Dean! Don't make this like it is every other time. I swallow my words and fight to give him a small smile, "I'm assuming that's a yes" I say in more of a question than a statement. He nods, sliding my already prepared coffee mug towards me, and turns to the TV that he has playing in the background quietly. I take in a deep breath, attempting to hide my annoyance and take a sip of the coffee. "You always get my coffee just how I like it" I compliment. It baffles me how he manages to do this, maybe I'm just bias to his coffee-making skills.
"It's 'cause I have a secret ingredient" he says, making a jerking off motion. I roll my eyes, and place the coffee down on the island in disgust. I know he would never ever, but really?
"Way to ruin a sweet moment, babe" I chuckle, sliding myself on to his lap and lightly scratching his scalp with my nails. He pulls away in the opposite direction of me. The look on his face says he really doesn't want to, but because he is who he is. I awkwardly place my hand in my lap and stare at the screen, uninterested. "Why don't you get in the shower, so you can take me to the airport and I'll see if I can get on an earlier flight?"
His words cut me like blade. I'm use to the not cuddling, and little to no contact before him leaving but this? Trying to leave earlier than he has to? This is an entirely new thing! Don't fight with him Haley, I tell myself. Just make this simple and painless. "Sure" I seethed, and head towards the bathroom. I turn on, my handy radio full blast and hop into the shower. Singing always makes the pain go away.
Dean POV
She's singing. Her singing makes me feel so many things all at fucking once. I try to drown her perfect voice out by raising the television, it doesn't work.
This day fucking sucks, I wish she could just come with me to every town, every event, every stupid media day. I just want her there, all the time. She can't, and I've come to accept that, kind of. "Why'd I ask her to take me to the airport earlier?" I mutter to myself, throwing out the remains of our coffees. I rake my fingers through my messy rats nest and throw myself back on the couch. Her face when I asked to go earlier, broke my heart more than anything. I'm such a douche bag sometimes, I can't help it though. I suck at goodbyes. It's better for me to just stay cold, it helps. Or, that's what I've convinced myself at least. I hear her come out of the bathroom, she's tossing some clothes out of her suitcase, I'm sure. I'll just wait here until she's ready.
I watch the minutes go by on the digital cable box, she hasn't come out of the room once. There's no way she's still getting dressed. I hear what sounds like things being thrown from the suitcase, then back into the suitcase…she's stalling. I clear my throat, "Uhh.." I think about how to put the next few words as nicely as possible. "When do you think you'll be ready?" I call out. Everything stops, there's an eerie silence in the hotel room.
"In about two minutes" she hisses. I nod to myself and continue to kill time by watching it go by. "Two minutes my ass" I mumble, exhaling loudly. She appears a moment later, dragging her suitcase behind her and in my favorite sweatshirt. I love the way she looks in that sweatshirt. "What'd you say?" she asks, knocking me out of my gaze, her staring boring into my soul. I shake my head and get up to gather my things.
"Where's my coffee?" she asks, just as she locates the cup in the sink. Her eyes go from myself to the sink a few times, before I notice her eyes getting all watery. She's crying? "Why would you do that?" she trying really hard to hold back her tears, but she fails miserably. She covers her face with her hands and starts hysterical crying.
I'm dumbfounded, what the hell just happened? "Hayley.." I get no response, just her crying harder and harder into her hands. "I can …buy you another cup of coffee." I try to reason. She finally brings her hands down from her face to only sob louder and harder. Did I mention how much I hate when she cries? I feel completely helpless when she does. "Ok.. I'll make you another cup?" I ask hesitantly.
"It's not about the stupid coffee, Dean!" she screams and it shocks the shit out of me. I've never seen her this upset. "I'm so tired of this! I'm so tired of you becoming like this every time you have to leave! You're such a dick and I can't hold it in anymore!"
"You act like this is my fault!" I yell back. Her cries instantly make me realize that was the wrong move. I bite my tongue and inhale deeply before speaking "Hayley, you knew it would be like this when we got together, why are you making it so hard?"
"No, no I didn't, Dean!" she yells back shoving me out of her way and sitting on the couch, using my sleeves to wipe her tears. She takes deep breaths, calming herself down. I rub my face with my hands. "I knew we'd leave each other, almost every weekend, I knew it wouldn't be easy but you.." Hear it comes. "You're like some stone cold asshole!" She uses all of her might to emphasize the 'asshole'. "I'm use to you waking up and pacing back and forth from sun up on days like today, I'm also use to you not wanting to lay in bed with me for hours on days like today. I'm use to the distance and quietness and whatever the fuck else you fucking normally do on days like today , but to leave earlier than you have to!?" she breaks down into tears again, and is yelling something inaudible at the moment. I stay quiet, allowing her to let everything out. It's hard as hell not to go over there and grab her and hug her, but I know if I touch her while she's this upset, she'll deck me.
I slowly make my way to the chair across the couch and watch her calm herself down. I open my bag tossing one of my clean shirts towards her to use as a rag. She wipes her tears and takes a few deep breaths before speaking again. "What did I ever do to make you want to leave?" she asks, her words cause my to heart shatter. Why would she think she ever did anything? Can't she see it's just me and my fucked up ways?
"Hayley..it's not-" I begin but she quickly cuts me off.
"What is it!" She yells, and that sets me off in the worse way.
"You think you're the only one that hurts when I fucking leave?! What do you think, I don't have any fucking feelings?!" I spew, I shouldn't be yelling but I'm pissed off. "It hurts me more than anything to fucking leave you, every single time! You think I like saying no to climbing into bed and just laying with you there?!" She rolls her eyes at me. She says I'm cold, but she can be such a little shit sometimes. "You know why I fucking sit there so early in the morning?! So, I could take you all in. Literally, so I can sit and watch you just fucking sleep! I want your face and how peaceful you look in that moment, just implanted in my brain until the next time we see each other! I hate leaving you, it fucking hurts me" I take a deep breath before letting the next few words come out of my mouth "…. I fucking love you, Hayley."
She stares back at me baffled for a few moments before a smile begins to tug at the corners of her perfect lips. "I love you" she finally speaks.
To be honest, it's the only thing I ever needed to hear.
It's ehh.. but it's Haybrose. DEAL.
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