Sometimes I Wake Up Crying At Night
And Sometimes I Scream Out Your Name
What Right Does She Have To Take Your Heart Away
When For So Long, You Were Mine
This wasn't supposed to happen. Not to her.
Glinda blinked into the darkness. Not again. Why did this happen to her? This was the third night in a row that she been awakened from her peaceful world, only to find the reality she had worked so hard to forget.
That was the funny thing, really. Reality was exactly that.
A storm brewed outside her window, the rain pelting hard against the glass window. Lighting and thunder partnered in a strange dance, alternately showing their glory as they waltzed though the sky. Usually an admirer of the natural presence, Glinda felt only a strange harmony with the storm.
Perhaps because it seemed to be the manifestation of the one brewing within her heart.
Had it really been a year? Twelve short months since her world had been turned on its side. Fifty two weeks since she had seen her best friend for the last time. Three hundred and sixty five days since the only man she had ever loved walked out of her life, leaving her heart in shambles.
She had forgiven him; both of them, in truth. She wasn't so heartless that she would forever hold a grudge. She was Glinda the Good, after all. What kind of person would she be if she didn't offer them her forgiveness? She knew that he couldn't help who he fell in love with. The heart is a funny thing, oftentimes doing the things that are least expected.
Such as the fact that, despite it all, her heart still held a hole to rival the size of Oz. And how was she supposed to fill it, she had no idea. She loved being admired by the public. Adoration was always a good thing. There were sometimes, however, that she wished that adoration came with a pair of strong arms to hold her during the long, lonely nights alone. Instead, she lay wrapped in only her plush blankets; a far cry from the warmth of Fiyero's embrace.
She gasped upon the realization that his name had entered her mind. For long, she had only referred to her ex-fiancé as him. She had never forgotten his name; she never would. Somehow, it just managed to hurt less if she simply left it unsaid. Out of sight, out of mind, so to speak.
There were times when she wished things had ended differently. A world where she had gotten her happy ending with her handsome prince, even if it had cost her best friend her happiness. The moment the thought came, she pushed it away. How selfish of her! Elphaba had never been loved by anyone. She deserved him, Didn't she?
And then the dream would come. Dreams of a simpler time and place in which they were happy. She and Fiyero were together with Elphie by their side. The three best friends they had always been. They would spend the day together and then she and Fiyero would bid Elphie good-bye and come home to a quiet evening together, ending as she fell asleep in his embrace.
And then she would wake up with tears on her cheeks and his name on her lips and she would remember what really happened.
Fiyero was with Elphie now. Elphie was the one that he wanted; that he loved. Not her.
Glinda had spent hours going round and round in her head, attempting any and all explanations as to why he had chosen the green girl over her. She could come up with none except the obvious. Most of the time, she simply sat in silent acceptance of this fact.
Not always.
There were times, albeit a few, that she had grown angry. Despite everything else; the fact she had forgiven them, the fact that they fit well together, and the fact that they loved each other, Glinda wished it was nothing more than a bad dream. After all, he had been hers. Her boyfriend, her fiancé, her world. What gave Elphaba the right to believe that she could have him so easily? What made her think that Glinda would give him up without a fight, for Oz's sakes! After all, he had given her a ring and a promise.
And then she would remember that their whole engagement had been a farce. He had only agreed because he had been a good man and wanted to spare her the public humiliation. Deep down, she knew he would have never asked for her hand had things been different.
Or would he? They were together a long time. They had shared a lot in that time. Hopes, dreams, desires. Although she now realized they might not have been the deepest, didn't they count for something? Love, no matter what type, could grow over time, couldn't it? He must have loved her in some sense.
Just not the way he had loved her best friend. An all-consuming love that Glinda envied.
And so, she would come full circle once again. A never-ending flow of loss, longing, questions, anger, and finally guilt. The man certainly knew how to break a heart.
In spite of it all, Glinda still loved him. She had a feeling she would always would. She would always belong to him, even if in the smallest way.
And, although he may not know it, he to her.
I Remember When You Were Mine