This is not the end, this is not the beginning

Just a voice like a riot rocking every revision

My mind raced, but my thoughts were twisted and made no sense at all; just a jumble of words shrewd around my head. Their shouts, their horrible insults rocked between my ears. I had no where to turn. I was alone. Completely and utterly alone with nothing but myself and the voices of hate.

But you listen to the tone and the violent rhythm

Though the words sound steady something empty's within them

I scrunched my eyes closed and tried to find meaning in the voices flying within my head. It was like a madhouse; insult, lie, hate, disappoint all in one.

We say yeah with fists flying up in the air

Like we're holding onto something that's invisible there

Cause we're living at the mercy of the pain and the fear

Until we dead it, forget it, let it all disappear

I opened my eyes, biting down hard on my tongue. I needed to stand up for myself, but standing up to me was alien. I shrugged my shoulders and dropped down behind the crowd. I knew if I made one sudden move, they'd see me, and taunt me, and hate me. I had these false hopes of freedom, but for the moment, I was content with imprisonment.

Waiting for the end to come

Wishing I had strength to stand

My knees were jello, as I made my way through the hall, avoiding eye contact for the sake of my own safety. I couldn't take yet another day of this perpetual hell. My life was a mere waste of time, hopefully it'd be gone soon, anyways. That's what they'd like. I shouldn't want to make them winners, but my own weakness was far too strong.

It's out of my control

Flying at the speed of light

Thoughts were spinning in my head

So many things were left unsaid

It's hard to let you go

I turned the corner and immediately halted. Like a flying bullet, my eyes landed on my best friend-or should I say, used to be best friend. Her and her new friends shot dark looks my way. A sea of giggles followed, as their gazes burned into me. An array of words to shout, to let be known finally, were rushing inside my head, but when I opened my mouth, all that came out was a tiny "oh."

I know what it takes to move on

I know how it feels to lie

My feet were cemented to the floor. As hard as I tried, I couldn't drop my stare from the faces in front of me. Their eyes were evil, their faces seemingly perfect. That's why I was here, and they were there. I wasn't good enough. I could blame many things, but one thing was certain-I was a waste. Leaving and running forever would be a simple solution, but I guess I liked the torture.

All I want to do

Is trade this life for something new

Holding on to what I haven't got

I really should just let it go. I had cared deeply and allowed myself to get hurt. I had trusted foolishly and let myself get stabbed. Something inside me kept the hope of fixing things alive, so walking away and giving up entirely wasn't an option. Maybe I'd get another shot at this thing we call life. Maybe a fresh start was in my future.

Sitting in an empty room

Trying to forget the past

This was never meant to last

I wish it wasn't so

I was thankful to be out of the crowd; out of the hustle, the bustle, and the looks- oh the looks-the deadly, heartless, gut wrenching looks. Being along was a sanctuary, a haven, a hell. I unconsciously let my mind wander into the deep depths of faded, but very painful, memories. The memories replayed like a movie. The movie was, for lack of any other word to describe it, perfect. But now I sit alone, engulfed in the unchangeable.

What was left when that fire was gone

I thought it felt right but that right was wrong

All caught up in the eye of the storm

And trying to figure out what it's like moving on

A whirlwind of regret made its way throughout every inch of my frail body. I had built a palace of problems, fueled by my own naïve actions. I had myself to blame. I acted on impulse, I made trouble, and I dwelled. Leaving this place would be like making new again. I just couldn't see that ever working.

And I don't even know what kind of things I said

My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead

Every single word that slipped out during the fights I made was unthought-of, unplanned. If I had any harness on myself, I surely would not be in this place. I guess it goes to show I'm a monster. I destroy anything good that comes within 10 feet of me. I can't hold on to a friendship for longer than a few months. I always make the mistake of opening my mouth. Words can be like knives, and I toss them around like water balloons.

So I'm picking up the pieces, now where to begin

The hardest part of ending is starting again

They made my life. I wish they would see. I was hopeless and somehow their presence brought light. I was broken and somehow I was fixed. I had no point in living, but they gave me life. Now, though, now it's different. Now I'm alone. I'm more broken than ever. The shards of a past life are trashed through everywhere I go. Everywhere I look, there's the past. I'm caught in those times, never to start a new chapter on my own.