In Love With My Best Friend

Do you remember the first time you met the love of your life?

I do.

It was the first time that Flash and Batman teamed up that I met him. I'd been Kid Flash for around six months by that point. I'd loved being Kid Flash. Of course I loved being Kid Flash. I was the biggest Flash fanboy in the world and now I was being a hero alongside my idol. But anyway for the first six months we'd pretty much just been in Central City. Then for some reason - I can't really remember why now, it might have involved Poison Ivy - we had to go to Gotham City to team up with Batman.

We ran to Gotham to meet up with Batman on a specific rooftop. Probably most people would have been freaking out to be meeting the Batman. I wasn't, I was more interested in the kid around my age who was standing by his side. The Boy Wonder himself, Robin. I think I was probably a little nervous, however Robin didn't seem to be the least bit nervous. He just steps forward with that cool confidence I would later come to associate with him, and introduced himself to me. I don't know what it was about him but something about Robin made me feel instantly at ease.

Whilst Bruce and Uncle Barry were working together on the case, Kid Flash and Robin snuck aside. At this point young heroes were still pretty knew, Robin was pretty much the only other one I knew of. We got talking and just instantly clicked. I think we were both happy to have found someone else that was part of this crazy world and around our age. Within moments it felt like we'd been best friends forever. But it wasn't just Robin and Kid Flash who immediately hit it off, we were also getting along really well as Dick Grayson and Wally West. Finally I had someone I could just be myself with. No pretence. No hiding anything. Dick got it. He knew what I was going through, he understood how damn weird it was to deal with all the usual angst of growing up whilst also dealing with being a superhero. I felt like I could spend hours and hours with him and never get bored.

I remember that after solving the case, when we left Gotham to return to Central City, I knew that Robin was the one thing I was going to miss the most from the experience. I really hoped I would get to see him again sometime

Of course that first trip to Gotham was definitely not the last time I would see him.

Whenever Flash had to work with Batman I would beg Barry to let me accompany him so that I could meet up with Robin again. Sometimes I would be allowed to come with him to Gotham, sometimes I wouldn't. But I always enjoyed those cases where Flash and Batman worked together because that meant Kid Flash and Robin got to see each other again.

But it was still only every so often and I began to get bored of just seeing my best friend only occasionally, so me and Dick began making plans to meet up without Flash and Batman around. I used to run over to Gotham on weekends and after school to hang out with Dick. Sometimes we'd suit up to fight bad guys and kick ass, I guess that was the very first iteration of the Teen Titans. Other times we'd just hang out, chat about stuff, and just enjoy each other's company. We were kids and we were best friends, we just wanted to spend as much time together as we possibly could. I was never sure if Barry and Bruce knew about those sneaky hang outs. I suspect they didn't as otherwise I'm pretty sure they'd have tried to stop us.

As we both got older and headed into our mid-teens we saw each other more and more often. Seeing each other more frequently also meant that our costumed team-ups were becoming more frequent. By this point we knew we weren't the only superhero sidekicks in our teen years. We started to also have regular team-ups with Speedy, Wonder Girl, and Aqualad in various combinations. That laid the foundation for the formation of the Teen Titans.

I've always thought that what made the Teen Titans – and later on the Titans – a special and unique team was the strength of our friendship. Our friendship was always important to us. Unlike the Justice League who just tend to go home to their cities after a victory, we lived together, celebrated together, and always supported one another. I'd like to think that part of that was formed based on the bond of friendship that had already existed between me and Dick.

Living in Titans tower was a special time for all of the Titans. I think everyone – superhero or civilian – finds it special the first time that they live on their own in their own place, even a shared place. But for the Titans it was particularly special. Not only were we getting out first taste of being independent, but this was the moment we stopped being seen as kids and started to be seen as heroes.

All the Titans had their own reasons for wanting to be seen as a hero, some of us wanted to prove that we could do it, all of knew that being a hero was just who we were. I know that for Roy, Dick and me that being seen as our own hero and not just a sidekick was particularly important. Our mentors all cast pretty big shadows and now we finally had a way to step out of those big imposing shadows. At that point – out of all the Titans -I probably had the best relationship with my mentor. Barry was more of a Dad to me than my biological father, he always had been and I will always love him as my Dad. But even I wanted to prove to the world that Wally West was capable of being a hero on his own, not just when I was by Flash's side.

The years of the Teen Titans was a time of change for all of us. Probably one of the most obvious changes that occurred during that time was Dick giving up being Robin to become Nightwing. I wasn't entirely surprised that Dick was giving up being Robin. Maybe it wasn't obvious to everyone but to someone who knew Dick as well as me it was sort of inevitable that it would happen one day. For years I thought he might and as I saw my best friend become a leader I sort of knew that it would just be a matter of time before he hung up the yellow cape and let Robin return to Batman.

When I first saw him in that original Nightwing suit - the one which looks better suited for going to a disco than for fighting crime – I was proud of him, but my eyes were also more focused on that deep V-neck showing a glimpse of his chest. It was one of those 'trying not to look but every attempt to not look made me just want to look even more' sort of things. Looking back at that moment I now know that was probably the first time that I had really ever seen him in a way that went beyond the close platonic relationship we'd had for years.

At first I just tried to push it aside. I wasn't having those kind of thoughts and feelings for Dick.

I couldn't be.

But it was also one of those things that the more you try to push it down - the more you try and deny it - the stronger it becomes. I was increasingly starting to question just what my relationship with Dick was. I had always assumed that he was my very closest friend in the multiverse. However the way I kept on thinking about his muscular chest which was revealed by the new suit he had started wearing was making me think maybe I was sexually attracted to him. Perhaps I could even be in love with him. In a weird way that thought both scared the hell out of me and made me incredibly happy.

As hard as it was I still tried to push down my attraction to him. Looking back that was not a very smart idea as it also made me increasingly terse with Dick. I didn't mean to, but previously we'd never kept anything from each other. Now I was keeping it a secret that I might love him as more than just a friend. At no point did our friendship ever get broken, but when you have someone in your life who was as close to me as Dick any shift in the dynamic feel important.

Dick had noticed the change in my behaviour around him. One day after training he corned me, we were alone, and I realised this was the confrontation with my feelings that I had been dreading and trying to avoid.

"We need to talk, Wal. What's been going on with you lately?"

Of course, the most emotionally healthy member of the BatFamily wanted to talk to me about my feelings and what was going on with me.

Might as well just rip it off like a band aid. "It's you."

"Me?" He looked hurt. "What have I done? Have I done something to upset or hurt you? I'm sorry -"

"No. No. It's not that. God, it's nothing like that. It's pretty much the opposite of that."

"Then what is it?"

Here comes that ripping off the band aid moment. "I like you."

"I know you do. We've been best friends since forever."

"No. I don't mean like that. I mean I like you as in the I have feelings, attracted to you, possibly love you, kinda I like you."

"Oh…"

Dick was quiet. I know it must have only been a few seconds, but with my speedster sense and the anticipation of what he was about to say it felt like it must have been hours.

"Well that's kind of funny really."

"Funny?"

"Yeah. I'd always assumed you were completely straight and so because of that I never wanted to admit that I like you in case it ruined our friendship. You're the most important person in my life and I like you in an 'I have feelings for you, I am attracted to you, I possibly love you', kind of way."

Thanks for reading, if there's enough interest I might write a second instalment – I already have an idea where it would go next.

If you're wondering about the ages I roughly think that Wally is a year older than Dick. I think Wally became Kid Flash when he was 10, he joined the Teen Titans at 15, Dick became Nightwing when he was 18. I don't know if that is correct or relevant for every continuity but that is roughly what I was working with for this story.