It can hurt you more than anyone or anything ever has. It has and probably will leave you lying on ground bleeding and broken, and probably soon. When the thing that can cause you the most pain, that kills you and weakens you, is the thing you love.
You know it's insane. You know you should push away the bad and claim the good, but there's good in there too, so how can you do that? You know that between the two of you, there is pain and there is hate, there is anger and there is some fucked up emotions you can't name. You have no name for them. Well, you do but you will never say them.
They can hurt you more than anyone ever could and yet you stay.
You talk and joke, laugh and fight together while also brutally shattering each other at the same time with violence and blood, and despair and eventual betrayal.
And yet you manage to look up at them when they approach, give each other a smile, a real one, the one that says I'm glad you're my brother. Eyes light up when they approach just as they will darken in hate and rage sometimes and sometimes shine with love and care, and worry and concern, yet also sometimes coldness and fear.
What if the thing you love will also kill you someday? What if it's the one that breaks you finally, over and over, and you'll let it, because you love it so?
The darkest thoughts are reserved and inspired by them, but also the brightest and best ones, too.
What if they are the best thing you've ever known but at the same time the worst thing you could have ever found, but yet , you manage, you manage to say…
"Morning, Sammy, brought breakfast." As they sit up sleepily in their bed.
"Morning, Dean, 3 am is not morning for you information." The other complains…but smiles that smile you like to see, the one that says he loves his brother anyway, 3 am or not.
The same applies to the other one. They share these truths about each other and accept them. Cherish them even while ignoring them, too.
"Cars packed, Dean." Sam says to the other, the one he knows has his back but will someday stab him in it while he will eventually do it to him as well.
"Cool, let's go, Bobby's waiting." The other says, but tosses the keys to Sam. "You take the first leg, I'm tired." Sure he thinks you'll wreck his car and apologize later, and even though he'll be pissed, he'll forgive you, because in the end, you may be the worst thing for each other…
But you're all you both got and that counts for something. Something bitter and bloody that tries to kill and choke you, squeezes your heart painfully, wringing it dry when you lay down to sleep. It will reassure you to know they are there next to you, in the car or wherever you are. Part of you hates each other, but a bigger part, a better part doesn't. It loves so deeply it will never break, even when you do.
And it will always bind you two together, in so many twisted and unrecognizable ways.