Disclaimer: I do not own Mai HiME or the song Santa Baby.
Santa Cutie
Natsuki was hot. Very, very hot. The heater that had been so pleasant, a lifesaver, really, toward the beginning of the drive was now something on the business end of her very best death glare. If she could just rip the conniving little devil out of its cozy spot, or at least crank the dial in the opposite direction, she would be a happy camper, but a certain someone wouldn't let her. Every time the dark-haired woman's hand would venture a tad too near the device, Shizuru's hand would seemingly come out of nowhere and slap it away. Damn woman should be focused on driving and should not be able to notice Natsuki's stealthy moves, but alas.
"Shi-zu-ru," Natsuki whined as her hand received what seemed like the fiftieth whap in the past ten minutes. "Just let me turn it down at least a little bit."
"If it gets turned down any more it will go off," Shizuru said, the hint of annoyance in her voice so slight only trained ears could catch it. Natsuki had to bite down on her tongue to prevent herself from blurting out an "exactly." "It's not even that hot in here."
"Well, you're not the one wearing a Santa suit!" This statement was, in fact, true, Natsuki sitting in the passenger's seat donned in that familiar red outfit with what Shizuru would describe as a "cute" angry expression on her face. The hat that supposedly should have been atop her peeved little head was in a forgotten heap on the dashboard, just how Natsuki liked it.
"Yes, yes, but..." Shizuru gave an apologetic smile to the windshield, unable to take her eyes off the road. "I'm cold, so if Natsuki could bear with it for just a few more minutes..."
"Then Shizuru should have worn a warmer coat," Natsuki threw her comeback, causing the older woman's eyebrows to rise a little in surprise. This was the first time in at least a year or so that Natsuki had mocked Shizuru's habitual third person referencing, and, of course, she just wasn't going to let it slide.
"Then she would like to humbly apologize to her Natsuki-chan for being too preoccupied with other pressing matters to take into account the severity of the weather." Shizuru's face took on a slight frown on the edge of a pout to further emphasize her words.
Natsuki's response was a string of mumbles, "her" and "chan" the only real distinguishable words for their repeated use. A rebuttal seemed out of the question, as Shizuru was really just a blur zooming about their apartment in the time before they had left. Stupid, truth telling little...
Frustrated with herself, Shizuru, and just about everything at the moment, Natsuki felt the need for a distraction. Upon giving the evil eye to the heater one more time, she spotted the button to turn the radio on, her hand lashing out on the defenseless object before the other woman could even blink, much less attempt to foil Natsuki's plan. To her luck (or not), music began to filter throughout the car. The not so lucky side of this was that the last station Shizuru had it on was a Christmas one, and Natsuki knew that said woman would definitely not let her anywhere near the tuner.
"Ara, I didn't know that Natsuki actually had some Christmas spirit," Shizuru quipped, clearly amused by younger woman's sulking.
"I don't, and I was desperate. Now I'm even more desperate." Natsuki considered rifling through Shizuru's glove compartment to see if she could find anything to stuff her ears with, but she figured against it. Where ever they were going (selective hearing caused her to miss the name of the place when Shizuru informed her) there would most definitely be Christmas music. Best to build up a tolerance now.
"Perhaps Natsuki would feel better if I sang along," Shizuru suggested, knowing very well that it wouldn't help matters, but make them worse. Torture-teasing was just far too much fun.
Wide-eyed, Natsuki tired her damnedest to think of something to say that would keep Shizuru's mouth shut at least until they arrived at their destination, but absolutely nothing reasonable came to mind. The poor woman was doomed, and all she could do was resign herself and accept it.
"Santa baby, just slip a sable under the tree, for me," Shizuru started to sing in her melodic voice. "Been an awful good girl."
Natsuki, in her utter obliviousness of the meaning of the lyrics, only scoffed at the "good girl" line, and listened intently to a few more lines of the song.
"Santa honey, one little thing I really need, the deed." Shizuru's voice took on a more sultry tone in an attempt to aid her love into a fit of embarrassment that was sure to come. Apparently, it took.
The DJs hate me! Natsuki screamed in her head, that almost ever present blush forming. And why would someone turn Santa into a sex symbol? The sick bastards.
Shizuru continued to sing, a bemused grin plastered on her face. Although she couldn't get a good look at the other for fear of crashing into something, she could just feel the embarrassment radiating off of Natsuki.
"Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring." Knowing that Natsuki was, indeed, watching her, Shizuru winked to redden already red cheeks. "I don't mean on the phone."
Natsuki let out a hefty scream in her head and turned toward the window. Briefly, she contemplated pressing her cheeks up to the condensation-covered surface to relieve a bit of the heat...but the teasing, the teasing.
For the rest of the ride Shizuru merrily went on singing, to Natsuki's delight, considerably less suggestive Christmas songs. Even with her "delight," it took all that Natsuki had to now pound her forehead against the window or the dashboard. It wasn't that Shizuru's voice was bad, as Natsuki found it beautiful, but the actual songs themselves. Songs that enticed positively horrible memories that shall remain undisclosed for the sake of the last remaining shreds of the biker's sanity.
"We're here," Shizuru chimed, shifting the vehicle into park before turning off the ignition.
With a grumble, Natsuki flung her door open and stalked over to Shizuru's side. Tapping her foot in impatience, she peered through the window only to be greeted with a generous view of the Kyoto woman's backside. She abruptly turned about face, and blamed her now rosy complexion on the below freezing temperature. What the hell was the tawny-haired woman doing that would cause her to be in such a...position?
After calming down by thinking of cute little puppies, Natsuki dared a glance back at the car, glad to see that Shizuru was now sitting upright. The older woman reached over to the passenger side of the dashboard to retrieve that hat Natsuki "forgot" and plopped it into the plastic bag on her lap before exiting the automobile.
"What were you doing?" Natsuki mumbled, curiosity getting the better of her.
"Ara, whatever does Natsuki mean?" Shizuru queried, ever the innocent one with her head slighted cocked to the side.
Natsuki, apparently learning, was able to stop a certain image from flashing in her mind's eye, yet it was still enough to stop her from any further questioning. "It's...nothing." She then attempted to walk off as casually as possible, the light flitter of Shizuru's giggling telling her that it was anything but.
Natsuki stopped at the door, unsure if she should enter. Hey, there could be some side door they were supposed to use, thus ruining whatever had been planned. This good idea turned out to be a bad one when she felt something hot trickling along the side of her face.
"I haven't know Natsuki to be scared of such trivial things," came a low whisper, lips brushing against the shell of her ear.
"Bu...dah...I...uh..." Natsuki stammered as she began to curse the other woman inside her head. Just then, the door clicked, slowly opening just enough for a certain redhead to poke her head out.
"Hello, Mai-san," Shizuru greeted, resting her head on Natsuki's shoulder.
"Ah hello, Shizuru-san, Natsuki." Mai glanced between the two, a nervous smile forming. By the look on Natsuki's face, it was quite obvious that the dark-haired woman was resisting a very strong urge to scream.
"Excuse me," Natsuki hissed out between clenched teeth, hastily bumping her way past Mai and into the warmth of the building.
"Shizuru-san, what'd you do to Natsuki?" Mai eyed the former Kaichou.
"Nothing more than the usual. She seems a bit more on edge, though," Shizuru speculated. "But I would think of her to be a bit more, well, jolly with that outfit on."
"Oi!" the current subject of the conversation shouted from inside. "Come in here already! I want to get this done with as quickly as possible!"
"Natsuki calls." It was now Shizuru's turn to slide her way past the slightly dumbfounded Mai, taking care to give the redhead a friendly pat on the shoulder. Once inside, she set the bag she was carrying down by the door before making her way to her still grumpy love. "Hm, why is Natsuki so eager to get this over with?"
"Because I want to get out of this stupid thing." Natsuki tugged at the incredibly baggy clothes. "I look ridiculous."
"I think you look sexy," Shizuru rebutted not in an expected teasing manner, but with a very sensuous tone to her voice, causing Natsuki's complexion, just barely having returned to normal, to flare up immediately. "Ah, there's Santa's rosy cheeks."
"Natsuki, Shizuru-san, thank you very much for coming," Mai interrupted the possibly-soon-to-be squabble. "It's bad enough for the kids to not be with their parents on Christmas, but to add no Santa Claus on top of that? Heh, I'd be mauled by them."
Natsuki gave Mai an incredulous look, mouthing "mauled," but was dutifully ignored.
"I thought I was doomed when Yuuichi got sick."
Natsuki's eyebrow twitched in annoyance. She could picture a perfectly healthy Tate relaxing on the couch while smugly channel surfing through the ungodly amounts of Christmas specials. Smirking perhaps a tad too evilly, Natsuki made the resolution to kick the man's ass the next time she saw him, sick or not.
Apparently sensing the indignation flowing off of Natsuki, Shizuru quickly led Mai off under the pretence of needing to straighten a few more things out. She had always thought that it was best to let a seething Natsuki seethe alone. Wise decision.
How the hell and I supposed to act like Santa anyway? I don't even look like him! He's a rather plump man and I'm a, uh...athletically built...woman. Ahhh! They're probably going to want to stuff me, which will be uncomfortable and I'll feel bulky and... Natsuki lightly pulled open the coat to examine the vast amount of space inside, and with this she was hit by a horrid realization. In a lapse of common sense, she had chosen a dainty little black bra to wear that very morning, and her white undershirt wasn't as thick as she'd like it to be. Hey, kids, Santa wears lingerie, but that's okay because we love EVERYBODY!
Natsuki then began to laugh out loud a tad too maniacally, which brought upon the concern of Mai.
"Ara?" Shizuru glanced over at Natsuki, apparently unfazed. Noticing Mai's expression, she simply explained, "She does that when she's bored."
"B-but..." Mai gave a few hurried looks to Natsuki, who still held a devious look on her face.
"Would you like me to do something?" Shizuru offered, earning a small nod from Mai.
Natsuki was completely unaware as to Shizuru's approach, making things very easy for the older woman. She stopped about a foot away, as if daring the other to notice her presence. When Natsuki stayed very much trapped in her own mind, Shizuru took action. Positioning herself so close to Natsuki that dark-haired woman should be able to feel her body heat, Shizuru blew a puff of air into Natsuki's ear. Natsuki jerked away as fast as her refined reflexes could handle, her ear cupped by her hands as if it were violated.
"What the—" Natsuki started, but was cut off by a "Come" from Shizuru. Then Shizuru, not risking the chance that Natsuki may not follow, promptly grabbed her oversized belt and dragged the poor woman along.
Mai observed this rather amusing scene from the sidelines, trying her best to restrain herself from laughing at Natsuki's flailing arms.
"Shizuru, I can direct myself just fine!" Natsuki protested, and, surprisingly, Shizuru relented her hold. The two stopped by the door, Natsuki tempted to fling open said object and run. Yet, before she could take a step, she felt something a bit on the itchy side slide down her head.
"No matter how much I hate covering up Natsuki's beautiful features," Shizuru sighed overdramatically, "it must be done."
Natsuki's hand shot up to the thing now on her face, shocked to find that it was actually soft. Well, on the outside at least. "What's this?"
"A beard, Natsuki. Now, turn around." Shizuru's hand lightly pushed on one of Natsuki's shoulders, signaling her to turn in that direction. Natsuki obeyed, though curious of the request.
"Your hair might be a problem," Shizuru muttered mostly to herself.
Hands soon found themselves combing through Natsuki's dark strands, causing said woman to have shivers run up her spine. No matter how much she may have gotten used to physical contact, she always felt weird whenever her hair was played with. It wasn't a bad kind of weird...usually.
"Keep your head still, Natsuki," Shizuru chided, playfully yanking the fistful of hair she had, which did the trick. With a few graceful sweeps of Shizuru's hands, Natsuki's hair was contained in a tight bun perched near the top of her head. "Some will still peak through, but this is the best we can do. Now, I believe we need to fatten you up a bit."
Natsuki's eyes widened in horror upon realizing that her earlier assumptions were correct. She took a giant step away from Shizuru, then pivoted on one foot so she could face the other head on. "Can you please remind me why I have to be the one to wear this...thing?"
Shizuru had been expecting this question and was quite surprised that it had taken this long for Natsuki to bring it up. "Well, we don't want Santa to have an overt womanly figure, now do we?" Yes, it was a horrible excuse, but Shizuru was taking advantage of one of Natsuki's more amusing insecurities.
"Bullshit!" Natsuki exclaimed, clearly upset by Shizuru's (in her opinion) low blow.
"Now, Natsuki, Santa doesn't use such vulgar language." Shizuru's scolding was only met by a challenging glare. "Would you like me to put on the coat to show you?"
"N-no, that's fine," Natsuki declined, scared that the clothing might actually be a bit tight in...places.
"Natsuki will just have to bear with this for now."
Natsuki mumbled a few incoherent curses, slowly moving closer to Shizuru, who had the awaiting Santa hat in her hands.
"Besides, I would have much rather preferred for Natsuki to pose as Mrs. Claus in one of those red mini-dresses with the white fluff trim," Shizuru sighed dreamily, appearing to go off into la-la land.
"D-DON'T FANTASIZE!" Natsuki roared, the distinct sound of palm hitting forehead echoing off in the distance.
Shizuru, giggling in pure amusement, quickly plopped the hat on fuming woman's head, spun her around, and sent her off with a quick pat on the butt and a coo of "Have fun, sweetie!"
Natsuki would have promptly whirled herself right back around to tackle Shizuru, and not in the good way, if she hadn't seen the distraught look on Mai's face. Revenge could wait.
-.-
"Uh, what exactly am I supposed to do?" asked the now artificially round Natsuki.
"Just go in there, say 'Ho ho ho ho, Merry Christmas' a few times, and hand out the presents in the bag. They're all basically the same thing, so it doesn't matter who you give what to," Mai explained, holding the sack of goodies out in front of her for Natsuki to take.
Natsuki gingerly took the bag from Mai, giving the door to where the children were a few wary glances.
"They don't bite," Mai reassured in a joking manner.
"It's not the biting I'm worried about," Natsuki muttered, her hand poised over the doorknob. Why couldn't Santa be stealthy and quiet? She could do ninja, but she couldn't do loud, fat man that somehow can sneak into people's houses with a tendency to belt out "ho ho ho." Natsuki took in a deep breath and pushed all (or most) of her pessimistic thinking to the back of her mind. Turning the knob, she let loose a string of "ho ho hos" in her deepest voice possible.
Every single kid in the room shot their heads towards her, an almost predatory gleam in their eyes.
Oh...
Then, much to a certain Santa's horror, they all stood up and charged in a fit of squeals and high-pitched screams.
...shit.
Natsuki braced herself for the impact that was sure to come, and that was about all she could do. Sure, she could run, but who would run from children? ...Even if they were rabid and appeared to be suffering from mob mentality. Stupid dignity.
About three kids chose to leap up and latch onto the not so sturdy suit, the pillows that fattened her up threatening to spill out. A few were yanking at the bag, which Natsuki was struggling to hold onto, and the rest were guiding her away from the door.
The scheming little buggers are going to try to circle me! Natsuki, growing rather desperate, chose to yell out the first threat that came to mind. "Step away from the Santa Claus unless you don't want your present!"
The kids and their oh so nice child mentality immediately calmed down and started to back away. They all wore the appearance of apologetic puppies, and Natsuki was sure if they were puppies, their tails would've been wagging madly at this point.
"Thank you," Natsuki said in two greatly varying pitches. What? She never said she could act.
She then began to dole out the gifts, attempting a cheerful "Here ya go" with each child. The number of presents dwindled along with the number of children that stuck around her. Only, one seemed to be decreasing faster than the other. When she got down to the last few kids, she realized there was only one little box left in the sack.
Not good. Not good. Not good. Natsuki chanted in her head, frantically glancing around. I'm going to be mauled.
"Ara, it seems our dear Santa Claus forgot a few very important things."
Upon hearing the lifesaving Kyoto-ben, Natsuki would have turned with grateful eyes, except that Shizuru's choice of attire was, well, not good. Somebody hates me!
Apparently, since Natsuki was unable to wear the red mini-dress with the white fluff trim, Shizuru decided to do it for her. Arms full of presents, Shizuru smiled gleefully, not having to act, for Natsuki's expression was motivating enough.
Before all the kids would leave her for Shizuru, Natsuki stiffly shoved the last present she had in front of a little boy, who promptly ran off with it to his friends. The remaining children then happily skipped off toward the honey-haired woman, Natsuki trailing a few feet behind.
With all presents given away and all children temporarily satisfied, Shizuru turned to a glowering Natsuki. "Does Santa like my outfit?"
"Yes—wait, no!" Natsuki let out a partially restrained "arg," having a very strong urge to pull the hat down to cover up the rest of her face that wasn't being smothered by the beard.
Shizuru held a hand to her mouth in an effort to contain her laughter. Natsuki just stared at her and gulped, fearing what teasing remark was to come forth from Shizuru's mouth next. Yet, the older woman only quickly flicked her burgundy eyes upwards. Natsuki, ever the curious one, did much the same, but let her gaze linger. Above them was something green, which Natsuki soon identified as mistletoe after a few seconds of thinking. She couldn't exactly remember what it was for, though.
"Isn't Santa going to kiss me?"
Natsuki's eyes instantly fixed on Shizuru in an almost fearful look, the former's smirk barely visible from behind her hand. Not wanting to become victim to Shizuru's puppy dog pout and, no matter how much disdain she may have held for the man, give Santa a bad name, Natsuki made sure her back was to the kids, pulled down her beard, and gave Shizuru a light peck on the cheek.
"There," Natsuki mumbled, letting the beard snap back into place.
"Santa Claus, is that Mrs. Claus?" a little girl questioned, much to "Santa's" dismay.
"Ara, I'm flattered." Shizuru moved her had to her cheek, the smirk morphing into a grin.
Before Natsuki to proclaim a resounding "NO," Mai had shoved her way in front of the soon to explode woman. "Yes, she is Mrs. Claus, and they have many more places they need to visit tonight, so we best let them be on their way."
Mai shooed the other two through the doorway as she gave the gawking children her best phony smile. Natsuki was unsure if she wanted to threaten or thank Mai, but was appreciative nonetheless. She was finally getting out of here, and to her that was worth a few sacrifices. Besides, it was really all Shizuru's fault. And then there was the revenge. The oh so sweet revenge.
-.-
"I don't like daycares. I didn't like them before, and now I really don't like them," Natsuki stated as she pulled out the key for their apartment.
"They're not that bad..." Shizuru swiped the key from Natsuki, inserting it into the lock and opening the door before the younger woman could make a grab for it.
"Yes, they are. End of discussion," Natsuki grunted, reclaiming her key from Shizuru.
"But you gave those kids a wonderful gift, Natsuki, and giving is better than receiving," Shizuru said matter-of-factly, Natsuki grumbling lightly. "But I believe you do deserve a gift for your hard work."
"What? A new bike?" Natsuki retorted as she kicked off her boots.
"Mou, why does Natsuki have to be so superficial?" Shizuru, who had returned to her normal clothes, shrugged out of her jacket and gave the other an ever so slight pout.
"Am no—" Natsuki found herself silenced by a familiar pair of lips, partly annoyed and partly not.
"Natsuki really is too cute in her Santa outfit." Shizuru drew back, surprisingly smiling gently.
An "mm" vibrated in the back of Natsuki's throat, the kiss having quelled the remnants of Natsuki's agitation. Shizuru's hands pulled at the black belt holding together the top, and with a few swift movements the garment fell to the floor.
"How'd you..." Natsuki began in vague wonderment, for Shizuru had removed the very belt that took Natsuki a good five minutes to get on in a matter of seconds.
"Shh," Shizuru shushed, sliding her hands under the top and across Natsuki's shoulders, the coat easily slipped off to reveal the white under shirt and, technically, Natsuki's bra. "Ara, this is a bit useless now, isn't it?"
"M-maybe." Natsuki seemed hesitant, yet she made no protest when Shizuru hooked her fingers under the hem of the shirt and started to yank it upwards, and did so torturously. Her fingernails lightly scraped across Natsuki's bare skin, sending pleasant chills up and down the dark-haired woman's back. Unable to take much more, Natsuki took action and grabbed onto her shirt, flinging it the rest of the way off.
Once free of that article of clothing, Natsuki felt a hand slide along the side of her face, fingers curling around the back of her head. In gentle persuasion, it tugged softly, Natsuki obeying as lips meshed. Her own hands found themselves on Shizuru's waist, drawing the other woman closer.
One of them broke the kiss, neither sure who. They just stood there, staring at each other as Natsuki couldn't keep a smile from her face.
"We don't even have mistletoe," Natsuki spoke off-handily.
"Do we need one?" Shizuru breathed.
Natsuki, stuck in a moment of puzzlement as to why she even said that in the first place, remained silent for a little while. Eventually, she shook her head, a few wayward strands tickling Shizuru's face. "No."
Both arms draped across Natsuki's shoulders, Shizuru went in for another kiss. One of Natsuki's hands slipped under Shizuru's shirt, her fingertips pressing just hard enough to entice a light tremble, and Natsuki would have smirked into the kiss if she could. Shizuru's lips slipped away from Natsuki's, her head veering off to the side as her teeth grazed the younger woman's jaw line.
"Santa cutie, one little thing I really need, the deed," Shizuru sang in a low, husky voice, her lips deathly close to Natsuki's ear.
This definitely wasn't good for her sanity. Yet, really, she didn't mind the least bit.
-.-
A/N: I was inspired by a random commercial that used the song Santa Baby and my first though was 'WTF? Is she trying to seduce Santa? Somebody's trying to get back on the Nice List.' So, of course, I had to apply the idea of seducing Santa to ShizNat. Yays. Only the seducing ended up taking a very small part of the story...and it really wasn't seducing. I fail in following plans. Also, I was a tad rushed in writing this, so sorry for any incoherencies that surely have popped up.
One should know that I took serious liberties with the Shizuru singing in the car part. There are many more lines to the song, but I was too lazy to incorporate them all. Besides, I really didn't want to hear Shizuru singing about wanting a yatch.
Okies, this has now been beta'd by the wonderful Naolin, so yays.
Anywho, Happy Holidays!