Looking for Forever
ImmortalFlick
Warnings: Slash. Language. Objectionable subject matter. Some angsty thoughts and an eating disorder.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine.
Chapter 1
*You're a slut Finnigan. A common whore. What? You're in love with me? How sweet. I don't love you, slut, you're good sex, nothing more.*
The words of Terence Higgs, the Slytherin Seeker, burned into his mind. His tears were bitter with self-disgust. How he hated Higgs. How he hated himself. He wept for his innocence, he wept for his pride. There was nothing left now, his dignity in tatters, trailing behind him. Seamus Finnigan was one lost puppy and it was safe to say that no one was going to help him.
He was called the school slut. And truth be told he used to be. Sleeping around was his forte. Only he didn't do it for the sex. Although that was a rather rash comment because sex was a part of it. He wasn't going to claim he was a hopeless romantic looking for love in other people's beds. Because he wasn't. But he wasn't sure he could deny that he did wish one of those people would deal with him for more than a week. More than a day - or night to be more precise. He wouldn't ensure forever though. Seamus Finnigan wasn't looking for forever, because forever didn't last. And nothing lasted forever.
*
"Jesus Christ Seamus!" Dean exclaimed at Seamus' attempts to stay in bed.
"I'm not going!" He insisted loudly. Too loudly. The others turned to stare at them. "I'm not!" He glared at Dean.
"You are, even if I have to drag you to class."
"Just piss off, will you? You know nothing! Just leave me alone Dean, please?" His rant trailed off, his eyes questioning. Dean sighed. He'd never seen Seamus this serious, he was actually angry. Seamus Finnigan did not get angry.
"Fine, Seamus, but get out of your own trouble." Dean smiled to take the sting out of the words.
Seamus rolled back into the pillow. His eyes were bloodshot and he was aching all over. He also had a fair amount of bruises. Higgs had enjoyed playing rough and it showed. Seamus had hated it, it made him feel violated. Violated. What a strange word. After all, he'd agreed so it was all consensual wasn't it? So why did he feel so... well... dirty?
It didn't matter now, he supposed, Higgs tossed him out like a rag. A used rag. He didn't even leave him time to get dressed, just shoved him out of the room with a handful of torn and dirty robes. At any other time Seamus may have found that situation funny. He was running naked to the common room holding what was left of his clothes over himself, trying to avoid any fellow students but scaring a first year and two second years. That was the point, at any other time it would've been hilarious. Except when he was as broken as he was then.
What bothered him the most was that at that very moment he would've jumped off the Astronomy tower without a second thought. And that wasn't like him. Seamus Finnigan bounced back. So that wasn't like him at all.
He didn't want to get up. He didn't care who saw him in his misery. They could all go to hell. They could stay there. Seamus didn't ever want to get up again. Drown in the soft pillows. Drown in the warm and softness he felt now. Drown in the safety radiating off this room. A safe room. Where no one would touch him wrong or look at him with a sneer of disgust.
*
"Seamus! Please, just come to dinner." Dean's shouting yet again. It wasn't mean though, not like Higgs. "You haven't eaten."
True. He hadn't. He'd just throw it up though. He also remembered the disgusted remarks about how fat Seamus was. He hated those. Because he wasn't. Really. But he'd followed Higgs' advice and eaten less. What a fool he was. Now he couldn't eat much at all without needing to throw it up.
"No! Just leave me alone Dean." Seamus shouted back before burying his head in his pillow again. He had been there all day. He would probably be expecting a visit from one of the professors. They did when you missed classes. The allocated teacher had to track you down. Who would it be this time?
Oh yes, he'd missed classes before. When Higgs had been a little too rough. He'd been unable to get up, it hurt too badly. He'd just managed to avoid the infirmary. He'd gotten McGonagall that time. He was hoping for maybe Professor Lupin this time. He was nice to Seamus. Even when he blew things up. Which he did all too often.
"Well, Mr Finnegan. I see you're sleeping late today, very late." A cold voice stated.
Seamus lifted his head before dropping it again, groaning. "This is a bad dream. Just a bad dream. When I look up he won't be there." Seamus looked back up. He groaned again. There stood Professor Snape. He'd already decided that no one would make him go to classes for the next day or so. Not even him.
"I assume you're asking the house elves for food?"
Seamus definitely didn't want to answer that. "No." Too bad.
"Well, then, do you believe yourself above human needs?"
"No, sir, I'm not hungry." May as well be respectful if he could look forward to a weeks worth of detentions.
"You'd do well to eat, Finnegan."
"I know, Professor Snape."
Snape sighed inwardly. The child truly didn't seem happy, which was unusual for the boy. "What is the problem, Mr Finnegan?" He didn't plan on playing confidant for the young Gryffindor but if that was his role at this time. And the boy honestly looked very unhappy.
"There is none."
"Clearly there is a problem."
Seamus didn't know what to say. "Boyfriend troubles."
"Ah, so there is a problem after all, what a surprise. Would it have anything to do with Higgs?" Snape asked.
Higgs had been spreading nasty rumors that he'd dumped the boy last night. Not rumors after all then. He was truly quite descriptive, he found it astounding how much the school knew about Finnegan in bed. His prowess had been of quite the talk lately. He'd slept with a lot but it was always a mutual breakup which was why now appeared to be a big talking point, especially among Slytherins. There was talk of a few of the words Higgs had used. Finnigan's friend, Thomas had tried to squelch those words, was angry when boy was talked about that way. Snape had to agree, it was fairly disgusting. Rather hurtful too.
"How do you know that?" Seamus almost leapt up.
"I believe the whole school must know by now."
"Shit. Damn. Fuck."
"Very elaborate. Five points off Gryffindor for language."
"Since when am I the fish of the day?"
"Since you began to occupy other people's beds I assume." Snape said dryly. "If you didn't want these rumors everywhere then why do it?"
"I wasn't sleeping around to get a reputation you know!" Seamus' anger hazed mind didn't quite process the fact that he was yelling at the most feared professor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
"According to the talk you've slept with almost every male in the school so I advise you find some way to stop your endeavors from being the talk of the table. It does become tedious after a while."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"I have no agreement whatsoever with how people talk about you. It is rather unpleasant to hear about it while eating. Take in note that if you tell anyone about this I may have to put you on detention for the rest of the year and make sure your house will have you cleaning their dormitories until you make up the thousand points I can and will take off."
"A thousand!" Seamus gasped.
"Maybe not quite that much." Snape gave a dry smile and Seamus almost died in shock, he must be the first person to ever see that their greasy Potions Master actually did have a sense of humor.
"Good luck Mr Finnigan, I will see you at breakfast tomorrow." Snape turned and made to leave.
"Professor, thanks."
Snape turned around. "You're welcome, if you ever need to talk..." He looked uncomfortable.
"Thanks."
Snape left. Seamus sat back, confused. Snape had been nice, and given him the rest of the day scott free. There was something different. He couldn't tell anyone though. It's not as if they'd believe him. Snape, human? Of course not. If only they knew.
Now, what to do about that bastard, Higgs?
*
End Chapter 1
Please review. No flames. They're pointless, really, I enjoy replying them and flaming me will not stop me posting, far from it, they'll give me motivation. So please review, constructive criticism is welcome.
ImmortalFlick
Warnings: Slash. Language. Objectionable subject matter. Some angsty thoughts and an eating disorder.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine.
Chapter 1
*You're a slut Finnigan. A common whore. What? You're in love with me? How sweet. I don't love you, slut, you're good sex, nothing more.*
The words of Terence Higgs, the Slytherin Seeker, burned into his mind. His tears were bitter with self-disgust. How he hated Higgs. How he hated himself. He wept for his innocence, he wept for his pride. There was nothing left now, his dignity in tatters, trailing behind him. Seamus Finnigan was one lost puppy and it was safe to say that no one was going to help him.
He was called the school slut. And truth be told he used to be. Sleeping around was his forte. Only he didn't do it for the sex. Although that was a rather rash comment because sex was a part of it. He wasn't going to claim he was a hopeless romantic looking for love in other people's beds. Because he wasn't. But he wasn't sure he could deny that he did wish one of those people would deal with him for more than a week. More than a day - or night to be more precise. He wouldn't ensure forever though. Seamus Finnigan wasn't looking for forever, because forever didn't last. And nothing lasted forever.
*
"Jesus Christ Seamus!" Dean exclaimed at Seamus' attempts to stay in bed.
"I'm not going!" He insisted loudly. Too loudly. The others turned to stare at them. "I'm not!" He glared at Dean.
"You are, even if I have to drag you to class."
"Just piss off, will you? You know nothing! Just leave me alone Dean, please?" His rant trailed off, his eyes questioning. Dean sighed. He'd never seen Seamus this serious, he was actually angry. Seamus Finnigan did not get angry.
"Fine, Seamus, but get out of your own trouble." Dean smiled to take the sting out of the words.
Seamus rolled back into the pillow. His eyes were bloodshot and he was aching all over. He also had a fair amount of bruises. Higgs had enjoyed playing rough and it showed. Seamus had hated it, it made him feel violated. Violated. What a strange word. After all, he'd agreed so it was all consensual wasn't it? So why did he feel so... well... dirty?
It didn't matter now, he supposed, Higgs tossed him out like a rag. A used rag. He didn't even leave him time to get dressed, just shoved him out of the room with a handful of torn and dirty robes. At any other time Seamus may have found that situation funny. He was running naked to the common room holding what was left of his clothes over himself, trying to avoid any fellow students but scaring a first year and two second years. That was the point, at any other time it would've been hilarious. Except when he was as broken as he was then.
What bothered him the most was that at that very moment he would've jumped off the Astronomy tower without a second thought. And that wasn't like him. Seamus Finnigan bounced back. So that wasn't like him at all.
He didn't want to get up. He didn't care who saw him in his misery. They could all go to hell. They could stay there. Seamus didn't ever want to get up again. Drown in the soft pillows. Drown in the warm and softness he felt now. Drown in the safety radiating off this room. A safe room. Where no one would touch him wrong or look at him with a sneer of disgust.
*
"Seamus! Please, just come to dinner." Dean's shouting yet again. It wasn't mean though, not like Higgs. "You haven't eaten."
True. He hadn't. He'd just throw it up though. He also remembered the disgusted remarks about how fat Seamus was. He hated those. Because he wasn't. Really. But he'd followed Higgs' advice and eaten less. What a fool he was. Now he couldn't eat much at all without needing to throw it up.
"No! Just leave me alone Dean." Seamus shouted back before burying his head in his pillow again. He had been there all day. He would probably be expecting a visit from one of the professors. They did when you missed classes. The allocated teacher had to track you down. Who would it be this time?
Oh yes, he'd missed classes before. When Higgs had been a little too rough. He'd been unable to get up, it hurt too badly. He'd just managed to avoid the infirmary. He'd gotten McGonagall that time. He was hoping for maybe Professor Lupin this time. He was nice to Seamus. Even when he blew things up. Which he did all too often.
"Well, Mr Finnegan. I see you're sleeping late today, very late." A cold voice stated.
Seamus lifted his head before dropping it again, groaning. "This is a bad dream. Just a bad dream. When I look up he won't be there." Seamus looked back up. He groaned again. There stood Professor Snape. He'd already decided that no one would make him go to classes for the next day or so. Not even him.
"I assume you're asking the house elves for food?"
Seamus definitely didn't want to answer that. "No." Too bad.
"Well, then, do you believe yourself above human needs?"
"No, sir, I'm not hungry." May as well be respectful if he could look forward to a weeks worth of detentions.
"You'd do well to eat, Finnegan."
"I know, Professor Snape."
Snape sighed inwardly. The child truly didn't seem happy, which was unusual for the boy. "What is the problem, Mr Finnegan?" He didn't plan on playing confidant for the young Gryffindor but if that was his role at this time. And the boy honestly looked very unhappy.
"There is none."
"Clearly there is a problem."
Seamus didn't know what to say. "Boyfriend troubles."
"Ah, so there is a problem after all, what a surprise. Would it have anything to do with Higgs?" Snape asked.
Higgs had been spreading nasty rumors that he'd dumped the boy last night. Not rumors after all then. He was truly quite descriptive, he found it astounding how much the school knew about Finnegan in bed. His prowess had been of quite the talk lately. He'd slept with a lot but it was always a mutual breakup which was why now appeared to be a big talking point, especially among Slytherins. There was talk of a few of the words Higgs had used. Finnigan's friend, Thomas had tried to squelch those words, was angry when boy was talked about that way. Snape had to agree, it was fairly disgusting. Rather hurtful too.
"How do you know that?" Seamus almost leapt up.
"I believe the whole school must know by now."
"Shit. Damn. Fuck."
"Very elaborate. Five points off Gryffindor for language."
"Since when am I the fish of the day?"
"Since you began to occupy other people's beds I assume." Snape said dryly. "If you didn't want these rumors everywhere then why do it?"
"I wasn't sleeping around to get a reputation you know!" Seamus' anger hazed mind didn't quite process the fact that he was yelling at the most feared professor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
"According to the talk you've slept with almost every male in the school so I advise you find some way to stop your endeavors from being the talk of the table. It does become tedious after a while."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"I have no agreement whatsoever with how people talk about you. It is rather unpleasant to hear about it while eating. Take in note that if you tell anyone about this I may have to put you on detention for the rest of the year and make sure your house will have you cleaning their dormitories until you make up the thousand points I can and will take off."
"A thousand!" Seamus gasped.
"Maybe not quite that much." Snape gave a dry smile and Seamus almost died in shock, he must be the first person to ever see that their greasy Potions Master actually did have a sense of humor.
"Good luck Mr Finnigan, I will see you at breakfast tomorrow." Snape turned and made to leave.
"Professor, thanks."
Snape turned around. "You're welcome, if you ever need to talk..." He looked uncomfortable.
"Thanks."
Snape left. Seamus sat back, confused. Snape had been nice, and given him the rest of the day scott free. There was something different. He couldn't tell anyone though. It's not as if they'd believe him. Snape, human? Of course not. If only they knew.
Now, what to do about that bastard, Higgs?
*
End Chapter 1
Please review. No flames. They're pointless, really, I enjoy replying them and flaming me will not stop me posting, far from it, they'll give me motivation. So please review, constructive criticism is welcome.