Who I Was
They didn't always make fun of me, and it wasn't always so weird that I'm so emotional. I wasn't even always human. There was a time when I was a merman, loved and perfectly happy at home in the ocean… until the darkness came.
Umm… hi, I'm Dyme Kaitei, or at least I used to be, before I was attacked. They call me something different now, but I'll get to that later.
I'm from Atlantica, and not the tiny beach or the village past it. The land isn't the real Atlantica. I'm really a merman, from the most beautiful part of the ocean you could imagine. Before I was born, a ship sunk and landed on a reef, and that's where my mom and I lived for all my life. And my dad, too, until I was three, when he just swam out on us. Don't feel too sorry for me, though, I didn't know him very well. I don't think Mom was ever the same again, though.
Not that she was upset all the time. She used to live to sing along with my sitar, and sometimes she'd even dance. I always thought she had the most beautiful voice in the seven seas, even more beautiful than Princess Ariel's herself. That is, until I was seventeen and I heard another voice singing on the reef.
The song was about happiness, and the bright sunlight filtering through the water. Her voice was sweeter than anything you can imagine, and I fell in love with it before I even saw her (this happens a lot in Atlantica)… but she didn't disappoint either. I poked my head out of the porthole, curious to see where that beautiful voice was coming from. What I saw was a mermaid about my age with colorful fish dancing around her, disappearing in the mass of golden blonde hair that, when it floated down, fell all the way to the bottom of her pale purple fin. I slipped through the porthole, so I could get a closer look at the beautiful girl. The clouds of her hair cleared away from her face and I saw bright purple eyes widen in shock when she noticed that she had an audience. The song stopped suddenly, and the fish darted back to their holes.
It was official, I thought. I had the worst luck with mermaids.
"Oh!" said the mermaid. "I'm so sorry, I didn't know anyone lived here! I'll just… go… then…."
"No!" I said, a little too quickly, because she turned around, head tilted slightly in curiosity. "Um, I mean… you can stay. I came out to listen, actually. I've never heard singing like that."
"Really?" Her face split into a smile at the compliment. "Thank you." We were both silent for a slightly awkward moment. Gosh, she was pretty. "My name is Merydia, by the way. Merydia Ningyo."
Now I had a name! This was going well. "I'm… um…" And now it wasn't. Why do I always stutter so bad when I talk to a girl? Her face was enough to make me forget my own name. "I'm…" … such a loser. "I'm Dyme Kaitei," I managed to say. Finally.
Merydia giggled. Well, at least she found the fact that I'm the biggest idiot in the seven seas funny instead of pathetic. "Pleasure to meet you," she said, smiling.
My face turned the color of a lobster. I wanted to say something… anything… something that could impress a girl like her…. "I play the sitar," I blurted out before I could decide on something to say. Did I say I wanted to say anything? Well, what I meant was anything but that.
"Really?" Merydia said sweetly, and she sounded genuinely interested, tilting her head a little bit so her golden hair fell to one side. "I'd like to hear you sometime."
This was officially going better than any other time I've tried talking to someone other than my mom. "Yeah," I agreed. "M-maybe we could… um… duet, or... something…." I trailed off and swayed uncomfortably, trying not to let my hopes get too high.
I have low self esteem. What can I say?
The beautiful mermaid's smile turned into a grin. "I'd like that."
"Really?!" I said happily. My heart is beating so fast it almost hurt, but it's with happiness and something else…. "So… um… how about… tomorrow?"
"Right here on this reef," Merydia replied.
"See you then?" I managed to say, holding my breath as I wait for her answer.
Merydia nodded happily. "Bye!" I watched her swim off, hardly daring to believe what just happened.
What could possibly be better than a pretty, sweet, talented mermaid saying she wanted to see me more than once? That pretty sweet, talented mermaid actually meeting me when she said she would!
I was sitting on a rock, trying to remember the song she had been singing the day before, when I heard her voice, singing to the same tune, but now with words about new friendship and how happy she was to have met me. I continued playing, a grin spreading across my face that didn't leave even after our song was finished. "That was…" I began.
"Amazing," finished Merydia. "You're very good on that sitar."
I blushed. "You're a really good singer, too."
"Isn't everyone down here, though?" sighed Merydia. "You're so lucky you can play something special. Something interesting."
"I think your voice is special," I blurted. I moaned in embarrassment and hung my head. Could I be more of an idiot?
Merydia laughed, but it wasn't mean or anything, more like a reassurance that she didn't think I was a total clownfish. "You're sweet," she said. "Sweet, talented… gosh, your girlfriend is one lucky mermaid."
"G-girlfriend?" I stuttered, turning even redder. Why would she think someone would want to be my girlfriend? "I don't have a girlfriend."
"Really? That's so hard to believe of someone like you."
"Someone like me?" I repeated. "Do you really think anyone would want a merman who's weak and… and… only good for making music…."
"You don't believe that," Merydia whispers. "I don't believe that." My heart pounded against my chest as I realized how close she was.
Oh my gosh. Was she going to kiss me?
No, as it turned out. Not yet. She pulled back, gasped, "I have to go," and swam off, leaving me really confused. I don't think I said anything bad…
And, apparently, I didn't. She kept coming to see me, and we'd swim together, all over the ocean, with no idea where we were going. We didn't really, care, either, as long as we found our way home again, which wasn't hard. The sea's full of landmarks, you just have to know which corals you have to look for.
One day, my hand involuntarily reached for hers while we swam. Realizing that my feelings for her were taking me over and mortified, I tried to pull it back, but Merydia smiled at me, and laced her fingers between mine.
Maybe she really did love me, too.
I was so lost in thought about maybe having a girl like me as more than that guy with the sitar that I totally lost track of where we were going until the dark sea and Merydia's voice snapped me out of it.
"Dyme?" she asked nervously. "Where exactly are we?"
"I… don't… know…" I said slowly, squeezing her hand a little tighter. "We've gone too far down." We tried to swim closer to the light of the surface, but when the water turned black, that was usually not a good sign. It usually meant something bad lived there… something like…. "Squid!" we cried together. I let go of Merydia's hand in terror as a swarm of foot-long creatures with sharp beaks and tentacles zoomed towards us, ready to tear us to pieces.
I bet you didn't know squid ate merpeople, did you? Well, now you do. One of them had just taken a bite out of one of Merydia's flippers, and another was going for her face. I heard her scream before I saw it, but I swam as fast as my fins could carry me to stop them. I hit the squid at her face hard with my tail, stunning it and knocking it to the bottom of the sea, and grabbed Merydia's hand. "Come on!" I cried, pulling her back towards the light, away from the squid. One beak slashed across my shoulder, but I swerved wildly to keep them away from her. After what seemed like years, the water turned blue again.
"Are you all right?" I asked, breathless, as I swept a strand of my white-blonde mullet out of my eyes and looked at Merydia. Other than her torn flipper and a few scratches and bruises, she had gotten out of the attack totally unharmed, which was more than I could say with blood rising from my cut arm and floating all over the place. Still, she was pale and shaking so badly she could hardly float the right way. She didn't answer me, but she flung her arms around me so hard I almost fell over and buried her face into my uninjured shoulder.
"I was so scared," she sobbed.
I had no idea what to do here, but I held her close and pressed my face to the beautiful golden hair that was floating all around me. "I know…" I whispered soothingly. "It's over, now, though, it's okay…."
"Thank you," Merydia breathed, lifting her head slightly so I could see her purple eyes, tears still bubbling out of them. "You saved my life." My breathing got a little heavier as I stroked her face, which was now closer to me than the day we dueted. This time, though, she closed the distance between us completely, lips pressed to mine, and I knew she returned my feelings. I held her to me and kissed her back, loving the fact that I didn't have to hide the fact that I was so in love with her anymore. "I love you," Merydia sighs once she's pulled back.
"I love you, too," I replied, meaning every word.
About a year or so later, Merydia and I were still together, never happier, and I knew that it was time I threw myself to the sharks.
We'd found a beautiful grotto in the middle of an undersea gorge, which was where we'd always meet when we wanted to be alone together, and that's where I was this particular day. I was pacing back and forth when she came in, and I'd never been so nervous, never. The clamshell in my hand wasn't helping. Merydia must have noticed I was distracted, because after she kissed me hello, she asked, "Are you all right, darling?"
"Yeah," I said, but she wasn't convinced, and I decided now it was sink or swim. "M-Merydia? Can I ask you something?"
"Anything," she replied, smiling. I took a deep breath and kneeled down on the rock in the middle of the cave, making sure she can see the polished white clamshell. Her eyes went wide, and her hand flew up to cover her mouth, but I could tell she was thrilled.
"Merydia," I began shakily. I took another breath to steady my voice as I began the most important question of my life. "I love you more than the ocean itself. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and to always be next to you, and to never have to be separated from you." We all know how well that turned out, but more on that later. Tears bubbled all around Merydia, and I faltered slightly as I got to the point. "Will you… will you marry me?" I opened the clamshell to reveal the pearl I had found and set into a band of polished purple coral.
"Yes," Merydia choked. "Yes! I will marry you." I grinned and put the ring down onto the rock so I could dart over to her, sweep her up into my arms, and kiss her for the longest time we'd ever kissed.
It was the happiest day of my life. Too bad the wedding never happened.
Nothing bad happened between us, if that's what you're wondering. It was the Heartless. We'd come into our grotto, as usual, and were just talking about the happy day that would happen two weeks from then. The day when Merydia Ningyo became Merydia Kaitei—my wife.
"Can you believe our wedding is so soon?" asked Merydia, laying down on the rock in the middle and looking at her ring.
"Two weeks," I said, floating down to lay next to her and stroking her tail with the ends of my fins. "Not soon enough."
Merydia giggled and pulled her tail away-- she'd always been really ticklish on her tail. "As long as we have each other." She leaned over to kiss my cheek, but I turned my head so she kissed my lips instead. She didn't object, and I pulled her into my arms and twisted my tail around hers once we'd swam off the rock.
We didn't break what would be our last kiss until we heard the swish of intruding fins. I held Merydia even closer, hoping to protect her from the jellyfish that had appeared, and, more importantly, the creatures I'd never seen before, which were bright green and carried spears. I learned later (too much later) that the invaders were Heartless. They circled around us, and I cried, "Merydia, swim!" We tore towards the opening at the top of our cave, but two of the Screwdrivers (those were the green Heartless) had taken Merydia by the fins.
"Dyme!" she screamed, helpless. I turned back around and grabbed something that looked like a weird, wooden sitar that some human had probably dropped from the surface so I could slam one of the creatures holding Merydia with it. It dropped towards the ocean floor, but even before I could hit the other Heartless, it was back, and this time, it stabbed Merydia in the heart with its spear. Blood filled the water, and Merydia drifted to the ocean floor.
"MERYDIA!" I screamed, darting down to her as fast as my fins could carry me and catching her before she hit the sand. "No… no way… Merydia…." I was in a total state of shock. This wasn't happening, this couldn't be happening.. . she couldn't be… no…. But it was happening. The light was fading quickly from her beautiful purple eyes, and I'd never seen her so weak. This was all my fault, why did I have to be so slow, so weak? "I'm so sorry, Merydia," I sobbed. "I could have stopped them, I should have—"
Merydia interrupted, her voice barely more than a whisper. Her face was twisted in agony, but she was holding on to life for me, a painful reminder that she wouldn't have to be holding on to life if I'd been quick enough. "There was… nothing you could have done, Dyme." Each pause was a short gasp of pain. "They were… after us… one of us would have died… no matter what…."
"You're not going to die," I told her desperately, but I was wishing it more than actually believing it. Oh, this was all my fault! I pressed my hand to the wound, gently enough so I didn't hurt her, but firmly so I could stop the blood. It didn't work, but I kept my hand there, hoping that, by some miracle, that would change. "You're going to be fine, we're going to get married and—"
Merydia let out a soft sound that sounded almost like a weak shadow of her old silvery laugh and placed a shaking hand over mine. "It's no use, darling… I've lost… too much… blood…." I felt her shudder, and her eyes closed. Oh no, I thought. What have I done? With her last breath, she whispered, "I love you, Dyme… goodbye." And with that, she died in my arms. And all because I'm worthless.
"Merydia?" I cried. "NO! No! No…" Heartbroken, unable to believe it, I kissed her lips, which were already pale and cold, crying harder than I've ever cried in either of my lives, grief and regret crashing over me like a tidal wave. Why did this have to happen? If I'd been stronger, Merydia wouldn't have been killed… and I wouldn't have blacked out when the Heartless came back for me.
When I woke up, the most horrible day of my life got even worse. I was on land, and my tail had split into legs while I was unconscious. They tell me it's because I lost my heart, and I shouldn't have feelings anymore, but I don't believe it, because I still miss home, and, even more than that, I miss Merydia. Up here, they constantly say I'm weak and useless, and I think of her and can't help but believe every word. I still can't fight, either, and I wake up screaming every night, because I always dream about Merydia getting murdered because of me.
Every morning, I think I'm going to wake up from this nightmare, but no… I'm still human, still trapped on the land… still alone. I'm still Demyx, just waiting to be turned back into Dyme.
It hasn't happened yet.