A/N: This story was written for Hester for the 2013 VAMB Secret Santa Exchange. She provided the following request: "What if Paris, Suder and the EMH had not succeeded in retaking Voyager in "Basics", and the crew had been permanently marooned on Hanon IV? I'd like to see a glimpse of what life on the planet would have been like a year down the road. All I ask for is a strong J/C element; apart from that, you're free to go as easy or as hard on them as you like!"
Thank you to Hester for the truly inspiring request - I am so grateful I got to write this story. And a million thanks to Mizvoy for taking the time to edit in the midst of all craziness. Please read, review, and enjoy!
STRANGERS IN A STRANGE LAND
By KJaneway115
"Our inheritance is turned to strangers, our houses to aliens."
Lamentations 5:2
I.
The sun beat down on the scorched earth, adding its heat to the fire that burned there. As far as the eye could see, the once grass-covered area was now laden with molten, black rock. Amidst the liquid blackness, tiny spurts of red, gold and orange glinted in pockets where the lava had not yet begun to cool. Burning stubs of trees poked out of the black lake, showing no signs of life. Their leaves had burned away hours earlier, and now only the stumps remained, smoldering amidst the cooling lava. In the distance, smoke rose in wisps from a desolate plateau. The mountain that had once stood tall and proud, its peak jutting towards the sky, now had been cut down, a shadow of its former self, its top flattened; it had spilled its guts all over the surrounding landscape. The air was laden with dark soot.
On a ridge overlooking the devastation, a bedraggled group of humanoids struggled along, then stopped. Ash clung to the fabric of their clothes and stained their faces with dark, sooty streaks. It permeated their lungs, even through the makeshift air filters they wore, making it difficult for them to breathe. The soot stung their eyes, and even the most stoic, stalwart members of the group found themselves wiping away tears and blinking rapidly, trying to avert the sting. Some were crying in frustration and sadness, wrapped up in each other, holding on for dear life. Others stood motionless, staring at the desolation before them. Some spoke quietly, offering empty words of comfort to their companions. Nobody moved. Nobody acted.
Then a sharp voice cut through the silence. "All right, people. We need to find shelter before nightfall. Akitu knows of some caves where we should be safe, but we're estimating it will take..." The petite, auburn-haired woman turned to the elderly man at her side and asked him a question in another language. He replied in the affirmative, and she turned back to the group. "It will take at least another two hours to get there. If we want to arrive by nightfall, we have to move quickly. Some of you will have to help the injured and the children."
"But, Captain," someone began to object.
"You heard what the captain said," cut in a dark-haired, well-built man. His tone was harsh; then it softened. "There will be time to mourn later. Right now what's important is that no one else is lost."
"Yes, sir."
"All right, people," said the captain, feeling an intense gratitude towards her first officer. "Let's move."
Once again, the crew of the starship Voyager began a journey towards a new home. This was not the safe, comforting home that they had sought on Earth; it was harsh and unforgiving. In the year since they had been living on Hanon IV, the planet had taken more than one of the men and women they considered family. Just a few hours earlier, the lava had stolen what little they had beyond the meager possessions they could carry on their backs. For the third time in a year, they had to move their disheveled, weary group to a new home. This home was not what they had set out for when they had first begun their journey through the Delta Quadrant, but now, it was all they had.
...
They made it to the caves just as the sun was setting, a fact they were all grateful for. There were many dangerous creatures on Hanon IV, and their number only multiplied after sunset. Akitu, the leader of the native tribe who had become their companions, had assured Janeway that these caves were devoid of the gulak, the giant serpentine creatures who ate people whole, but she had sent out her own investigative teams just to be sure. Only Chakotay's team had not yet returned, and she felt fear beginning to settle in the pit of her stomach. Not him, too, she prayed silently to whatever god would listen. Please don't take him, too.
She felt a gentle hand on her shoulder. "No worry, Kathryn. Chakotay come back."
She turned and clasped the old man's hand. Although the natives had not been able to fully grasp the English language, the two groups had been able to learn enough of each other's words to communicate. On those occasions when they couldn't communicate verbally, pictures and gestures usually managed to convey what was necessary. It had been essential that the Voyager crew and the natives work together to survive.
Much as Janeway hadn't liked the prospect of contaminating an alien civilization, especially one as primitive as Hanon IV's, they'd had very little choice. Akitu and his people knew the terrain. They knew the flora and fauna, where to find edible plants and animals, and which caves were safe and which were not. Ever since Chakotay had saved the girl Lita and Akitu had provided invaluable medicine to Samantha Wildman's baby, the two groups had become one tribe. They lived together, ate together, traveled together, celebrated together, and, like they would today, mourned together.
Just at that moment, Chakotay and his team emerged from one of the tunnels. "Chakotay." She knew the extent of her relief showed on her face, but she didn't care.
He looked at her closely, even as he answered in his most professional tone, "Everything seems to be clear. No sleeping giants in the surrounding area."
"I tell you this," Akitu said, throwing up his hands.
"I believed you, Akitu," Janeway replied, "but you yourself said it is a long time since you were last here."
The old man shook his head. "Akitu know. Gulak no live se ac du."
Not understanding the native words, Janeway looked to Chakotay, who had picked up the native language even faster than she had. "I think he's saying they don't live in this type of cave." Chakotay pointed at the rock wall behind them. "I think it's made of a different type of mineral than the caves where the gulak live."
Akitu nodded. "Ti leka si." He understands. Akitu took Janeway's arm. "Come. Build fire."
Kathryn sighed. She'd known this would be coming. They needed the fire not only to keep warm at night, but to perform the traditional native ceremony for mourning the dead. It was a ceremony she had participated in six times since their arrival on Hanon IV, four times for a member of Akitu's tribe, and twice for a member of her own crew. Tonight they would be commemorating the lives of both, and she steeled herself against the onslaught of emotional pain. She had to be strong for her crew. She had to let them know it was going to be all right. Somehow, she had to make sure they believed that, even if she didn't. She felt Chakotay's hand on the small of her back, offering his silent support. She tilted her head to look at him, giving him the best smile she could muster. Thank you.
Most of the group was already gathered around the fire. Janeway surveyed them, what was left of her unkempt, worn out crew. They had woken that morning to tremors, tremors that meant the volcano was about to erupt. They had begun to pack immediately, preparing to move their camp for the second time in as many weeks. But they hadn't anticipated how quickly the volcano would blow nor the scale of the eruption. It was several times bigger than any other volcanic eruption they had seen in the last year, and they had found themselves running for their lives ahead of the lava.
Freddy Bristow had fallen behind while trying to help Jenny Delaney, his pregnant wife. The lava had overtaken them, and they had perished in flames. Mariah Henley, William McKenzie and Amanda Porter hadn't made it either. Akitu had lost six of his people, including a five-year old child. The memorial ceremony would commemorate the life of each dead member of the community, committing their spirits to the higher power that Akitu and his people worshipped.
Janeway looked around the fire at those who had gathered. Many of Akitu's people were huddled together. Children clung to their mothers, needing comfort after the harrowing events of the day. Sisters, fathers, brothers, aunts and uncles were sharing in tears, holding hands and offering comforting words and hugs. As she walked past them, the captain squeezed a couple of hands, offering her support to Akitu's people. But her main focus was her own crew.
The Maquis, as a general rule, seemed to be handling the situation better than some of the Starfleet personnel. They've been in circumstances like this before, she thought. Running for their lives, surviving in the Badlands. They had adapted to life on Hanon IV faster and more easily than the crew members who had spent most of their lives on a starship, or on a cultivated, first world planet like Earth or Vulcan.
Vorik sat near Tuvok, trying to absorb some of the older Vulcan's calm, centered attitude. Keith Rockefeller, Tony Reynolds and Michael Parsons sat clustered together, exchanging quiet words. Janeway passed them, stopping to place a hand on Parsons' shoulder. "Doing okay, gentlemen?"
Keith nodded. "We're okay, Captain. How are you holding up?"
"I won't lie, Mr. Rockefeller, I've had better days."
"So have we all," interjected Reynolds.
"But we're here. We made it this far, and we're not giving up, right?"
The three men smiled at the verve behind her words. "Right!"
Janeway moved on to Samantha Wildman, who held one-year-old Naomi on her lap. Neelix and Kes hovered nearby; Janeway had noticed that Neelix had begun to serve as a father figure to Naomi, something the child would need more and more as she grew older. Kes seemed to accept the child, too, and harbored no resentment towards Sam or Naomi for their place in Neelix's affections. "How's she doing, Sam?" Janeway asked.
Naomi's eyes were shut as her head lay against her mother's shoulder. "She finally stopped coughing. Kes whipped up another one of those potions, and it seemed to help."
"Akitu has taught me so much about herbal medicine," Kes said. "I'm glad I could help."
"All that soot can't be good for such a little pair of lungs!" commented Neelix.
"It's not good for any of us, Neelix," Kes admonished. "How are you feeling, Captain?"
"I'm fine, Kes. Thank you for asking."
"We managed to salvage a large portion of Kes' herb stash in our packs," Neelix explained, gesturing to the knapsacks that lay on the ground nearby. "Don't be shy about asking for anything you need." The Talaxian leaned closer to her and whispered conspiratorially, "I heard you coughing this afternoon along with everyone else."
"Thank you for your advice, Mr. Neelix. If it becomes a problem, I'll certainly let Kes know, but for now, the old, the injured, and the children should be treated first." Naomi was the only child among the Voyager crew; Jenny and Freddy's baby would have been the second. But there were several young ones among the natives.
In a dark corner, a few paces from the fire, Janeway saw B'Elanna and Harry nestled together. The pair, who still often called each other by their original nicknames, 'Starfleet' and 'Maquis,' had become increasingly close since they had been marooned on Hanon IV. In fact, Janeway was beginning to wonder if they might be more than friends. She moved towards them. "How are you holding up, Harry? B'Elanna?"
"We're okay, Captain," B'Elanna said, just before she was stopped by a wracking cough.
Kim rubbed her back soothingly, a worried expression on his face. "She's been coughing like that for hours."
"Go see Kes. She has medicine that can help."
"No," Torres replied. "Others need it much more than..." She paused to cough again. "...I do. I'll be fine."
"You don't sound fine to me B'Elanna. Make sure you get some of that medicine. That's an order."
"I'll make sure she gets some, Captain," Harry assured her.
"You're no help..." Cough. "Starfleet."
Janeway squeezed Harry's shoulder and was about to move on when Akitu banged the small drum that signified the beginning of the ceremony. She waited while everyone gathered around the fire, and then wedged in between Harry and Crewman Lydia Anderson.
Akitu began to chant in a low monotone, and the male natives joined in with him. Some of the Voyager crew joined in as well. Akitu named the dead from his tribe. Then it was Janeway's turn to do the same. She stepped forward. She had learned the words after Hogan's death, on their second night on the planet, when Akitu had learned that one of her people had died. They had barely been able to communicate with each other at that point, but somehow, he had understood that one of her people had passed away, and Akitu had taken time to commemorate Hogan, as Janeway repeated the words after him around the fire.
Now, she knew the words by heart. "Zumbaya nus lec." Great spirits, hear our prayer. "Dos kin filan so." Take our brothers to be with you. "Fulan lur patrak." Protect their souls. "Mariah Henley," she intoned. "William McKenzie. Amanda Porter." She saw the tears begin to fall amongst her crew as those who were not already locked in someone's embrace reached out to offer comfort to one another. She pushed down the lump in her own throat. She had to be strong for her crew. They could not see her despair. She had to be their hope. But even with this knowledge, she doubted her ability to maintain her stoicism through this ceremony.
"Freddy Bristow," she continued. "Jenny Delaney." At this, Megan Delaney let out a loud wail, and Janeway saw Chakotay take Megan into his arms, sharing his strength with her. "And..." Her own voice cracked, but she forced herself to continue. "And their unborn child."
She stepped back into the circle, swallowing hard as Akitu continued the ceremony. He sprinkled some colored sand around the fire, a good luck charm to attract the spirits, and then began to sing. Gradually, everyone joined in. The song's melody was hauntingly beautiful, and Janeway felt tears stinging the backs of her eyes. She did not know enough of the native language to understand all the words in the song, but she understood its meaning well enough. All-powerful spirits, take our brothers and sisters. Give them the love and happiness that they never could enjoy in this life.
After the ceremony, Janeway completed her rounds, checking on everyone, especially the injured and those who had been particularly close to the deceased. As she was walking back through the crowd, she heard B'Elanna and Harry arguing again.
"We have to tell her, Harry. The captain wouldn't like it if she knew we were keeping her in the dark."
"I know, B'Elanna, but we need to wait for a good time. She has so much weighing on her right now, can't you see it?"
"When will be a good time? I don't know if there will ever be a good time, and I don't know how much longer we can keep it a secret."
"We'll tell her, honey. Soon, I promise."
Neither had seen the captain approaching them from behind. "Tell me what?"
Both Kim and Torres froze. "Uh, nothing, captain," Harry said quickly.
B'Elanna stepped in front of him, taking his hand in hers. "It's not nothing, Captain."
She regarded their posture, protective of each other, connected by their joined hands, and attempted a smile. "I've wondered for a while if this was coming."
Harry gulped. "You... you have?"
"I've seen the two of you get closer over the past several months. Especially without Tom here, you've had to turn to each other. There's no shame in that. I hope you don't think I would be upset with you for pursuing a relationship."
B'Elanna looked back at Harry, who stood up behind her and wrapped his arms protectively around her waist. "It's not only that, Captain," he said.
Janeway, felt a lump in her throat, fearing what was coming next. "What is it, then?"
"Well, Captain..." Harry started, but B'Elanna interrupted him.
"I'm pregnant. We're going to have a baby."
...
Later that night, when almost everyone had fallen prey to their exhaustion, Kathryn sat alone at the mouth of the cave. Even as far as they had come from the volcano, the air still carried the stench of char and death. It was hard to stomach, but the air in the cave wasn't much better, and at least outside, there was a breeze. Besides, she couldn't stand to be cooped up inside with her crew anymore. She had failed them all miserably, and looking at their weary faces only made her feel worse. I will get them home. How many times had she said it? How many times had she thought it? And now, it would never happen.
When Tom and the Talaxians hadn't shown up after a week, she'd begun to have doubts. When it had been a month, she began to worry. After three months, she had known they weren't coming. She had still harbored the faintest hope that one of the few friendly races they had encountered might engage the Kazon, find her ship, and come looking for its crew. But after today, she knew that all hope was lost. Not only were they stranded on Hanon IV forever, but they were doomed to die one by one, in horrible circumstances, circumstances that could have been easily prevented had they had their technology accessible, but which were now entirely beyond their control.
It's your fault, she thought to herself. You stranded them here. You walked right into Seska's plot. You failed to see the importance of the secondary command processors until it was too late. You failed your crew. You failed to keep your promise. And now, they will slowly die, one by one, eaten by the gulak, consumed in fiery lava, beset with some alien disease, starvation, dehydration, hypothermia... The list of possible causes of death went on and on. This damned planet is nothing but a death trap. And even those who live... what kind of life will it be? Is it even a life worth living?
And now, Harry and B'Elanna were going to have a child. She had wanted to curse when they had told her, but instead, she had offered perfunctory congratulations. Empty congratulations. How could she congratulate the young couple on bringing a life into this barren wasteland, full of peril?
There was no one here now from whom to hide her tears, and she let them fall. She heaved in great, gulping breaths. Her eyes stung, her lungs burned, and she was besieged by a fit of coughing. The more she tried to stifle it, the longer it continued. She stumbled a little further away from the cave, to avoid disturbing the others, and her small body shook with the force of her coughs.
Suddenly, she felt a warm, strong hand on her back, a soothing voice in her ear, a cup being pressed into her hand. "Here, Kathryn. Drink this."
She tried to raise the cup to her lips, but her body was shaking, and the cup was again removed from her hand and placed on the ground. "Breathe, Kathryn. Try to breathe normally."
The air was coming in short bursts. Not enough air. Then her face was cradled between his two big hands, and her eyes were forced to meet his, reassuring, calm, soothing. "Breathe in." She obeyed. "Breathe out." Again, she did as she was told, his eyes on hers giving her no other choice. "In and out. That's it." Slowly, her breathing returned to normal, and the cough abated. Her airways were still burning, though, and her eyes stung with tears. The cup was pressed back into her hands. "Drink this."
His tone gave her no choice, and she raised the cup to her lips. She swallowed, and then made a face.
Chakotay chuckled softly. "I didn't say it was going to taste good. But it will help with your cough. Your airways will stop burning every time you take a breath."
"How did you know?"
"I was experiencing those symptoms after a day of breathing that volcanic ash. I figured you had to be, too. I knew you would hide any discomfort you felt and refuse treatment until everyone else had been taken care of."
"I thought everyone was asleep."
Chakotay shook his head as he led her back towards the mouth of the cave. "Couldn't sleep." Silently, Janeway sat on a rocky ledge near the cave's opening. Chakotay sat beside her.
"Talk to me." His voice was quiet and gentle, yet filled with strength.
She stood up again, beginning to pace back and forth in front of the cave. "B'Elanna's pregnant."
"I know."
She whirled around to face him, the moonlight casting dark shadows over his face. "You knew?! Why the hell didn't you tell me?"
"It wasn't my place. They wanted to tell you themselves." He paused. "They told you today?"
"It wasn't their choice. I overheard a conversation I shouldn't have."
"I see." He paused again, thinking carefully before speaking. "We knew this would happen."
She resumed her pacing. "But what kind of life is that child going to have? What kind of life could any child have in this hellhole?"
"That's not our choice to make."
"What kind of heartbreak are B'Elanna and Harry setting themselves up for? Not to mention the medical risks of carrying a mixed species child. Anyone can be lost so easily here."
"Didn't we face the same risks on Voyager?"
She stopped, turning to face him again. "How the hell can you say that?"
"Maybe we felt more protected there because we had deflector grids and photon torpedoes, but we lost people on Voyager, too."
"I've lost seven people in one year, Chakotay. Eight if you include the unborn child. Many of those deaths could have been avoided with transporters and medical technology."
"How many did you lose when the Caretaker pulled Voyager into the Delta Quadrant?"
She didn't reply. She didn't need to.
"And that was in one day. Life is unpredictable, Kathryn, whether it's on a starship or Hanon IV. Starfleet and Maquis alike, every one of us signed up for this life. We knew the risks."
"Jenny Delaney's unborn baby didn't sign up for this. Nor did Harry and B'Elanna's child."
"When the child grows up, it can make its own choices. For now, the parents have to choose for the child."
"There are no choices to be made here, Chakotay. Only survival. We've been reduced to the bare minimum of human existence because I made a choice that stranded us all in the Delta Quadrant." Her voice cracked, her hold on her emotions slipping. "I could rationalize it because we were saving an entire civilization, but then I decided to walk right into Seska's trap."
"We decided..." he started, but she wasn't listening.
"I promised to get them home. I swore I'd create a place where they could make a life for themselves, a life that goes beyond the bare minimum of survival. We're living like primitive cavemen."
"Kathryn," he tried to interject, but she continued to plow through, her emotions rising with her tone.
"I told myself I wouldn't interfere if they wanted to seek out relationships, have families. But then Freddy Bristow is screaming Jenny's name and she can't outrun the lava. They were burning to death and I could do nothing, Chakotay. Nothing! Only keep running as I heard their dying screams behind me." Whatever tenuous hold she'd had on her emotions was long gone, and Kathryn was shaking with sobs, doubled over, falling to her knees.
Without a word, Chakotay was at her side, crossing the distance to her in two steps. He pulled her into him, holding her trembling frame against his body. He felt her arms reach around his neck to pull him in, and he held tighter. He didn't speak. He just enveloped her in his arms, stroking her hair and keeping her close.
Finally, she quieted and pulled away. "Thank you," she said softly.
"Any time," he answered, tears glistening in his own eyes.
She sat down on the ground beside him, looking out at the desolate planet before them. Sparks of hot lava still smoldered in some places, and the moonlight cast an eerie shadow across the whole landscape. "I'm sorry," she said after a brief silence. "I don't know what came over me. We've lost people before, and it's never affected me like this."
"You have nothing to be sorry for, Kathryn. We're all grieving."
"There was something about losing them all at the same time, and Jenny being pregnant."
"A decision you never fully supported," he supplied.
"It's not that I didn't support them..." She caught his doubtful glance in the moonlight. "All right, it's true. I can't understand why anyone would want to have children on this godforsaken planet."
"It may be the only way they can ever have a child." He paused. "We may never leave here, Kathryn."
She stared into the darkness. In the distance, a beast howled-a terrible, lonely, hollow sound. "I know," she whispered. "That's what I can't accept."
"You're going to have to accept it if you ever want to be happy here."
She turned to face him and looked at him through pained eyes. "How can I ever be happy here when they're all suffering so much?" A single tear slid down her cheek and he reached out to wipe it away with his finger.
"I think you need to look again. Life is hard here and there are terrible risks that we take every day. But I don't think everyone is as unhappy as you think. You're so overcome by guilt and anger that you can't see past it. You don't think anyone else could feel differently than you, but they do. Look at B'Elanna and Harry. They're trying to start a life here for themselves, and they're not the only ones."
She looked up at him, surprised. "You mean..."
"Get some rest, and look around in the light of day. Try to see things with a fresh perspective; don't assume that everyone is suffering all the time just because you are." He felt her pull away from him, and he guessed why, softening his tone. "I understand why you're hurting, Kathryn. To be honest, I'm hurting, too. If I had never been with Seska, none of this would have ever happened. I was the one who trusted her in the first place, brought her aboard my ship, and then aboard yours. If there's anyone who's to blame for this mess we're in, it's me."
It was her turn to lay a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Don't blame yourself, Chakotay."
He captured her hand between both of his and turned his body to face hers. "I'll make you a deal. I won't blame myself if you won't blame yourself."
Her chin dipped to her chest, and after a moment she brought her eyes back up to his. "I'll work on it, okay?"
He nodded. "Deal." The creature in the distance howled again, but this time it sounded like it was closer, and Kathryn couldn't help but shiver. "Come on," Chakotay said, standing up and extending a hand to help her. "Let's get inside." She nodded, keeping her hand clasped in his as they walked back into the cave.