It starts with
One thing I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Try. I tried. Yeah, me. Derek Venturi. I tried at something for once in my life, only to have it explode right in my face. I guess that's only expected. No one ever anticipated for me to succeed in anything, anyway. Except for her. She believed in me when everyone else had given up. She looked past the crappy grades, the careless bad-boy attitude and saw me for who I really was, not who others made me up to be.
Keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
time is a valuable thing
Sooner or later, I let myself fall for her. A mistake. I mean, this was Casey. There were already so many strikes against us. No, forget it. There's no such thing as an "us". There never would be. But I swear to god, she used to feel the same way. I know it. Yeah, we swatted each other around a little bit and maybe I'd push her buttons once and awhile. It was actually the way I showed…affection, you could call it. I wouldn't ever be able to tell her how I felt in words. Cuz' behind my smirks and sneers and the bold front I put up, I was a coward.
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It's so unreal
Didn't look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Time was running out; I didn't know it then, but every second I was wasting away was crucial. I wanted her to be mine and mine alone. Each thought that ran through my mind revolved around her, even if it was vaguely. She made me want to pull my hair out when she glared at me and god forbid, sing when I saw her smile.
Trying to hold on
but didn't even know
Wasted it all just to
Watch you go
I tried to tell her. Tell her how much she meant to me, how I wanted to be there for her. She wanted me to do it, too. I could see it in her eyes. There was something stopping me. Maybe it was my fear of rejection, or seeing the look of disappointment that would settle upon dad and Nora's face that I had grown to know so well, the thing that I never wanted to see again. Casey got sick of waiting.
I kept everything inside and even though I tried
it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time
when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
Max. The bastard. Couldn't she see that he was a tool? That he would never ever love her the way I did? I crumbled inside. The memory of my fingers running through her hair felt like a false, mocking dream.
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
One thing I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how
I tried so hard
Keeping it all together was nearly impossible. Not when I have to face her everyday, wake up to her and end my nights with a picture of her pressed into my memory. So hard. Especially acknowledging the fact that I missed out completely. That I had my chance and I let it slide. The only girl I ever loved, and I passed her up.
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I'm surprised it got so far
Things aren't the way they were before
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore
Nothing will ever be the same. The fights I once enjoyed so much are nonexistent, seeing how I barely speak as it is. We make sure our eyes never meet, and we keep our distance, making sure we don't ever have to touch. I'm empty- as she left, a huge part of me left with her.
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me
In the end
You kept everything inside and even though I tried it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
It hurts. I hurt. And not like a scrape on the knee or anything, which you can just patch up and forget about. Derek Venturi would never previously admit to pain. I would scoff and shrug it off. Not this. I would rather break both of my legs than live with this for the rest of my life.
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
Heartbreak is something I thought I'd never undergo. I was too strong, too conceited, too stubborn. Saying that I'd fall in love is like saying that I'll succeed. A zero to one chance? It had to be one, because Casey stole my heart…and never gave it back.
For all this
There's only one thing you should know
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
Does she look at me the same way as she once did? At times, I'll see a glimpse of it, but now mixed in with the- longing, is it?- there's sympathy. I don't need sympathy; I need her.
For all this
There's only one thing you should know
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I tried…I failed.
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter