Half a Conversation
Disclaimer: This isn't the fic you're looking to sue.
Summary: I was challenged by the lovely KnightedRogue to write a fic using at least two quotes from one of our college professors. I will put them down at the end of the fic. This is set after ANH and before ESB. Random mission.
It looked very much like Tatooine at first glance: the broken-down spaceports, the dunes towering in the distance, the lack of moisture. Luke, of course, could tell the difference. It smelled different, for one. The mix of species was slightly different, more human than non-, and everyone looked just a little happier.
"Perfect, flyboy. We've managed to find yet another of the galaxy's premiere vacation spots."
Luke sighed as Leia and Han exited the Falcon, followed by C-3PO. They had been bickering constantly this trip, Force only knew why, and the fact that they had ended up having to make a stop on Ferrit IV—a small, human planet with absolutely nothing to recommend it—only served to make them both more temperamental.
"It's not my fault the Rebellion doesn't always have the exact parts I need. If you want the girl to keep flying, you've got to keep her properly supplied. The 802 just isn't designed for this model!"
"Captain, it's a wonder anything was designed for this scrap heap you call a ship."
Han bristled. "Hey now, sister…"
R2-D2 interrupted with a whistle from the top of the ramp. Luke called, "You can stay behind if you want, Artoo. Looks pretty rough."
The small droid whistled in acknowledgement and wheeled back into the ship. C-3PO said, "Master Luke, if you don't need me…" The droid managed to project his own desire to avoid the winds already blowing sand into his joints into his polite query.
"Sorry, Threepio. I think we're going to need you. The databanks told us not many of the people here speak Basic."
"Very well, sir."
Luke was ignoring the annoyed looks Han and Leia were still sending each other's way. "Han, do you have any idea where to find what we need?"
Han gave the princess one more look and said, "Probably best to start in the center of town, ask around."
"Fine, then. Let's go." They started moving against the wind, toward the center of town. Leia had tied a scarf over her hair, hoping it would keep most of the sand out. As they walked, the wind gently tugged it farther back, until she sighed in exasperation and stopped. She untied it and shook it out, moving to replace it when a man's hand grabbed her arm and he gabbled something at her, pointing to her hair and tugging at her arm.
"No, I'm sorry, I don't understand. Please, let go of me."
The man said something else as Luke and Han turned around to see where Leia had gone. She was leaning away from the stranger, trying to pry her arm away from him.
"Hey! Get away from her!" shouted Han, and the man, understanding the tone of Han's voice if not the actual words, dropped her arm immediately. He backed away, bowing slightly, and said something else in a possible explanation.
C-3PO, who was close enough to hear him, tilted his body and said, "Mistress Leia, I believe this man is making you an offer of marriage."
"What?!" Han and Luke exclaimed at the same time. The man was at least two decades older than Han and was obviously worn down with hard physical labor. Han and Luke exchanged a look—Luke one of horror, and Han one that started out as surprise and settled into amusement.
Leia's eyes narrowed and she turned back to the droid and the old man. "Threepio, tell him I'm not interested."
C-3PO passed along her reply and waited while the man said something else.
"Princess, he appears to be offering you a very nice incentive, considering the culture. He says that if you agree to marry him, he will not expect you to perform any kind of physical labor. He seems quite reasonable, and his offer appears to be very flattering."
Han was now shaking with laughter.
Leia was not amused in the slightest.
Luke mused thoughtfully, with just the smallest touch of humor, "It's always the desert cultures that have the strangest marriage customs."
Leia glared at both of them and finished retying her scarf over her hair. "Threepio, tell him that I'm unavailable—that I'm sorry, but I'm unfortunately not free to wed at this time."
C-3PO translated this, and the man nodded sadly at the group and left.
"I think he was quite hurt by your refusal," commented the droid.
"That's fine. He'll get over it. Now, can we please finish procuring whatever part your junk heap needs this time and get off this rock?"
Han raised his hand with an entirely too-innocent gleam in his eyes. "Why, certainly, your highness."
Sure enough, they made some inquiries of some of the locals and were directed to a small, slightly dilapidated building just off the main square. To their relief, the owner's daughter, who ran the business most of the time, spoke Basic. She was short and a little on the heavy side, and she looked thoughtful when they mentioned their need. "An 803? I might have one. It'll be used, but if I bought it off that trader last month, it'll be in good condition." She disappeared into the back room where they could hear her rummaging around and muttering a meaningless string of part names and numbers to herself.
Everyone looked relieved when she reappeared, triumphantly holding up the little part. "Here you go. Cost me next to nothing, seeing as not many people have need of them these days. YT-1300's aren't the most reliable space transport out there." At this, Leia glared once more at Han.
"They're really flexible craft, though," she said wistfully. "And they have personality you just don't see these days."
It was Han's turn to gloat.
They haggled over price briefly and left with the part tucked into a bag to keep the sand away from it. They walked in silence for a couple of minutes, Leia doing her best to ignore the smug look on Han's face.
Luke broke the silence first. "So, Han, you think that part will keep the Falcon flying?"
Han said, "Shh! She might hear you. You can't let the parts know they've got the power, or it goes straight to their heads."
Leia shook her head. "For an agnostic, Han, you sure are superstitious."
Han said, "Only kind of luck that works in the universe is irony. And I know what an agnostic is. It's a person who can use both hands." He smirked, clearly intending an innuendo, "I'd definitely say I'm an agnostic."
Leia, aside from rolling her eyes, ignored the comment and Han's misconception and said, "You can't honestly think irony rules the universe."
"Sure I do. Why else would a ragtag group like the Rebels be able to defeat the Imperial's Death Star? That's the way the universe works. The minute you think you've got it together, wham! Something comes along to show you just how wrong you were."
Luke and Leia considered the idea. Luke knew Han was being preposterous, but Leia thought that maybe it was true. For instance, when she thought she'd be executed, hoped she'd be executed—she'd been rescued, in more ways than one.
Han swung the bag slightly and said, "You know, Princess, I've been thinking that you didn't look all that surprised at your "proposal" earlier."
Thrown off by the abrupt change of subject, Leia said, "Oh, well, it's not the first one."
Han's eyes widened and he stopped walking for a second.
Luke was surprised, too. "Really? Does that happen often?"
She shook her head. "No, not really…but every once in a while, when I'd go somewhere on one of my family's trips, I'd have someone ask. Not usually with quite the same incentive, though," she said, smiling just a little.
Luke managed a thoughtful, "Huh," and they started walking again. As they reached the Falcon, C-3PO, who had been uncharacteristically silent on the trip back, said, "I desperately need an oil bath," in a sort of grindy voice and shuffled up the ramp. Luke said, "I think I better go help him…it sounds kind of bad."
"Just don't get any sand on the chairs," Leia said.
Han leaned against the Falcon. "You know…it's not that bad of an offer. Maybe you should think about it some more, before we leave."
Leia said, "Only a nerfherder like you would think a line like that could possibly be romantic." She passed him on the ramp. Han thought he caught a corner of her mouth twitching.
Han grinned and followed her up. "Maybe we should tell Luke to keep it in his arsenal: "Come with me, baby, and I won't make you plow!"
He actually saw Leia's shoulders stiffen, but it wasn't until she said, "There wasn't anything said about plowing, flyboy," that he knew it was because she was trying not to laugh, and not because she'd been offended. He grinned again and closed the ramp, hoping that the trip back might just be more enjoyable with the princess in a better mood.
-Fin-
The two quotes I had to use were:
"Come with me, baby, and I won't make you plow," said by Han.
For the other, I picked, "And I know what an agnostic is. It's a person who can use both hands."
Both of these were said by a literature professor who is simply amazing. The first line is about one of Hamlin Garland's stories, I think, and the second is probably about "The Scarlet Letter," although I'm not sure about that.