Patronus.
She usually loves Christmas. No, she corrects herself, adores it. The baking, the happiness, the cheer... the smell of gingerbread men.
She sighs and turns her head towards the window. The light of the half-moon bathes her living room in a soft glow. She stares at it intensely, for a few seconds. What is so special about the moon?
Nothing, that's what. How can something that changes her one true love into a monster (or so he thinks) once a month be so adored by couples? It's kept him from her for so long. The moon is nothing special.
She blinks and pulls the red blanket she found earlier, around her tighter, desperate not to cry. She takes a quick look around her room, the non-crying given up. Although tears haze her vision and make it blurry she can see everything. Her coffee table is covered in used tissues, and it reminds her of her mother's freaky tidiness and the way that she had to have every thing in a precise order. The floor is covered in magazines and empty takeout packages, the oldest beginning to grow mold. Eugh. She must remember to take them out.
The sounds of a car's engine fly in through the open window. It's noisy this time of year that she knows. Christmas lights are strung from everybody's houses, carols are sung and… argh! What is wrong with her? She can't morph, has been lying on this lounge for days all because of stupid Remus bloody Lupin!
A few moment pass silently, the only noise in the room made by her breathing. It's a wonder what love can do to you. She's sad, depressed even, while he, he's probably happy that he doesn't have to be a burden to her. What was it he said? Ah yes, 'too old, too poor, too dangerous!'
The tears come down heavily now, plopping onto the blanket and peppering it with wet dots. She doesn't care…… can't he see that?
She spends the whole night on her lounge, her brain working over time. She's brought no one presents for Christmas, though they have bought her some. She doubts they could give her the one thing she wants.
Because really, all she wants for Christmas is her patronus to change, to show that Nymphadora Tonks does not love Remus Lupin anymore. But the truth, the one she has to learn to accept is this: she loves him and always will. Why can he see that?
EDITED: 2/10/08.