"Ah— I want to kiss you..."

And so Raven did. Suprisingly, Alex met it with no resistance.

After a few seconds of lips against each other, Raven pulled back, smiling humungously. Alex glared at him. "Stupid Raven. Not even the slightest restriction..." He pouted.

"That's because my best friend's extremely cute!" The child said, gestures as energetic as ever. Alex simply said a small 'tch' and played with the end of his braid, made by Raven, as if to distract himself. He looked up at the bright blue sky absent-mindedly, Raven following his gaze.

He grinned. "Pretty nice day, huh. That cloud sorta looks like one of 'em nasod thingies." Alex snorted. "You do know not all nasods look like the nasod scouts in the army, right? There are plenty more types, Raven."

He looked back at his friend though. Enjoying the world without a care. A slight gentle smile was placed upon the pearl haired child's lips.

•

•

•

Alex's eyes opened wide. Another nightmare.

Despite the light content, these types of dreams were what he feared the most. He hated them. Raven's smile was the one thing he wanted to forget the most. It made his heart ache.

He wanted to see it again.

He'd exchange anything- his wealth, status, honor- just for another glimpse of the dark haired man's smile. The looks only he gave him. The looks only he knew.

And that scared him.

He thought it would be over after he killed him. Raven was his only weakness. Alex needed to be perfect. But Raven was there. And weakness was deemed a fatal flaw.

But it was only after Raven was gone that he realized he was everything but perfect without the other. He thought he cut off all his emotion. It wasn't supposed to affect him in the least bit. And yet there he was. Imperfect in all the sense. Tainted, dirty, a murderer, disgusting, a traitor.

The only reason he excelled in his studies, training, all those other things, was because Raven was there. The one who pulled him through. The one who softened up the often steely man. The one who loved him despite all his flaws. His best friend.

It made Alex feel disgusted of himself. To think he considered himself good enough for Raven. He deserved better. Someone without this stupid complex of his.

'Haha. I think it's an endearing part of Alex though.'

Heavy breaths sounded around the room. These memories were useless. They caused nothing but pain. And yet Alex could never forget them. Fingers wrapped around his now short hair. He made his first mistake when he tried to braid it back the first day after the incident.

Alex remembered hyperventilating after a flashback of Raven braiding it in the mornings like usual. It was the first time he felt the pangs of pain around his chest. He was confused and scared. It was also the first time he realized how much he relied on Raven as the first course of action he took was shout his friend's name in a plea, tears beginning to form in his eyes.

Those kinds of scenes gradually reduced over time. But they never stopped. At best he'd only have one once a month. At worst, they'd happen everytime he tried to close his eyes for at least a week.

He never realized how broken he was without Raven.

Now everything hurts.

"Raven..."

Alex wishes Raven never existed in the first place. All that man causes him is trouble and pain.

Whoops. Look at my platonic child. Is that even a way to describe someone.

I wanted to write Raven kissing someone and for some reason this shit of a drabble happened. Ok bye.