Bella POV

Two months is not a large amount of time in the great scheme of things. For me, two months had changed my life. They had been spent in a world few people know to exist.

With vampires.

They were gone from my life now. It wasn't too much of a difficulty to pretend that they had never been here. They were always so distant to everyone in town that people forgot quickly. Since I had spent my first months here pretending I didn't know what they were, I continued doing that easily enough.

The hard part was the pain. No matter how strong I acted and how busy I kept, the pain was constant. The loss was always present. Though I didn't spend my time crying or staring out the window looking for his face, I didn't feel whole. I didn't feel like me. Two months with him and I had found my whole self. I had found fulfillment and happiness. But he apparently hadn't.

The anger came hand in hand with the pain.

After March passed I began to feel more human. My bruises from James had faded, though the ones from Edward throbbed. Only few people seemed to notice that. My Dad seemed to get it, and I wondered if I reminded him of himself when Renee left. He was there for me at every turn though, and it solidified my belief that I was meant to live here.

Angela and Jessica could also see how much the Cullen's leaving had affected me, though they clearly didn't understand it. At least they knew to pretend as I had, that they were never here.

My survival plan, so to speak, was simple. Number one was to never purposely think of or picture him. If I did so accidently, I found a distraction as quickly as possible. Number two was to keep as busy as possible. I got a job at the diner in town and kept my grades up. In the few times I had nothing to do I watched the silliest, funniest movies and TV shows I could find.

The more difficult times were right before I fell asleep, and right when I woke up. I'd still reach for him sometimes in the morning, and at night I knew what I'd dream. It was the same dream I'd had off and on all my life. Now I understood it.

I was a vampire. My whole life I just thought I looked nicer than usual in these dreams. After knowing the Cullen's I could now see what it was. It didn't explain what I was reaching for when I opened my arms to something, but I had a guess.

Edward. His sister had visions of me all my life, as long as I had the dreams. It made me believe it was him I'd been reaching for all along. That would have been a lovely twist of fate, if Edward was still in my life. Now that he was gone though, the dreams pissed me off. They served as taunts of what I'd never be.

I suppose it was a silly thing for me to want. What girl grows up having a dream of being a vampire? I was constantly trying to convince myself I was better off without him and his family. He wasn't the only one who had cut me out and I accepted that as their nature.

They were vampires. They were cold to humans because they weren't human anymore. It was stupid of me to see them as such, no matter how they had treated me.

At least that's what I kept trying to convince myself during the brief times I allowed myself to think of them.

For the most part I acted like they were never here, much like the void I felt.

I was relieved for April. For whatever reason, I felt like it was the start of something new. Maybe I would be able to forget and move on.

It's a shame how unlikely that felt.

I kept going though. I worked and saw my friends. I spent a lot of time with Charlie. Renee was even visiting for a couple of days. As usual she wasn't exactly a help, but at least she was a distraction. However it was awkward to see her and Charlie together. It made me feel younger in some ways.

Tonight was the last night Renee was here and I listened from the top of the stairs as they talked about me.

"Is she depressed?" Renee asked with actual interest.

"She isn't as happy as she was but it's not like she's staying in bed all the time or crying."

"It's not like you're the best judge of what depression looks like Charlie."

"I might not be, but I do know what it feels like to have someone you love leave. We aren't talking about that though, we're talking about our daughter."

I smiled at the defenses Charlie gave Renee on why I belonged here. He was right. If I went back to live with Renee I'd still have the reminders of Edward. It wouldn't matter where I was. What mattered was Forks was my home now.

"Is she waiting for him or something?" Renee asked, and I froze from leaving.

"I don't know. They really did seem to have a strong connection. I don't know what happened."

Now I had to leave. I didn't want Charlie to think that, but I could understand the assumption. I blocked it out of my mind though, and decided to try and sleep.

Sometimes I wished sleep was more of an escape. Maybe I'd sleep better if I took out the box under my bed that held anything that had to do with us. I felt like I needed to keep some memory of them though.

While I would have loved to use my lullaby to calm down the ever present jumble of thoughts in my mind, instead I merely told myself what I did daily now.

Tomorrow…..it'll get a little easier.

Edward POV

Two weeks. Fourteen days. Three hundred and thirty six hours.

Time had never meant much to me before Bella. Now the amount of time that had passed since I'd seen her was the clearest time I kept. Two weeks since I last felt like myself.

April had come and the spring was breaking out. The warmer weather brought out all sorts of darkness and monsters. This was exactly what I was seeking. Though my family wouldn't be pleased with what I was doing; it didn't stop me. I felt I needed to.

The first slip was an accident. Isn't that always the way? I'd been walking aimlessly one night; not sure what to do. The first few days after I left Seattle were a void. By that third night I was just walking along some back alley behind the apartment building in LA, and I hadn't fed since before Bella and I'd hike. I'd been thinking of leaving the area when I saw her.

Her hair was the same color and length. Her build was the same. But it wasn't Bella. Bella wouldn't be dressed that way. The stench of perfume wouldn't be there. But for a moment, I felt better in thinking she was close to me. Then a man advanced on her.

He backed her against a dumpster and slammed her head against it once to disorient her as he pushed her legs apart. As I pictured James kicking Bella, I realized this monster was just as experienced as him.

I couldn't stop myself. I stepped out of the shadows and grabbed the man off of her. He struggled but couldn't get out of my grasp. The girl whimpered and stepped out of the way, and met my eyes.

"Run." I told her, as I had told Bella. She did as I said, and for the second time I felt like I had lost Bella. The anger and loss made my own monster growl.

"Let me go" said the man whose name I knew was Jeremy.

From his thoughts I saw the twelve other women he had beaten and raped. One he'd even beaten to death. There was nothing redeeming about him. Nothing that made him deserving of life.

I wanted him to feel the pain and fear he caused others. I threw him across the alley and into the other building with a force that broke bricks as well as bones. He cried out, though no one heard. I was in front of him at the same second, making him jump. His blood pumped harder and with the heat of fear. I bent over him, smelling the blood leaking from his broken arm. I ran my hand across the blood and tasted the first human I had in decades. It fueled the monster in me as I bit at his wrist. He screamed as my venom further incapacitated him. Within a minute he weakened until he stopped moving all together. Without another look for him I threw his body into the dumpster and left the alley.

I had killed. No matter how monstrous Jeremy was, I still killed and was therefore no better than him.

Or the ones who came after him.

Murderers, child molesters, rapist; I hunted all the scum of the human world. The reason I hunted them wasn't clear. Perhaps I didn't care for my soul anymore. I knew I didn't really want to live this way, but it gave me purpose.

After these two weeks with my new purpose, I stopped drinking from the monsters I hunted. I realized by taking their blood I was taking a part of them into me. I already didn't know myself anymore. I didn't need to have more monster in me.

I stayed in the woods for the most part. I had never wished for sleep more than I had these past two weeks. I wanted an escape. Instead I'd stare at the trees and think about the mess of my life, while hoping tomorrow would be easier to pretend this was easier.