A/N (9/13/2016): So... I've decided to edit this story. It's not that good and I want to fix it. Though so much fixing is needed I plan to rewrite most of it. I'll keep the story posted while I edit it a bit - which means it won't be 'nice' for a while. All chapters with this note are being worked on.

Disclaimer: I don't own The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

My name is Laura 'Columbia' Trent. Yes, like the picture company. My life feels like a weird b-movie so that kinda nickname fits. Originally, of course, I just thought it sounded cool. Anyway...

When I was a teenager I left home for no real reason. I guess I was just too. Soon enough I ended up at a castle of all places. There was a guy there who wore fishnets and garters and the most divine corsets. He was attractive physically and broke all sorts of normal society's rules when it came to anything sexual. Living in that mad castle of his was wonderful for a rebellious little misfit like myself. He also had two servants. They're incestuous siblings named Magenta and Riff Raff. The former took a liking to me and allows me to sleep in her room, while the latter finds me painfully annoying. He terrifies me just be existing in general... so we're even.

These eccentric persons were all aliens from the planet Transsexual, in the galaxy Transylvania. It's far away and full of kinkiness Earthlings (especially Americans) can't really handle. Though I'd been getting really tired of no being around people from my own planet, which is Earth. So it's a good thing Frankie found another earthling to live here. The new person- Eddie -is the only person who seems to care about 's he only person in years who thinks I'm something more than a cute girl. The fact that I left school at age 17 made things easier when it came to such things. The younger, the prettier, the better.

But I'm not "that girl I found last week" to Eddie. No. I'm his darling Columbia. Yet, Frankie still sees us both as 'playthings'. It's sort of weird being considered a 'playmate' of someone. Ew, that phrase is just so... gross. If you think about it most things involving Frank are unpleasant. Though That's why my relationship with Eddie is sort of a secret.

Magenta seemed to sympathize with me. She knows about our 'secret'. I guess hiding her relationship with her brother from some people is a bit similar. It's hard to keep anything from a roommate/sometimes lover/best friend for life. Not to mention she's pretty nosy at times. She 'sees all' like a fortune teller. Except fortune tellers use tea leaves, not security cameras installed withe voyeuristic intention. Her spying is less creepy than anything Frank does, I think. At least she's does other stuff with her beloved cameras...

Anyway, after a nice dinner one day in August, she cornered me once we'd entered to our room. Clearly she was up to something dreadfully devious. That woman is imaginative. Though what she then said shocked me. You see, I'd expected her to say something about the both of us. Definitely not something about a house.

"You've seen that old abandoned house down the road, right?" she asked.

"I think so. Why?"

"Well, since the Master is on a shopping trip all weekend, I thought you and Eddie might want to go on a date. Does that sound like an interesting idea?"

I knew there'd be a catch. "What do I owe you?"

"Some fun with me tomorrow night. And $10 dollars in exchange for the roses Riffraff bought for Eddie to give to you."

The first part didn't sound bad at all. But the second part? I don't really have any money of my own. Except some I earn on those tap dancing gigs every few months...

But this was worth spending some of it.

"Fine," I told her.

She smiled. "Well, then. I'd better get you dressed up."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not letting my roommate go out on a date in her ugly pajamas and those funny mouse-ears... and no makeup," she explained, rolling her eyes.

"Oh."

So, I ended up in one of those weird burlesque outfits. A girdle with garter straps, black fishnet stockings, a lacy black bra, a dark red vintage evening dress, and not-too-high heels. Magenta also made me wear red lipstick and dark eye makeup.

That sort of thing looked good on her, not me. I felt like a kid dressed up in clothes belonging to her older sister or mother.

"I look silly," I said bluntly.

"You look lovely," she argued.

I rolled my eyes.

And then she led me out the semi-hidden backdoor of the castle. Apparently Riffraff was supposed to bring Eddie out to meet us in a minute. I felt slightly like a teenager being sent off to prom by their mother. Thinking about that and what I'd be doing with her tomorrow night made me wrinkle my nose in disgust. Though it's not like she was actually my mother. Or the right age to be my mother, for that matter. She couldn't be more than a decade older than I.

Soon enough, Riffraff and Eddie appeared. The latter held a bundle of three roses in his hand. He gave them to me.

"Here ya go" he said.

It was adorable, how weirdly nervous he was. This really felt like a high school date!

Then again, we'd only known each other for a month or so...

The three of us (Riffraff had gone back to the castle for some reason) walked to the house, chatting. I kept giggling my usual high-pitched giggle as we entered the building. Apparently Riffraff hadn't been able to convince Eddie to wear a formal outfit.

So he wore jeans, a tee shirt, boots, and his leather jacket.

Then we actually got to the house. What must've once been a foyer or front hallway was now some sort of bizarre bedroom/living room. They (Magenta and Riffraff) had made a bed out of blankets for us (Eddie and I). We sat down right there, and I leaned against his shoulder.

A moment later Riffraff showed up carrying one of those paper grocery bags.

Out of the bag he pulled a bottle of… "Wine?"

I should've known that roses don't cost that much! That was real nice wine, I could tell from the dust on it.

Riffraff held up the bottle. "It's not that fancy, it's just-"

"It's fancier than bootleg gin I stole out of my Grandfather's basement," Eddie pointed out cheerfully.

It surprised me that bootleg gin even existed anymore, though I didn't mention the fact. I'd thought nobody cared for the stuff now that the 1920s were over. Though Eddie did say his 'grandfather'. Anyway, Riff Raff poured everyone a glass of the wine.

"A toast! To dear friends," Magenta said, raising her glass.

"To my girl Columbia and me," Eddie added.

"To Magenta and Riff Raff!" I shouted, holding up my glass.

Everyone laughed… except for Riff Raff. He chuckled creepily, as you'd expect.

Then Magenta and her brother did their weird secret handshake, which I often referred to as 'Elbow Fuck'. At that point I hadn't mentioned the nickname for fear of pissing them off.

So we then sat their sipping our wine and pretending to be fancy New York people. The snobby artsy kind who prefer Bach to Bowie. Well, I acted like those sorts. Eddie just behaved like his usual self. Using outdated rock n' roll slang and reciting crude jokes.

"Now, I think you two should go to bed," said Magenta, still laughing.

Riff Raff quickly left the room. His sister followed him a moment later, smiling her usual unsettling smile at us.

...and then Eddie kissed me. A sloppy kiss. But still a kiss. Eagerly kissing him back, I wrapped my legs around his waist. For some reason we sort of... fell over. Now I lay on top of him. Oh, he was definitely enjoying this. I don't think he really paid any attention to what I wore. He was too busy thinking about... other things. Somehow we both got properly undressed. And then... well, you know what happens next. Passionate, awkward, gross-if-you-think-about-it lovemaking that nobody else actually needs to know about. Graphic stuff that would offend your dear old mother. Not that she's never gotten involved in that sort of thing, if she's your mother...

After it was all over we both collapsed, bodies still tangled together. My lips fell upon his in a wonderful kiss. I can't remember what happened next, so we must've fallen asleep. Yes, we definitely fell asleep.

At about midnight, Magenta woke us up by shining a flashlight in both our faces.

"You'd better go home now," she whispered. "Get dressed!"

Home.

I can't believe I'd call that place home. It's not really nice… but I lived there and somehow don't mind it. Actually, I was happy there most of the time.

Ever since Magenta went through that phase where she constantly read books on earthling psychology, she's been saying I have this thing called Stockholm Syndrome. Apparently that means I've become emotionally attached to Frankie ever since he and Riffraff kidnapped me six months ago. Since he's been kind to me I stopped hating him. Now I don't want to leave and I can't help but obsess over how kind he was…

… or the books Magenta read claimed. It's all sort of true. I really think he's wonderful and everything, and became almost unnaturally devoted to him. I legitimately loved him though he rarely did anything for me. Though, a few months later, I was terrified that I'd upset him. You see, I was pregnant from that night. Pregnant with the child of Frank's other playmate. The allegedly gay playmate. Oh dear.

I didn't mention my new condition to anyone... at first.

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