Em had bounced between Connell and James for weeks, letting them each use her in their own ways. To Connell she was a conquest, to James, an empty shell to pour his romantic feelings into. It was safe there, in the neutral fog between them where she could stay numb, and so cold inside she wouldn't have been surprised to see her breath in the middle of July. To Em, it would always be Winter.
But Joel was warmth. His friendship was like welcoming gentle embers to sit by, bask in...until the night he kissed her. Then there was fire, she was melting into him... a sudden painful crack in the ice surrounding her, needles in her heart as it struggled to feel again. She pushed away, gasping. "Em?" He stepped closer to her, she stepped back. "Oh God, I'm sorry."
She ran.
For days she avoided Joel, but there was nothing to defend against when he looked at her, only a resigned acceptance. She couldn't tell him she was afraid that he made her feel. That she couldn't be with him because whoever he loved would have to live up to it or lose him.
The Kiss had changed her. Em had been drifting for two years, and the only way back to Joel was to fight against the current that was dragging her away from him.
Ending things with Connell had been so easy it was humiliating. In a few weeks, days even, he'd find someone to take her place. The break up with James had been messy. She'd underestimated him. She had to wanted to explain to Joel herself, and James had taken that from her.
New York was a refuge. She was invisible, and there was no danger of feeling anything new, only the regret that the memories of Joel could bring.
Two weeks later came the night of the miracle. The night he showed up at her door and handed her forgiveness in the rain.