Chapter 1

Spencer was used to getting up late, in fact it had become a new habit since she had started college, which was mostly due to the fact that she rarely went to bed before 4 am and if she did it was never to sleep. But now she was back in her little home town for the summer she had either had the choice of been woken by her seemingly non offensive alarm clock or by the overly annoying noise that insisted on coming out of her Mother's mouth.

Spencer loved her parents but she just couldn't get used to living with them again and the idea of spending the next 3 months at home was terrifying but necessary. She had managed to land an apprenticeship working with a local photographer for the summer; this is why she was now stuck in Youngtown, Ohio during her break from college

The only other saving grace was her best friend Aiden, he was back from college too and was happy to help Spencer waste away her summer. They had been friends since kindergarten so the summers were a great opportunity for a catch up and reckless abandon; which was currently what Spencer did best.

Spencer's family home seemed empty and peaceful as her parents had left to run errands a few hours ago, which meant that she could sneak out the back of the house for a cigarette. Smoking was one of the many bad habits that Spencer had picked while at college and as bad ass as she considered herself to be she certainly plan on revealing one of new habits to her parents.

As Spencer sat in the old tree that was down the side of her family home she lazily watched the street she had grown up on, wondering if anything interesting ever happened or if they saved all the excitement for when she was away at college. She wondered whether Mrs Peterson really did steal people's amazon deliveries or whether the old lady further down the street actually did jail time. Of course these were all wild stories that spread around the neighbourhood from child to child when she was younger so in her grown up mind she knew none of them were true. Spencer's ponderings were interrupted when she spotted a very familiar car drive by. The flash of shiny, black, metallic paint nearly caused Spencer fall from the branch she was currently perched on. She tried to focus on who was driving the car but the sun bounced off the windscreen obscuring her view. Luckily she managed to keep her balance and also managed to spot her parents pulling into the drive which prompted her to very abruptly dispose of the cigarette in a can she had hidden in a hole in the tree.

"Hey Spence" Mr Carlin yelled from behind the giant SUV obviously unloading shopping. Spencer dropped down from the tree in the same way she had done since she was a small child.

"Hey Dad do you need a hand?" Spencer asked back as she made her way over slowly hoping that the wind would blow any essence of cigarette smell off her. Her Dad was a relaxed guy but he hated smoking more than most things.

"Thanks honey can you just grab those two bags?" Arthur asked pointing with his chin as he struggled with the load in his arms. Spencer did as instructed following her Dad through the house into the kitchen dropping the bags on the side.

"Hey Mom" Spencer said spotting her Mother amongst the shopping. Her messy blonde hair was tied up and she had her hospital scrubs on as usual.

"Oh Hi Honey...thank you for helping. Are you about tonight?" Paula asked without looking up from her organising.

"No I doubt it...think I might go to Gray and catch up with some friends. I think Aiden's back from school today" Spencer actually hadn't made plans yet but she knew that this amount of food only meant one thing…..dinner party and that sounded like hell on earth to Spencer.

"Oh Aiden's a lovely boy. You know Spence if he's still single you two should get together" Paula knew this would never happen and Arthur knew that a war of words was about to begin.

"Yea if only he didn't have a penis" Spencer dead panned as she grabbed an apple from the pile of fruit on the work bench.

"Spencer Carlin you cannot use such a word in my house" Paula snapped.

"Oh God...Mother you are an adult and a doctor, so you should be fully aware that penis is the biological name for the male genitals. Also I am a lesbian which Aiden is not, in fact Aiden is a boy, a boy who like myself is sexually attracted to girls. Neither of us will be changing anytime soon so please drop it" Spencer tried to remain calm and remembered that this would be the only discussion they would have to have on the topic for at least another month.

"I was just saying he's a nice guy and that you two are cute together" Paula added sounding like a scorned child.

"Yes but we were both also in love with the same girl who had no interest in either of us so obviously not that cute or perfect" Spencer snapped not wanting to think about what happened at the end of her senior year.

"I'm sorry Spence...It just takes some getting used to Honey" Paula gave her daughter a kiss on the forehead and a quick hug. Spencer accepted the apology as she knew that her mother was still getting around the whole gay even though Spencer had come out nearly 3 years ago, just after prom.

"Anyway I'm going to get changed. Have fun tonight guys" Spencer couldn't help but laugh as she saw her Father's expression. The last thing Arthur Carlin wanted to do on a Saturday night was spend it with a bunch of stuck up Doctors.

After a quick shower Spencer threw on some clothes and making sure she looked good she grabbed her car keys and headed out. She climbed into her whit, soft top mini cooper; which was a graduation gift from her old brother Glen. He had done pretty well playing basketball since graduating from college and he needed a reason to show off, not that Spencer minded. She climbed into her car bringing the top down and pulled straight off the drive. Once she was at a safe distance from her parent's house she lit another cigarette feeling anxious after the little run in with her mother and also the mistaken identity of the Porsche.

Seeing the Porsche had tempted Spencer to take a little detour before heading over to Aiden's house. She drove down the familiar street which she had spent most of her child hood playing on, she stopped outside the house with the long drive way, which led to the corner house and as if time had been turned back a few years Spencer saw the Black Porsche Carrera. The site of the familiar car was enough to make her turn around quicker than she had arrived.

Spencer didn't slow down until she got to the safety of Aiden's front drive. Jumping out of the car she made a beeline for the Dennison's front door. Spencer had spent so much time around Aiden's while growing up she didn't even bother knocking the front door, she just headed straight through to the back yard hoping that Aiden would be about. As predicted there was Aiden sat by the pool listening to music and working on his tan. Spencer sat down next to him on his sun chair waiting for him to register that she was there.

"Hey Spence" Aiden finally said without moving.

"Guess what?"

"What happened?" Aiden replied, sitting up and removing his sunglasses.

"She's back..."Spencer said simply, figuring that Aiden would know who she was talking about immediately.

"Ashley?" Aiden queried with a sigh. He knew that this day would come but did it really need to happen the first day of summer vacation.

"I spotted her car driving past my place earlier"

"Spence that could've been anyone's car" Aiden tried to rationalise knowing that Spencer could sometimes over react to situations especially those involving Ashley.

"I went to house Aiden….there it was just sat on the drive way like it had never left all those years ago" Spencer explained further.

"Spence that still doesn't mean that she's back"

"Yea you're right why don't you go there and knock on the door" Spencer snapped frustrated that Aiden didn't seem as bothered as she was. After everything that went down Spencer always thought he would handle Ashley's return way worse.

"She had to come back at some point"

"No she didn't"

"Spence her Mom still lives here of course she was going to visit at some point"

"Why are you so calm?"

"Because I've moved on Spence and you have too. It was really hard for me but I've met a few girls' and I'm having fun" Aiden offered a kind, reassuring smile to his friend as he explained himself. Yes, seeing Ashley again terrified him as he never wanted to feel that way again but he knew that there was no way that he and Spencer could avoid this moment forever. Plus he was in a good place now, going to college had helped move on and even though the memories are still there, they hurt a little less all the time. However, he knew that Spencer was still massively affected by the events of 3 years ago. Not that he was dumb enough to say that to her face right now.

"Aiden we hurt you so much back then" Spencer sighed diverting her blue eyes to the ground like a guilty child.

"I've moved on Spence, I've forgiven you and I am not buying into this pity party. You need pull yourself together because we are going out tonight Carlin" Aiden stood up pulling Spencer to her feet as well. He gently placed a kiss on the top of Spencer's hear hoping the small gesture will reassure her which it did.

Flash back: 3 years just a normal Saturday night

"Come on Ash are you ready?" Spencer yelled down the long hall way of the Davie's mansion. Aiden was supposed to be picking them up in 5 minutes and Spencer was pretty sure that Ashley was nowhere near ready, especially if past experience was anything to go by. Opening the door Ashley finally appeared wearing skinny fit jeans, a band t-shirt and her brown and red hair was perfectly messy with loose curls framing her face. Spencer swallowed her breathe as he took in the sight of her best friend. Ashley smiled her perfect smile as she noticed Spencer's reaction and knew that she would get the same reaction from her boyfriend.

"You look great Ash.." Spencer finally managed, feeling her cheeks turn red. This had been happening a lot recently whenever she looked at her best friend. Of course she had originally put the blushing, sweaty palms and general weirdness down to hormones at the beginning, but there was a whole new collection of weird feelings being felt every day.

"So do you Spence...we should...probably….erm" Ashley was stuttering, which was something that Spencer knew she only did when she was extremely nervous. This gave Spencer hope that she may not be alone with all the new feelings but she knew the reality of the situation she was in.

"We should go...Aiden will be waiting for us" Spencer said suddenly remembering that the girl that gave her butterflies wasn't just her best friend of over 10 years but she was also her other best friends girlfriend.

Spencer, Aiden and Ashley have been best friends since they were 4 years old but last year Ashley and Aiden became a couple. This was when Spencer started to feel weird around Ashley. When Ashley and Aiden would kiss, she would feel jealous. When guys tried to chat to her she was completely uninterested. She started to notice little things about Ashley that made her stomach flip over and over again. Like when Ashley would stand ridiculously close to her, like she was currently doing.

"Spencer?" Ashley whispered as the two girls stood inches from each other. Spencer looked up her eyes meeting Ashley's. Her best friend had the most beautiful chocolate eyes with golden flecks. Spencer had never noticed the golden flecks before and now that was all she ever saw when they stood this close. The only difference this time was Ashley was looking at her a completely different way. Ashley had only looked at her in this way once and it involved flour but this was happening now and Spencer was frozen.

"Yea?" Spencer replied apprehensively knowing that this moment would end any second and she was right. Ashley had taken a step back and the golden flecks had gone.

"I think I might go all the way with Aiden tonight" Ashley's words cut through Spencer like a knife. Seeing Aiden kiss Ashley was soul destroying but the thought of them having sex actually made Spencer breathless and irrationally mad.

"Good for you..." Spencer replied finally turning away and heading down the hallway, needing to leave the moment behind.

Ashley quickly caught up with her grabbing the blonde's wrist and stopping her in her tracks. Spencer spun around with a look of pure anger on her face, an expression that Ashley rarely saw.

"I didn't mean that" Ashley admitted looking more flustered and confused than Spencer could ever recall.

"Well you've been dating now for like a year now, so it wasn't really a surprise Ash" Spencer replied trying to hide some of the venom in her voice, knowing that she had failed miserably when Ashley looked visibly hurt by her response.

"What does it even matter to you anyway?" Ashley snapped back in frustration, not knowing how to deal with what was happening any more then Spencer did. She would be blind to not realise just how beautiful Spencer Carlin was, any idiot could see that. What confused her was why she was noticing how beautiful her friend was, especially as she had the perfect boyfriend. Aiden was handsome, kind, thoughtful and he genuinely loved her but there was something distracting Ashley and that something, or someone was Spencer Carlin.

"It doesn't matter to me, in fact I couldn't care less if I tried. Actually new rule to our 'friendship' you have no obligations to tell me about what you and Aiden get up to in biblical way or otherwise" Spencer stopped herself from yelling but her words were far from hushed. This time she didn't walk off she waited for Ashley's response.

"Spence I don't know what's going on here" Ashley confessed in an almost broken voice.

"Nothing is going on here Ashley...look I'm going to go home so you guys can have fun. I'm not in the mood tonight" Spencer needed to get away, she suddenly felt like she couldn't breathe, like there was literally no air in this giant mansion she was in.

"But I want you to come out" Ashley shouted as she followed after her. She knew exactly why Spencer was so upset but her own confusion and feelings were stopping from being considerate of others.

"Ashley we're not kids anymore...you and Aiden need to be an actual couple rather than a part of some weird threesome. It's time to grow up and move on" Spencer argued as she faced Ashley again. She could see that Ashley looked conflicted by what was happening.

"What if I don't want to move on?" Ashley barely let the words leave her mouth but her eyes gave her away again because the golden flecks were back and Spencer felt her stomach flip again.

"You need to figure it Ashley...Aiden loves you and...and...you need to be careful not to hurt him" Spencer knew somebody was going to get hurt, she just assumed it would be her which is why she cut her sentence short.

"What about you?" Ashley asked knowing that there should've been more to Spencer's sentence.

"I'm just everybody's friend Ash and I'm ok with that" Spencer returned throwing her arms up in the air in frustration as she watched Ashley walk closer to her.

"I don't think I am" Ashley replied kissing Spencer causing a shock to run through both girls' bodies. The stomach flips were so intense that Spencer thought she would pass out there and then. Spencer had kissed guys before but none of the compared to this kiss, in this moment. Her whole body felt like it was on fire and in all the madness Spencer realised how real, how natural it felt to her. She never wanted this to end; it was the most intense, insane moment of her life.

"Come on you two" The booming voice of Aiden came slamming down the hall way, pulling them both from the moment.

Ashley immediately shot apart from Spencer, avoiding eye contact as she headed down the hall way. Spencer took a second to catch her breath and to make sure she didn't cry. Spencer knew that Ashley automatically regretted what had just happened and knew now that she needed to leave. She quickly followed Ashley down the stairs just in time to see her jump into Aiden's clumsy arms where there shared a kiss. Spencer felt sick at a sight she had seen a thousand times before but this time it was worse. Those lips were just hers for a few seconds and now there were gone. Spencer felt her eyes stinging and she noticed how body felt so cold all of a sudden.

"Hey Aid...guys I'm going head home. I don't feel good and you know" Spencer walked past the blissful couple and headed straight to her car before anybody could try to convince her otherwise. Sitting in her beat up, hand me down Cadillac Spencer let out a huge sigh and almost let the tears fall.

"You ok?" Aiden asked as he tapped on the window of the car. Spencer was no longer focused on the loss of Ashley's lips; she was now focused on the fact that she had betrayed her best friend.

"I'll be fine...just suddenly felt sick. You two go out and have fun without me...please" Spence replied trying not to worry the boy that had chased away bullies at the park when they were 7. The boy that she loved so dearly and sometimes wished that she loved in the same way that the other girls' her age loved handsome boys. Spencer looked past Aiden to see Ashley stood silently at the door avoiding eye contact. Spencer smiled at Aiden and started the engine before speeding off down the drive.

Spencer's memories were interrupted by Aiden throwing a pillow at her head dragging her straight back to reality.

"Where were you then?" Aiden questioned as he continued to check out his reflection in the mirror.

"I may have died waiting for you to actually get ready! You're a bigger girl than me Aiden" Spencer joked as she grabbed her jacket, leading the way out of the house to her car, closely followed by Aiden.

Spencer drove them to Gray and hoped that there would be somebody who would be nice enough to drive her back there tomorrow to get car back. She pulled up in her usual space and rolled her eyes as she noticed the queue to get in. This wasn't exactly a surprise considering this was the only night club within a 20 mile radius. She also wasn't too concerned about gaining entry considering her brief but successful relationship with the now owner of the bar.

"Hey Eddie...how's everything?" Spencer asked sweetly as she sent a little cheeky waive to the queuing masses. Eddie rolled his eyes at Spencer's blatant mocking of the people queuing as he opened the door for the two regulars.

Spencer weaved her way through the crowds expertly with Aiden in tow, knowing that at this moment in time they were both probably checking out the same girls. Spencer made it to the bar but as she saw who the bar maid she stopped in her tracks

"Have you forgotten how to walk?" Aiden yelled above the loud music.

"I had a thing with the barmaid the other night" Spencer explained with a shy smile. Aiden shook his head, signalled for Spencer to grab a table outside and then he headed over to the bar.

A few minutes later he triumphantly returned with some beers and shots. He laid the tray down in front of Spencer who immediately grabbed a shot of tequila, downing it like a pro.

"You need to stop sleeping with the staff here Spencer" Aiden warned as he sipped his beer.

"You need talk" Spencer jabbed back with a smirk as she took a swig of her corona.

"Okay okay, point taken"

"Whore's for life" Spencer joked as she went to grab her cigarettes from her hand bag. As she was lighting her cigarette her eyes focused on someone she didn't want to see. Across the garden, sat talking with Chelsea was Ashley Davies. Spencer swallowed hard while she tried to remember to breathe. Then their eyes met and at that point Spencer just froze. She could hear Aiden telling her some story about something, she could hear the music from the DJ but it all sounded distant to her. All that mattered is what she could see and who she could see. The bile in her throat began to rise and so did the memories.

Flashback:

Spencer lay in bed going over what had happened earlier that night and she wasn't too sure whether she regretted it or whether it was the greatest thing to happen to her. Spencer had been trying her best to get to sleep but she couldn't get rid of the images that were swirling around her head. The flashbacks of what had gone down only a few hours ago in vivid, bright colours that accentuate every ounce of pain she was currently feeling. Spencer wished that she could just squash her feelings for Ashley and that she could love somebody else, somebody who would feel the same way back, and somebody who wasn't in a relationship with her best friend.

Spencer's thoughts were imposed upon by tapping on her bedroom window and it wouldn't go away no matter how hard Spencer closed her eyes or tried to ignore it. Spencer stumbled out of bed to the window struggling to lift it up due to her body more than likely being asleep. Once she managed to focus her eyes she came to the stark realisation that it was Ashley who had interrupted her Ashley thoughts. The tired and emotional blonde reluctantly opened the window as if she was under some sort of mind control.

"Ash it's late" Spencer whispered hoping not to wake up her parents plus she really didn't want to have this conversation.

"Come Spence I need to talk to you...you need to talk to me" Ashley whispered back as she started climbing the ladder that lent against the tree.

Ashley would always pop over for midnight chats to Spencer. In the summer they would sit on the tree branch that led to Spencer's bedroom window and they would talk for hours. They would make up stories about the stars above, the neighbours down the street and just talk like best friends did.

Ashley slowly approached the window and cautiously perched herself just inside the bedroom. Spencer had already retreated back to her bed and had her fluffy wrapped around her like some form or armour.

"Where are your parents?" Ashley asked awkwardly, suddenly losing the ability to talk.

"They're not here...they've gone to visit Glen" Spencer replied pulling the blanket tighter around her shoulders.

"Then why are you whispering?" Ashley giggled as she slowly moved towards Spencer's bed. The nervous brunette took a seat at the opposite side of the bed, being cautious as she did so.

"I was hoping that if I whispered you'd think you'd get into trouble and leave" Spencer snapped letting out a huge sigh trying to let Ashley know just how pissed she is.

"That's very devious of you Miss Carlin" Ashley joked revealing her perfect smile which only further annoyed Spencer.

"Why you here Ash and where's Aiden?"

"He's at home and I'm here because I had to talk to you. I feel crappy about earlier"

"I'm over it...it was just an accident"

Ashley looked shocked and hurt by the venom in Spencer's voice but she was not going to back down. Ashley was the one that had kissed her earlier.

"Spence...it wasn't an accident" Ashley confessed as if the words had stumbled off her tongue. The words grabbed Spencer's attention straight away and now she felt pissed again.

"Ashley it was an accident. You love Aiden remember"

"No I don't Spence...I never have and never will. We just fell together because it was easy and I know he feels that too. I have no idea what is happening between us but I can't keep ignoring it and neither can you" Ashley didn't lose focus on Spencer once and her stare only became more intense.

Spencer was 99% sure she was dreaming, she had similar dreams a lot recently so it wouldn't be a huge surprise but she felt Ashley's weight adjust on her bed and there she was. Ashley was once again with in kisses distance, within holding distance and Spencer felt out of control again.

"Are you drunk?" Spencer asked thinking that this would be the only explanation.

"No I'm 100% sober" Ashley threw a strange look at Spencer.

"Why now?" Spencer still couldn't quite understand what was happening.

"Because this, whatever this is Spencer is undeniable" Ashley explained as she finally leaned over and kissed Spencer. This kiss was more passionate than earlier, a lot more sure and prepared. Spencer didn't know if this change of heart was going to last so she didn't say anything she just kissed the girl she loved back.

They kissed all night and then fell asleep holding each other. Neither of them was ready to take things any further just yet. They were both too fragile and too unsure.

Spencer snapped herself out of her memories and tried not to remember the perfect night but instead remembered the neglect and heartbreak that was soon to follow. Aiden followed Spencer's confused stare and he felt a familiar pang of sadness but the expression on his best friends face was pure heartbreak.

Spencer took a drag on her cigarette and flicked it into the ashtray not realising that she had smoked the whole thing. Spencer fought back all the emotions that were rushing over her in that moment and for first time in 3 years Spencer had seen the girl with golden flecks in her eyes, the girl who broke her heart.