Alright so after watching the English version of Ouran High School Host Club a few days ago, I wanted to write this so bad! And here it is! I mean it was like a 10 second thought so I'm hoping it turned out good! Even thouugh it took waaay longer to write.
I have really been into writing humorous things lately…this is my first story not having any romance in it so wooo! Branching out! That's what I'm talkin 'bout! Well...it's more of a "crazy, random, pointless" fic, don't know how well the humor got across...
I have watched both the Japanese (a long freaking time ago) and the English version of the anime, as well as reading most of the manga (again, a long freaking time ago) and I have noticed there are a few different spellings for names and such so if there are some different spellings (which are pretty minor) that you might notice then whoops ;p
Tamaki's Delima
Tamaki Suoh has a slight problem. Well, it's not so slight. Kyoya was the first to notice it, then the twins, then Honey and Mori, then lastly, Haruhi. So pretty much the order in which he became friends with the rest of the club. Tamaki's problem was his frequent tripping and running into things. Of course it never happens in front of customers as he is always the epitome of grace in their presence, but when the club is not 'open for business,' he doesn't have such luck.
The club has decided to spend a day fixing that problem…Only because Kyoya allowed it so he could catch up on all the things he does to make the club run smoothly.
"Oh why must my grace! My poise! My elegance leave me at times of great joy!" Tamaki cried to the club members in the Third Music Room. He flailed about the room in circles, chanting a steady stream of "Why? Why? Why?" when he went around Kyoya's table where the bespectacled boy was writing in his mysterious book/clipboard/Shadow King thing.
The twins were snickering at their Boss while leaning against a bored Haruhi, elbows resting on her shoulders. Mori stood diligently behind Honey as the small boy clutched his rabbit, gazing teary eyed at the club president.
"Don't worry Tama-chan! Would you like some cake? Hold my Usa-chan?" The stuffed bunny was held up toward Tamaki.
The taller blonde's mood lifted. "Sweet Honey-sempai! You would allow me the pleasure of holding your Usa-chan? I am so honored! I would be ha-" After running face first into a column with a smack, he slid slowly down to the floor, the atmosphere around him turning black. He twitched a little in his despair.
Commence more laughter from the twins.
"Awww Tama-chan! Are you alright?"
"I-I'm fine Honey-sempai. You don't need to worry; I will just be doomed to be a klutz. Tripping over my feet and possibly marring my beautiful face!" He rolled onto his back, arm draped over his eyes.
Kyoya took a break from writing to push up his glasses but never took his eyes from his book. "Have you ever thought to find the source of this predicament? Find the reasoning behind such acts?"
Tamaki sniffled out a no, causing a single tear to stream down Honey's cheek before the dam broke.
"Nooo don't cry! Me and Takashi will help! Right Takashi?" When those big, sad eyes were turned Mori's way, he immediately agreed with a nod of his head. The two third year students instantly and simultaneously grabbed a chair and assumed a position mirroring that of The Thinker sculpture.
-Powerful Motor-
"Ahahahaha Ahahaha!" Renge came up through the floor on her platform, spinning towards the ceiling with her high-pitched laugh ringing through the room and grabbing almost everyone's attention.
Once the platform reached its highest point, Renge stopped laughing and all the club members, except Honey and Mori who were still thinking, stared and waited expectantly for her to say something.
A completely unexplainable breeze passed through the room and the platform began descending into the floor. "Ahahahaha Ahahaha!"
"Well that was random," Kaoru said.
"And pointless," Hikaru added.
Haruhi rubbed her temples and walked away from her spot between the twins, sitting herself on the large red couch in the room. "I think I'm getting a head ache."
Kyoya began punching in numbers on his calculator and Tamaki fretted over Haruhi's discomfort.
"Oh my dear Haruhi! Are you ok? Would you like to lie down? Would you like some tea? Water? Pain killers? Tell daddy what you need!"
The twins than plopped down on either side of the petite brunette. They leaned in close with mischievous grins in place and said in unison, "we can help you feel better."
The club president rose ominously from behind the couch, eyes glaring yellow, teeth pointed, and pushed the Hitachiins away from Haruhi. "Stay away from my little girl! She does not need help from you shady twins!"
"Can you all just stay away?" Haruhi deadpanned.
"Tama-chan! Tama-chan! Me and Takashi know how to fix you!" The tall blonde looked over at Honey's smiling face and hope blossomed. He clasped his hands under his chin and floated over to the older boys.
"Really? Oh I knew I could count on you two! What do you propose?"
"Your balance must be bad, sooo we are going to train you in martial arts to make it better!" Honey finished with a large grin and Mori grunted his agreement.
-Tamaki's Inner Mind Theatre-
Mori-sempai in his kendo uniform standing back (waist?) to back with Honey-sempai in his karate uniform. Flames flaring up in the background and their eyes glinting evilly. They cross their arms as they stare down at his tired out, limp form sprawled out on the floor.
"Get up Tama-chan, your balance isn't corrected yet."
"No, I can't go on!" he protested weakly.
"Takashi. Help him up." Honey's lips curled into a cruel smile.
"Right." Mori began walking towards him, his tall figure looming over Tamaki.
"Noooooo-"
-End Tamaki's Inner Mind Theatre-
"oooooo!"
Honey tilted his head to the right, confused by Tamaki's odd outburst.
"I mean, no that's ok. You two don't have to go through the trouble, I'm sure we can find another solution and maybe my balance isn't even the problem!" He tried to say cheerfully so he wouldn't hurt the shorter blonde's feelings.
"Maybe you can eat more cake Tama-chan!" Getting turned down didn't even face the ultra adorable Honey. It's the cutey pie powers.
"Mhm! Mhm! Right! More cake! Mori-sempai? Bring out the cake!" Tamaki determinedly sat down at a table, straightened his back, and stared intently at the slice of cake Mori sat in front of him. It was a double layered yellow cake with white frosting and strawberries on top. Yum! He grabbed the fork that sat on the edge of the plate and was about to dig in when he heard snickering from the twins behind him.
"What?"
"How exactly is cake going to help?" Hikaru asked.
The tall blonde looked from the twins to the cake and then to the chair in front of him were Honey sat, Mori standing behind him.
"How is this going to work?"
The cute senior gave Tamaki his best smile. "I don't know, but it's really really tasty!" he said excitedly, clearly showing his love for cake.
There was a groan that came from the direction of the couch but it was ignored.
"Here, you can have it then." With a deep sigh, Tamaki slid the plate of cake towards the older boy.
"Ooooh Booooss!" the twins harmonized, "we have an idea."
The club president brusquely stood up and put his palm out towards the Hitachiins, signaling them to halt. "I am not becoming a part of your Little Devil type and joining in your games! I am a gentleman and take pride in my Prince type. You cannot sway me!" He used his outstretched hand to run it through blonde locks.
"Huh?" Hikaru and Kaoru said while exchanging confused looks before Kaoru spoke up to clarify.
"Get over yourself would ya? We just meant that maybe your eyes sight is bad and you should try these."
He gestured to his brother who pulled out a pair of glasses from behind his back. They were a simple pair of oval shaped, black rimmed glasses. They were handed to Tamaki and he put them on.
"Alright! How do I look Haruhi?" He walked over towards her spot on the couch. "Do these glasses suit daddy?" He posed with one hand on his hip and the other pinching the side of the glasses with his thumb and index finger, a flirty smile in place.
"Would you quite with the daddy stuff? And yea, I suppose they look fine. But I don't really think your eyesight is exactly the problem."
The sentence she spoke last was drowned out by a loud, flamboyant teen running off at the mouth.
"Haruhi! I will take your kind words and keep them with me for as long as I live!" Flowers started spontaneously blooming around him as he twirled around the room, right hand over his heart and the other angled into the air. "She has such impeccable taste as shown by her compliment directed towards me! It proves that my handsome good looks cannot be diminished by gla-" Mid rant, Tamaki Suoh has collided with the table next to Kyoya's.
The Shadow King looked away from his paper work and watched Tamaki slither to the floor after his crash. "You do realize that those are not prescription glasses, they were used for the glasses themed day in the club." He shifted his own thinly framed glasses and turned back to his paper work. "Your eyesight is perfectly fine." Tamaki sent a glare to the conniving twins from his position on the floor and tossed the glasses in their direction.
He was sad; it's his excuse for not being a complete gentleman.
"Then what do you think it is Kyoya?" He pouted up towards his friend.
"That you're an overly dramatic idiot."
Two large red arrows fell from the ceiling and stabbed Tamaki, one reading overly dramatic and the other reading idiot. His eyes became blank and he scooted to his corner like a worm, the corner suddenly appearing darker than the rest of the room from Tamaki's depression.
A creak sounded through the room and all members of the host club looked towards a door that clearly did not belong in the Third Music Room.
Haruhi's shoulders saged a bit as she slouched on the couch, knowing what was to come was not going to help anything.
Mori stood emotionless next to Honey as the cute boy held his bunny and looked on curiously at the door.
Kaoru and Hikaru began rubbing their palms together and grinned like the Cheshire cat. Where there was Nekozawa, there was an extremely high chance of a Tamaki Freak Out!
Kyoya watched as Beelzenef looked through the opening of the door and was followed by the Black Magic Club's President. He sighed a little as he imagined Nekozawa coming to the light, joining their host club, and all the customers they would rake in. Oh the possibilities.
Tamaki's deadened eyes took in the shadowed figure and he flew up from his position on the ground to standing so he could shuffle more into his corner, his face taking on the expressing of terror. Why was he not born with camouflage powers? He would really like to blend with this wall!
Umehito Nekozawa let out a deep chuckle before speaking. "I know the cause of this misfortune...You!" he used Beelzenef's arm to point towards Tamaki, making him jump and run behind Kyoya who just ignored his antics. Nekozawa's grin grew.
"Help me mommy!" he cried from his crouched position by the back of Kyoya's chair.
"You have been cursed!" Nekozawa continued and a squeak came from the other tall blonde. "BUT!" One of his bright blue eyes came into view from under his cloak and Beelzenef was maneuvered to lean forward. "With my capabilities, you have no need to worry for I can counterattack it with another curse." Beelzenef nodded in agreement.
"NOOO! I am cursed! I don't want to be cursed! I don't want to be counterattack cursed!" he theatrically yelled to the ceiling as he clutched his blonde hair in despair.
Haruhi slid in from the right side and stopped directly in front of Nekozawa. She clicked on the flashlight she was holding and shined it at the photophobia boy.
"MURDERER!" He screamed when the light flooded his senses, covering his eyes with his cat puppet, which also covered its eyes, and spastically ran to the safety of the darkness behind the large, out of place door.
"This is getting ridiculous!" The cross-dressing girl declared. "Sempai! You are not cursed! And would you get out from behind Kyoya-sempai's chair?" Tamaki did as she asked, his head hung low so his bangs covered his eyes.
The twins calmed their laughter from the two club presidents' interaction and tried to focus on what their classmate was saying. Mori looked on without comment, as usual, and Honey stared in disbelief. He really believed in the curse idea! Kyoya's glasses flashed from the glare of the lights, signifying his mild interest.
"Your problem Sempai is that when you get overly happy and go off into your own world, you. close. your. eyes." She delivered the final part as slowly as she could as if talking to a little child. "So all the host club members weren't too far off. Honey-sempai and Mori-sempai were right about your balance being off because when a person closes their eyes, one's balance is affected. Hikaru and Kaoru were correct about your eyesight not being good because if your eyes are closed, you can't see. Then Kyoya-sempai was the most right of all. You're an overly dramatic idiot."
Tamaki's jaw dropped, his body went rigid, and he fell over like a plank of wood being blown over by the wind. It would be awhile before he got over the shock of his 'daughter' insulting him. Of course Haruhi didn't mean it as an insult, just an observation.
Clapping came from Hikaru and Kaoru as they congratulated her on solving the mystery and momentarily destroying the Boss's world. Mori patted her on the head and Honey told her he can see why she was able to acquire a scholarship for Ouran. Kyoya knocked off about a percent of her debt and fixed his glasses. How he could not come to that simple of a conclusion was beyond him.
The actual door to the Third Music Room burst open as Kasanoda ran through it and up to Haruhi.
"Fujioka?" Everyone but Tamaki looked at the red head, wondering what he was doing there.
"Yes Casonova?" The brunette unknowingly using her Natural Type charm to answer.
"W-will you, um, go on a d-d-d-da- Ahh I can't do it!"
With that, he fled from the room, the door closing shut after him even though he never touched it. The Hitachiin twins once again erupted into laughter, Mori watched as Honey ate cake, Tamaki's world was still getting sucked into a black hole, and Kyoya wrote more mysterious stuff down. Haruhi? Haruhi just walked out the door muttering, "I'm going home."
Dude! How the heck did this thing get so long? It was just supposed to be a short little fic, maybe 600-800 words but nah man, it's like 2,300! But whatever, it was a lot of fun and I hope you enjoyed it immensely! I love this anime so, so much and ALL of its characters =^.^=
oh and I know Tamaki doesn't really trip and run into things all the time but for the sake of the plot he does=]