Me: This is a short story about everyone's favourite Lab Rat before he became a CSI and got all serious. The plot is inspired by one lunchtime at my school which involved £1.28, a Pot Noodle, a Terry's Chocolate Orange and a deep fried Mars Bar. True story. Now, Gregorovitch will read the disclaimer for me.
Greg: Yo yo! Wazzup peeps! Greg iz in da house-
Me: (holding a gun to his head) What did I tell you about pretending you're a pimp?
Greg: (looking dejected) Sorry. Lolly and Angua don't own CSI, Hershey's Kisses or any decent alibis.
Me: Good point. You may leave now.
Greg: (sweatdrops)
Greg Sanders sauntered into the breakroom the way that only Greg Sanders could. Sara, Nick and Catherine all watched as he pushed the door open with his butt and with one hand in his jeans pocket, walked across the room with a slight bend in one leg and swung his arm in a rhythm. As usual, he was trying to act like the pimp he wasn't in order to impress his superiors. Sara couldn't resist bringing him down a peg or two.
"Hey, Greggo?"
Greg paused on his way to the fridge and lifted an eyebrow in answer.
"You got a limp from tripping over your own ego?"
"Very funny. If you don't mind, I have a leftover curry to eat."
He continued his journey and opened the fridge door, extracting a tub of curry, a jar of mustard and a bottle of ketchup.
"Hey," Nick piped up. "That's my ketchup. What are you planning on doing with it?"
Greg looked hurt.
"I plan on eating it. Don't you trust me with it?"
"By itself or with the curry?"
"With it."
It was Catherine's turn to ask a question.
"And the mustard?"
Greg held it to his face and read the label.
"French mustard. Not as good as English but still improves any curry." He was grinning like a little school boy. Sara closed the textbook she was reading.
"You are going to mix curry with ketchup and mustard?" Sara's voice was heavy with disbelief.
Greg popped open the microwave and removed the lid from the curry, sniffing in the sharp aroma before adding a generous dollop of ketchup and mixing it in.
"The trick to the perfect blend," he explained, "is to add the ketchup before microwaving and put in the mustard cold in order to get a contrast of both temperatures and flavours."
"I wouldn't feed that to my worst enemy." Sara chortled.
"Good. All the more for me."
Sara still wasn't entirely convinced. She knew Greg had some weird tastes, but this one was the weirdest one yet.
"All right, let's make this interesting." she challenged him. Opening the fridge again, she peered around inside to find something suitable. Inside was a carton of milk, a tub of pasta, some mayonnaise, a bag of Hershey's Kisses and a row of test tubes with a post-it note from Grissom saying, 'VERY important experiment. Do NOT touch. Don't tell Ecklie either'
Taking care not to knock over the test tubes, Sara took out the rest of the ingredients and set the down in front of the microwave.
"Add these, eat the result and I will give you twenty bucks."
Greg always loved a challenge.
"No problem," he grinned, banging his midriff with one fist, "I have a stomach made of steel."
"You'd need to!" laughed Catherine.
"Hey Nick," asked Sara, "where's Warrick? I'm sure he could give us some good odds on this."
"He's out on the Lake Mead case. If you want my opinion, I bet that Greg would eat that thing even if it rolled into the road." There was a murmur of agreement around the breakroom which boosted Greg's confidence even further. By the time the microwave 'pinged' he was almost vibrating with excitement.
"I am gonna prove you wrong for once and for all, Sidle."
In one swoop of his arm he scooped the curry out of the microwave and began to ladle in the different components. The combined smell alone was enough to make Sara sit back down next to Catherine.
"Another twenty says he throws up if he eats all of it."
Catherine looked confused.
"Didn't you bet that he doesn't eat it?"
"I'm covering all eventualities."
"Fine. You're on."
The silence was palpable as Greg finished mixing in the Hershey's Kisses and grabbed the nearest fork.
"You guys had better be ready to be amazed."
"Get on with it!" jeered Nick, eager for the freak show.
Greg paused for dramatic effect, the heaped fork quivering in front of his face and in one swift movement he had emptied it into his mouth. His face contorted as the different textures rolled over his tongue and the mustard was starting to make his mouth burn.
"What's wrong, Greg?" asked Sara innocently, "You don't like it?"
It dawned on Greg that maybe this hadn't been such a good idea after all. He hadn't even checked if the milk had gone off.
He couldn't take it any more. Tripping over his own feet, he dashed to the sink and proceeded to empty the contents of his mouth down the drain. The breakroom was filled with mocking laughter as he held his mouth under a flowing stream of cold water from the tap to get rid of the awful taste. It was nowhere near worth twenty dollars but now he had lost his precious pride.
"Shame about that Greg," said Sara as she came up behind him and rubbed him on the back, "I guess you owe me big time."
"What's going on in here guys?" Grissom poked his head around the door to see what the commotion was all about.
"Nothing," explained Nick, "Greg's just showing off."
"Well then he can stop showing off and he can analyse this DNA for me. He obviously has nothing better to do," he added as he watched Greg gargle some water noisily.
"Yeah. Go on Greg I haven't seen you do any work all morning," said Catherine.
"Greg's got the easy job. You guys are all going to the desert. They've found some human bones and you're all needed to help look for the rest of them."
"What? That will take hours!" Sara complained. Greg flashed her a smug look.
"It doesn't matter how long it takes Sara, it's your job! Now go!"
Greg had already forgotten the humiliation from five minutes ago.
"See you tomorrow Sidle. I'll just go sit in my air-conditioned lab…"
"Bite me." She spat back, as she picked up her kit and strode past him out of the door.
"Gladly."
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XXLollyXX