This fanfiction is written with direct inspiration from the No.6 Novels itself... I used a part from Volume 8 Chapter 4 that truly exists in the novels and continued the story from there on to create this fanfiction... This scene happens in the novels when Sion is carrying a dying Nezumi out of the correctional facility. He remembers his conversation with him two days before the manhunt as they sit in his room and plan their escape route via the trash chute...
Vol.8 Chp.4...The dull light from the lamp shined within the room. As he looked at Nezumi's profile with his eyes closed and heard the deeply whistling wind, Sion felt somewhat like he was watching a scene in a play.
He was sitting in the audience, engrossed in the dimly lit and quiet play. Feelings of satisfaction, comfort, melancholy, and something close to fear yet couldn't be given a name were mixed and intertwined together, filling his heart.
If only this moment could last an eternity. If only time could stop. If only everything here could become my entire world.
He suddenly wished that from the bottom of his heart.
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player.
He didn't know why, but a line from Macbeth suddenly appeared in his head.
Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player.
Nezumi opened his eyes. His gaze met Sion's.
"What?"
"Huh? Oh, nothing..."
Sion slightly shifted his body outside the range of the lamp's light. He didn't want Nezumi to see the blush that was probably already covering his cheeks.
"Sion, can you guess what I was thinking just now?"
"You? Um... were you still thinking about the trash chute?"
"As if, I'm not going to keep worrying about being thrown in the trash. And we've already settled that problem anyway. The possibility's there, so it's worth a shot, right?"
"Right."
No matter whether it was a theory or speculation, as long as the possibility was there, he had to store it in his memory.
That's what Nezumi meant. Shion nodded his head in agreement, showing that he understood.
"Good. Although I'd prefer to leave without making too much commotion, but that sort of luxury probably isn't allowed."
"Probably. At the very least we shouldn't expect VIP treatment. But if it's not about the trash chute, then what? Other methods of escaping?"
Nezumi switched the foot he had propped up and said in a melancholy sigh,
"About food."
"What?"
"Food. F-o-o-d. I was thinking if I could order anything I wanted to eat right now, what I would choose."
"...You sure do think about practical stuff."
"Having food is important. Sometimes a shopkeeper giving away a piece of bread has more significance than a famous philosopher discovering a great truth... That's also an essence of life. Meaning, whenever I'm hungry to the point that I even pity myself, I won't be able to fall asleep."
"But didn't we just eat? You just had two pieces of bread."
"Dry and stale bread plus some soup and cheese, that's not nearly enough."
"Stop talking luxuries. Thanks to that shop lady we were able to get some high quality cheese, right? It was a fine dinner."
"If you had shown her a bit more courtesy, we might have gotten a can of mutton or a bottle of milk too. What a pity."
"Me? Did it have something to do with me?"
"Of course it had something to do with you. That shop lady was throwing you flirty looks the entire time, wasn't she? I thought you were ignoring it on purpose, but you actually didn't notice it at all?"
"I didn't notice it at all."
Nezumi deliberately twisted his expression and shook his head.
"Sion, you definitely need to polish your sensibility toward the opposite sex a little, no, a lot more. If this goes on, it'll be bad."
"How bad?"
"It'll be so bad that I don't even dare put it into words. At least I can't say it. Ah, but honestly, it's going to be bad. Just thinking about it gives me goosebumps."
"Come on, if you say it like that I won't be able to stop thinking about it. I won't be able to sleep, just like with you and your empty stomach."
Nezumi laughed a rare hearty laugh. A very happy and gentle sounding laugh penetrated Sion's heart.
"Nezumi."
"What?"
"Can you recite Macbeth for me?"
"Macbeth? Which part?"
"Act 5 scene 5, the lines after Macbeth finds out that his wife dies."
"Why do you want to hear Macbeth?"
"I don't know, I wonder why? I just suddenly want to hear Macbeth right now. Can't I?"
"It's fine, I don't mind."
Hamlet and Tsukiyo climbed onto Sion's shoulder. Nezumi, who was sitting in the chair, shifted a bit, and then starting moving his lips.
The tranquil yet sorrowful voice of a general facing his demise due to his own ambitions and love for his wife carried though.
To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more.
Sion and the little mice all held their breath, listening attentively. The lamp's flames flickered and the shadows swayed. Nezumi's voice and expression all carried shadows. Sion felt like he was floating away from reality, being brought up to a high place. He felt eternally satisfied by that feeling of drifting.
That moment was just that vibrant, rich, and beautiful.
Two days before the manhunt. In all the days Sion had lived in that house, it was that scene that had given him the deepest impression.
Nezumi stared at the ceiling as he listened to the even breathing of Sion sleeping next to him. Although his eyes were fairly accustomed to darkness he didn't need his eyes to know that Sion was sleeping on his side, facing the wall and keeping as close to it as possible. As if he wished to be a part of it. Nezumi had first thought that maybe it was because Sion wasn't feeling comfortable sleeping with another guy. That was why he had kept quiet about it since there really wasn't anything he could do about it. However one night when he came home really late from his job, he had found Sion sleeping the same way even though he had had the whole bed to himself that night. Nezumi's side of the bed was undisturbed and untouched and that was when he had realized that Sion was trying to give him more space on his bed even as he slept. He was probably feeling guilty about forcing Nezumi to share every little thing he owned in this place by living with him and that was why he was trying to make himself as small as possible to avoid inconveniencing him even further. Nezumi had felt a strange spasm in his chest when he discovered that...
Idiot, he had thought to himself and although he would have a blast making fun of him about this he had eventually decided to pretend he hadn't realized it at all in order not to hurt his feelings. Especially when he noticed that Sion was applying this set of mind in his every action in the over-stuffed place. He had taken full responsibility of the laundry and the dishes. He would firmly refuse to use the shower before Nezumi did and he had even taken the impossible task of tidying up his library.
Even now, he had given three quarters of the bed to Nezumi as he slept in the remaining quarter pressed against the cold wall. Selflessness was in his nature.
I may never have a chance to pick on him about this after tomorrow.
Nezumi raised his hand and put it over his face. Pressing his fingers to his eyes, he tried to see a glimpse of hope through the throbbing darkness.
He hadn't told Sion about the manhunt and how the only way for them to infiltrate the correctional facility was to get caught by them. They could easily die tomorrow and Sion didn't even know about it.
'I trust you' he had said to Nezumi with that childish, naive, defenseless expression on his face. As easily as he had said 'I'm drawn to you' before. Something as grand as the word 'trust' and it was used so easily by him... And the worst part was... Sion had meant it.
'I trust you.'Idiot.
Nezumi sat up on the bed throwing away the blankets aside. As swiftly and quietly as a 'rat' he got out of the bed, put on his boots, his leather jacket and wrapped his superfiber clothing around his shoulder. He glanced back at Sion to make sure he hadn't awaken him and then left the underground hideout without making any sound.
He immediately felt the biting chill of the night wind even in the tunnel. He put his hands in his pockets as he ascended the stairs. Stepping out in the cold spring night, Nezumi walked as he raised his shoulders to cover his mouth and nose with his superfiber scarf. Nezumi knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. The insufficient 'dinner' they had, had long left his system and his stomach demanded immediate attention but Nezumi knew he wouldn't have been able to sleep even if he had a full course dinner worthy of a gourmet that night. He had too much on his mind.
The idea of running off to save this Safu girl alone tempted him. Sion was sleeping peacefully back inside. He would have no idea that Nezumi had left and if things went downhill then at least Sion would be safe.
If things went downhill... You know full well that you can't even make it in the first building without Sion's help, let alone coming out alive.
Half of a sigh escaped his lips before he stopped himself. He felt frustrated at his weakness. He couldn't even stop a sigh. Why couldn't he find a way? Hadn't he always prided in his ability to find solutions to impossible situations? Why was he so weak now? How was he supposed to protect Sion in this state when he couldn't even see what was before him? Why couldn't he find a way that didn't require Sion to be in that hell which was still haunting Nezumi in his nightmares? Sion's being there was essential for the plan to succeed... IF it succeeded. Why couldn't he find another solution?
'I trust you.'Nezumi kicked a pebble with the tip of his shoe. He heard it hit the ground some hundred feet away and raised his head to stare at the city he despised. No.6 was glowing under the night sky. The lights of the city was illuminating the wall that raised high before him from behind. It made it look divine. Just like the holy city it tried so hard to become over the corpses of people who defied it. Nezumi's gray eyes narrowed with contempt and disgust. He felt the overwhelming urge to destroy the entire city to the ground possess his soul one more time as it did every time he came here to look at it.
In the past, for four years he had stood on this very spot countless times contradicting himself. Devising plan after plan to see the end of No.6 and yet unable to stop his thoughts from reaching out to a single person living inside it. Worrying about his safety. Worrying about his well-being... Worrying about Sion.
'I'm drawn to you.'Nezumi's hands closed into fists in his pockets. Sion didn't even know the meaning of what he said.
He doesn't even have a fucking clue... He doesn't.
'I'm drawn to you.'Facing the subject of his long fed hatred, Nezumi still couldn't stop thinking about Sion. Sion was no longer inside No.6 but No.6 was inside him. Was there really a third option?
'Love or hatred. Friends or foes. Inside the wall or outside it…'The boy with No.6 in his heart.
'Inside the wall or outside it.'The boy who had taught him that a helping hand could be extended miraculously like he did for him four years ago...
'Friends or enemies.'The boy who had given him his stew and cherry cake...
'Love or hatred.'The boy who slept with his body against the wall to leave him more space...
"Sion," Nezumi whispered inside his scarf.
He knew what he was talking about and I know it. The reason I got so pissed at him was because he had the honesty and balls to confess it and I didn't.
'I'm drawn to you, Nezumi.'Fuck!
Nezumi felt a lump in his throat as he stared at No.6. What if he lost him tomorrow? What would happen then? Just how many times had he seen people die? How many times had he watched as it happened? How many times had he felt human bodies going cold? Would Sion's body going cold feel different? He remembered Sion's warmth. His warmth had always remained intact in his memory ever since that stormy night four years ago. It had made him feel safe, protected. It had made him feel alive and connected to another human being. The idea of his skin getting cold terrified Nezumi. He broke into cold sweat and his heart lost its regular rhythm with a loud thud in his chest.
I'm a hypocrite. I told him to cut off all his attachments. To sever all his connections with people, with his past and anything else that would hinder him. But.. I have always been connected to Sion. Ever since that night... Sion... has been my home. How did I believe that I did everything I did to pay my debt to him? Didn't I always watch him from the shadows for four years? Making sure he was okay... but, secretly hoping... that he would need me? Hoping for an excuse to see him again? How did I believe such a lie? When I knew that my debt could never be paid? Sion... How did you believe me?
'I trust you, Nezumi.'Nezumi took in a tremulous breath, held it in and then let it out as a long sigh. He didn't stop himself this time. His heart didn't feel any lighter than it felt before he came out here. He was scared. He was scared to know what was to happen to them the next day. But at least now, he knew he was scared.
Nezumi turned his back to No.6 and walked back to the entrance of the tunnel. His thoughts were an incoherent mess revolving around Sion. His stomach grumbled audibly. The night air didn't really help cooling my head off after all, he thought bitterly as he descended the stairs. Cravat greeted him in the middle of the tunnel and climbed on his shoulder. Nezumi stroked it's head with his long and graceful fingers as he quietly opened the door to his place. He soon realized he didn't need to be quiet for Sion was awake, sitting on the side of the bed with his arms around his legs and a single gasoline lamp flickering in front of him.
Nezumi felt a wave of regret and said "I didn't mean to wake you up. I'm sorry."
Sion watched him remove his superfiber clothing and his leather jacket as he slowly stood up. Cravat ran to join Hamlet and Tsukiyo on the bed.
"Where did you go? It is so late..."
"I went to get some air." Nezumi walked past him and sat on the bed. He started playing with the mice.
"Are you not feeling well?" There was genuine concern in Sion's voice.
Nezumi waved his other hand as he said, "I'm okay, Sion. I just needed some fresh air. That's all."
He raised his head to look at him. Sion walked towards him, took his face in both of his hands as he bent over and pressed his forehead against Nezumi's. Nezumi's heart gave a tiny twitch and a strong sense of deja vu came over him. As unexpectedly and suddenly as he had given him that peck of a 'goodnight kiss', Sion had leaned his forehead against his. His smell filled Nezumi's nostrils. It was a mixture of soap, fabric and his own smell. He also smelled of sleep. His heart gave another, stronger twitch.
"You don't have a fever," Sion determined.
"Of course I don't." Nezumi snorted as Sion pulled back. The mice ran away in various directions.
"I told you I'm okay."
"I woke up and didn't see you around." Sion walked away to the sink, grabbed a cup, turned on the faucet and filled the cup with water. He came back with an expressionless face and extended the cup to Nezumi.
"I thought you left to the correctional facility without me," he added as Nezumi took the offered cup and brought it to his lips.
Nezumi stared at Sion's innocent but steadfast face as he drank then put the cup down. He lifted up the small gasoline lamp and blew out the light inside it. Darkness swallowed them. It took a few seconds for Nezumi's eyes to got used to it but soon enough he could easily see Sion's black figure still standing beside the bed. Nezumi took off his boots, laid back on the bed and pulled the blankets over him.
"I was going to do just that actually. But then to my misfortune, I remembered that the one who memorized the blueprints is you and not me. So even though it's annoying, I guess I'm stuck with you." Nezumi felt Sion climb onto the bed from the foot side, trying not to disturb him.
"For the first time ever, my intelligence has actually come in handy." He said as he get in the bed and pulled the blankets over him with a rustling sound.
"Such modesty, coming from a genius." Even Nezumi could heard the smirk in his voice.
"I'm glad you came back, Nezumi." Sion's words echoed in Nezumi's head.
There he was again... so honest... so open. He felt him scoot over on the bed towards the wall with that instinctive selflessness and turn his back to him. The bed was big enough for both of them but Sion always had to say the last word, didn't he? Verbally, or with his actions...
Nezumi stared at the ceiling and inhaled...
To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death.
Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more.
Nezumi saw Sion turning around through his peripheral vision as he recited... He didn't make a sound but just stared at his side view. In the darkness and solid silence, Nezumi's voice carried the most sorrowful tone; his protest a surrender, his acceptance a defeat. He thought about tomorrow while the lines he knew as well as his own name gained sound on his lips. Would he be thinking tomorrow, the same way Macbeth was thinking then? Holding onto Sion's cooling corpse as he watched the life in his eyes fade out like the fickle light of a candle? Nezumi finished as the last line suggested... Silence stretched in the air. Neither of them spoke, neither of them moved. Nezumi could feel their combined heartbeat through the mattress.
"Why did you ask me to recite this scene yesterday?" Nezumi finally asked without looking at Sion. He heard Sion breathe deeply. His voice was tiny, croaked when he replied.
"What do you mean?"
"Why this specific act and scene? Why not hundreds of other pieces or parts but THIS one?" Nezumi turned his head to look at him. Sion was laying on his right side staring at the bed sheets. He didn't reply right away.
"It was beautiful... I had read it several times before but had never really understood it's true meaning. When you recited... " Sion stopped midway. Nezumi saw him raising one of his hands over his face.
Is he...?
"... it made perfect sense." Sion finished his sentence. His other hand also went up to cover his face as Nezumi watched him.
Is he...crying?
Sion probably had thought that the darkness would hide him from Nezumi, but Nezumi could see him just fine. Sion wiped his eyes with his fingers and exhaled a deep tremulous sigh.
"Why are you crying?" Sion froze and held his breath. Nezumi's question had surprised him but the tone of his voice had surprised him even more. Instead of being sarcastic or even exasperated, his voice was soft, tender. He sounded... sad. Sion removed his hands from his face to look at him. Nezumi was staring directly at him. Sion couldn't see him clearly but he could feel the power of his gaze.
"I...I don't really know myself." Sion spoke looking down. "It is so sad, don't you think? Losing someone you love so much?" His voice quavered. "The way you recited it... as if you could feel it, Nezumi... I will... I will never forget it. Nn-never." Sion's voice broke at the last word. He buried his face in his hands and turned his back to him again in an attempt to hide his tears.
He isn't as clueless as I think he is. Sion knows, as well as I do, that tomorrow we could both die. Yes, he makes plans for the summer on how we should spend it but he also asks me to recite this part for him...
Is this you saying 'goodbye' again, Sion? Are you saying 'goodbye' to me? Are you preparing for a tomorrow that you might die?
Nezumi felt his throat burn. He could feel Sion's silent sobs through the bed and see his back shake as he tried to kept quiet.
How long have you been feeling so scared, Sion? How many times have you cried yourself to sleep in the last month when I was away for the night?
'Nothing scares me more than the thought of losing you, Nezumi.'The words Sion told him weeks ago resonated in his mind. Their meaning, along with his tears now hit Nezumi with all their might.
He is crying for me. He isn't afraid to die. He is scared I will.
"Sion." Nezumi whispered.
As if triggered by his voice, Sion's resistance shattered into pieces. He pulled his legs up to his chest and let his sorrow completely take over him. He cried plainly, purely, his every sigh carrying his pain. Every sob expressing his helplessness. Nezumi raised himself on his left elbow and stared at his back.
"Sion." He called out to him but it only made it worse.
I should have given him more credit. I should have realized that he was hurting too. Is there a limit to how selfish I can be? Didn't he do everything he could to make me realize it? Tried to tell me... Tried to show me...
'I'm drawn to you, Nezumi.'"Sion," Nezumi placed his hand on Sion's back and called his name again. "Sion... please... look at me."
'I trust you, Nezumi.'"Sion..." Nezumi moved his hand onto Sion's shoulder and forced him to turn around. Sion didn't fight him but kept his hands on his face as his entire body shook from sobbing.
'Nothing scares me more than the thought of losing you, Nezumi.'The lump in Nezumi's throat caught fire. His eyes stung. His heart ached in his chest and he reached forward to take Sion in his arms. He pulled him to his chest as he kept repeating his name.
"Sion... please don't cry. Sion. Please... please don't cry." Nezumi felt Sion's hands close tightly around the front of his shirt as he cried to his chest.
"Nn-Nezumi," Sion whispered through sobs.
"I'm here, Sion. You can feel my heartbeat, can't you? I'm right here and I'm alive... so please, Sion, don't cry anymore."
Sion's fingers dug into his flesh through the shirt but Nezumi kept holding him tight against his chest. His warmth enveloped him and every breath he took carried off his smell. It was so familiar and yet so strange at the same time. Sion's pain resonated within his own body and Nezumi held him even closer.
"Nezumi... I-I don't w-want to l-lose you..." Sion whispered. Nezumi's heart pained, recalling the same fear he harbored for Sion's safety. He gently pushed Sion away from himself and stared into his eyes. Even in darkness, his eyes had found light. They flickered with tears and emotion. All of his feelings were there; bare, untrammeled, pure... Real. Nezumi lost his balance. Under Sion's tearful gaze he felt his own eyes water. He held Sion's face with a single hand and leaned in to press his lips against his. To console him, to convince him, to distract him... but more than anything else because he couldn't stop himself. His heart urged him to do it faster but his lips touched Sion's slowly. He felt Sion go rigid in his arms however his initial surprise faded as Nezumi deepened the kiss and he started to respond to him. He pulled him closer by the shirt and tilted his head to the side, wrapping his arms around Nezumi's neck. Nezumi felt his heart expand in his chest as if wanting to burst out of it. He pushed Sion back on the bed using his weight, cupping his face with both hands as he slid his tongue in his mouth. Sion moaned into the kiss when he tasted him. Nezumi kissed him slowly and passionately with a lazy rhythm. His hands, wet with Sion's tears, moved on their own. One of them entangling itself in his snowy white hair; the other keeping Sion close to him by the neck. Sion responded to his body's every move. It was a perfect dance and he was the perfect partner. Nezumi kissed him until neither of them could breathe. Then he buried his face into Sion's neck, letting his body fall on top of him, with a deep sigh he did not try to stop. Sion held him in his arms and brushed his silky hair with his fingers.
"Nezumi?"
"Hmmm?"
"What did that kiss mean?"
Nezumi exhaled against his neck.
"Always with the questions, aren't you Sion?"
He raised himself on his hands on either side of Sion and stared into his eyes. Sion could barely see him but he could still see the silver gleam of his eyes as if they were burning from within.
"Ask me after we save Safu."
Sion smiled as Nezumi laid in his arms again. He felt his arms tighten around him and for the first time since weeks, he felt like he had something to look forward to in his future. And that was exactly why Nezumi had replied that way. To give him something to live for.
"Sion."
"Yes, Nezumi?"
"Stop sleeping so close to the wall. It is a waste of your body heat. If you have so much extra that you are wasting it, you can share it with me."
Sion's smile widened. His heart filled with warmth and affection. He tightened his arms around Nezumi and closed his eyes to let sleep take over him.
"Okay."
Nezumi heard his voice reach him through the darkness as his conscious slowly floated away. He didn't feel hungry anymore. He knew he could sleep now. He was home.
'Love or hatred. Friends or foes. Inside the wall or outside it…'Sion was right... There was a third option.