Eh, this is my first submission thingy, so go easy. I tried to incorporate as much random-o-sity as possible.
Naruto is owned by Mr. Kishimoto. Of course, it's not owned by me…if it was, Deidara would have a definite gender, Haku wouldn't look or act (forest scene, damnit) homosexual, and Tomy or whatever the hell animation company that makes the anime would have gotten a damn move on making Naruto II.
Anyways…off with the
rant, on with the story. This takes place when Naruto and the rest of
the Rookie Nine are around 18-ish.
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It was any normal day
in Konoha. Well…kind of. The only difference was that Akatsuki had
broken up and Itachi had brainwashed everyone via Mangekyou Sharingan
into thinking that in the insert number years he had been gone were
in fact because of a mission that required for him to raise bear
children in the mountains for insert number years. His story for
the rest of his family being dead was that there was some kind of
Uchiha-affecting terminal illness and that only Sasuke and Itachi
were able to take the required antidote in time.
Oh yesh, Sasuke had also been brought back after a three-second battle in which Sakura had found him, gotten up close to him, and used that bakemono strength of her foot via kicking him in the scrotum. Like I said, a three-second battle.
On with the story!
Naruto marched out of Ichiraku, having just gorged on enough Ramen to overfeed a bear getting ready for hibernation. With a full stomach, he walked home (which is now an actual house located next to the Uchiha house compound, as he eventually saved up enough money from missions to get one) and plopped himself down on the couch. He picked up a pillow, propped it up against his head, and fell asleep against the windowsill (which was next to the couch). Unknown to him, Hinata was walking up the wall to his window in order to give him an early birthday present.
At the same time, Sasuke had been sparring with Itachi, and they both went home to their otherwise empty housing complex. Sasuke munched on a tomato (or two, or five, or nineteen) while Itachi buried his nose in Sasori-x-Zetsu-x-Kisame hardcore yaoi fish porn doujinshi hentai he had bought off some anti-Akatsuki comic writer. They both sat near the window facing Naruto's house.
At the same time, Sakura had gotten off medical-nin training with the Godaime, and was heading off to her house which was conviently located next to Sasuke's compound thing. She had recently purchased a giant springboard thing and had propped it up against the wall, which made the springboard face Sasuke's house window, which made it in turn go through Sasuke's house and into Naruto's window.
She was walking from one point of her room to the other when all of a sudden she tripped on a Hot Wheels car launcher thing and tumbled into the springboard. She screamed out various obscenities as she was launched into Sasuke's house, effectively bring Itachi and Sasuke along with her trajectory heading towards Naruto's window. Hinata had just reached the window when the clump of flying human slammed into her, knocking the girl and Naruto both onto the ground.
In effect, Sakura was lying on top of Sasuke in missionary position, while Itachi's butt and the back of his legs were slammed against the wall, while his torso, arms, and head were in a right angle to his bottom portion of body. Naruto had been hit so he was kneeling in front of Itachi, and it looked like they were anal sexing. Hinata was the last to hit something. Her body first slammed against the ground, then began tumbling until she was on top of Sakura.
Nobody moved for a second. Then...
"WHAT THE MOTHERFUCKITYFUCK McFUCKERINGFUCKFUCKERSON IS GOING ON HERE!"
They scrambled extremely quickly. Naruto was completely red and retreated to the ceiling via chakra walking. Sakura was sidled up against the wall. Itachi lay in his spot, occasionally twitching, as Naruto had slammed into his balls. Sasuke lay on the ground, wondering what in the name of tomato had just happened, and Hinata had fainted (and she was a nice shade of half green, half red. Christmas, anyone?).
Then they slowly filed out of the room, leaving Hinata to sleep or whatever the hell happens when you faint. Naruto later chucked her out the window as she was obstructing the way to his bed.
A few hours later, Kakashi appeared out of the closet, pressed the 'stop' button on his camcorder, and sold the tape on eBay for fifteen billion dollars.
End.
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A/N: Please review on
quality of the random, not on quality of story. D