Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Kisses or Twilight. Sadly, Edward and Alexander do not belong to me.
Alexander Sterling was a vampire from a small town called Dullsville. He slept in a coffin, had sharp white fangs and feasted on bloody heaps of steak every night.
Edward Cullen was from Forks, also a small town. He glittered in the sunlight and didn't sleep - ever. He feasted on mountain lion daily, lives for rainy days and had a stone cold body.
Well one evening Alexander was walking down the street. He stopped at the local McDonald's and saw Edward Cullen walking out eating a Big Mac.
"Yo freak!" Edward called to Alexander. Edward didn't like the fact that this dude was waltzing down the street interrupting his burger time. Edward immediately knew what to do…he threw his burger at Alexander.
Alexander, with ketchup in his hair and a pickle stuck on his shirt, yelled at this freak.
"Hey! What was that for?" yelled Alexander.
"For you walking down this street. You and your mother suck balls!" Edward called after him.
"You trying to start a Yo Mama fight with me?" Alexander responded.
"Hell yeah I am!"
With that the two vampires walked into the McDonalds, full of people just waiting for the fight to start.
In the background was Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, Carlisle, Charlie, Esme, Renesmee, Raven, Becky, Matt, Trevor, Jagger and Luna watching them.
Alexander: Yo Mama so fat people jog around her for exercise!
The crowd started clapping. "You gonna take that from him, Edward?" yelled Emmett.
Edward: Yo Mama so fat she had to go to sea world to get baptized!
Alexander: Yo Mama so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid!
Raven gave Alexander a disgusted look and Jagger laughed.
Edward: Yo Mama teeth are so yellow she spits butter!
Alexander: Yo Mama so lazy she got a remote control just to operate her remote!
Edward: Yo Mama so lazy she came in last place at a snail marathon.
Alexander: Yo Mama so tall she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.
Edward: Yo Mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
"You can do it Alexander!" Becky cheered.
Alexander: Yo Mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside and grabs a bowl.
Edward: Yo Mama so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
Alexander: Yo Mama so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.
Edward: Yo Mama so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
Alexander: Yo Mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
Edward: Yo Mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway!
Alexander: Yo Mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Edward: Yo Mama so ugly she tried to take a bath and the water jumped out.
Someone threw another burger at Alexander. Wow, that was the second time tonight!
Alexander: Yo Mama so ugly she scares the roaches away.
Edward: Yo Mama feet are so big her shoes got license plates!
Alexander finally walked over to Edward and popped him right in the chops. "Suck it!" he yelled and spat in his eye. Raven clapped her hands and cheered for Alexander. Alexander had won the fight.