Author's Note: Thanks to all those who read and reviewed, 'Shall I dig your grave?'! It was a great fic wasn't it? ^_^ I knew it! BTW, I am sooo full of myself! So don't let it get to you! ^_~ Enjoy!
Dr. Trowa's Mental Sessions
{Trowa is sitting on a comfortable leather chair. He's holding a clipboard and a pencil in his hands. He then looks up.}
Trowa: ...Hi.
Audience: HI DR. TROWA.
Trowa: {looks blankly at the audience} ...Dr. Trowa? ...scary people. Alright, Welcome to Trowa's Mental Sessions. I help...those who need it. Such as...Wufei! Wufei and...Wufei. Which brings me to my first-- and probably only-- guest...Wufei. Come on out...Wufei.
{Wufei walks out on stage and lies down on the large leather futon bed}
Trowa: Hi...Wufei.
Wufei: Hi Dr. Trowa-
Trowa: They've even got you calling me Dr. Trowa!
Wufei: Because your name is Dr. Trowa, Dr. Trowa. What a fool.
Trowa: *sighs* Alright, Wufei. What problem do you seem to have-- other than being screwed up in the head?
Wufei: ...All these people...I know I am stronger than them all...they just won't admit it! And it bothers me!
Trowa: ...Tell me, Wufei...do you have any witnesses?
Wufei: ...I know I'm stronger than...you. And...the blond arab...the braid boy...hmm...and-no...yes. And Heero.
Trowa: ...Wufei, you say you are that strong? What do you know...about Justice?
Wufei: {jumps up} JUSTICE? What do you know about INJUSTICE? It's all you weak fools that makes the world a living hell! You all know nothing about Justice, or INJUSTI- FOOLS!! {keeps rambling and ranting about Justice}
Trowa: {sighs and shakes his head} Can we go to a commercial, please?
********************************
Trowa: Hopefully our next guest will be more...okay, here is...Quatre Raberba Winner. The blond, rich arab boy.
{Quatre walks out on stage and lies down on the futon bed}
Trowa: Hi Quatre.
Quatre: Greetings, Trowa.
Trowa: Quatre, why are you on the show? What is your problem?
Quatre: I can sense anger in your voice. Frustration-
Trowa: Quatre, answer the question!
Quatre: Lots of frustration! Friend Trowa, would you like an anger crystal?
Trowa: Boy, answer the dang question!
Quatre: I won't take kindly to people who talk to me in that tone of voice.
Trowa: Now I see your problem. Have you been around someone stupid lately?
Quatre: ...Does Duo count?
Trowa: How about someone frustratingly annoying at some times?
Quatre: ...Duo?
Trowa: How about someone who keeps telling you Omae o korosu all the time? Huh? It has to be someone different!
Quatre: ...what does that mean?
Trowa: I will kill you!
Quatre: You will? But Trowa...why?
Trowa: It's only a question! God! Who keeps telling you-
Quatre: {gasps} I can't breathe! {falls back on the bed}
Trowa: {shakes his head} How about a commercial break?
******************************
Trowa: Alright! Sane people here! I need sane people! *sighs* Okay...let's welcome out someone...who could be insane...that's why we have- {A flashy ad pops up on the screen}
TROWA'S MENTAL LINE
Call now! If you're mental! 1-800-DR TROWA
Trowa says, CALL!
Trowa: Alright...Here's Duo Maxwell, the braid boy.
{Duo walks out and lies down on the futon bed}
Trowa: Duo-
Duo: Trowa! How are ya?
Trowa: The question is...how are you? You seem to be acting a little insane and mental?
Duo: Actually, I was enjoying a nice salad backstage and-
Trowa: Are you trying to say you're...bloated?
Duo: What?! {jumps up} ...I'm not...NO!!!!
Trowa: ...What- is your problem, Duo?
Duo: *sighs* ...never mind. So what did you want to ask me?
Trowa: How are you feeling?
Duo: Okay.
Trowa: Nothing I should know about?
Duo: No!
Trowa: {grins} YES! Finally a sane fool! We'll be back after-
Duo: What? I come all the way here to your mental show for the mental people and I get nothing! I demand an extra few hundred minutes! {starts strangling Trowa}
Trowa: {gasps} HELP!
Duo: I AM A STAR!!! THE GREAT SHINIGAMI HAS SPOKEN!!!
Trowa: Mad man! Mad man! MAD, STUPID, INSANE MAN!!! ROLL IT! ROLL THE DANG COMMERCIAL!! ROLL THE DANG COMMERCIAL!!!!
*******************************
Trowa: {has a cast on} Alright...the last person of the day...Please welcome, and brace yourselves...Heero Yuy.
{Heero walks out and sits on the bed} Heero: ...I have a problem.
Trowa: We know!
Heero: I kill everyone in my path!
Trowa: We know!
Heero: I can't help it.
Trowa: WE KNOW, DANG IT! NOW SHUT UP!!! That's why we'll prevent it! Boys, strap him down!
{Leather belts come from each side of the bed and straps Heero down}
Trowa: Heero? Oh Heero! Take this! {clears his throat} You like Relena, don't you?
Heero: {grumbles} OMAE O-
Trowa: One second! {clears throat} ...Omae-
Heero: DIE!
Trowa: o-
Heero: DIE!!
Trowa: korosu-
Heero: DIE BARTON!! {breaks free from the leather straps and holds a knife to Trowa's neck} Don't make me do this! Omae o korosu! {charges at Trowa}
Trowa: {gasps} Help!
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{Zechs stumbles on to stage and looks at the camera}
Zechs: ...Uh, hello? ...Is this thing on? ...Oh right! Uh, Trowa Barton could not be with us at this moment. He is in the hospital recovering from his...well. He's just not here. But...please take a moment to remember Trowa Barton for his pants...His pants. The pants that were grafted into his legs. Those tight annoying pants...And if you want to remember Trowa...review this fic. If you do not want to remember Trowa...review this fic anyway. Tell us how you like it. Tell us how you like Trowa hosting it...otherwise, tell us something! You pitiful fools, I'm getting bored! And I need to go for a potty break, so BYE!
{runs off to the bathroom}
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