A Fish Out of Water

AN: New Story, new Lily. Bored much? Why, yes, I was.

It didn't snow here. In fact, it drizzled; a pathetic imprint of rain that could barely leave her shivering. She missed the biting cold, the frigid cheeks, the pleasure of a tea after an afternoon in the ice. But nay, Bristol would never bend to her whim or tickle her fancy.

Yet, there are always methods of compromise.

Thump, thump, thump, thump.

"Tom…" Lily groaned, "Tom, please!"

He smoothed back her hair as his smirk drew wider, "You like it, baby, eh? Eh? Tell me how you like it" he panted.

Thump. Thumpthumpthump.

Lily wrapped her legs tightly around his waist, ceasing his enthusiastic pounding momentarily, "Move the table you dumb shite, they'll hear us"

Tom looked affronted for a second, his cheeks flushing with arrogant bitterness as he pulled the table slowly away from the wall of the classroom.

"Thanks Tom"

He grunted and dove back into his task dutifully.

Lily closed her eyes, attempting to enjoy herself. No much use though, the man was horrid. Really, risking suspension for a lousy shag? This was a rather new low she'd never been acquainted with.

Above her, Tom gave the full impression of being completely and thoroughly pleased with himself. His eyes were rolled back in ecstasy, his tongue lolling out of his mouth; his hands gripped her thighs like the handles of a motorcycle, one he'd just gotten comfortable enough to ride.

Lily grimaced, he looked like a dog. This thought was sparked to a greater disgust as he panted with a greater urgency,

"You like it huh, bitch? Uh-uh-huh, yea, you like it bitch" Tom growled up to the ceiling.

Oh, gods.

Finally, Tom began to speed up, the sound of skin sliding on skin only enhanced by the slight slurp their bodies made as they separated.

Lily dug her hand in her hair, curling the ends between her thumb and her index finger, a habit she'd developed in boredom. She yawned, managing to disguise it as a groan of pleasure at the very last minute.

Soon, she thought, soon he'll be done and I can have a good long shower.

"OH, LILY!!!" he screeched.

She reached for her wand at the end of the table and silenced him.

"Oh, oh, Tom" she said monotonously "Oh-oh, oh"

"OH, LILY!!" he mouthed "I'M CUMING!!"

"Oh, Oh" she muttered, twirling her wand between her fingers.

"ARE YOU CUMING?" Tom continued, ever more enthusiastically pursuing a deeper fraction of her bowels "'CUZ I'M CUM-M-M-MING!!!!"

"Oh, yea. Cuming, huh. So close…" Lily rubbed her eyes with the butt of her palm.

Tom threw his head up with a silent roar; Lily felt the familiar sensation of his rhapsodic state, something akin to peeing on yourself.

He collapsed atop her, gasping for air. Against her chest, she could feel his heart drumming like a bird's, fluttering happily until her calmed down. She removed the spell.

Tom pushed himself off the table, wiping his brow with a smile, "That was great", he said.

"Yea…" Lily agreed lightly, "Well, g'night"

"Wait—"

"Look Tom, it's been fun. That's what it's all about, right?"

"Yea, but—"

"I've got to go, yea? I'll see you in class" she pushed her knickers into her jumper pocket, wondering fleetingly how she could've soiled them for a sod with such little skill.

"Can we meet—"

"Uh, no." she went to reach for the handle of the door when she felt Tom close his hand around her forearm.

"How dare you deny me?" he demanded, "You'll see—"

Lily, however small, had the speed enough to be skilled at kicking, and when she managed to kick Tom earnestly in the shin, the last she could've imagined was the vast amount of noise his ungraceful fall would make.

CRASH!!

Tom whimpered pathetically, rolling onto his side in pain. Lily gave a curt nod, and with a smirk tugged open the door.

Oh, bollocks.

From the other side of the doorway glared the unpleasant piggish stare of Madame Poisson, her squinting, black eyes made more menacing by the sheer thickness of her prescription spectacles, her massive body wrapped in a century's old tartan chemise.

"Vel, vel, vel" the woman sneered in a thick, French accent "Look 'o ve 'ave 'ere. C'est Mademoiselle Lily , ze tart of ze school"

OoO

"WHAT?!"

Lily blew into her fringe "Expelled. Permanently." she said, crossing her arms under her chest "For a rotten shag"

"That seems ironic" Sarah snorted, flinging her long mane of black hair over her shoulder.

"Will you shut up for once you FOUL BITCH!!!" panted Kate, shoving her glasses up the bridge of her nose.

Her sister smirked and shrugged a shoulder.

"Permanently?" Kate repeated, as if deflated, "Can they do that?"

Lily threw a pair of knickers into her trunk, "Apparently".

"Want a fag?" Sarah offered, lighting up.

"Ever the helper, aren't you?" Kate snapped, snatching the cigarette from her lips and put it out against the railing of her bed, "Can't you work it off?"

"No" Lily sighed "Fish's been telling Headmaster Collins I've shagged the entire staff"

"What a load of stinking bollocks!" Kate pushed her glasses so violently up her thin nose that she decked herself between the eyes "Merlin!"

"Not the whole staff, surely?" Sarah smirked, leaning against Lily's life-size poster of Robert Plant.

Lily rubbed her temples "Excluding herself" she said as she punched a load of filthy laundry into a small bag, "Geroff Rob, will you? You'll muck him up"

"Bet she's green with envy" Sarah commented, making her way to the bed and plopping down atop it "She's been pinning after you, you know"

Lily rolled her eyes, "That's more than I care to know"

"There must be something we can do!" Kate said passionately, balling a fist and pounding into her hand, "Anything!"

"I will not shag Madame Poisson" Sarah said sardonically "There's a reason we call her Fish" she made a face of disgust.

"For the love of Merlin, Sarah!" Kate screeched, burying her hands in her short hair as she tugged it, "This is serious!"

Lily stepped between them, "Just forget it" she said, "There's no possible way they'll let me stay" her tone contained a smirk of inevitability, as if she'd accepted her fate long before.

"Why would you say that, shag-a-lily?" Sarah's sarcasm droned from her left.

"I decked Fish in the face" Lily pulled from drawer a dirty box of old paints and a cup full of brushes and shrugged with a ghost of a chuckle.

Sarah burst out laughing "Now, that's a reason to get expelled", she sneaked a fag from her inner pocket and lit it up, "This calls for a celebration."

"Then it really is pointless" Kate sighed, reaching into another drawer and pulling forth a handful of socks, "Why'd you do it?"

Lily picked up a snow globe and wrapped it in an old issue of The Daily Prophet, "She called me the school tart"

"Well that's certainly unfair" Kate cupped her chin in thought.

"Not to mention wrong" Sarah snickered "I'm the school tart"

Lily bit the inside of her cheek.

Kate rolled her eyes.

"I am!" Sarah protested, "Ask anyone!"

Lily gave her a look that asked 'anyone?"

"Fine then, ask any bloke, who takes better care of their dangly-bits than Sarah?"

Lily smiled, "You're mad as a hatter,"

"Yea" she agreed.

"What are you going to do, Lily?" Kate asked softly, tucking a strand of her blond hair behind an ear and taking a seat beside Sarah.

"Go home, I suppose"

The sisters cringed in unison, "You're not serious?"

Lily shrugged, she reached for her stockings with a melancholic air "Where else is there?"

Kate sighed deeply, resting her head in her palm "I dunno"

Lily stilled beside her open trunk, almost all her belongings were packed, excluding the pair of trousers she'd wear tomorrow and the uniform she was due to return today.

"But I do!" Sarah exclaimed, "Don't you remember our cousin, Katie? Marlene?"

"Should I?"

"Well, yes! She stayed over the summer, hair as big as a dragon's arse, completely barmy?"

Kate looked blankly at her "Oh, yes, I remember." She said sarcastically, "I mean, since it's so relevant I can't believe she slipped my mind"

"Get your head out of your arse, will you? She goes to Hogwarts, remember?"

"Hogwarts?" Lily asked, turning from beside her trunk, "Where's that?"

"Up in Scotland, I believe. Snow's something awful" Kate replied eagerly, "I can't believe I forgot about it"

"Ha!" Sarah exclaimed, extinguishing her victory fag against the side of the night-table "I win!"

"It snows?" Lily asked.

"Loads" Kate smiled, closing Lily's trunk with a snap.

OoO

Madame Poisson accepted the uniform without much ado; with the exception of the instance when she took a whiff of the crotch area of her dark grey stockings. She ripped off the name tags that pronounced Lily's ownership and glared at nose ring.

"Ve sure to remove zat zing from your noose vefore entering in zat ozer school" she spat, grasping the uniform in her hands with an utmost contempt and stalked off behind her, leaving the redhead to cross the gates of Thornbury Castle.

Lily flipped her middle finger at the witch's massive back, "Flaming arsemonger" she muttered.

It was relatively cold, and the dark of the midwinter morning was just thick enough to make it annoying. Had it not been for the streetlight up ahead, she wouldn't have seen anything. She kept her wand tucked deep in her back pocket, warnings be dammed. She's rather have her arse on fire than risk loosing it in her jumper pocket.

The sweet lavender smell of her Stones jumper triggered the sadness of leaving this place. At first, she would've loved to move up north, the land of her first years, but what did it matter now? More than halfway through her magical education, more than comfortable, more than happy; there was no reason for change. The warmth of the light fires in winter, the thin rain, the foggy mornings; it really was all quite beautiful.

There was barely just a thatch of trees that prevented the muggles from seeing Thornbury Castle, which was just as well. The old, magnificent building wouldn't have been easy to hide with spells, not to mention the hundred-something students that flocked to its gates every September second. As she neared the thatch, her eyes trickled with small, barely visible tears; she'd miss her friends, her teachers, even her easy shags.

The gates to Thornbury creaked open, tall and menacing as they once were artistic and graceful.

"G'bye" she whispered.

OoO

"OI!"

The large, flamboyantly purple triple-decker bus stopped directly beside her, to which she responded by dropping her trunk, her wand and a fistful of cusses.

"Welcome to the Knight bus—"

"For fucksake!" Lily exclaimed "What are you playing at? Trying to murder me, are you?"

"Uh…no-" the man cleared his throat, "My name's Albert Shunpike—"

"I don't give a flying fuck what your name is, what I want" she said, stepping forward and jabbing a finger at his chest "is to know why you parked that fairy-colored monster directly in front of me!!" She screeched.

Albert winced "Didn't you call for us, miss?"

"I most certainly did not!" Lily snapped, "Why would I want a flaming purple box to extract shavings from the tip of my nose?"

"You're not stranded, then?"

"No—well, define 'stranded'" Lily picked up her trunk.

Albert smirked and raised a brow, "Even if I was," Lily said with narrowed eyes, "I wouldn't call for you"

"Did you raise you wand? With your wand-hand, that is?"

"Well I needed some light—"

"Then you called us" he said, picking up her trunk and hurtling into the bus "Come in, come in. We haven't got all day, y'know. The Hogwarts express leaves precisely at eleven." he bustled quickly onto the bus, despite the early hour and the misty dawn.

Lily hopped onto the bus.

"S'aright, Ern. Just another confused one, but I handled it" Albert called to a the driver, a balding man with a long thin nose and large blinking eyes behind a pair of gigantic glasses.

"Ar" said Ernie, tugging a long gear and starting the bus.

BOOM!!

Lily flung back onto a bed close by, bouncing atop it as she lay panting and clutching her heart.

"Welcome to the Knight Bus, "Albert said, his cheeks rosy; finally Lily noticed he was barely a handful of years older than her, "emergency transport for any stranded witch or wizard, my name's Albert Shunpike and I'll be your conductor for his evening—or, rather, this morning"

He offered her a hand, which she took "Thanks Albert" Lily said, shaking his hand "My name's Lily"

She paid her fee and took up a newspaper that was tucked under the mattress, interestedly examining the headline that read,

You-Know-Who Makes an Appearance

Bellow it was a full page picture of a man—or what she supposed was a man, who looked like all life had been sucked from him, his cheeks were sunken as much as his eyes, but the flawless nature of the skin made him look almost serpentine. As he narrowed his eyes at the picture and smiled, his features became even more grotesque and menacing and he threw his head back and laughed, his mane of black hair fanning about behind him like a demonic halo.

"Merlin!" Lily gasped "He's got a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle!"

Albert gasped, "Don't say that!" he whispered urgently, ripping the paper from her hands and tucking it under the mattress again.

"He's got people everywhere" he whispered in warning.

The few minutes it took for the Knight Bus to reach London, and then a dark alley beside King's Cross, were silent ones. Albert seemed too shaken to continue having a light chat and kept stealing worried little glances in her way, and Lily was just too bloody tired, it was barely five in the morning.

Finally, they let her off.

"Take care of yourself" said a grave Albert.

"You too," she said "And uh, watch out for those spies"

"I will" he waved and with another BOOM! he was off.

"Thank Merlin" Lily breathed.

OoO

As soon as she'd arrived in King's Cross, she collapsed onto the nearest bench. She was , in a word, knackered. It was a quarter past six and she was expected at eleven. She wove in and out of sleep, occasionally waking and paying for a shilling's worth of chocolate at a neighboring Sweets shop. Soon after though, she'd return to merciful sleep with her cheeks caked in maroon goo. Lovely.

She was submerged in one of these delirious chocolate-induced comas when she was rudely shaken and whacked over the head with a wand.

" 'Ello? 'ELLOOOOOOO!!!!" whack. whack. whack. "Wake up!!"

Lily rubbed her eyes with one fist and beat away the offending arm with the other.

"Whazzrongwifuuuuu!!!!!!" she exclaimed.

"Is this you?" the girl asked, shoving a moving photograph of Lily , smiling and happily exhibiting her new nipple piercing.

"Yes!" Lily said, snatching the picture and shoving it into her pocket with a blush, "how'd you get it?"

"Huh? Oh, my cousin" the girl said, tucking a chunk of hair behind an ear, "My name's Marlene"

Lily raised a brow and glanced at her hair, sure enough, its circumference could fill the tank of a small, well, tank.

"My name's—"

"Lily, I know. Will you get up? We've barely got five minutes" Marlene said, picking up a discarded chocolate wrapper, "Fancy these, do you?"

"Well—"

"It looks as though you've eaten about half your weight in chocolate," she said matter-a-fact-ly, "what you trying to do, became wider than you are tall?"

"No—"

"Come on, move on, move on!!!" she shoved Lily forward, faster and faster until they came to a halt in front of a solid-looking wall between platforms nine and ten.

"What are you doing?" Marlene huffed, clearly peeved "We'll miss the bloody train!" suddenly, she pushed Lily forward , trunk and all into the very solid-looking wall, muggles be dammed.

Lily screeched and prepared herself for the impact when she realized, it never came. She went straight through the wall and into , it seemed, the Hogwarts Express platform.

"Finally!" exclaimed Marlene behind her, "Scared, were you?"

"No" Lily snapped "Were you?"

Marlene shook her massive red locks, smiling slightly. Marlene was, literally, cute as a button. Small, pert nose, freckled cheeks , bright brown eyes and a smart mouth, she was most definitely a McKinnon.

"Follow me!" she said, "I've got a compartment reserved"

"Really?"

"No" Marlene snickered "But, I know it's empty"

"Why's that?' Lily fluted her trunk into the Express, just as the whistle howled and the families waved good byes.

"Well, truthfully, It's the Shagging compartment—not that I want to shag you, mind you—but, they'll leave us alone"

Lily shrugged and smirked, it seemed they'd already pinned her for the tart she was.

As the train lurched to a start, Marlene and Lily marched forward, or rather, backward into the depths of the most obscure compartments.

Marlene kept ducking her head into them and conversing, though sometimes she was neither welcome nor appreciated.

"Mummy took me snorkeling in Barbados over the holiday," continued a stunningly beautiful girl, as if she hadn't seen Marlene's grotesquely large bob of hair in the doorway,

"Really? The closest I've ever come to snorkeling was that time I hiccupped and swallowed my inhaler" Marlene commented excitedly.

Lily snorted and covered her mouth in laughter.

"Ew, McKinnon, get out!" the girl spat, "Who told you you could barge in here like we wanted your company?"

"Apologies, Apologies" tittered Marlene, sliding the compartment door closed.

"Desdemona Zabinni" snickered Marlene "Muck with her not," she warned, wagging a finger in her direction, "Or rather, muck, muck and muck. It's awful fun"

They continued a ways until they reached a compartment next to the last compartment; Marlene pushed the door open,

"Here we are—oh, no sorry."

"Marly!" a voice boomed, "We missed you!"

"Will you join us?" asked a gentle voice.

"Sorry boys, on official business" she puffed out her chest importantly.

"Oh?"

"Transfer student" Marlene explained, shoving Lily into the compartment, "Her name's Lily"

"They're the Marauders" and, oh, what a beautiful bunch of marauders they were.

OoO

AN:

Nice, innit? Been in my mind for a while. Tell me what you fink, will you?