Hi:)

this is sorta a new story i am writing and the other one i am writing will be a a side project. Please Review if your reading the story it would mean SOOO much to me!:D

I dont own twilight!:)

Jaspers Pov:

i hated being in the house at night. It was as though i was feeling all their lust and love for each other...i wished it was me. I wanted to meet someone and give her all the love i had. I would giver her everything i had...why couldnt i find love? God was punishing me for my past and all the evil i had done...I was a monster and everybody knew it. They might deny it but i had ruined lives and took them when they weren't mine to take. She had told me she loved me and i had believed her so foolishly. That's why i had felt sorry for Riley from the newborn army. (pretend they were after Alice) All he wanted was for Victoria to love him and she used him. Sorta ironic but he had an option and chose wrong. I had met Carlisle when i had just left Peter and Charlotte. Again a happy in love couple, but anyway Carlisle had told me about their...lifestyle and i had agreed to come with him as his son and try it out. It was hard...it still is, but i am trying and it makes me feel better not killing people to make me less...thirsty. I was sitting on the porch and dawn was breaking soon.

``Your not a monster´´ i heard Edwards voice say behind me, but i had already heard him coming so it didn't shock me when he tried once again to make me feel better about my loveless life.

``Prove it´´ i mumbled standing up from the chair i had sat on and Edward had sighed

``Your not killing people so your not a monster and nobody thinks you are. We have all had our...slip ups´´ he said and chuckled darkly. Of course but had they helped make an army and killed useless vampires whose human life had been robbed from them only to be destroyed within weeks.

``you thought you were doing the right thing´´ he said sitting down on the chair behind me. He knew he was wrong. I knew from the start what we were doing was wrong but i would have done anything for her..

``she used you´´ he said as i felt the cold summer breeze come across Forks. She may have used me but i sure as hell didnt complain. Edward sighed again

``Alice says its sunny today so we should go hunt...´´ he said and the wave of love filled me when he said the words Alice...i hate this stupid 'gift' Edward chuckled walking inside again and i followed him. Esme...my 'mother' was standing in front of the flowers rearranging them and Carlisle was watching her from a distance...i felt the love radiating out of him as he watched her every move. Emmett was playing chess with Rosalie...lust was coming from both of them even though we had ALL heard what had went down last night...Alice and Edward was looking into each others eyes while she was sitting on his lap playing with his weird hair. Edwards head snapped up looking at me

``my hair is not weird´´ he said through his teeth making me laugh

its weird i thought knowing he was listening

``lets go hunt´´ Emmett said standing up winning over Rosalie and we all nodded and headed out.

We had reached the clearing and i had spotted a mountain lion but had stopped the minute she had walked in the clearing...her long auburn hair waving down to her waist. Her slender pale body moving like a cat on the prowl. Her mouth slightly open showing her white teeth. Her head had snapped up at us when Carlisle had taken a step forward and i had seen golden eyes... but they were more beautiful then any eyes i had ever seen

``Excuse me but who are you?´´ Carlisle asked in a cautious tone and her eyes looked at us all but had stopped at me looking at me a little longer then the others

``I apologize i had not known the area was...occupied´´ she said and stood up straight. Her voice was like a breath of fresh air. She was it... she was love. I could feel Edward looking at me grinning and Alice had of course understood and was grinning too but just as fast as she had spoken she has turned around and ran. A wave of panic spread across me and i could feel hope leaving my body

``NO´´ i yelled running after her feeling the confusion of the rest of them. I was not letting her get away...