Author's Note: Anything in this chapter that is in bold can be found on pages 675 & 676 in the American hardback copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Chapter One: Mudblood
"I don't know why you're wasting your time"
15-year old Severus spun around and saw a girl-Mary, he thought her name was-standing just outside the portal
"What?"
"I don't know why you are wasting your time out here" Mary repeated "Lily won't come out to talk with you. She's livid"
"I don't blame her" Severus said "But I need to talk to her...I need to apologize"
"The most luck you'll have with her is a written apology, and I wouldn't be too sure that she wouldn't just toss it into the fire"
"Please, can you tell her to come out? If she won't come, then I-I'll sleep out here tonight, and catch her first thing in the morning when she leaves for breakfast. But I am not leaving until she talks to me...will you tell her that? Please?"
Mary looked at him for a moment, and shrugged "Fine. But I'd have my wand out if I were you. Lily might jinx you away.
Severus nodded, and Mary disappeared back inside the tower. The next few minutes were the longest and most agonizing of his life. Finally, the portrait swung open. Keeping Mary's warning in mind, Severus reached for his wand. Lily, who was wearing a dressing gown, came out and stood with her arms folded
"Well?" Lily asked "I'm here"
Severus had no lengthy speech prepared, nor did he think Lily would stay if he started one, so he got strait to the point "I'm sorry"
"I'm not interested"
"I'm sorry!"
"Save your breath."
Severus pleaded Lily with his eyes, determined to make her see he hadn't meant to call her...the word was so foul, and so unfitting for a witch like Lily that he couldn't even bring himself to think it at this point
"I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here"
"I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just-"
"Slipped out?" Severus winced. There was no pity in Lily's voice. "It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends"
Severus opened his mouth to protests, but knew he couldn't truthfully do so, and looked away
"You see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be. You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?"
He opened his moth, but closed it without speaking
"I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine.
"No-listen, I didn't mean-"
"-to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?
He struggled on the verge of speech, but with a contemptuous look she turned and climbed back through the portrait hole.
Severus lay awake in his four-poster bed in his dormitory. He couldn't sleep. He had already tried, but he kept waking up. He couldn't shake off the aching feeling in his heart. He couldn't forget what Lily had said, the look she had given him before returning to the common room...
Severus slowly and quietly slipped out of bed, and walked down to the common room. All that remained from the fires in the fireplaces were glowing coals. Severus sat down and stared at the coals, thinking over and over again She hates me. It's all my fault. She hates me, and it is entirely my fault.
Severus blinked back tears. Knowing his luck, he'd start crying, and someone would come in, seeing him crying. The teasing would be endless, especially if they found out it was over Lily.
I will never say that foul word again Severus vowed That word lost me Lily, and I will never say it again.
Severus turned around as he heard footsteps behind him. It was Professor Slughorn, the Potions Master and Head of Slytherin House.
"It's late, Severus" the professor said
"Yes sir" Severus said "I-I was thinking."
"At this time of night?"
"I couldn't sleep"
"Ah" the professor said "The peace and quiet is ideal for thinking, I'll admit"
"Yes it is sir" Severus said
"I'll leave you to your thoughts, Severus" Professor Slughorn said "However, don't let your thoughts keep you up too late. I won't except a poor night's sleep as an excuse for falling asleep in my class tomorrow"
"Yes sir" Severus said
Professor Slughorn left, and Severus turned back to the fire. Over half the coals had cooled off and darkened. Severus stood up and headed back to his bed. If the coals went out, the common room would be pitch black, and he would never be able to find his way back to bed without risking severe injury to himself. That was the problem with dungeons...their were no windows to let moonlight in to light the way. He stood up to leave. It was then that Severus realized that Potions would be hell tomorrow. It was Double Potions with the Gryffindors...with Lily.
What do you care? Severus thought You'll be lucky to even get a glare from her tomorrow. She's gone, remember? That was the worst part of his mistake...Lily was gone.