the moment of truth in your lies
Summary: She kept saying "I don't love you" and he agreed with her because they both knew that she was lying.
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Coldplay – Fix you
Age 16
He was handsome with his golden hair and the deep green eyes so it made sense for her to be kind of attracted to him. Damn it, she was sixteen and he was about the most attractive guy she had seen so far – and that he was actually pretty smart and friendly did not help her case either. And so what if he had been her best friend for as long as she could remember? He was still just Ben … and therefore no one she would ever want to date at all.
And this was good because he was the was the country's greatest flirt – and she knew that he had his eyes set on someone else … and this did not hurt at all because she did not love him.
"Bendix," she said as she caught up with him as he hurried down the hallway. "What's up?"
"I scored a date," he grinned as he rubbed his neck. "Paula will go out with me."
She smiled as she crossed her arms. "How long have you been trying to get this date?" she asked.
"About a week … she's one of your admirers and probably feared that she might be hunting in your district," he grinned. "But now, I'll take her out to the cinema this evening. You can come with us if you want to … I might get someone to be your date as well, Liv."
She sighed. "No, that won't be necessary," she said. "I have to study for the Cretan test tomorrow … and afterwards, I will be going to bed early. And anyway, stop inviting me to your dates."
"You aren't jealous, right?" he asked as he walked with his usual bouncing steps. "Because that would be dumb … you know that you matter more to me than them, right, Liv?"
"I know," she said as she stared straight ahead. "And no, I am not jealous, Ben. We talked about this before, remember? I am just worried that you won't be able to score a date with her if you keep this up," she added, mentioning towards the black-haired girl who had her head lowered as she walked down the stairs with her younger twin brother. "You are still crushing on her, right?"
He rolled his eyes. "Not that she would ever look twice at me," he said. "She's alright, I guess, but knowing you, you are only approving of this because you remember the way she slammed her book onto my head when I asked her out that one time," he laughed carelessly.
She nodded slowly, remembering the scene. She had been too far away to hear what Jadelina Tempest had said to Bendix Llewellyn but she assumed that the black-haired girl had something extraordinarily rude or impolite because Ben had blushed crimson while the girl had rushed away, cheeks pale and face expressionless as always. This was the pain with the other girl – no one could ever say what she thought or why she acted in one way or another.
"Well, she might give in at one point," she shrugged even though she knew that this would never happen. She had known the black-haired girl for too long to believe that she would ever willingly change her opinion on anything – this was just not her style.
Age 17
How clichéd was this situation, please?
She had just lost her innocence to her best friend – who she had asked for this because she had wanted her first time to be with someone special and Bendix was special – and now, she was wondering whether this had been a smart idea at all. Then again, there was no way to say whether they would have many years ahead. She knew that he had planned on joining the military like his parents and she was about to do the same – for the honour of their respective families' name. Knowing this fool, he would end up killed soon enough.
"You okay, Liv?" he asked after a moment of complete silence. His face was carefully guarded, something he had learned since he had started to pursue a serious career one day.
"I am fine," she said as she exhaled. "What about you, Ben?"
"I'm good as well," he said as he held out his shirt. "There, I don't want you getting sick, Liv."
Sometimes she really wondered whether there was someone else who could take a girl's innocence and act like a worried older brother less than an hour afterwards. But then again, Bendix had always been the king of giving someone mixed signals and since she was not in love with him, she did not mind this as much as another girl might have. She buttoned his shirt and slipped back into her slip, avoiding his gaze. For a moment, she wondered whether she had fallen as low as the whores who kept throwing themselves at him – because this had been the kind of person she had never wanted to be.
"We are cool, aren't we?" he asked.
She exhaled. She would not make the mistake of overanalysing this situation now. Ben was still Ben and even though she had to admit that he had not gotten his reputation for nothing, she would not mess everything up now. She had chosen this. It had been her decision and she would deal with the consequences. "We are cool," she said as she sent him a genuine smile. "I'm tired."
He nodded as he patted the pillow. "Then you might want to sleep," he said and she closed her eyes as the thought she had never wanted to think crossed her mind. She was not Jadelina. She was as far from being Jadelina as the sun was from being the moon. Jadelina was tall while she was short. The other girl was silent and collected, never impulsive and easily provoked. And Jadelina might be able to love Bendix the way he deserved to be loved – she could give the love Olivier just did not have.
"Jade, are you dating Ben by now?"
Olivier's head shot up as she heard the question. She still wondered why she had even accepted the invitation to Kay Hamilton's annual sleepover but then again, she had had nothing else to do and her mother had claimed that hanging out with girls would broaden her perspective.
"Bendix?" the black-haired girl frowned as she shook her head. "I don't think that he's interested in me … he has asked me out that one time but after I turned him down for one reason, he never asked me out again."
Olivier's fingernails pierced her bed sheets as she rolled onto her side. She knew for a fact that Bendix had kept asking the Tempest-heiress out … for what other reason would he chase after her regularly to speak with her alone?
"Really, you aren't dating him?" Kay asked as she sat up. "I thought that either you or Olivier were dating him so if you aren't the one… Olivier, care to share?"
"I am also not dating him," the blonde stated calmly. "Why are you even so interested, Kay and Paula?" she added with an afterthought.
"Well, you had something with him, hadn't you, Olivier?" Serena Hamilton, sixteen and seemingly innocent, asked with a playful smirk. "You didn't complain when you had to kiss him last weekend on Nessa's birthday party…"
"That was truth or dare and unlike some, I can tolerate kissing someone," Olivier replied. "I didn't claim to have herpes to get out of kissing a certain someone…"
Serena's cheeks were crimson within seconds. "W-well … at least, I don't need pathetic excuses like truth or dare to kiss my best friend … if I wanted to, I could kiss my best friend any day!"
"So, why didn't you kiss him at the party?" Jadelina asked with a dangerous smirk. "My poor little brother was wondering whether you suddenly started to hate him or something like that…"
Suddenly, Olivier remembered that the last time she had been present at a sleepover had been years ago and that she had lost touch. Years ago, Serena would never have tried to talk back, she would have accepted everything without any protest. Olivier had also not known that her fellow blonde was crushing on Philippe Tempest even though she had known that Serena and Philippe had been seen a few times in the type of restaurants where usually only couples went. Then again, this was something she had been doing with Bendix for years.
Behind them, the door was opened and the Hamilton-heiress, Nerissa, who was with every inch and fibre of her being the kind of person Olivier loathed – too sharp-minded and witty for her own good – stepped into the room. "Kay, could you and your friends please come to an end? I have been trying to sleep for about an hour now and your giggles are keeping me awake," she said with a sign before she scanned the present girls. "Blind … so goddamn blind," she muttered before she stopped with a dangerous smirk on her lips. "You got an impressive hickey there, Armstrong," she said with an amused snort. "Looks like Llewellyn really got the charms to get even the most … how shall I put it, reserved female members of our society…"
Kay's head turned within a split second and her jaw dropped. "Olivier?" she asked as her eyes started to glow. "You slept with Bendix Llewellyn?"
"He never slept with anyone of the girls he dated before," Paula said as she leaned forwards. "So, how long have you been together?"
Olivier panicked because this overflow of information. Jade was not dating Bendix (which was good because she would have felt guilty otherwise) and neither Paula nor another one of Bendix' countless conquests had slept with him to far. "I didn't sleep with Bendix," she lied, desperately trying to find an excuse for the hickeys. "I made out with that Xingese guest student yesterday."
Nerissa snorted because she obviously knew something she was not supposed to know but left.
"Ah well, Lei Yao is one fine piece of man," Paula agreed. "I guess I'd tap that too…"
"But he isn't as pretty as Phil," Serena muttered softly. "Or as Roy for that matter, right, Riza?"
The silent blonde with the wide brown eyes blushed slightly as she threw a pillow at her cousin.
Age 18
"I don't love you," she said as she scrambled the eggs in a pan, concentrating harder on them as it would have been necessary. "And you don't love me either. You are pining after someone else."
He shrugged, lounging lazily in the chair by the window. "Sure, Liv," he grinned as he grabbed his coffee as fresh hickeys were red against his slightly tanned skin.
She exhaled. To say it out aloud was part of the way to make herself believe those words. And she was right. He could not be in love with her. He was fated to fall for Jadelina Tempest and to have hundreds of adorable children with her. And she would never be the girl he would fall for. Bendix Llewellyn liked the feminine kind of woman and not the type that wielded a sword with far more skill than he would ever possess. Jade was perfect for him with her stoic behaviour and her calm way to address issues that annoyed her.
"Good," she said as she pushed the scrambled eggs from the pan onto two plates. "Since we are both aware of this relationship, it can continue for the time being."
Okay, so maybe she was not as okay with his future relationship with the Tempest-heiress but it was a known fact that she was a possessive woman and to give up her best friend would hurt.
"Very well," he said in agreement as he sipped on his coffee. "Say, did you get the transfer letter already?" he inquired as he picked up his fork.
She nodded. "WestCity as First Lieutenant under the command of Lieutenant General Llewellyn and later on, as a brigadier general, Briggs as commander," she said. "Seems like the transfer office planned out the next twenty years of my life for me already."
"And it seems like we will be in this together for another few years," he grinned. "I will also go to WestCity upon graduation but I will only be a second lieutenant … that's what I got from letting you win that last competition!"
The only thing she could enjoy at the moment was the fact that their relationship – complicated and unusual as it was – was at least not some kind of guy-loves-girl-cliché because she would have really hated that. "We will see where this will get us," she nodded seriously.
"I can tell you that," he said. "WestCity."
Age 19
She stood guard next to her commander's office as Bendix stormed down the hallway, obviously aggravated and mad about something he had heard. She greeted shortly as he nodded at her and then, he entered the office without another word.
"Mother," he addressed their commander, his voice strangely pained.
She had not heard his voice sounding like this in years and so she tensed up. She had never forgotten anything since they have become the closest of all friends, partially because her minds did not allow her to forget. Sometimes she mused why her mind was such a one-trick-pony, always caught up in the repetition of thoughts she had thought hundred times before.
"Bendix," his mother replied and Olivier would picture her sitting there, emerald eyes cold and calculating, a far cry away from Aunty Charlotte, the one she used to be to her.
Olivier had tried to find the sense in this mess, the reason why she was her godmother's subordinate now, the reason behind all the strange jobs she had done so far.
"This is about Major Tempest," Bendix pressured calmly.
"Which one?" the general asked. "Breeze Soul or Breeze Heart? You have to be more precise."
"Breeze Soul," he snapped, unable to contain his dismay anymore. "What the hell were you thinking when you let her pass the state alchemist exam? She is no killer, dammit!"
"She applied and she passed because of her skill," Charlotte Llewellyn, Tigress of the West, said as she gently placed something onto the table. "Jadelina Tempest is a great alchemist and she has the dedication others lack. I won't ship her off to Ishbal if that's what you worry about. She is too young and too inexperienced for that. But she will stay in my service, Bendix. You are dismissed."
So once more, it was all about Jade with Bendix and Olivier was long just to the nasty tug in her chest. And yet, she still clenched her fists as she leaned against the wall.
She was hardly moving until her shift was over and she went home alone. She showered and threw herself onto her bed where his scent was still clinging to her pillows. She did not sleep well that night as she tossed and turned, coming to the conclusion that Bendix – while he managed to made her happy quite often – also managed to hurt her more than anyone else because after all the fireworks were over, the night looked dark and lonely to her.
And yet, she could not bring herself to label him as a mistake, as something she had done out of foolishness. She would have to accept that it hurt sometimes because she would never let go. Just as always, she would swallow the pain and the disappointment and keep going.
Age 20
Youngest Major General.
She wanted to snort and laugh but she was not feeling especially ironic. With the war going on, promotions had been handed out right and left even though the Western Headquarters had not seen any action so far. Bendix had been promoted as well, Brigadier General, ridiculous because it was no title for him. He had been doing exactly the same work she had been doing and yet, he was still one rank beneath her.
But it pleased her greatly that he would be no longer responsible for the state alchemist quartet; the four majors who were even more children than they were. Jadelina Tempest had grown up in a way that scared Olivier sometimes. The silent girl was stoic and emotionless as an adult, hardly ever smiling. Sometimes, she doubted whether Jade was really the best match for Bendix. Philippe was not better than his sister but he had always been more emotional, more impulsive so he would be fine even though he was hot-headed like no one else. Helena Hamilton was calm but within her eyes, there was still the same old fire burning and she kept Jade going – somehow. But what gave her nightmares was Serena's emotionless face and her cold eyes. This was no longer the passionate and shy girl Olivier had known three years ago. This was someone else.
She sighed deeply as she stepped away from the window and turned around. "Madam," she said.
"And here I was wondering how long it would take you to realise that I am here," Charlotte Llewellyn said as she entered the room, instantly being the dominant element of the room. "You are leaving for Briggs later on this evening, right?"
"Yes," Olivier said with a nod. "The promotion was surprising, even for me."
"You worked very hard and well, that you have an important name didn't harm you either," the older woman said as she leaned against the desk. "Just … do me a favour and keep an eye on my little baby boy, will you? I would have preferred to see him in EastCity but, well, you know how things go sometimes, don't you, Olivier? One moment, you are happily married and a second later, you face the facts that your husband commands the eastern area while you are stuck in the West … the Transfer Office takes truly sick pleasure from separating couples…"
"Major General Armstrong will keep an eye on the brigadier general, I am sure of this," the dark voice of Jadelina Tempest rang out as the young woman leaned against the doorframe. "I just wanted to congratulate you to your promotion and tell you that the entire office will miss you."
"That is a nice thing to say, Major," the commander said amused before she took the last folder from Olivier's desk. "I will deliver this one personally to the Investigation Department, don't worry, Liv," she said with a cheerful smile. "You can say goodbye to Major Tempest meanwhile … I remember that you used to be good friends…"
Jade waited for a moment before she smiled. "Just be careful," she said. "Briggs is a pretty dangerous place and no one wants to visit your funeral yet, Olivier."
The blond woman allowed herself a small smirk. "Noted, Jade," she said. "I'll tell Ben the same."
The state alchemist turned to leave before she looked back. "Nessa was right," she said and left, leaving Olivier to wonder what Nerissa had said now again.
Age 23
"…you are leaving," she said, wondering why she was so damn upset. It had been obvious that he would be promoted at one point – and he had not been her personal assistant since Major Lawrence Miles had been transferred to Briggs anyway so she should have the nerve to let him go. The cold weather of Briggs had never been his preferred weather anyway and usually, she lived after the rule of keeping his life as easy and comfortable as possible.
"I have been transferred to SouthCity," he confirmed as he closed the box he had been filling with his personal belongings. "I would have loved to stay a little longer … but I think that we will be fine this way as well … you have always been fine after all, right?"
She nodded calmly as she helped him to stack his boxes onto a neat tower. "It will be silent around here once you are no longer here," she said in a strangely wistful voice. "I mean, you keep the others on their toes when I am in the capital for business…"
He chuckled as he looked around. "I should have been transferred under General Hamilton's command years ago. It was always against the rules that I worked for you," he said friendly as he kissed her forehead. "Be a good girl and give Drachma something to remember when I'm gone, will you? I don't want to hear any complaints about your lack of work ethic or something…"
She looked at him and suddenly she wondered why it was so easy to let go of him. She had expected herself to be angrier, to write letters at the transfer office to insist that he would stay. And now, she even bid him goodbye personally without hurting too much. But this was also the final proof that she was not in love with him. Because if she was in love with him she would mind him leaving her alone and transferring to a headquarters where every woman wore skirts and blouses that showed of far more skin than anyone would ever see in Briggs. Plus, if she loved him, she would be against having him transferring into the Headquarters that had been trying to snatch away Jade Tempest from WestCity, right?
"You think too much, Liv," he said amused as he took his coat. "Well, I guess that I'll see you the next time Bradley calls all his generals to the capital. Until then, stay safe."
She nodded as she crossed her arms. "Give the South hell from me," she said. "They keep messing up and I'm the one who has to send over competent and qualified soldiers."
Jade was already slightly tipsy by the time Olivier reached the bar where the old clique of girls was supposed to meet up. This was confusing for the blonde because usually, Jade was the one who did not drink anything out of fear to end up in a situation where she would no longer be able to defend herself. But for some reason, she was not willed to pay attention tonight.
"She's in love," Nerissa said, sipping her tea. "And from what I heard so far, she has fallen for someone she has never been meant to fall for. Stupid little airhead," she added with a sigh.
Olivier felt how the blood in her veins froze within seconds. "Jade? In love?" she asked.
"Uh-uh," Kay laughed, throwing back her red hair. "So, c'mon, Jade-dear, tells us the story."
"So stupid … so damn stupid," the state alchemist whined as she slammed her forehead against the table. "Remember how I was on that long-term mission in Aerugo? The one that was meant for you, Kay, but you declined for personal reasons? Anyway, I fell in love. Yes, you heard me right, I fell in love. I said for years that it would be crazy for someone like me … but still…"
"Pssh," Lynn said with a cheerful smile. "You are human, Jade. It was obvious to everyone on this table that you would find a way to fall for Bendix sooner or later…"
"B-Bendix?" the black-haired woman looked up, wide eyes flickering over to Olivier. "No! Never! Believe me, Olivier, I never tried to get your man!" she hurried to assure. "I, a representing member of the Amestrian Military, fell for Prince Claudio … and if the amount of flowers he has been sending me is an indicator, he likes me as well."
For a moment, Olivier was frozen before her heart beat louder than usual in her chest. Jade could not be in love with someone who was not Bendix. This was simply impossible but then again, who was she to decide who Jade was allowed to love? The only thing that calmed her down was that Lynn who was basically Jade's diary had not known about this new relationship either and had also assumed that Jade had had feelings for Bendix.
"We will support you, Jade," Serena promised as she leaned back. "I mean, sure, he is technically the enemy but we also supported Riza when she first fell for Roy so we are used to it."
Open-minded and tolerant Serena was truly a blessing to be friends with because she hardly ever judged someone for his or her feelings even though it was a known fact that she judged herself harder than anyone else would ever dare to.
"Rena is right," Nerissa said as she smirked at Olivier. "Say, Armstrong, did you ever hear of Lei again? I thought that you had something going on when he visited…"
Just as Olivier considered gracing her poorly hidden insult with an answer, a shadow fell over the table as Miles approached them. "Madam, Lieutenant General Llewellyn gave me the order to inform you that you are invited for breakfast tomorrow as long as you are – and I quote her on this – not too hangover to find the house," he said.
"I see, yes," she said with a nod before she clapped her hands in front of Nerissa's face. "Are you done spacing out yet, Hamilton?" she asked with a smirk as Miles hurried away, obviously scared of disturbing their Girl's Night Out any longer.
"He's handsome," the taller blond woman muttered as she looked after the major.
"Nessa, please stop staring at him like this," Lynn groaned. "This is making you look pathetic."
Olivier turned her head. If Jade was lost and would never be Mrs Bendix Llewellyn, then maybe … Nerissa was Jade's antithesis in terms of exterior while they were quite similar in their behaviour. But then again, who was she kidding? Nerissa had always taken a liking towards exotic men, the kind of people her late mother had hated.
Age 24
He was good-looking as usual in his dress uniform and for a moment, she wondered why he had asked her to be his escort. She had heard the gossip in the headquarter about all the pretty young things who had tried to be asked out by him so he could not say that everyone else had already had a date.
"You look pretty, Liv," he said as he led her down the staircase. "The dress is new, isn't it?"
"Lynn stopped by and gave it to me," she shrugged. "She said something about 'if you have a reputation, make sure that you keep it' … you know what she's like," she shrugged.
"Well, it is a known fact that Lynn has been holding the title as best-dressed female officer since the day she took her exam," he chuckled as he ruffled through his hair. "So some might argue that she really knows what she is been talking about…"
"She's still in WestCity, isn't she?" she inquired interested. "I imagined her to be more career-oriented … that she would strive for a position in the capital…"
"She tries but my mother refuses to let her go … it's something about making sure that at least a few decent officers stay after we betrayed her by being transferred to Briggs…"
"She never ceases to amuse me," the major general said amused as she looked around in the ballroom. "I wasn't aware that Jade would be here as well today…"
"She is part of the delegation to welcome Prince Claudio … with the amount of flowers he has been sending her lately, it didn't surprise me when he requested her to be his translator and personal escort … they hit it off quite well when she was in Aerugo last year…" he said absentmindedly as he nodded at his subordinate. "She misses WestCity though and asked to be transferred to be back – much to my mother's delight."
"WestCity is maybe the best place to start out," she said in agreement as they looked around for their friends – because even though she would never admit it, the other girls now women are her friends, even Nerissa. "Did you hear that someone tried to recruit Nerissa?" she wondered aloud.
"Nerissa – a state alchemist?" he laughed lowly. "Is this person still in hospital?"
"No idea, Miles just mentioned something about the attempt to recruit her," Olivier shrugged.
"M-Miles?" he stopped. "How does he have information about Nerissa we don't have?"
"Well, I know that they met a few times in North City where she lives at the moment … it's too early to say more than that they are dating but Miles has been suspiciously starting to pile up money and according to Bucaneer, he has been staring at rings a lot lately…"
"To be honest, I totally approve of their relationship," Bendix said amused. "He is the kind of guy she needs … someone who doesn't try to tie her down when she needs to run free … he sounds indeed like her type of man … ah well, let's simply watch how this turns out."
Olivier nodded as she finally spotted the tall blonde who was currently engaged in a serious conversation with a few younger soldiers who were visible intimidated. "Look at that," she sighed as she shook her head. "I can accept that she is taking control of any conversation she takes part in but I cannot accept how easily those fools allow her to push them around. We should be happy that she does not plan on joining any army at the moment … we would be doomed."
He chuckled softly as he wrapped his arm around her. "Well, we came here to dance, didn't we?" he asked amused as he led her onto the dance floor. "Oh well, I was not aware that the Xingese emperor sent one of his brothers over the desert tonight as well…"
The tall man with the black hair smiled as he reached the duo as an equally black-haired, slightly doll-like woman trailed behind him, dressed into a pink pale blue kimono with a pink obi. "Ah, Olivier Armstrong and Bendix Llewellyn," the man said with a smile. "Remember me? I was the Xingese guest student when you were still visiting Central High."
"Lei," Olivier said with a short nod. "And this is your wife, I guess?"
"No, she still refuses to marry me … something about how royal blood shouldn't be tainted with a commoner's blood … I keep telling her that this is bullshit – especially since her clan basically disowned her and seized … our daughter," he finished softly. "But no, Jun Li knows better."
"I do, Lei," the woman said and no matter how doll-like she seemed to be, her voice was sharp.
"Ah well, I forgot to make a proper introduction," he said cheerfully but Olivier saw the pain inside his eyes, the pain that had flared up when he had mentioned their daughter. "Jun Li, those two soldiers are Olivier Armstrong and Bendix Llewellyn, former classmates and you two, this is Jun Li Wei, my dad's old bodyguard and … great-niece."
"How old is your daughter if I may ask?" Bendix inquired before Olivier could stop him.
"Min Li is six years old now," Jun Li said softly but her lips formed a smile. "She is in good hands, this is a good thing to know, Mr Llewellyn. My cousin swore to protect her."
"This is good … I guess," Olivier said with a short nod. "Did you see the others, Lei?"
"I saw Jadelina and her brother … and I guess that Philippe's date is still Serena, right?"
"Yep," Bendix grinned as he looked at the duo of black and gold. "Some things never changed … they are still each others' date whenever there is an important event and they still don't date."
"Not unlike you and Olivier, Bendix," Lei smirked as he wrapped his arm around his girlfriend. "I just saw the Fuhrer, birdie, and so I was wondering whether we could say hello now…"
"We will catch up later," Olivier said as she dragged Bendix away and onto the dance floor.
"He grew up nicely," her own date whispered into her ear with a smirk.
"And has a daughter and a pretty permanent girlfriend," she replied amused. "Funny, he changed really a lot … and he was probably the first father from our year as well…"
"He was the only guy in our year who was on as many dates as I was … I am not sure whether I should mourn my fallen brother-in-arms or whether I should congratulate him…"
"He is happy with her but unhappy about their lost daughter," Olivier shrugged as they started to twirl around. "But no matter what, he will forever have her back … we will see them again."
He nodded seriously and rested his chin on top of her head. "I could come over after the ball," he suggested, the unmorally offer barely concealed.
She looked up to him, sapphire meeting emerald. "I don't love you," she said once more, wondering for a moment how many times she had said it up to know.
"That didn't sound like a no to me," he said, his mouth forming a sly smirk.
"That's probably because it wasn't a no," she replied as she grinned. Unlike other soldiers – cough Riza Hawkeye and Roy Mustang cough – she had nothing to fear from the bothersome Fraternisation Laws because she and Bendix were neither part of the same headquarters nor of the same squad – not anymore, at least. She sniggered to herself as she watched how Mustang stared at his lieutenant who was – like every other time – his date for the evening.
Age 26
Every fucking general this country had was there but he was missing. The space in between of Lieutenant General Grumman and General Hamilton was empty as the commander for South-eastern Amestris was gracing the meeting with his absence. Olivier was happy that she had learned to control her facial expression because otherwise, she would give away how mad she was at him for leaving her alone with those people.
"Llewellyn, where is your son?" Bradley asked, seemingly cheerful but Charlotte Llewellyn had been the daughter of a Fuhrer and a soldier for far too long to fall for the ways of King Bradley.
"Bendix is sick," the woman replied, easily taking the one-eyed challenging gaze. "He has been working overtime to make up for his lapse of judgement that allowed Lieutenant Colonel Tempest to desert the country and to escape to Aerugo."
"Former Lieutenant Colonel, Llewellyn," Raven corrected and within a split second, Olivier saw two things. The glint of the Llewellyn-sabre on Charlotte's waist and the glint of her own sword as if the both weapons planned on killing the general for this comment.
"I chose to promote her so I will also choose when I will no longer call her by her rightful title," Charlotte said calmly as her fingers were wrapped around the hilt of her weapon. "And I also believe that we cannot call her a traitor until it is proven that she truly betrayed the country. She is young and people do foolish things out of love and other foolish emotions."
The both other generals, Grumman and Hamilton, smirked at her words – Grumman because he had always done foolishly reckless things for the very same woman who had just called love a foolish emotion and Hamilton because Hamilton saw more than everyone else. Olivier often wondered whether Peter Hamilton was an ally or an enemy before he remembered that this man had raised four children and all the four of them were a) among her friends and b) still respecting their father greatly. Plus, Hamilton had always been allied with Grumman, Armstrong and Llewellyn – oh, and Tempest but Jade was gone and no one but maybe Bendix could say whether she was really in Aerugo.
Her eyes were colder than the winter at Briggs. "You slept with her," she said drily as she wrapped the too wide pullover around herself. "You slept with Serena."
"I didn't," he said as he sipped on his tea. "There are a few things I'd never do. Sleeping with a woman who could and would kill me in less than a minute given a reason is one of those things."
"You went home with her after the ball and left me to pick up the pieces," she said darkly.
"Sure, but I just dropped her off at her place and went back to my own flat where I slept – alone – before I drove to her place in the morning and picked her up in time for breakfast and then I escorted her to the damn meeting because she's still my subordinate, remember?"
Olivier snorted. "You left me with Mustang and a few enraged alchemists, Ben, that wasn't okay."
"I am sorry that I felt the need to ensure that my subordinate is okay … I mean, she was the one who was slapped in public by that fool…" he leaned back. "But why did you assume that I slept with her when you are still betting that one beautiful day, she will get together with Phil?"
"Well, maybe because Phil has had ten years to make his move on her and still hasn't done it so that you took it upon you to show her that not everyone is as dumb as him and let's such a nice girl leave him?" she suggested. "You could also have tried to make him jealous…"
He rolled his eyes. "Uh-uh, since that would work," he said. "Phil is about as impossible to get jealous as, say, you."
"I don't love you so why should I be jealous?" she snorted. "I was only worried about what Phil might do to you for sleeping with his girl – if Lynn doesn't get you first…"
"I know that you don't love me," he said. "Or to be more precise that you are not in love with me."
She nodded shortly as she leaned back on the couch. "If I was you, I would leave the country," she said all of a sudden as she closed her eyes. "There will be hell soon."
"Because of whatever the East and the North are planning?" he asked as he looked at her, eyes full of sadness and maybe even a hint of betrayal because she had been hinting at it a few weeks ago that he should leave as long as he could before he would have to add treason to the ever-growing list of his crimes … that he had helped Jade to escape to Aerugo had left a dent in his reputation and he had yet to try to clean this mess up.
She nodded silently before she leaned over the table to kiss the corner of his mouth because this was everything she could think of at the moment. "Be safe," she whispered.
"I will be," he promised as he rested his forehead against hers for a moment before grabbing his coat and leaving for what seemed to be forever but she knew that he was too dumb to leave forever. He would be back, rather sooner than later … and the mess would start all over again.
Age 27
"…you are a fool if you really think that," he said as he stepped away from the window. "Liv, people will suspect him to be still alive – and to send him to Ishbal within one of your own squads would be like asking people to realise that he's still alive, do you realise this?"
She shrugged as she looked at him. "So, what do you suggest?"
"Let Nerissa bring him home," he said. "Let me explain this: Nerissa travels. She travels all the time – hardly ever stays at a place for more than a week. For her to travel to Ishbal would make sense … especially since she is married to Miles who is already stationed down there, right?"
She nodded. She had been surprised when Nerissa had shown up to her own wedding – even dressed in a white wedding dress which had been designed by Lynn and her face hidden behind a veil as family jewellery had glittered on her neck. She had been surprised because she had known Nerissa long enough to know that she simply did not do romantic and the like.
Nerissa was like her – focused and ambitioned, never letting go of a goal. But she was also the one who was nothing like Olivier because Nerissa had never been a friend of denial and so she had taken the chance to ask Miles out when she had stopped by in Briggs, simply saying goodbye before what should have been another journey through Xing to find herself. She had stayed and for the first time since she had finished school, Nerissa had settled down – a little bit at least.
"Did you hear something from Jade?" she asked because even after eleven years, she simply could not let go of this topic although she had admitted defeat to herself.
"She is on her way home from Xing," he said with a shrug. "Why are you asking?"
"Xing?" she asked as she frowned. "I would have guessed that she's in Aerugo, hiding under Claudio's throne … but of course, Xing makes sense for her as well."
"To be honest, I arranged something that gave her a permanent home in Lei's hometown because I remembered that they went along quite well when we were younger," he shrugged. "And she speaks Xingese fluently so it was nearly a gimme because well, she looks kinda Xingese too."
"Her great-grandmother was Xingese," Olivier replied absentmindedly as she wondered why Bendix had been able to let go of Jade like this. "And her mother taught her how to speak and write. I think that Phil speaks even a little bit better but she writes neater."
"She did mostly translations and stuff like that as a state alchemist so this is no surprise," he said and for a moment, she was taken aback. Of course, she had known of Jade's intelligence and how she had been able to outsmart nearly everyone so far but to her, state alchemist meant dumb brute … like her brother. Then again, this was maybe a little bit unfair because Alex had changed. He had grown up, had left the pathetic stage he had been in during and after the war. He was still not her favourite person in the world but she could stand him.
"Oh … I didn't know," she admitted slowly. "Anything else I should know about her?"
"She dislikes Scar a little bit more than some might assume," he said with a moment of hesitation. "She was the one who survived first … he left her, clinging to a roof and went to hunt down her brother. When he reached Phil, she was already there, bloodied and bruised but alive."
Olivier nodded. This was the Jade she had learned to respect if not to fear … fierce and with every inch a warrior. The bookworm-image was nothing she would ever be able to associate with the black-haired woman because she remembered Jade too well from their childhood.
"Serena was with Phil that day," Bendix went on. "The three engaged battle with Scar and … well, Serena was the one to cut off Phil's hand when she faced the decision between his life and his hand … she has grown up as well, I'd say."
"We all did," she said lowly.
And maybe this was the problem she was seeing by now. They had been reckless teenagers, just like Fullmetal and his brother, but this had been many years ago and years of service in the military and at least one treason later, they were caught somewhere in between – and utterly incapable of letting go of their old traditions.
She had slept with Bendix for the first time when she had been seventeen and sick of being the only one of her volleyball team who had no experiences – and it should have been a one-time thing, something they had tried out to see how it was only to see that it was wrong. And yet, it had not stopped after that one time. What should have stayed a single experience of awkwardness and confusion and, well, she was mature enough to admit it, pleasure had somehow morphed into tons of encounters, sometimes in her apartment and sometimes in his. She also could not say that she had been the one who had just went with it because she had make the offer just as many times he had.
"Growing up was necessary, Liv," he said gently as he pressed a tender kiss onto her cheek.
She sighed deeply as she rested her forehead against her. "I don't think that we will be ever whole again," she said calmly as she pressed her lips softly against the corner of his mouth.
"We won't," he agreed as he held up her coat. "But no matter what, we have a party to attend."
She nodded calmly as she allowed him to help her into her coat.
Sometimes, she nearly hated him because every time she came close to same sort of realisation, he changed his ways and she was facing another unsolved mystery called Bendix Llewellyn. She hated the way he grinned when he knew that everyone was staring at him … or the silly mind games he liked to play with everyone who was not prepared for his way of making someone go crazy … but even more than that, she hated the way he was sometimes ridiculously humble and even shy. The number one on the list of things he did that annoyed her was the still unsolved question whether he had – at any point of their relationship – liked Jade because this was the burning question she had never gotten rid of.
Jade was present, of course she was. Black hair, green dress and a body to kill for – Olivier had known where to find her: in the centre of attention, admiration and conversation.
"It has been too long," the newly reinstated Lieutenant Colonel grinned. "How have you been?"
And finally, Olivier was able to admit what she had known for years. "I need your help," she said.
Jade nearly dropped the glass she had been holding before she grabbed the blonde's arm and dragged her into one of the empty offices in Central Headquarters. "Say that again," she said.
"I just admitted willingly that I need your help," Olivier muttered and for a moment, she wondered why she had picked Jade to be her confident instead of someone else. Then, she remembered that the only other person who might come up with some kind of plan would be Nerissa and that she would never fall low enough to depend on the other blonde's help.
"It's about Bendix," Olivier went on as she sipped on her own cocktail. "I lost control."
"This is something I predicted to happen sometime soon, yes," Jade said calmly, sitting down on the desk of some innocent soldier. "Additionally, nearly everything about you is about him at some point so I guess that this was pretty easy to guess."
"He … I … we have been sleeping together for about ten years," Olivier admitted, closing her eyes and awaiting the judgement that would come soon enough because even Jade would judge.
"Damn," the state alchemist muttered after a moment. "And here I was guessing that it was going on for eleven years … stupid me," she sighed. "I am getting rusty."
"You knew? You knew that I was sleeping with the man who loved you?"
This was when the other woman broke down in laughter. "Like I always said, Nerissa was right when she called us blind," she said after another heartbeat. "Look, Olivier, he never loved me. Remember that time he asked me out? I told him to leave me alone and ask out the person he really wanted to date … not that he ever did it but, meh, at least I tried to push him."
"With the exception of Serena and her sisters, he dated about every girl he ever talked to…"
The alchemist groaned. "I hate to spell it out for you, Armstrong, but, dammit, he never dated you," she snapped. "Yes, I told him to ask you out that day … and afterwards, he tried to make sure that I didn't run around to tell everyone who might care that he loves you. But since you fool somehow assumed that he liked me and the other way around, it never worked out."
Age 28
It had happened again, of course, because no matter how hard she tried not to end up like this, she was stuck in reverse and as long as she lived, she would always return to this point.
"Morning," he said. "You are okay, aren't you, Liv?"
She nodded as she wondered why she was so damn foolish. She knew why he had stuck to her – at least if Jade was right and she would bet her whole money on Breeze Soul being right – and she was not sure whether she liked this or not. She could deal with lust and friendship but not with love and passion. And last night, she had seen the later, maybe because she had looked for it the very first time. He was not healthy for her – the only thing in this world she depended on and she had worked very hard on keeping this a secret.
"I am okay," she confirmed with a smile. "Say, Ben, when were you going to tell me that you were never really chasing after Jade?"
He was calm, even now when she accused him of lying to her, and for some reason, this annoyed her more than the lie itself – or the fact that they had ended up naked in the same bed again. "I was not sure how I was supposed to tell you that your idea that I was in love with Jade was bullshit," he finally answered. "I guess that it was easier to humour you."
She snapped. "Humouring me?" she hissed. "You can humour me by getting me my favourite food even though you hate it or saying that you like a song just because I like it." She punched her pillow. "Please, leave me alone for now … I have to think," she said softer.
He nodded and then, suddenly, he was gone and for the first time, she felt cold.
"Sorry to say it so blunt, Olivier, but you are a goddamn fool," Nerissa said, resting her hand on her round stomach. "I know that you feel betrayed but seriously … everyone could see it. You told yourself that he loved her so that you didn't have to get in contact with your own feelings."
"Why did I invite you for tea again?"
"It's because I am the only female friend you got in this area," Miles' wife said with a sigh. "Okay, I would get it if you would wake up alone in a cold bed … but he stays. I mean … even Lawrence ran scared after the first time we … well … you know. That was bitter but I confronted him about it … I told him that I didn't like that and look where this brought us."
"The difference is that I don't know why I am even mad at him. I mean … he is Ben. I am never mad at Ben … you know me, right? You remember how I forgave him about everything, right? He spilled wine onto my dress at the graduation ball and I laughed about it."
"You were different then, all of us were," Nerissa said sagely, remembering easier times. "I can't tell you what to do with Ben. I can only ask you a question: do you love him? Because otherwise, there would be no reason for you to sleep with him instead of someone else."
"Nessa, I said it hundred times: I don't love him," she said with a nervous chuckle.
"Wrong answer, Liv," the taller woman said calmly. "I am the last one to tell anyone how she's supposed to feel but in your case, I fear that I have to spell it out to you: no matter how many times you deny it and tell yourself that you aren't … you are in love with Bendix Llewellyn."
"That's something you can't know," Olivier whispered.
"I know the way you think, Olivier, and so I know how you feel … by telling yourself that he loves Jade, you avoided having to think about your relationship. But now, you can no longer pretend."
"…your visit surprises me greatly, Olivier," the red-haired woman said as she looked up from the report on her desk, green eyes narrowing slightly.
"How did you know that it was me? I usually have no business in the South."
"There is hardly someone else with your pattern of steps and your sword hit the doorframe when you entered," the state alchemist said as she closed her pen. "Sit down and tell me what Bendix did this time so that I can go and straighten him out a little bit."
"How do you know that this is about him?" the blond woman asked as she sat down on the couch, one hand on the hilt of her sword and the other on the table.
"Nearly everything about you is about him at some point as well," the younger woman smiled. "Oh, and I guess that I should be saying that I am happy about your promotion, Olivier – or shall I call you Lieutenant General Armstrong now?"
The woman in question snorted. "This won't be necessary, Major General Hamilton," she said as she looked at the other woman. "Did you hear anything interesting from one of the others?"
"Serena and Phil are finally getting married," the redhead grinned as she took a red envelope from the top drawer of her desk. "I was supposed to send it to you but Nessa said that you would stop by at my humble office personally and so I kept it here."
"I feel like I am getting very old when even they marry now…" Olivier muttered.
"Same feelings here," Kay said with a bright smile. "Anyway, you are invited and so is Bendix. And here goes the advice of a happily married woman: talk with him and sort out whatever is the issue between the two of you at the moment … because I am the one who has to deal with Bendix mood swings and sulkiness at the moment – and I am three seconds from zapping him."
"You are a real bitch sometimes, Kay Hamilton," Olivier sighed, remembering the other woman's frightening ability to create lightening to use as a weapon. "Where is he at the moment?"
"He and Jadie dearest are hanging out at the borderline to sort out some minor issues," the second-oldest daughter of the general who commanded the biggest part of the huge southern area said with an amused smirk. "By the way, I am proud of being a bitch because that means that I get my work done … unlike a certain someone who sits in EastCity and gets on my nerves."
"Poor little Kay," Olivier teased. "What did Mustang do this time to anger you like this?"
"In a nutshell, he asked me for permission to marry Riza … I am now responsible to find a loophole in the frat law … and every fool knows that there is none … especially since he voiced his will to keep Riza under his own command … he is really making my life harder than it should be. And when I told him to take this matter up with Fuhrer Grumman, he had the nerve to tell me that he could hardly do this because Grumman told him to marry his granddaughter … who happens to be Riza but when I tried to explain this, he didn't listen to me."
"Sounds like a normal day with you and Mustang," the blond woman said as she chuckled.
"I dumped the entire file onto Jade's desk half an hour ago … it's her family and so she can deal with Roy's stupidity that borderlines to sheer madness," Kay groaned. "Oh, and something about Rena's wedding … it will be held at the beach to remember to bring your bath suit, Olivier."
"You really enjoy torturing me … you and all your sisters … is there some kind of competition? The winner is the one who can make Olivier Armstrong kill everyone in sight or something?"
"Actually, no, we do not have started this kind of bet yet but knowing Lynn, she would tell Jade and so Roy would hear about this and, well, everyone knows that he aggravates you nearly as much as Llewellyn does and so, I fear that this would mean that we already know the winner before we even started … and this makes the thing far too boring for my liking."
"Talking of Llewellyn, I made a mistake the morning after my birthday. Any suggestions how I am supposed to fix that one?" Olivier asked tiredly. "You have known him nearly as long as I did and since I am clueless, I wouldn't mind to get a bit of advice from you, Kay."
"What did you do? Usually, he would never be even considering being mad at you…"
"I snapped at him and basically accused him of lying to me when I was the one who lied to me," she admitted. "That's why I am currently wondering how I am supposed to fix this again."
"You never argued with him before so you probably don't even know how to apologise … because you never considered someone worthy of your apologise … just in case that you find that apologising is a good thing after you told him that you are sorry, you owe me one because you stepped onto my dress at my wedding and I got this huge rip," Kay said cheerfully. "Anyway, if you have to apologise, simply do it. I can't write you a script … because an apology only counts when it is sincere … and genuine. Simply walk up to him and tells him what you want to say. It's easy like this … I never got why people don't apologise all the time when they do something wrong. It would make my job a lot easier sometimes."
The wedding came around without a message from Bendix and sometimes, Olivier wondered whether he even knew that she had been invited as well. Her relationship with Serena and Phil had never been extraordinarily close but Serena had been one of the few who had never been afraid of Olivier and after an extremely bad argument with Phil, she had worked at Briggs for half a year until the man had came to beg her to return at his side – as his partner. Sometimes, Olivier had envied the both younger soldiers because their relationship had taken so many blows which had made them stronger. Serena had taken years to forgive herself to cutting of Phil's hand and Phil had never quite forgiven himself for never being there for all the people who had needed him.
"…you were the last one I expected here."
Olivier turned around to be face to face with the groom's sister. Jade's hair was done, a welcome change after so many years, and she wore a red bath suit. "And I would have guessed that you would stay close to your brother to make sure that he doesn't mess up on the last few metres," Olivier said drily as she looked at the sea again. "I never expected a wedding at the beach."
"The sea, it represents them," Jade said as she sat down on the same rock. "He is the air, the storm … and she is the water with the unknown depths. In a way, it really fits them and … I am happy for them because they truly went through enough pain along the years."
"You are really a good sister for Phil … far better than I ever was for Alex."
"Phil and I are twins, two sides of the same coin. He blooms where I meet my shortcomings and the other way around. I adore him, of course, but that's probably because my forgiveness is one of my strong points. We argued a lot when we were younger but we are at our best when we work together so we always had to make up at some point," the black-haired woman said. "Plus, we have seen how devastated our mother was when her twin brother, Roy's father, died. She could not protect him … she is far stronger than I could ever be and she could do nothing … because he was not killed in an open fight. He died in a car accident … and mom ran there, in her nightgown in spite of a thunderstorm and tried to drag him out of the burning car … too late."
"So, I am supposed to drag him out of a burning car? This might be difficult."
"You could start by telling him that you are sorry for the way you judged what he did in Ishbal."
"As an officer, I cannot change my judgement."
"And neither did Phil judge my escape to Xing as something that was not treason," the younger woman said. "As an officer, yes, you have to call us traitors and cowards. But you are siblings as well … and so Phil called me brave … because I didn't do something I couldn't stand for."
"Phil is different from me and you are different from Alex but still, you are right here," Olivier said with a little smile. "I will have to sort out many things this weekend."
"Just tell Ben … he has been moody since your birthday," Jade smiled. "I could hardly stand working with him at times."
"…sorry for not saying hello earlier but I was facing Phil's panic in his room," Bendix whispered as he caught up with Olivier as she walked barefooted through the sand. "For someone who has adored Serena for nearly his entire life, he was surely a little bit uncertain."
"He is about to marry the woman who cut off his own hand … he is allowed to have second thoughts … but he will show up because otherwise, the furies will get him," she replied, mentioning towards the bride and her sisters who stood at the tent with Riza and Jade.
"I wouldn't want to trade places with him … even though Serena grew up nicely," he smirked.
She did not move her face as she stabbed her elbow into his side. "She is about to marry," she said with a slight smirk, marvelling at the sudden ease in their conversations.
"You are going to tell Phil what I said? Not nice, Liv, not nice at all," he chuckled as he wrapped his arm around her waist. "I heard many interesting stories about you lately, Liv. Three people claim that you sought them out to gain advice … you could have just asked me."
"Did you just sound hurt … and jealous?" she asked him in disbelief.
"Yes," he admitted freely. "I am your best friend, have been since we were kids and yet you run to Nerissa, Kay and Jade for advice? You basically backstabbed me, Olivier!"
She laughed lightly as she patted his shoulder. "We have ten minutes till the wedding starts," she said. "And I guess that we have both a few things to say … and I got a question. Why didn't you call me? I was in SouthCity to see you when I talked with Kay."
"You said that you needed space and time," he said. "I didn't want to call you too early … and to give you a few months so that you could come on terms with everything. That's why I didn't call … I know how you hate it when you feel pressured by something or someone."
"One day, I will have to kill you for knowing me too well but for now, I will tolerate it," she said with a small smirk as she stared at the sky. "I came to a conclusion," she finally said as she exhaled. "Ah well, it's less my own conclusion than Nerissa's theory but you know that feelings and emotions aren't exactly my field of expertise … so bear with me here."
"Well, I never knew that Nerissa was the one who had full access to the knowledge about your feelings but please, continue to confuse and surprise me," he said with a soft smile. "But … what did Nerissa say that made you come to a conclusion."
"In her usual, roundabout way, she said that you weren't the liar but I was the one who kept telling myself stories that couldn't be further from the truth," she admitted. "And we all know that Nerissa is rarely wrong in her assumptions."
"Yeah," he growled. "Her way to predict everything has been getting annoying lately."
"And Jade told me that I need to apologise … sincerely for what I did," she said as she looked at him. "I cannot change who I am … or what I did … and I freely admit that I was quite cruel to you along those years … and yet, I was wondering … whether I could rephrase myself."
"By all means, do as you please," he said as he smiled kindly.
"I do love you," she said, hands clenching to fists. "I do love you, Bendix."
He gently patted her shoulder and kissed the corner of her mouth. "I know," he said.
Her eyes widened. "What kind of answer is that?" she asked with a frown.
"The answer of a man who already knew and … who had made his feelings known many times before," he said amused. "I do love you and while we are at it, marry me?"
"You are incorrigible!" she said. "I bet that you didn't even bring a ring!"
"Liv, I wasn't commander of the Western Special Forces for no reason," he grinned as he slid something over her finger. "Beautiful," he said proudly. "And you know, I'm always prepared."
"You are a jerk," she muttered as she kissed his lips for a moment. "Seriously, you get under my skin like no one else … I need to tell Kay that she was wrong … you manage to annoy me more than Mustang sometimes … he got through with his petition, by the way…"
"I know … I dumped the entire file onto dad's desk and told him that I was getting sick of this entire drama … at that occasion, I asked mom for the ring, by the way," he shrugged.
"How did this file end up on your desk in first place?" she asked. "I thought that Jade should be the one to deal with this complicated issue once for all…"
"Jade was sick and stayed at home and I had to deal with her entire paperwork … well, with everything that I couldn't hand over to someone else," he sighed. "Is the ring to your liking?"
She smiled as she looked at the golden band with the emerald. "Llewellyn green, huh?" she asked with a tiny smirk. "Oh, and two little sapphires … someone really listened to etiquette lessons."
"This someone was your great-great-grandfather Louis who gave this ring to 'the fairest and purest maiden of Amestris' who happened to be my great-great-grandaunt Alessia," he replied. "I only remembered that you once mentioned the ring to be beautiful when we sneaked into mother's room to look at her jewellery."
She smiled as she looked at the ring. "I am sorry for taking so long," she apologised. "You could have been married long ago if I hadn't been so … so much in denial. I keep messing up your life, Ben, and that's what I am truly sorry for."
"Still the same old girl," he grinned. "Don't worry – I got it all under control. And even you could never mess up my life worse than I do it anyway. So, just smile and go with it."
"You of all people should know that I do not smile," she said as they sat down, her hand with the ring hidden wisely under his. The last thing they could use right now was the commotion that would come, certain as the winter, at one point. Olivier knew her friends too well to assume that they could hide this from them and for some reason, she did not even want to.