AN: I finally gave in. After years of telling myself I shouldn't write fanfiction I finally cracked. It's been a few years since I have written any stories, so if you like what I came up with, go ahead and leave a review. If not, tell me how I have made a terrible mistake by deciding to start writing again. Either way, I'll read what you say and take your constructive criticism to heart. Enjoy!
Quick note: Italics=thoughts
Asami needed a drink. Badly.
She wasn't talking about a couple glasses of wine or a beer to sip on while listening to the radio either. She wanted to get shitfaced. She wanted to find the nearest bar, sit in a corner and just drown in alcohol so she can forget all of her problems for a few hours. Ever since her father was put in prison a few months ago, Asami was running the company and doing a terrible job at it. Terrorist CEOs had a nasty habit of killing business.
Asami rounded another corner in her moped. The skyscrapers and fancy apartment buildings were being slowly replaced by factories and abandoned buildings sitting near the docks. Normally she wouldn't visit this area, there were a dozen bars that were closer to her house but she was heading to a particular bar for two reasons. One reason was it was a place where she knew no one would recognize her. And the more important reason was the fact that she already knew that the bartender would never card her.
Asami slowly pulled her moped up to the curb and killed the engine. The bar was sitting between and old furniture store and a 24 hour diner. The place was so worn down most people would assume it was abandoned if it weren't for the faded 'open' sign hanging out of a window. Asami walked through the door and paused at the entrance to take off her helmet and goggles. She took a few moments to shake her hair out and comb her fingers through it to make herself presentable. When she was done she finally took the time to scope the place out.
Well...shit.
There wasn't a single female in sight, and all the men were staring at her. Why did I do the hair flip? I really shouldn't have done the hair flip. I probably should have invited Korra to come along. At least that way she would only be eye raped by half of the men in the bar instead of everyone inside. Then she remembered exactly why she didn't invite Korra. If I invited Korra she would've invited "him" as well, and that's the last thing I need. Asami let out a sigh and sat down on the stool the as far away from the entrance as possible, hoping to get a little privacy, even though she knew it would be impossible with the stares she was getting from the other bar patrons. She could just leave right now, but she knew it would take her forever to find another bar that didn't card and she really wanted that drink.
"So what are ya havin'?" The bartender leaned against the counter to take her order.
"Fire whiskey." The bartender grabbed a glass from underneath the counter and reached behind him to grab the bottle. He filled her glass up halfway and screwed the cap back. When he turned around to put the bottle back on the shelf, a hand on his sleeve stopped him. "No, fuck that. Give me the whole bottle." The bartender raised an eyebrow at her.
"Now why the hell would you want to do something like that?"
"I have a drinking problem."
"Well the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem." he joked.
"Great. I'll get right on doing those other eleven steps tomorrow." Asami downed her drink, grabbed the bottle and refilled her glass, almost spilling the whiskey over the brim.
"You really should slow down, you're going to have a hell of a hangover tomorrow."
"At least with a hangover I feel something."
"Hey...you wanna talk about it?" the bartender leaned over and whispered so they can have privacy. Asami sipped at her second glass, wincing as it burned down her throat.
"Well... unless you are a business expert who has experience with saving multi-million dollar companies from going under, or a thug I can pay to kick the ever-living shit out of cheating firebenders, there really isn't anything we can talk about." The bartender leaned back and shrugged his shoulders at her. He walked to the other side of the bar to serve another customer. Now that she was alone, Asami took another chance to scope out the bar by looking at the mirror that covered the entire back wall of the bar. Yep they're still staring. Most of the men were leaning close to their buddies, speaking in hushed whispers and sneaking glances at her when they thought she wasn't looking. She was watching three men in the corner booth , when one of them suddenly looked up and they made eye contact. It only lasted half a second but Asami already knew she would be regretting it. Great, now he thinks I'm interested in him. She inwardly groaned when she looked through the mirror again and saw him leaving his seat to approach her.
"Hey beautiful." He took a seat next to her. Asami quickly downed her third glass. So it begins...
Asami had already turned down three men before she was even halfway through her bottle of Fire Whiskey. Fuck you would think they would quit after I leveled that guy with a right hook but Nooo they keep coming. They're probably waiting for me to get really drunk so they can go in for the kill. Asami had given up on using her glass and was drinking straight from the bottle now. She was slightly drunk at the moment but she wasn't planning on stopping until she finished the whole bottle.
"Hey there. You look like you could use some company." Asami turned to her right to stare at the man. He was about 5'10" with greasy, black hair pulled back into a pony tail. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and placed one between his lips. "You want a smoke?" he asked her, pulling out a box of matches to light his cigarette.
How am I going to get rid of this one? Asami took another swig. These guys obviously didn't get the hint when she resorted to violence, so she had to change tactics.
Asami took a few seconds to think about what she was going to do next when it finally clicked. Oh. My. God. this will be perfect. Why the hell didn't I think of this sooner? A devilish grin spread across her face as she quickly worked out the details of her plan, and the man took it as encouragement to continue flirting with her.
"So..." He leaned closer, "How about we blow this joint and go somewhere a little more private?" He waggled his eyebrows at her.
Time to strike. Asami slid from her stool and moved so close to him that she was standing between his knees. The entire bar dropped what they were doing to stare at what was unfolding before them. She placed her hand on his thigh and leaned in so her face was next to his. "Actually I would like that a lot. I just have a one question."
"Yes?" he breathed heavily. Asami forced herself not to flinch at the smell of his breath and barely succeeded.
"Well, what I want to know.." Asami boldly reached her hand up and grabbed his crotch. Every patron of the bar widened their eyes at that. "How big is your dick?"
The man couldn't believe what was happening to him. He nearly choked on his cigarette and had to take a few breaths to calm himself. "Come again?"
"I said," She gave him a light squeeze. "How. Big. Is. Your. Dick?"
"Eight inches." He smiled at her, assuming he had this one in the bag. Asami tried her hardest not to laugh at his answer. Man you are five inches at best, and that's with some generous rounding. Asami let go of his crotch and started to rub his thighs again, a look of surprise on her face.
"WOW THAT'S AMAZING!" He beamed at her with pride. Asami smiled even wider as she went in for the kill. " THAT'S WAY BIGGER THAN I WAS BEFORE I HAD MY OPERATION!"
It took a few seconds for what she said to sink into the minds of everyone in the bar. Everyone reacted simultaneously. The bartender dropped the glass he was cleaning and it shattered into a thousand pieces. A few patrons spit out their beer and Asami could faintly hear a customer shout "SON OF A BITCH!" as his friend spit all over the front of his shirt. A man walking to the bathroom did a double take and walked into a wall before crumpling on the ground in pain. Nobody paid attention to the man writhing on the floor in pain or the cursing customer who was covered in beer. They were all focused on the man and the woman, or is it man, who were sitting in front of the bar.
"Well... Your place or mine?" Asami continued to rub his thighs. The man was completely frozen in his spot. His cigarette fell from his lips, completely forgotten as it started to burn a hole in his shirt. The man visibly paled at her suggestion.
"You know what? I'm starting to have second thou- FUCK!" he flinched away from and frantically patted his shirt down when the cigarette burned through and started to burn his chest. "I don't think this is a good idea. You are nice and all but... Fuck it. I'm out." he stood up abruptly and turned to walk away.
"Wait! Can I have your number at least?" She was just rubbing salt in his wounds now.
"Hell no!" He was across the bar and out the door in two seconds flat. Asami returned to her seat, grabbed her bottle of Fire Whiskey and took another swig.
"What the hell was that guy's problem?" she asked the bartender.
"No idea, um, miss." Asami couldn't help but crack a small smile at the bartender's hesitation. She set her bottle down on the counter and took a moment to study the other patrons using the mirror again. Every man in the bar were awkwardly staring into their drinks and actively averting their eyes. They didn't want to draw any attention to themselves.
Finally, some peace and quiet. I should go drinking more often. No one dared to approach Asami for the rest of the night.
And she wouldn't have it any other way.
AN: Hey if Legend of Korra can have plastic surgery, than they can sure as hell have sex change operations. Just sayin'. I could probably improve this story with a little more time but I got tired of staring at it. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed my little oneshot and if this idea was already used before, then I'm sorry but I really can't scroll through thousands of fics to see if my idea was original. Have a great day everyone.