Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.
You remember the frist time you saw him at the ceremony entrance in High School.
You sat with your new classmates listening attentively to your principal's speech. A young man walked toward him as the principal announced the speeach the student who got 1st place in the entrance exam will be giving.
The moment your eyes met his, your heart skipped a beat. You found yourself holding your breath in awe.
He's your first crush, your first love, you even dare say. You fell in love at first sight.
.
You work hard throughout these years in High School to be in top. To meet with his perfect and steady grades. You manage, but not without struggles.
He's a genius, you learnt. A IQ of 200. No wonder you always see him bearing an extreme bored expression in class. Everything is effortless for him. Study is easy, a piece of cake.
But it's not for you. You have to study harder to stay within the 50 top student. It's capital for you to be beside him though he doesn't see you.
.
You begin to show your affection for him in Senior year. Two years have passed since. You realize it's your last year, your last chance to let him see you. You sit beside him in the study room. You offer him drinks. You're always near him. Within his friends circle. Small gestures that you hope he'll see and acknowledge.
He doesn't.
You feel down but refuse to give up.
You try and try to penetrate his unreachable heart.
You fail and fail every single time.
He still doesn't see you. He still see through you.
You almost want to give up. But you don't.
There's still a small and almost cruel hope in you that makes you believe, dream of a possible him and you, of an us.
.
Until one day...
.
It's summer time. The wheater's hot and substitute your ugly yellow brownish uniform jacket to a more confortable summer uniform.
There are gossip running all around school about a girl of the 7th-class (the worst class) that confessed to him. She coldly got rejected.
You pity her for being humiliated and rejected in public yet you admire her for her courage.
You know you wouldn't have been able to do the same.
You don't really think much about her. You don't see her as a threat. After all, she's from the 7th-class. The worst students of the school. The shame of the school.
You heard that he said that he hates stupid girl. So there is no chance that she'll have a chance. She's no threat. There are other girls, prettier and smarter who can threaten you. Not her.
Yet, you never expected her to have such a huge impact on his life.
It's a blow to your heart.
.
They are living together, you heard. Their parents are good friends. She then becomes a menace to you. To his heart.
You still try to show him your love. Subtly.
You offer your drink. You're a bit bolder than usual. Saying you'd feel bad if he refuses.
He refuses. You're rejected.
You're dejected.
The 7th-class girl had joined you in the study room. You don't know how she managed to go from last to 50th in the classment. But she did. And she laughs behind you rather loudly. You refuse to look behind as the other look at the laughing girl. You can sense that she's laughing at you. She eventually calms down and you see from the corner of your eyes that he looks at her and smirked.
You feel even more dejected.
The days go by and you see them gets closer. He's cold to her, even cruel. But at least, he's reachable. She can reach him while you can not. To you, he still is the unreachable genius that he was on the first day.
You worked so hard to let him notice you. But you didn't make any progress. You thought you had. But you finally face the reality. You made zero progress. You still haven't made a step forward in these 3 years with him.
But the girl have made many steps forward in so little time. She's 10 steps ahead of you now. She's closer to him now. She can reach him. Scream his name smiling. And even if he acts annoyed, he sees her, notices her. She got what you wanted.
It's your graduation day. You finished High School at least.
Again, as the first day in this school, the director made his speech. 2 unexpected things happened he said. Indeed. They are going to the same college. The genius and the dumb.
You're sad to see him go. But you hope he'll be happy.
He makes his speech on your behalf. He dooes seem happy, you observe. His speech affects you more than you can say. You don't know who that grand mother is. But you thank her for giving such meaningful words to him and to you.
You want a picture. Whether it is a group photo or just him and you. You just want a picture where he's forever in it. Forever lasting. But once again, he ignores you. He walks past you.
You see Jang Mi grabbing his arm to take a picture. You sigh.
But then, you watch him forcefully wrench himself away from her.
You have always thought Jang Mi as being too casual with him whereas they weren't even close. Jang Mi should correct her manners, you think.
But there is one common point between you and her. You were both rejected by the same guy.
You hear his mother tell him to take a picture with her. She seems hesitant but does it anyway. They both talk in a low voice so we can't hear them. She looks like she's about to leave but he suddenly take his arm around her, surprising everyone.
The look on Jang Mi's face is funny. One moment, she's smug and the second after, she's about to faint.
But you bet your face isn't better. You know you're pouting.
It's so unfair, you think. She lives with him, she doesn't need a picture. She'll still see him after all. And you don't. That's why you want a final picture.
Because it's time for you to say goodbye.
.
The graduation party was a good time.
The 7th class seemed to enjoy themselves. The guy claiming his love for her is singing for her.
It's sweet. You wish your lover would do that one day.
He's teasing her again. Being cruel one more time. You can't help but agree with him when he said she is a fool. An irrating fool.
But then, he's teasing. You don't know why he likes teasing her so much. But you wish you were in her place.
She's showing his baby pictures. Even as a baby, he's handsome.
He's irrated. He grasps once again her wrist. And they leave. Just like that. Just like two lovers who have had enough and want to be alone.
I guess this is goodbye.
.
You come home. Your mother asks you if you had fun. You did though the end was your final heartbreak over him.
You're in your bed staring at the ceiling.
You think of the last 3 years you spent with him. You recognize it was good time. You don't regret.
Or maybe, just maybe, your only regret was you never boldly confessed to him like she did.
Maybe it would have been different. Just maybe.
Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow will be the witness of your new life.
Tomorrow will see you as a fresh new college girl.
Tomorrow will be a new life, a new start.
You let the past in the past. Behind you.
You look foward.
To your future that you need to build.
You close your eyes.
But before you fall in Morphee's arms, you wish him a happy life. You wish her good luck. You know it won't be easy for her to be with him. He's a difficult man.
You wish them happiness.
Because though you don't know her, you know she's a good girl. You know she must be unique for she could enter his heart in such little time.
You know she's special.
This is goodbye. For real.
You fell in Morphee's arms.
.
.
.
.
.
You're 25 years old now. You've grown up. You've matured.
Life is interesting and exciting and so full of surprises.
You met people. You formed friendship. You studied hard. You smiled. You laughed. You cried. You dated.
You simply lived.
You're grateful for life. The good things and sad things that happened to you. You take it all. Because you love your life.
You also met your someone special. You're getting married. You think you can not be happier than you are right now.
You heard from an old high school classmate that they got married in college.
You smile. You're happy for them.
You regret missing the High school reunion. You were aboard at that time.
But you learnt that they both didn't come too. Too busy at the hospital. So you don't regret much now.
You're amazed that her perseverance. Nurse school is hard. And you still remember her as being in the worst class in high school.
Admiration for her as she does everything she can do to help her husband.
You can do nothing but smile.
.
.
Though you know they might not recognize you.
You hope, one day, you'll be able to see them.