Hey everyone! This is another one-shot that eventually turned out to be too long for a single chapter, so I broke it up into two. It's basically how I perceive Rin growing up as a child raised by a demon and humans. More often then not, people seem to neglect shaping Rin's character outside of just a "happy go lucky" innocent child, even when she is portrayed as an adult. People change, and people who were raised by a demon I doubt would retain the same uppity personality they did as a kid. Especially with how badly she was treated and her affections towards her Lord. Anyway, these are just my ideas, no real fact behind them. Anyway, enjoy!

Disclaimer states that I do not own InuYasha.

To Be Human

Chapter 1

Rin wasn't a normal girl. Rin wasn't raised with kindness or compassion. She wasn't brought up in the ways of humans, nor was she taught their traditions, morals, manners or social etiquettes. In a way, it put Rin in a social category far beyond any other creature on earth. Born from one species, but raised by another. Because of this, even though Rin shared the blood of the human race, she felt no inclination of compassion for them. She felt no connection, no bond, and no fellowship.

She was orphaned at a young age, too young for her to even remember her name. For the longest time, people simply called her "girl" as she wandered through the village searching for food. It wasn't until a woman on her death bed mistook her for her daughter in the throes of her sickness that Rin took a name. She was treated like a wretch and a nuisance. She was abused, ill treated and spat on by all the villagers. She had to scrounge for food and fight the dogs for the hole to crawl into for sleep. This lifestyle made her feel unnaturally distant. Rin grew beyond her years, but socially, she was stunted immeasurably.

When she had died, Rin was a hopeless pitiless creature that no one mourned nor cared for. When she was revived, she was a new person. A new start with a new Lord and a new chance. Thus, Rin the human spent her childhood growing up with a demon. His ways became her ways. His savagery, which would normally turn the stomachs of small human children, passed over her eyes easily. His constant slew of insults towards the human race didn't offend her, for she had a disassociation with them. Rin simply didn't know anything beyond what she was taught and what she observed from her powerful demon Lord.

Most human girls grew and had dreams of getting married and baring children. Rin only had dreams of adventures and great battles. Most growing girls grew up feeling insecure about their bodies. Rin often enjoyed bathing in the moonlight without her Kimono.

Rin didn't really trust humans. She thought them slippery and violent and backstabbing, but she didn't quite hate them. Their customs were just strange and their moral values misconstrued to her. She spent her life alone and she enjoyed it as such. She was quiet and to herself, even if she did bother Master Jaken with her ramblings as a growing inquisitive child. Master Jaken and Lord Sesshomaru became her family, and it never registered how abnormal such a thing was.

Rin was thirteen when her first menstrual cycle hit.

It was a fairly normal age for a human, but Rin had no knowledge of this fact. Rin, by that point, was so used to the sight and smell of blood that she didn't react terribly to the sight of her sticky, blood slicked thighs. In fact, she hadn't noticed it when it had first sprung up on her. Lord Sesshomaru had suddenly stopped walking, and without even twitching his face, commanded Jaken to take her to the lake to tend to her feminine problems. From then on, Jaken became her guide into womanhood. He explained every question she had on the subject, from what the blood symbolized to the process of mating and that her body was preparing itself for child-bearing, even if the imp was highly uncomfortable with the constant slew of questions.

Things had changed after that. Rin found herself more emotional than before. She found herself blushing more and caught herself staring at her Lord for longer than what was considered decent. Without the human morals in her mind about what was considered modest or polite, Rin didn't suffer from the same crippling issues that plagued the female species at her age. She didn't lament over the fact that she was fairly flat chested, she didn't understand that young ladies didn't skip around and reveal their legs in a run or in hot weather. She didn't understand that staring so longingly at a man was embarrassing and indecent, or there were certain topics that you didn't bring up in the company of a male, issues of hygiene and anatomy. Rin didn't suffer from any kind of insecurity about her body what so ever. She was never given reason to, and she never had any other human to compare herself to. Lord Sesshomaru always spoke exclusively about the humans, and because of Rin's own disassociation, she never considered that he lumped her in with the rest of them. She didn't count. She wasn't one of them. She wasn't a human, after all. Not really.

When Lord Sesshomaru expressed his desire to send her to a human village shortly after her thirteenth summer (right after her cycle started, if Rin was observant enough), Rin was less than thrilled with such a proposal. As much as Rin desired to please her Lord, she didn't always enjoy his choices to (more frequently as of lately) leave her for extended periods of time by herself. This time, however, he was speaking on permanent terms. For the first time in her new life, she had protested a command from her Lord. She did not want to live among humans. She didn't like them. She had fought, yelled and cried for him not to leave her alone; cried that she only wanted to travel with him, but his words were always final. And Rin always listened.

Lady Kaede wasn't a horrible woman, but she was still— at least in Rin's mind— the woman who had officially tried to replace Lord Sesshomaru as her new ward in the human village. It was strange there. The humans lived in a lifestyle completely lost to Rin. She questioned everything, and nothing felt right at all. No matter what she saw or how she responded, she felt like nothing short of an outsider, as if she was from another country. It was isolating. A girl raised by a demon, pushed suddenly into a human setting and expected to fit in. Rin did the exact opposite, and she represented everything that the humans did not. She was a constant reminder of the beasts that lay outside their grounds. If it wasn't for Lady Kaede's protection, she was sure her treatment would have been worse then what it had been like when she was a human child.

Human child.

When Rin was ten, she had stopped referring to herself as a human. Though biologically she remained the same, after she had been revived, she no longer felt part of that race. From that moment onward, she was in the footsteps of a great Demon Lord. She wasn't too sure what she considered herself to be. Surely she wasn't a demon, but surely she couldn't be a human either. She was simply not one of them. It wasn't that Rin hated the human race like her Lord did, she simply didn't think she belonged and she never would. Their ways were foreign and she often viewed them with distaste and absurdity. It was just far too different from what she was taught. Human women at age sixteen were expected to already be married. They were expected to take care of the house and harvest food, to sew and prepare food. They were not meant to ask questions or study reading and writing. Rin hated sewing and cooking, and had no skill in it. A woman who spoke her mind was not valued. It felt to her that human's senses of morals and values were so flighty and fickle. In time, they changed so drastically at any given moment, while a demon's code of conduct remained the same solid dependable state it always was. How could humans follow something that changed so frequently that it became unpredictable and erratic, dependant and acceptable on which generation you were born into? Those seemed to be the best words that described humans in her mind. Simply put, Rin's values were far too high and clashed far too strongly with those of the humans.

Yet, she did it all for her Lord.

She pretended to be joyful, like she always was when around her Lord when he chose to visit. She would do anything for him. As much as she had matured, there was a naïve, childish part of her as well. There was a part of her that faithfully followed after her Lord and every command he gave. She could stare at him for hours, dreaming about playing with his hair. As he rarely spoke, every word he uttered was like a prayer and treated like the greatest treasure. He was her hero, her idol, father, her brother, her god, her guardian and her savior. He was her everything. And she loved him for everything.

When he sent her away, it was a crippling blow. She felt knocked off a cliff and cast off into the sea. Even though Rin had spent the majority of her youth alone, she had never been lonely. She never desired human companionship. She was completely comfortable by herself, Jaken screeching in her ears, calling her foolish and Lord Sesshomaru's eyes constantly guarding her. For the first time, Rin felt truly alone. She felt abandoned, betrayal and heartache. Never had she hurt this badly. She didn't think anything her Lord could do would hurt her, and this naivety sprung on her like a trap.

Some distant part of her knew that he wouldn't be around her forever. Some part of her knew that she would wither and he would not. She would die and he would live. Yet, some childish part of her didn't care, and expected that she would forever remain by him until death decided to snatch her away from his side. To be abandoned like an old forgotten toy a child grew bored with tore her up. She wasn't wanted, nor needed. Lord Sesshomaru surely didn't have a purpose for her. He never had, and she felt honored that he decided to keep her around as long as he had. To be cast off made her feel worse than useless. It made her feel worthless and unloved.

Her breath used to hitch when their gazes met, and a powerful sensation would tug at her belly. That feeling, that all encompassing sensation that made every other thought and sensation in and around her seem distant, imaginary and nonexistent. She didn't think something like that could be taken away from her. Even less that it could be taken from the very person she would give everything to. He had told her it was for her own good; that she needed to be with humans, but she didn't understand the reasoning behind it. Why did she need to be aware of their habitat? Why did she feel like it was just an excuse to get rid of her? What had she done? What did she do so wrong to upset her Lord so much that her presence became a burden to him? It was her biggest fear, to become a burden to the Lord she so idolized, and it was a large contributing factor to her inevitable dismissal.

She had been working in the fields one day, and her hands caught on a sharp thorn. Angry blood leaked out of the slice and it finally occurred to her. She was painfully reminded then and there that the blood running through her veins was not demon. She was only then reminded that she was a human. That must have been the reason. It made her hate the humans.

Lord Sesshomaru must have gotten tired of being in the company of a human. She had spent so much of her life detached from them, that she herself forgot that she was indeed one. The realization only made her distance herself further from the village. Kaede was the only one sharp enough to pick up her change. Even the strange, observant girl Kagome—InuYasha's mate—didn't notice her secluded behavior.

Though Rin feigned joy and laughter, she really found the woman rather irritating. At first, the woman was a sweet friend that often liked to pamper her, and Rin took her sweetness as straightforward. Yet, she noticed many things that quickly made Rin realize that her sweetness didn't cover some of her other attributes. She treated InuYasha with disrespect, often yelling and nagging at him for the slightest thing, and then getting angry when he found something to yell at her about, claiming he had no right to yell at her. Kagome was always right and InuYasha was always wrong, it was the standard rule. She found the whole ordeal rather hypocritical. Mates were supposed to be treated equal, yet the woman still had the beads around his neck to control him. Rin would never disrespect Lord Sesshomaru in such a way.

Thinking of Lord Sesshomaru and herself in a situation like InuYasha and Kagome, not as quarrelers, but as a mated couple, made her blush heavily. She had dreamed that dream so often at night. She remembered the night-filled fantasies of his glorious form bathing her in silken caresses and heated kisses. Rin ached to kiss him. To feel his lips onto hers. It made places in her body burn with yearning, and Rin's fingers had learned how to soothe the ache, appeasing her physical hunger with images and fantasies of her Lord, his touches, and his kisses

She was eighteen, and her dreams had grown more elaborate as her awareness of the act of sex became exposed to her. Kaede had explained once the ritual that followed courtships, hoping that such questions meant that Rin was searching for a suitable mate—husband as the humans called it. But the idea never even crossed her mind. The thought of taking to bed any of the humans felt disgusting to her. For some reason, Rin felt that they were all undeserving of her virginity. They were greedy and selfish and repulsive. Only one man would do for her, and he was on such a high pedestal, that anything less felt cheap and unworthy. When comparing Lord Sesshomaru to the piggish human males, Rin had decided that remaining celibate would be preferable.

Even though it had been five years since she was left there, she still found herself spending her days staring off into the West, gaze lost in thought and hope. Hope that one day he would return and take her back with him. She had grown so much since that age. No longer was she a short, shapeless scrap of a girl. In five years, her body developed femininity. While she wasn't particularly heavy breasted, her hips had swelled and her figure grew and morphed into curves that ached for child bearing. She was a vision of beauty and youth.

Lady Kaede was aware of her distant behavior around the villagers. She had expressed her concerns to her Lord during one of his visits. Lord Sesshomaru often dropped in, arms laden with some trinket or Kimono or other such gift and spent the day with his growing ward. On one occasion, Lady Kaede had expressed her growing concern over her. Rin was not mixing in with the villagers and constantly spent her days away from them. Lady Kaede expressed how she showed no interest in the young men or socialized with the other girls. Instead, she spent most of her days alone or with her.

Lord Sesshomaru's original plan was to allow Rin a chance to grow up with her own kind. Lord Sesshomaru was against such an idea at first, offering up his ward to the humans, but he saw the wisdom in it, and as Rin grew into womanhood, he recognized the signs well. He was not fit to instruct her on certain matters, and it was overdue time that she should be around her own kind. He hadn't expected her to be so abstracted from their ways that she would purposely avoid them, or that she would feel terribly out of place and isolated.

Rin never stated her displeasure when he came to visit her. She didn't wish to upset him with her trivial issues, for surely the Great Demon Lord of the West had better things to concern his time with than her. She also didn't wish to disappoint him. He expected things from her. He expected her to mingle and flourish under her own people. What would he feel if she did not do this?

When Rin had turned fifteen, the age most girls spent looking for prospective husbands, Lord Sesshomaru stopped making his visits frequent. By sixteen, when most girls were wed, he had stopped making appearances all together. It was his final word. His Lordship felt that his presence would intrude on her human mating practices, even if it was customary in the human world for the male dominate figure to pick a husband. He did expect Rin to find herself a young man, as all the other girls did. Though he didn't necessarily think any were worthy of her, it was not his choice to make, for he knew not of human men, nor did he care to. He knew not to choose for her a human, so he let her decide. Rin was capable and intelligent enough to choose someone sufficient. He felt his presence in her life at that point was superfluous, and to offer her, her own choice in a suitable partner was his last parting gift. He didn't need to intrude or interfere on her right to find a mate, and it would make her feel uncomfortable. Thus, without any knowledge of this, Rin slowly grew more distant, and felt more abandoned.

It wasn't until she had reached the age of seventeen did she express her desire to leave the village to venture on her own for a place to stay. Lady Kaede didn't approve of her choice, but Rin was self reliant enough. She had no obligation to remain in the village as it seemed her Lord lost interest in her, and so there was nothing keeping her there. She had sold the elegant kimonos that her Lord gifted her with, for she outgrew them and she could no longer enjoy them. With the money acquired by selling her kimonos and other expensive trinkets, she was able to buy a small piece of land. The humans knew her name and her Lord well enough not to question a woman owning land. It was safer to simply ignore it. It was far off from Lady Kaede's village, and was far enough so that Rin felt her independence, her distance from the society of humans she felt suffocated in.

It had been two years since she had last heard from her Lord. She couldn't even remember his parting words to her. It wasn't a terribly memorable occasion because she hadn't expected it to be their last. Therefore, Rin felt twice betrayed. First to be abandoned in a village, and now to be abandoned by his presence completely. She tried not to let her disappointment and grief be expressed out onto others, and so when she finally moved, it caught up with her. Now that she lived by herself, she truly was isolated and alone. How had anyone expected her to fit into this world of humans? She didn't belong anywhere. Not demon, but not quite human, not even hanyou. She was just Rin. Rin the human that wasn't. The apple that lost its way from its tree and tried to blend into the pears. It was a lonely existence. Those two years, two years that turned the happy spirited girl who could find mirth and beauty in the slightest thing, into a hermit.

Even being alone, she found her simple joys. She never was idle. Rin kept herself busy, and still found things to smile about, but she found that there was no one there to express it to. It seemed that the mute child she had once been before she died came back with a vengeance.

She wasn't a nasty person, nor particularly depressed. She actually grew to rather enjoy the solitude, having preferred it to the life she knew she would have if she remained around humans. Lady Kaede would sometimes visit her, and on those occasions, Rin would smile and talk of all manner of things she found amusing and beautiful. Her greatest hobbies became star gazing and knot-tying. At one point, Lady Kaede brought her a gift. There was a demon that attacked the village, and InuYasha had disposed of the creature. Lady Kaede brought to her several of its long, thick hairs, which Rin braided into a thick corded whip. Rin kept it close to her and began to practice. The demonic whip offered a deadly slice that was capable of cutting down trees with a single swipe. Rin herself soon collected her fair share of scars.

Another year passed without incident. The villagers soon forgot Rin had even lived with them, and Rin did her best to forget all the trivial things the humans tried to teach her.

Lady Kaede got a visitor one breezy afternoon. It was not expected, but the wise woman accepted him into her village without hesitation. Jaken had paid a visit, on his master's orders to seek how his former ward was doing, and to whom she had settled down with. Though Lord Sesshomaru didn't wish to intrude on her new human life, he was hesitant to lose all traces of her, and he wished to hear of her doings after so long. To his surprise, he learned that Rin's awkwardness to the humans had not vanished like he thought it would, and that she never wed a human. He was further surprised to hear that Rin had chosen for herself to move away from the village and instead live a life of solitude several miles away.

It was what had brought him on his search to find her. It bothered this Sesshomaru that he was wrong about Rin. He had believed that being with her kind would be for the best, but it appeared that it only further drove her away. Sesshomaru hated being wrong about anything, especially when it involved something as serious as Rin. Rin was precious to him in a way that no other living creature was. He had watched over and guarded her since she was but a small child, and she had grown on him, like an infection in his blood. She couldn't be removed. It was hard for him to give her up to the humans. He was a selfish demon, and desired her for himself, but knew that he had to give Rin the opportunity to be a human girl. She had spent far too long in the presence of this demon. It was because of this that it bothered him so. How could he have been so wrong about Rin that he could not foresee that she would respond in such a way? To have wronged her in this way made his insides revolt, and demanded that he fix it. Sesshomaru didn't settle for failure or mistakes.

Night had fallen when he found her dwelling. It was meek and hidden and barely looked accommodating to any more than one person. He figured that the lonely stature of the shack perfectly reflected the personality of the one dwelling therein.

Her scent led him through a different path then to her house, as he originally set himself out to. At this time of night, one would think that a young woman would find herself wrapped in several layers of bedding and half way asleep. Instead, he found his footsteps following a half beaten path in the grass. Behind the house there was a large clearing, one that Sesshomaru could picture Rin frolicking in as a child.

It was the very image of paradise to the small child. She had loved picking flowers, and the field was absolutely covered in them. The moon played a light over the pastel colors that danced under its glow. Buttered yellows and rosy pinks tossed their scents into the wind and wafted into his senses. Even they smelled like Rin.

Seeing the child grow up brought forth many changes in the demon Lord. Humans did not operate like demons did. The passing of time was measured much differently, and humans tended to mature and age much faster and at a rate alarmingly different from demons. To watch the young girl blossom into a woman seemed to happen overnight. He remembered her as the small swaying thing with a big heart and even wider eyes. Such wide, innocent eyes. In time, she grew taller, with each of his visits; he noticed another change in her. A new curve, a smoother voice, longer legs. He had never been around humans long enough to realize how quickly they developed, but his own senses couldn't be fooled. Her scent changed dramatically from innocence, to the ripe, pungent aroma of womanhood. He could smell her femininity, and it drove his blood boiling.

It did not help as he found her that night, bathing in the moon's radiance, all her milky skin exposed to every one of its caresses. Rin used to do this often in her youth on tranquil nights, and he always dismissed it as childhood foolishness. Seeing her now, retaining the same innocence but in the body of a woman, brought upon a strange new sensation in him. She was dead to the world around her, unaware of his approaching form until he stood just a few yards away. The rustling of the grass made her sit up. He made no movement to hide his presence from her.

Rin gently sat up from the grass and peered curiously at this disturbance. Her eyes landed on the tall elegant form of her Lord and she froze. Her gaze held his for several long seconds, before she looked down at herself and pulled her clothing over her exposed body.

Sesshomaru had taught her, in her youth, that it was considered improper for her to show her body to any eyes but her own and her mate's. Rin had no real ideals behind modesty beyond that, and he knew it was more out of this ideology he had taught her than of actual modesty or embarrassment on her part that she covered herself now. Her cheeks weren't flushed with blush, nor were her actions nearly hasty enough to hint that her human teachings were in any effect. It was entirely done for his benefit.

"Lord Sesshomaru…"

Second half will be posted probably tomorrow. Its pretty wordy and I apologize. It started out as a character analysis thing but I got too into it. Anyway, please review!