Night Talk
by KatiKat
I wasn´t sure what woke me up, but I was ready to go back to sleep immediately.
I turned to my side and reached over to the other side of the bed, where my
lover usually slept. That was when my eyes popped open, for the other half of
the bed was not only empty, but the sheets were cold, too.
I turned on my back again and looked around the little one-room apartment. It
was dark, the only source of light being a street lamp, shining through the big
window looking onto the street. I blinked a couple of times and when I was
finally able to focus, I noticed the familiar shape, sitting on the window
sill.
"Ginji?" I rasped out softly, my voice confused. What was he doing up
at this unholy hour? I looked at the clock sitting on the night stand. The red
numbers shone 3:14 am. What the...?
Ginji didn´t answer my inquiry. He kept sitting there, one leg pulled to his
chest, the other resting with his foot on the floor. I knew he was dressed in
boxer shorts and a t-shirt, his usual sleeping attire.
"What´s going on?" I asked, this time more loudly and sat up,
the sheet falling to my lap.
"´s nothing. Go back to sleep, Ban," my blond lover answered, his
voice just as soft as mine.
Okay, now I was really worried. Ginji never called me Ban. I had always been
"Ban-chan", no matter how much I argued with him not to call me that.
I pushed the sheet to the side and swung my legs over the side of the bed. My
feet touched the hardwood floor and its coldness made me shudder. I really
appreciated that Paul let us camp in the little apartment above Honky Tonk, but
he could really turn up the heat a bit.
I reached blindly and took a pack of cigarettes from the nightstand, then the
lighter. I shook out one cigarette, closed my lips around the butt and threw
the pack back on the nightstand. A moment later, the apartment lit up with a
little gold flame. I took a drag on the cigarette, returned the lighter back
where I got it from, then exhaled deeply. Now I was more ready to deal with
whatever mess that was occupying Ginji´s mind.
I stood up and walked over to the window, where he was sitting. I sat down on
the sill just opposite him and shuddered again, when my naked back touched the
cold window pane. Maybe I really should start wearing something more besides
boxers for the night. I propped my feet on the chair nearby, lying my arms on
my bent knees.
"What´s going on?" I asked again, looking at him.
He sat there, leaning against the wall and staring at his hands. The apartment
was dark and I couldn´t see his face clearly, but I really didn´t feel like
getting up and switching the light on.
"I came so close..." I heard him whisper, a strange tone to his
voice.
I paused in mid-drag, blowing the smoke out through my nose. "What?"
Suddenly, blue and white sparks and flames started to dance on the tips of his
fingers, giving his face in a creepy, ghost-like look, making the shadows even
deeper.
"So close," he repeated. He closed his hands into fists, the room
returning to its previous darkness. I saw him shift his head. I was sure he was
looking at me right now, returning my stare. "If you had come just seconds
later... it would have been too late."
At once I knew what he was talking about. A matter we both avoided like the
plague over the last couple of days. I knew we needed to talk about it, but
couldn´t he at least wait for a reasonable hour?
"Ginji..." He didn´t let me finish.
"A few seconds more and the damage done would have been irreversible. No
coming back. All bridges burned. The Emperor of Lightning would have been out
of the box, burning it in the process."
I sighed, turned my head and took another drag. I didn´t know what to say. I
knew exactly how close this call had been. Not seconds. A second. One second
later and we wouldn´t be sitting here right now.
"And you know what the worst thing is?" he asked, his voice still
soft, but there was a desperate note to it. I turned to him, but kept my
silence. "I craved it. I knew what I would become and I didn´t care. The
power was thrilling, liberating. It was pulling me in and I didn´t even think
about resisting. I opened myself fully to it. Not even you would have been able
to pull me out of it this time."
I turned my head away again, watching the red glimmer of my cigarette in the
dark. "But I did," I answered finally.
I heard him huff. "But at what cost? Akabane could have killed you. He
stabbed you, put his sword right through you. And what if it had been your
heart and not only your shoulder?" The desperation was getting more and
more pronounced. I didn´t know where he was heading with it.
"Then I would be dead," I answered as calmly as I could. I really
didn´t know how I felt about my own mortality.
"What? And that would be it?"
I shrugged and took another drag.
A long silence settled between us. Neither of us spoke, before I put out the
butt of my cigarette in the ashtray on the nearby table.
"Ban... should the day come when... when I finally snap and become...
him..." He really didn´t like the title people gave him. "I... You
would be the only one, who could stop me, just like the first time..." His
voice trailed off.
I entwined my arms on my knees and looked at him. "What are you
saying?"
I never heard such seriousness in his voice like right now in this very moment.
"I want you to do anything that´s in your power to stop me. No matter what the
cost," he added, his voice grave.
The blood in my veins turned to ice. "You want me to kill you?" I
whispered. I couldn´t believe that he would ask me this. Not again. Not another
friend. I wouldn´t lose another person important to me by my own hand.
"There won´t be any other way..."
I interrupted him. "Have you lost your mind? There are other ways-"
"NO, there aren´t!" he jumped in, silencing me. "It´s getting
harder and harder to resist the call of the power when I use my abilities.
Sometime I can barely manage to pull from the brink. I´m dancing at the edge of
my own abyss here, Ban. It´s only a matter of time before I fall in." He
let his other leg fall from the sill, too, then he leaned closer and closed his
hands around my arm. "I need to have a safety net. I need to know that
there will be someone who will do the right thing and save me from doing
something I would regret until my last breath." He paused, looking
directly into my eyes. "I need to know, there will be someone, who will
save my soul if not my body," he finished in a voice so soft, that I could
barely hear him.
I swallowed, gazing into his chocolate eyes. I knew he was waiting for my
answer but I hesitated. I knew about his problems with shifting back to his
merely human form for some time now even though he didn´t say anything. I had
my own beast lurking in my soul, the demonic laughter ringing in my ears every
waking moment. I knew everything about being possessed, so I could understand
the source of his fear. And I knew that no one else would be able to face him,
should he take the last step and become the Emperor of Lightning for good. But
would I be able to kill him?
The need for reassurance in his eyes turned into desperation as minutes
passed and I still didn´t answer. He gripped my arm more tightly, begging me
to promise him to be there if needed.
I swallowed again, then nodded just a little. "I promise that I will do
whatever I can," I whispered and he relaxed, literally melting into my
side. I raised my arm, laid it around his shoulders and pulled him closer to
me. "Can we please go back to sleep now?" I asked after giving him a
hard squeeze. He nodded.
Ten minutes later, we were lying on the bed, cuddled together. Ginji was
snoring softly. Exhaustion dragged him down as soon as he laid his head on my
shoulder. I covered us both with the thin sheet, then lay there, staring at the
dark ceiling above me.
I promised to do my best, but I never said a word about killing.
Sorry, Ginji, but there won´t be an easy way out.
I won´t allow you to leave me behind.
The End