I wrote this for Christmas Eve on deviantArt. Thought it'd make a good Christmas Eve gift here, too. Sorry for not being around much...
Prepare yourself for the most fail poem ever.
DISCLAIMER: If I owned LoZ, I wouldn't be on this site, I'd be off making a game for Nintendo.
Twas the night before Christmas and all through Hyrule,
Not a creature was stirring, and all things were cool.
Not a stocking was hung by the chimney with care
For the next day there were no gifts to be shared.
The five Links had decided the previous night
To not give any presents to prevent a fight.
But to a surpise next morning they woke
And at first they thought it was all a joke.
But it was true, someone had left presents for them
And it looked like amazement had been their aim.
Not a Link knew who the cuplrit was,
But it didn't matter to them, because
The presents lined up against the wall
Said they would have Christmas after all.
Green walked over to the presents and said,
"All of the top presents belong to Red."
"What's so special about him?" asked Blue.
"I want to open my presents too!"
Ignoring him, Red opened his presents first.
Upon opening the first, in delight he cursed.
"Great godesses of Hyrule!" exclaimed the knight,
as he hugged his present in joyous delight.
"All the merchandise from Homestuck, it's all mine!"
Vio just shrugged and asked for the time.
"Wait," Shadow said with a peculiar look.
"What's with the rhymes?" asked the crook.
"I don't know what you mean," said Green.
To open his presents, Blue was still keen.
Opening his next present, Red sat in a chair
And found the cutest little hare.
"Snackers?" Red asked with shock.
"I thought you were sleeping under the clock!"
As from the bathroom Green came back,
Red's last gift was found as a delicious snack.
"Whoever's idea it was, wasn't bright
To send me the gift of cookies last night."
Blue shrugged and tasted one.
"They taste a little over-done."
Vio opened his presents next
And first found an Ezlo-shaped cake.
The bookworm shrugged and sat it aside,
For this cake Ezlo hadn't died.
Next he found a stack of books
And smiled, at them he'd later look.
A Keaton was his very last alms
So he took the Keaton into his palms.
He gave it a hug, and Shadow's time came
To open presents, but they're all the same.
He received individually wrapped explosives
And didn't find them very corrosive.
But this didn't make Shadow grieve,
Worse ones from Vaati he'd received.
After Shadow, it was Green's turn,
And Blue's anger continued to churn.
The first gift he opened was bubble wrap,
And at first he thought it was a mishap.
"I think my present had been misplaced,"
Said Green as Blue to him lambaste.
Green glared at him and lambasted back.
"Why'd you do that? What's up with that?"
"Let me open my gifts already!"
Demanded Blue as Green went unsteady.
"Wait your turn, Blue, because this present is mine!"
Green said, taking a gift for a second time.
Inside he found a little toy train,
And said with a smile, "I like trains."
A train ran over the Link of Blue
As he told Green, "I like trains too!"
His last gift was a Klondike Bar,
He said with a sigh, "Hardy har har."
"What's wrong?" Red asked, holding up a letter.
"I just think I could've gotten something better."
"Come on, don't be like that," said Shadow.
"What were you expecting? A taco?
We weren't going to have Christmas this year,
So be thankful for what you have here."
"I know," said Green, stopping his whining.
Shadow said, "Hey! Everyone stop rhyming!"
Blue rolled his eyes and he said,
"It's my turn!", and ate some bread.
His first present made him smile like a zombie.
Someone had given him a lot of coffee.
But then the coffee said, "Hey, I bet
You're not old enough to drink me yet."
Blue rolled his eyes and drank the liquid,
If he didn't drink it, he'd feel cheated
Out of his coffe.
He needed some zloty.
His next gift was several large tables.
He wanted to beat the gifter with cables.
He already had thousands of these,
And these tables came with moldy cheese.
His third gift was definitely his favorite,
He couldn't get mad if he's covered in ergot.
"I GOT A SAGI PLUSH!" Blue squealed with glee.
He was so happy he punched Red in the knee.
Red started crying, but Blue didn't care.
He hugged Sagi like a little girl would a mare.
"There's no more presents," Green said with cheer.
Red pointed out, "Hey, there's still on here!"
"It's addressed to Navi," Blue read out loud.
"I wonder what this presents all about?"
"I'll go get her," Green said with a sigh.
He was prepared for his eardrums to die.
Ten minutes later, the fairy arrived.
"Sorry if I'm not on time."
She opened her gift after having a sup,
And from the box Link popped up.
He raised his sword over his head,
And with a smile the green hero said,
"I'm about to do the greatest deed!
I'll rid Hyrule of the annoying Navi!"
Navi's eyes widened and away she went,
For what Link said she knew he meant.
Link chased her, and so said the knight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
Odd words I learned while writing this:
Lambaste- to beat with a cane
Zloty- I think it's the Polish currency
Sup- to take by spoonfuls, to eat dinner
So hopefully nothing else in here is confusing, since a lot of these words were a result of typing words into a rhyme generator and hoping something would pop up that worked.
Feel free to eat me now. This poem is full of fail, but happy Christmas Eve! I'll post ANOTHER fail tomorrow, only it won't be in poem form.