A/N: I do not own Evangelion. I could only wish that I owned Shinji and Kaworu. There would be less getting into the fucking robot and more OTP time between these two. It's 2015 and I'm on that Eva bandwagon like everyone else! Please, enjoy. This is my first EVA story, so...-runs and hides- Don't kill me!

Maybe if I love you, you will learn to love yourself.

"It's not possible. I don't think anyone really cares about me. Why would they? I don't care about myself. No one else needs to."

Why do you keep going?

"I'm too much of a coward to do something like…off myself. I've tried so many times. I can't do it. I always freeze up at the last moment and then I don't go through with it."

You poor thing…

"There it is. Right there. Pity. It's one of the things that I hate the most."

I don't pity you. I feel both sympathy and empathy for you.

"So you're saying you know how I feel?"

Precisely.

"…but how can you possibly know what I'm feeling?"

Because I was born to meet you.

"Born to meet me?"

Yes.

"Yet I don't know who you are…"

You'll meet me soon enough. Just hold on…keep going. Keep living. You will meet me. When you do, you will know and you will not regret.

"Will you come soon?"

…you'll see…

The song was a slower one. It was just another punk rock band, or at least that's what people would consider it. He didn't really care; he just found the lyrics were something he could relate to. If that made him even more of a sorry person to others, then so be it. He always had his headphones on when he went on the walk to his job.

He should have known that day would have been different. He'd had that weird dream, where a voice was talking to him. When he woke up, he was thinking that maybe he was finally losing his mind. But the voice was curious, and wasn't talking down to him like all of the other voices. People around him, they always talked down to him. It always made him feel that he wasn't really anyone's equal.

He felt like crying…he felt alone…

Yet he had to keep it together for the sake of his job.

All that was needed when he felt low was another pill. So he took one during his morning walk. He took one whenever he felt down, even though his psychiatrist prescribed two a day. It was still morning, yet he was on the fourth. Maybe his dosage would need to be upped…again? In the meantime, he had to pop his anti-depressants like candy. Though he felt sick to the pit of his stomach taking it in the first place, he knew that if he didn't, he would feel the need to not wait for the crossing signal to walk out into the traffic.

Misato was nice enough to get the job for him, and he was diligent, had been for the year he'd been working. Always showing up thirty minutes early to the café and always staying behind to help clean the place after closing. Never really speaking unless spoken to…and no one there had much to say to him either way.

Today just felt like it would be different somehow, like something important was going to happen. Though seeing the café, he decided to ignore that feeling of hope. Hope that something would change, that his dream was more than just a dream.

"Shinji!"

He snapped out of his little daze at the sound of Asuka's voice.

She had a hand on her hip, leaning against the counter, "I'm going on break. Hold down the fort with Rei will you?"

"Y-yeah…"

The orange haired girl just rolled her eyes and got up from her position, walking past Shinji Ikari without a care.

Shinji let out a small sigh. Asuka took more breaks than anyone else. At least a handful throughout the day. He'd overheard her telling Rei that she would try to not take as many cigarette breaks, but there was no evidence of that as of yet, despite her making the statement two weeks ago.

Back then, he'd decided to grab a pamphlet to sneak it into her locker. When she'd opened it on her lunch break, she just seemed annoyed by it and he watched from a distance when she threw it out and muttered about how people shouldn't tell her what to do and mind their own business.

When he'd first started working there, he couldn't stand her the most out of everyone there. She picked on him, made fun of him, and she was always loud and way too talkative. He couldn't really say much of anything because she was close friends with his foster mother. He knew she'd gotten the job at the café the same way he did but she'd worked there before him. All she reminded him of was people from his school that he'd much rather forget…

When he went to school…

Asuka had spent a significant amount of time referring to Shinji as 'dropout' before Misato heard her one day and put an end to it by scolding the girl harshly.

Shinji is sensitive.

He barely made any friends.

He suffers from severe depression after being taken out of a…complicated situation at home with a single father.

How would you like it if I made fun of your life troubles? Leave Shinji be!

Hey…how long will you stay down about it Shinji?

She didn't mean it. She was just being, well…her. She's too proud to apologize, I'm sorry.

Shinji, it's been a month, how long do you think you're gonna work without talking to Asuka? You're co-workers. Try to get along.

Shinji…are you sure you don't want to try again? We could try a different school. You shouldn't give up on it altogether! I won't force you, but you limit your job opportunities by not finishing high school. It'll be harder to get into a university. I worry about your future.

Shinji…I don't want you to not be productive. Sitting around like a shut in is no good. There's a café with open spots near the house. I talked to the manager for you. It's the best I can do for right now. I don't want you to work for the precinct. That's no environment for you.

Shinji…are you crying? Did you take your medication yet? Are you thinking about…you know…your life before you came here to live with me?

I never really know what to say to get through to you, but I'm trying okay? I know it was…hell…Gendo Ikari treated you like shit. You're not there anymore. It's been three years hasn't it?

Shinji, you know…you never smile. You should try to smile...at least once. It'll be good for you.

Oh…I can't really cheer you up much can I? I guess I'm bad at it.

Shinji…? SHINJI? OH MY GOD! Shinji hang on! I'm calling an ambulance! Shinji…please don't die on me! Don't you fucking die on me! PLEASE!

I took you in because the courts thought I would be a good influence. Let's both try our best okay?

Hey there. Nice to meet you! My name is Misato Katsuragi. I wasn't one of the cops involved in your case, but I talked to your social worker. I'm going to be your new mom! Everyone is so excited for you. I mean, I've always known that I wanted to adopt, but I'm not big on little kids. Plus, I like you. I've always wanted a son.

He clutched the broom tightly, stopping for a moment.

The café wasn't having much business, even three workers seemed a bit much.

"Shinji…"

He didn't look up from the ground, knowing that it was Rei. Rei, who always treated him nicely since he started working in the café last year. She was the first person to notice that when Misato brought him in with a big grin on her face, he had bandages on places that could easily be associated with self-inflicted wounds. She didn't know the details and she didn't pry, which was always nice.

"I can take over sweeping. It's okay."

The little bell rung to signify another customer.

"Can you take care of it while I sweep then?"

"Sure Rei," Shinji walked around her and went behind the counter, standing before the register, "What can I get for you?"

"A vanilla latte, cream, no sugar. Also a bagel with butter, toasted."

"Okay…that'll be $5.45"

The transaction went through as the man handed cash, and he only truly looked up to see Asuka was still on her cigarette break. He quickly scribbled the order down and decided he best make it himself rather than bother the kitchen staff. It was simple enough and he'd done it countless times. Effort wasn't really necessary. Except today…maybe he'd overdone it a little on the pill popping? His hands were shaky, the tremors were back again. He might, "Oh no, I'm sorry! It'll be a few minutes longer!"

The bagel was toasting, but he had to start another latte from scratch. He could almost feel the lack of sympathy from the man at the counter. It meant nothing would probably be put in the tip jar…again. He inwardly cursed at himself. He had to keep it together. He was taking every day one step at a time, just like his psychiatrist encouraged him. When he had a moment like this, he had to stop, take a deep breath, and try again.

"Shit man…I better not be late because of this shit…ugh…"

He ignored the impatience of the customer and took his time instead.

The bagel was bagged and he came back with the bag in one hand a latte in the other, "Here you go."

"Took you all goddamn day! Geeze!", The man walked off without another word.

When he looked back, Rei was already cleaning up the mess from the spilled latte, "Oh…you didn't have to…"

"It's fine.", she nodded to herself, "There's no one else here. Asuka should be coming back. Maybe you should take a little break yourself."

He nodded, "Y-yeah."

"Are you okay though?"

As much as he wanted to believe that his coworker Rei Ayanami cared, he knew she was moreso apathetic, and didn't like conflict. She was always a fan of things running smoothly around the place. Unlike Asuka, she didn't get the job through Misato, rather, she knew the owner somehow. He didn't really question it. She'd been working there longer than him and Asuka.

He took off the green barista apron and walked towards the little locker room. Alone, he looked at his trembling hands. It's okay…it's okay…just take deep breaths. Inhale…hold it a little…exhale…just like that. The episode seemed to pass and the last thing he wanted was fresh air, but there weren't many other places he could spend his time alone without Asuka commenting that he was a weirdo.

"Asuka, it's Shinji's turn for a five minute break."

"Yeah yeah…I gotcha."

She'd seemed to be in a particularly bad mood today and Asuka in a bad mood was never a good thing.

Outside, he'd taken a breath, walking to one of the outside tables and taking a seat at it. He closed his eyes, holding his head in his hands, mentally counting. He would count out the whole five minutes of the break, by the second.

30…31…32…

He listened to the second hand of his watch tick. He just needed the time to himself. He needed to be alone. At the same time, he needed to be away from his own thoughts. The counting was the best way to be away from it all. This was what he did during his breaks.

129…130…131…

"When one is lost within their own heart, they often resemble a madman."

He looked up with wide eyes, "Huh?"

There was a teenage stranger sitting across from him and he instantly froze up.

He looks like a ghost almost…

"Ah, I always get that look when someone sees me in broad daylight."

Shinji was wary. This random stranger said something so weird and appeared out of nowhere. How is it that I didn't even hear him walking over?

The albino smiled a little, "Don't worry. I'm not a figment of your imagination. I'm very much real. I saw you sitting here and couldn't help but be interested. You seem lost."

"No…no I'm not lost or anything…", he looked away quickly. He'd been staring too much, staring at the albino teen's blood red eyes. He couldn't help it.

"That's not how I see it."

"What do you mean?"

"You seem lost in your heart."

"In my…heart?"

The teen nodded, "Indeed."

He wasn't sure how to respond to this stranger, "Oh uh…I'm sorry for staring. You look kind of like my co-worker. Like you could be related to her or something…"

"Ah I see. So you weren't staring because you'd never seen anyone like me before?", he chuckled a little.

Shinji shook his head, lowering his hands quickly, feeling he must have looked strange talking with his hands on his head. He quickly put them on his lap and looked down and at the table. He didn't maintain eye contact with people for very long.

"I like you. You haven't even asked me my name even though we've been talking."

"I uh…I didn't know if I should."

"Please…my name is Kaworu. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.", he leaned forwards a little, "And you are?"

There was a moment of silence, a long moment, before he muttered his response, "Shinji…"

"Five minutes."

He looked up at this Kaworu person again, "W-what?"

"Your break was for five minutes right? Your time is almost up."

He scrambled up, "O…oh yeah you're right!" The time seemed to fly and they hadn't even exchanged that many words. That was fine, he'd probably never see that guy again anyway, "I'm sorry, I have to go!"

Kaworu was just following him with his gaze, letting out a little relieved sigh, "What an awkward kid", he grinned to himself.

Inside the locker room, Shinji was putting his green apron back on.

"Get your ass out here! We've suddenly got a group. That after school rush."

Seriously, it hadn't even been a few minutes…but at certain times of day, it just got like that. He was following Asuka out, trying to ignore the fact that she smelled like her brand of cigarettes and the smell was unbearably strong since her break, "Asuka…"

"What!?"

"Perfume."

"Oh right, go ahead Shinji.", she turned and bolted back for the locker room. Perfume was necessary to mask the cigarette smell. The owner didn't like the smell and she didn't want to run the risk of customers not liking it either. Besides, if she met a cute guy or something, she'd have on a nice scent anyway.

He was on table duty and it was when he rushed back to put the next ticket in the window he noticed Rei approaching him, "Ah, is something wrong?"

"No. But a man in my section asked for you to be his waiter.", she shrugged.

"What table?"

"3 in section B."

"Roger!"

He had the feeling that he already knew who it was and he saw the white hair before coming up to the booth and seeing the boy. Notepad in one hand and pen in the other, he stole a glance at his eyes again, and they were staring at each other.

He blushed, "What can I get for you?"

"Nothing really."

He blinked, "Sorry sir, but you'll have to get something if you want to stay here. We're really busy right now so…"

"Oh? No need for formalities."

"Sir…"

"Water."

He didn't even need to write that, "Okay but, you'll need more than water if you want to stay in here. Water is always free."

Kaworu looked to the menu, smiling a little, "Then surprise me. Get me anything you think I'd like."

While he was trying to not look at him, he couldn't help it then, "E-excuse me?"

Kaworu just shrugged, never letting the brunette out of his sight, not even for a second, "What do you like here? I'll have that."

He knew he had to hurry, so he spun on his heal and scribbled down the special for the day. Geeze…that took me by surprise.

Rei was passing him again, "Do you know him?"

"No."

"Okay…", she was going to put another ticket in and pick up a completed order coming out of the kitchen.

He went back to his section after putting that Kaworu guy's order in. The special was cheap, light, and tasted pretty good. He'd recommend it to anyone, but he wouldn't have been nearly as decisive and quick to act if it weren't for the fact that he had more tables to serve.

He'd been giving people their orders, and he turned and Rei was in front of him again, "Here's the special for your table. I went to take it to him and he asked that his waiter bring it. Are you sure you don't know him?"

"I'm sure. This is kinda weird isn't it?"

"Yeah…", she was off again after handing him the plate and glass.

He hurried out of his section, bringing the order, "Here you go. A special and I'm sorry if the other waiter didn't bring you the water while you were waiting…"

"I asked her not to. I'd rather have everything at the same time."

Shinji was avoiding eye contact again, "S-sure. Well enjoy!" He put it down and rushed away like his life depended on it.

Kaworu just looked away with a small smile, then looking down at the sandwich before him, "Well then…", he picked it up and decided to try it.

The rush had died down and none too sooner. Shinji let out a long sigh. That was when Rei was walking up to him again, "Shinji…"

"Uh huh…"

"He's still here", she seemed annoyed, "And he's asking for you again."

"He's not being mean to you is he?"

Rei shook her head, "No, he is very polite but working one less table in my section is a little annoying."

He decided to get out of dodge and quickly. He'd take a thousand angry Asuka's instead of finding out what Rei looked like when provoked.

Kaworu had finished the sandwich and water.

"Did you like it? Sorry for the wait. It was super busy…"

"I saw."

He reached and took the dishes, "Would you like the check now?"

"Sure. But first, I'd like to know, why are you lost?"

"I don't know what you're talking abou-"

Kaworu smiled a little wider, "I finally got you to look at me for more than ten seconds."

Shinji blinked down at him, unsure of what he was getting at, "Err..okay. I'll be back with your check then.", and he bolted. He wasn't looking back. If he could, he would volunteer to wash the dishes. The way that Kaworu guy was looking at him…what was with that intense look? It just embarrassed him. Unfortunately, Rei was giving him the check to bring to his table.

He was saved however, by Asuka grabbing it out of his hands, "I've never seen that guy before, but let me handle this. He's super cute!"

Shinji had never been so grateful. He just nodded, "Y-yeah!"

The rest of the day had gone without incident, and the guy left after Asuka took care of bringing him the check, collecting his money, and bringing him change.

Shinji watched him walk out and then reached to run his fingers through his short brown hair. He wondered, why his head felt so clear.

Either way, he figured that was the last time he'd be seeing that guy. Or not…who knows.

He felt like his heart nearly stopped the next day when again the afternoon rush came in, except this time Kaworu was sitting in his section.