Zelda Holidays: April Fool's Day

Made, written, published, directed, executively directed, and thought of, by Austin Hale

At long last, a new series of Zelda humors has begun, starting with their holiday moments from the previous year. If only they could "did" something useful in their lives. But what would be a life without a holiday? Holidays are life! That's why they're didding something useful in their lives. Because holidays are fun and useful, therefore, lives would not be complete without holidays. So they're not really doing something useful in their lives, but they're celebrating a holiday which is useful, therefore, they're not doing nothing useful. As for the start, we find Link sneaking into the laboratory near Lake Hylia…

Link: -humming mission impossible as he crawls around a desk to protect himself from being spotted by the scientist- Now… what would be a good prank for my wacky scientist friend… hmmm… I KNOW!! -pulls a phone out of his pocket and calls the professor-

Professor: Hello?

L: Morning. This is Doctor… um… Aikenhead … and I have called to inform you that we have just discovered something amazing!

Professor: (sigh) Jack smack is officially a word now, isn't it?

L: -to himself- Dang it! How'd he know? Wait wait wait, I got one… -to the phone, clears throat- PI IS EXACTLY THREE!!!

P: OH MY GOODNESS I KNEW IT!!

L: Sike! What a dope! -hangs up- HAHAHAHAHA!!

All of a sudden, Link's phone rings…

L: Hello?

Voice on phone: Hello! I run the radio station MASK 104.7. Are you Link?

L: Yes I am.

Voice: Congratulations! You have just won 1 billion rupees!

L: Yeah alright!! Wait… how?

Voice: Well um… -hangs up-

L: What?! Whatever. -phone rings again- Hello?!

Voice: Hi. I run the radio station MA--

L: Nice try. -Link hangs up-

-cut scene to a room in the radio station-

Announcer: Why'd he hang up?! He was about to get a billion rupees!

L: I just had "a idea"! I'm gonna go to the past, and prank everybody!

-inside the temple, after Link put the master sword back-

Rauru: -menacingly- Oh, he's de-evolving again, now's my chance! I'm gonna hate sitting here, waiting for 7 years to go back in time, so I better make it last… -spreads shaving cream on Link's hand, yanks a feather off of a cucoo that appeared from nowhere, and tickles Link's face-

L: -groans- stop it… Zzz Zzz… -his hand smacks his face spreading the cream all over it-

Rauru: AAAHAHAHA!!! April fools!

L: You idiot! I haven't slept for years! Don't wake me up again!

Cut scene to Skull Kid in his… garbage can…

SK: -picks up phone, and dials numbers-

Bazaar Dude: 'Ello, this is the Bizarre Bazaar, how can I help you?

SK: Yeah I'm looking for Dwarf. First name, Ganon.

BD: Yep. One sec. -in background on the phone- Ganon Dwarf? Ganon Dwarf? Hey, is there Ganon Dwarf in here?

Ganondorf: HOW DARE YOU SPEAK LOWLY OF ME!

-everyone laughs-

BD: Hey! Wait a sec… dat's not funny!! Listen to me ya' lousy bum. When I get a hold of ya', you're dead. I swear I'm gonna slice your heart in half!

SK: Hahahaha! -SK runs to the Bazaar, and goes inside- HHEEEEEYYY EVERYBODY!

BD: Wait a minute… -looks all evil- I recognize dat voice… IT'S… -gets all friendly like- Skull Kid! Hey there buddy!

SK: Hey! Put 'er there -sticks out his hand-

BD: Alrighty! (shakes hands, except--) BUZZZZ! (yeah, that) AAAAHHHH!!!

SK: Hahaha! April fools! -looks down the long counter with stools on the side and sees Saria sitting-

Saria: Hey, shopkeeper, can I get a beer?

SK: But you don't drink beer!

S: Oh well.

Bazaar Dude: Here ya' go. -slides beer-

S: -slurps it down-

SK: Oooh, I can't watch…

S: -as SK's looking away- hehe… -pulls a ziplock bag of some green beans, potato soup, and moldy cheese out of her purse. She then opens the bag and spills all the ingredients to look like she fake barfed all over the counter, while making puking sounds-

SK: OH MY GOSH!! Saria! Are you ok? Was it the beer?!

Saria: AAHAHAHA!!! April fools!

SK: -starts crying- Don't do that!

-Up at Zelda's Castle-

Zelda: (Playing Smash Bros. Melee) Hey, guards! Bring me a peach please. No pun intended.

Guards: Yes ma'am. Here ya' go.

Peach (from Mario): You idiot! Wrong humor! Besides, she said no pun intended!

G: What's a pun?

-2 hrs later, after Zelda explained what a pun is to the guard-

G: Oooooh… I'll go get your peach!

Z: Thank you… hehehe…

G: Here ya' go your highness.

Z: Thanks, and, can I borrow your sword, I need to slice the peaches with something.

G: Sure, anything for you, your highness. Here ya' go. -hands the sword over-

Z: Then you and I can share a peach pie. I'll be back in a minute!

-1 minute later-

G: La dee da dee da dee da. Life as a guard. Nothing can be much better. -3 kids sneak past him-

-All of a sudden-

Z: AAAAAHHHH!!!

G: -runs into the kitchen- What the—? Your highness! Your thumb! YOU CUT IT OFF!!!

Z: AAAAAHHH!!! GO CALL THE GREAT FAIRY!! CALL 911! DO SOMETHING!

G: OK! I'll be right back! -runs to the phone, picks it up, but there's no connection OH NO!!

Z: -laughing sneakily with an evil face. Oh, and she's holding scissors and part of the phone wire- OOOH! IT STINGS! -she says as she rubs ketchup all over her thumb-

G: The phone's not working! Ok! Don't panic! Stay calm! I know the Heimlich Maneuver! -starts squeezing her like crazy!-

Z: -under breath- stop… stop… it was a joke! -cough cough-

G: YOU WERE FAKING IT?!

Z: Yeah, it was just ketchup and I bent my thumb. See? -she bends her thumb so the top half isn't visible-

G: Whoa! It's sooo simple!

-Meanwhile, at Link's house-

L: This is going to be the best prank… mwuhahahahaha!

-Link calls everybody up, and invites them to a party-

L: Great… my plan is working… now, to empty the pool!

-30 min. later, everyone arrives-

L: AHAHAHAHA!! Oh sorry. Welcome to my party. Feel free to watch TV, eat snacks, and I'll have the pool ready in a moment… HAHAHAHA!! -clears throat-

All: Alright, yes, cool, can we go skinny dipping?

L: But you're not skinny, Rauru!

Rauru: Aawww…

L: I'll be back in a sec… -outside- Ok… all ten hoses are "set-up"… hehehe… HEY YOU GUYS! COME IN THE POOL!! I NEED YOUR HELP FILLING IT UP!!

All: Ok! -once outside, everyone grabs a hose, ready to help fill up-

L: AHAHAHAHA!! Sorry again. The cheese must have got to me again. HAHA--… Ready?

All: Yep!

L: Ok, I'm gonna turn the water on, you guys spray the water in the pool. Make sure it goes INTO the pool! I'll be right back. Oh, and… it might take a while for the water to come out so be patient! -turns the water on-

Rauru: This better not take long.

L: -to himself in the house- all knots are tied… this'll be great… 30 secs left…

All: Link!

L: Be patient! -to himself- 20 secs left… hehehehe…

Ganondorf: Wait a minute… my super sensitive orb on my head has observed a suspiciously weird reverberation coming from the hose… It could be the expanding of the ion cluster of matter, or rubber, which is about to explode making impact to the whole backyard, causing all the water to go everywhere except in the pool… but even if the water didn't go in the pool, the explosion would possibly be strong enough to blast us through the quarter decks of the universe, where we would float in space and die of suffocation. Of course, then we would blame Link for his idiotic actions... hmmm…

L: 3...2...1... -runs outside- APRIL F---

-BOOOMM, WHOOOSSHHH-

-All of a sudden, everybody is soaring through the air from the blast-

Saria: -just for all those slow people, she's being sarcastic- That's just great Link.

All: YEAH!

L: I know, it was great, wasn't it?

Rauru: Looks like we're blasting o—

Z: None o' that! NONE O' THAT!

THE END!!!