Pendragon's

Merlin Emrys isn't special. There are kids that do all sorts of things at school. Merlin doesn't. It's not that he's stupid. He does well in his classes, he's got top marks, but he doesn't do much besides his classes. Camelot High has a multitude of clubs, and sports teams galore. Merlin could play lacrosse or football or water polo, but Merlin's just not very into any of that. He's not athletic, he couldn't be coordinated if it would save his life. He's just clumsy, really clumsy. He can't help it, he's tried. Arthur tried to teach him to play football once and it was a disaster. Merlin had strength enough to kick the ball, but not much direction. They took off running when the ball smashed through the front window of that Impala. Football was out of the question. Merlin thought about lacrosse, but Arthur had shot down the idea. Merlin would be far too dangerous to himself and others if given such a large stick.

Merlin went out for almost every sports team, from primary through secondary school, and nothing ever worked. It just always ended badly (that's if he was lucky; sometimes it ended really terribly). He'd always thought that when he got to high school he'd join all sorts of clubs and do all sorts of things, but he didn't. He'd meant to. Really he had. Merlin went to the first meeting of the Environmental Club and he couldn't do it. He cared about the environment (he understood the importance of carbon footprints, he didn't leave his lights on, he wanted to save polar bears), but some of those people were bloody terrifying. Eco-warrior was not a strong enough noun to describe those people. So he'd run. Merlin did that a lot.

(He would have tried out for track, but running away from a terrifying situation and running for a competition were two totally different things. Running for a competition made Merlin trip over his feet. And fall flat on his face. And be poked and prodded by Arthur, because Arthur wasn't positive that Merlin was fine. Merlin didn't want to relive that. Track was out of the question.)

Then Merlin had attended another club. Something Helping or Helping Something. It was some sort of charity thing. He'd liked that. Or at least the idea of that. But the first day they'd assigned him to this creepy small child. Mordred. (And Mordred didn't blink. Well he must have blinked sometime, but never when Merlin was looking at him). Merlin was right freaked, so he sort of never ever went back.

He went out for another club. He can't remember what it was called. Merlin's pretty sure it was a scaring experience. There was a meditation circle. Looking back it couldn't have been legal. There was smoke everywhere, but nothing was on fire. Unless you counted those cigarette butts they'd arranged in a star... that wasn't legal.

Merlin kept trying. He went out for all sorts of club, and none of them worked. Either the people were too intense about it or Merlin just didn't fit in.

(He didn't even fit in with the geekiest of kids. Those kids that played the card games. Pokémon. Yugioh. Something else with the funny looking spiky thing. Merlin didn't understand that in the slightest, so he gave up.)

Merlin went out for the Maths club. He thought he'd be good at the Maths club. Right? Wrong. Because the Maths club was all the really ridiculously smart kids. Like scary smart. Like top of the class smart. Merlin was just above average, but not really that special. Merlin gave up on the Maths club right away. And the Science club. And the Creative Writing club. Merlin thought about Art, but he couldn't draw for shit, so he gave up that fantasy.

At least Merlin can proudly say that he's been a part of every club at school. He just never stayed part of any club at school. Or any sport. Or anything even vaguely extracurricular. Merlin just does his classes, goes home, does his homework, cheers for Arthur at the football games, spends his weekends watching crap telly with Arthur. Really besides school his life is Arthur.

(Merlin should be saddened by this, but he's not.)

Merlin has other mates. There's Will. Except Will moved to America when his Dad got some promotion or other (Merlin really didn't care at the time, because he could only think about how he was losing Will). They discovered the Internet soon after that, so they still talk (Although Will still doesn't understand the concept of Skype and had a tendency to forget he'd left it on. There were some things Merlin never wanted to know about Will...).

Besides William, Merlin didn't really have any friends. He just had Arthur and Gwen. And Morgana. Sort of. They'd always had a rather tense relationship, partly because one of the first things Morgana ever said to Merlin was, "If you break Arthur's heart, I'll smash your face in" and Merlin's been terrified of her ever since (Not terrified. Never terrified. He's manly, he could never be terrified. He's just slightly more afraid of her than other people...Sod it. He was terrified).

Merlin's got Arthur. Gwen hangs out with Lancelot, because the two of them are just adorable. Lancelot hangs out with the footie team. The footie team are all Arthur's mates. So Merlin ends up with the footie team, because that's where Arthur is. Arthur and Gwen. Except nobody on the footie team knows who he is. Well, part of it at least. Gwaine and Percival. Elyan and Leon. Lancelot and Arthur of course. Other than that, he might as well be invisible (Gareth acknowledges his existence, but he's never actually called him Merlin. Melvin. Emery. Melon head. Never Merlin). Merlin's life revolves around Arthur and the football team, and the rest of the school doesn't really know who he is. Beyond that he's...Pendragon's.

That's the bane of Merlin's existence. Nobody at Camelot High knows who he is. He doesn't really have a name anymore. He's not anyone special, but Arthur is. Arthur's pretty special around Camelot (Considering that his father is the prime backer and CEO of Pendragon Corp Ltd. The up and coming company in Albion who employ's most of Camelot. Arthur's father gives everyone else's parents their pay checks. This apparently is vital for popularity). Everyone knows who Arthur is. He's captain of the football team (The Knights. Talk about irony). He's captain of the lacrosse team for that matter. He's captain of the water polo team. He's president of the class. He's involved in everything. Literally everything. Merlin feels a bit inadequate around him actually. He's used to that feeling. He's known Arthur practically his whole life.

(Arthur and Merlin's parents have a long history together. Ygraine and Balinor were best friends at uni and kept in contact when they left. Ygraine went to Camelot, found a job at some office working as a secretary, and met Uther. Balinor ended up in Ealdor, bussing tables at a diner, and met Hunith. Balinor and Uther didn't get on well, but that was mostly because Balinor loved Ygraine like a younger sister and didn't want to see her get hurt. Later the four of them made a great circle of friends, and Uther's bodyguard Tom and his girlfriend Arianna would go out with them when they had the time. They all got married in the spring. One right after the other. Ygraine, Hunith, and Arianna were pregnant within the year. Ygraine and Arianna both suffered major complications. Neither survived. Uther and Tom where never the same, but Hunith and Balinor did their best to help them. Until Balinor was called off to Iraq and went MIA. That left three, fairly broken, young adults to raise Arthur, Merlin, and Gwen).

Merlin can't remember a time when he wasn't around Arthur and Gwen. In primary school, Arthur was Merlin and Gwen's protector. At worst, Gwen would suffer through verbal abuse from the girls that liked Arthur. Arthur wouldn't hit a girl, so he just made their lives living hell. He was rather good at staging accidents and planting evidence and finding witnesses and getting the girls in trouble with the teacher. Merlin on the other hand, got beat around quite a bit. He had big ears and gangly limbs, he couldn't play any of the games in the yard, so he became a game in his own way. If getting punched in the face by Edwin counted as a game. Arthur would always get back at those boys. Never at school, because Arthur wasn't dumb, but on a weekend, when the boys would go to the park to play footie, they'd come back bloody and bruised, with no idea who had jumped them. And Arthur would look smug. And Merlin would look cross. And Gwen would look sheepish.

(This was also how the three of them met Will. He'd stood up for Merlin one day, so Arthur was begrudging in his like of William, but they got on well enough. Merlin was just their buffer. Alone they were prone to fighting. Verbally and physically.)

Merlin and Arthur have always been inseparable (after the initial hatred that was festered in Hunith's backyard, and remedied when Merlin dumped a bucket of sand on Arthur's head and the two decided they would be great friends). They're best mates. They do everything together. Apparently this wasn't the norm in secondary school. Soon enough there were questions, because Arthur was the shining star of the school and Merlin just trailed behind him. People started to ask, "Are you two together or something?" A couple of years later the question evolved, "Are you shagging?"

That's how a couple of boys came to the conclusion that Merlin was trying to seduce Arthur. And the only way to stop him was to beat the gay out of him. That didn't go well. Merlin had fought back, as best he could. Which wasn't very good, but then Arthur had showed up. He'd come at them like a golden-haired reincarnation of Ares and Merlin would have been frightened if he hadn't been so relived. Merlin was fine, eventually. He'd had lots of bruises, a black eye, a split lip, a mild concussion, a dislocated shoulder, nothing really serious, but his doctor demand he was on bed rest for a week (which was really ridiculous if you asked Merlin. He was perfectly fine). The boys that had attacked him were far worse. One of them is still in a coma, and the others transferred immediately (actually they all moved away, but Merlin's pretty sure that's unrelated).

It was during that week at home that it happened. Merlin was being nursed back to health by Hunith, which consisted of "Here eat this!" most of the time (Merlin thinks he gained about seven kilograms from chocolates, biscuits, and so much tea, because apparently tea makes everything better), and Arthur would come to visit him. He'd sit there on the edge of Merlin's bed and look him over like hawk, and Merlin would insist that he was fine and that he felt better and that Arthur shouldn't worry and he was sick of sitting around and would Arthur please just treat him like a normal person. Eventually Arthur would start talking about how his day went, how they won the footie match (The Knights crushed The Bandits. It was a close call with The Mercian's. The Griffins almost had them) and all the football things that Merlin never understood (but paid attention to anyway, because it was Arthur and he always listened to Arthur).

Four days in to Merlin's home rest, Arthur showed up, "Morgana talked to me." Merlin had paled a bit; it was never a good thing when Morgana talked to someone. Arthur had settled on the end of Merlin's bed, like he had hundreds of time before, sat criss-cross like they'd been taught in primary school, rested his elbows on his knees and his head on his palms. Arthur had sighed a bit and then, "So, everyone seems to think that we're...together."

Merlin chuckled, "You mean everyone thinks you're shagging me, on a more than regular basis?"

Arthur had blushed at that. A fetching shade of pink that Merlin had never seen on him before. Merlin laughed, not at Arthur, but at the absurd situation they'd found themselves in and the ludicrous accusations that had been placed before them. Merlin might have kept on laughing, if Arthur hadn't asked, "So why aren't we?"

Merlin chocked on air at that and looked at Arthur, "Are you talking about the more than regular shagging? Or the actual dating?"

Arthur let out a sigh that channelled the on-going suffering that he'd endured, "I'm talking about the dating, Mer~lin."

Merlin blinked, "I don't know."

Then they'd looked at each other. Arthur was twitching, he almost looked frightened, and maybe that was hope buried in his darting eyes. Merlin should've been prepared for it. He shouldn't have been surprised. But when Arthur leaned forward and kissed him (it was quick, explosive), Merlin was.

Arthur's fingers found their way to Merlin's and twisted them together, "Well, why don't we give it a try?"

Which is how Merlin ended up in his senior year of high school, dating Arthur Pendragon. The Great. The Golden. It was ridiculous, really ridiculous. But he loved Arthur, he really did (but nobody could know about that, because it was bad enough already). Everyone at Camelot High had found out soon enough. They'd started dating on September 1st. By the 3rd the whole school knew that "Arthur Pendragon has got a new one."

(Not that Arthur'd had many before. There'd been Gwen for a few hours in primary school. There'd been Sophia, who'd tried to drown Arthur when he wouldn't attend her tea party. There'd been Vivian, who'd really only liked the idea of Arthur. Elaina, who'd been perfect in every way, but then Arthur had realized that he was gay. Then came Cedric, who turned out to be a power-hunger liar. That was two years ago. There hadn't been anyone since then.)

Everyone had been surprised. Not that Arthur had "found a new one" as they said, but that the "new one" was Merlin. Although they didn't know him by Merlin. Most of them called him Dumbo. Merlin didn't care, because he has still with Arthur, and that was cool. Right?

Dating Arthur was almost the same as being Arthur's best mate. Cheering for Arthur at the football games, spending his weekends watching crap telly with Arthur, and just Arthur. Sometimes they'd sit in silence for hours, and everything was fine, because it was the two of them. Things were the slightest bit different now though. Now Arthur would smile this small, secretive smile when he'd look at Merlin, the kind of smile you have when you've gotten exactly what you want (That smile scared Merlin, really scared him, because Merlin didn't thing he was that special, but Arthur thought he was). Now Arthur would twine their hands together when they were walking in the park.

(It wasn't so much holding hands as having a conversation. That wasn't something Merlin could just do with anyone. He couldn't shift by a millimetre and say "Come this way". He couldn't put slight press on someone's palm and say "Let this lady pass". He couldn't curl his fingers in slightly and say "I'm scared". He couldn't tighten his hold to the point that his fingertips were blue and say "I love you". He couldn't do any of that. Unless it was Arthur.)

Those things were different. Or the way Arthur would drop a kiss onto Merlin's forehead (or his cheeks, or his nose) and Merlin would giggle like a smitten schoolgirl. It was awful. Merlin really hated, but it was Arthur. So he loved it.

It was of that token for everyone at the school. He hated the way they saw him, because he didn't really exist to them. After a while, he was just Pendragon's.

(The teacher would still call him Emrys, but the entire student body-save the football team, Gwen, Morgana, and Arthur-came to the conclusion that his name was Pendragon's. Merlin made sure that Arthur didn't know about this, because he knew it would upset him. It was just the kind of thing that Arthur would get upset over.)

It was getting on to December, and Merlin didn't feel like he had a name anymore. The only people that called him Merlin now, were Hunith and Arthur and Gwen and that small circle of football guys that knew who he was. Everyone else called him Pendragon's. The teachers called him Emrys. Hell that wasn't even accurate, because yesterday his English teacher called him Pendragon's (and he'd tried to cover it up, but Merlin had already heard him). That's what did it for Merlin. That's what really made him feel like he'd lost his name completely.

Merlin hated all of that. Quite a lot. He put up with it though, because he loved Arthur.

It was that weekend that it happened. A Saturday. They were sprawled out on Arthur's sofa (Merlin really was. He had one leg over the top of the sofa and the other draped over the arm, and one arm trailing along the floor and the other stretched across the cushions and playing with the edge of Arthur's shirt) and Arthur looked down at Merlin, "You know the Winter Formal's coming up soon...We should go."

Merlin hadn't meant to say no.

He'd just been lying there staring up at Arthur, and he remembered Mr. Cenred calling him Pendragon's, Agravaine running into at the shops, "Hey Pendragon's! How's it going mate?"

He'd said no before he could stop himself.

Arthur looked confused. Hurt. Merlin couldn't stand him looking hurt, so he'd laughed and said, "I was joking Arthur! Of course I'll go with you."

Which is how Merlin ended up at the Camelot High Winter Formal with Arthur Pendragon. The Great. The Golden. It was ridiculous, really ridiculous.

(Arthur had lived up to his standing. He'd worn a tux. Black and white. Well fitted. Merlin would've been jealous of how well it fit, but the view was nice so he didn't complain. Arthur'd looked just a bit like James Bond. His own outfit on the other hand, felt odd. Merlin had never looked very good in anything formal. Not that he'd ended up in anything formal really. He was wearing black skinny jeans. A red dress shirt that was a tad too big, so he'd rolled up the sleeves. A black jacket that Morgana said didn't match, so he'd draped it over his arms and forgot about it.)

Camelot High was playing it cheap for the Winter Formal. It was in the Cafeteria, but the Student Council (with Arthur at the head) had pulled a decorating miracle. The walls were completely covered in black paper, with snowflakes painted in white glitter paint, intricate patterns that must've taken days to complete. Sometimes the lights would flitter across the paper and made the snowflakes look like they were dancing. They hadn't gone for the tacky disco coloured lights, but for rotating white lights that made pinpricks on the floor and threw that reminiscent feeling of snow and ice around the room. It was even a bit chilly, or maybe they'd just forgotten to turn on the heat, but it still felt like it had been done on purpose.

Merlin spent most of the dance wandering around after Arthur, because they called it a dance, but it was more a social gathering. Everyone stood in their circles or sat at their tables and talked. About the latest gossip. About the new films down at the cinema. About what Mr. Gaius was going to assign them over the break. About the newest crazy story that Dr. Nimueh had told them (None of which could've been true, because you couldn't get your doctorate if you'd set a football field on fire. That sort of thing stayed on your permanent record).

Arthur didn't really have a circle. Arthur floated around. He'd talk to the footie team. He'd talk to the lacrosse team. The water polo team. The Environmental club. Maths club. Science club. Writing. All of the things that Merlin had failed at, but that welcomed Arthur with open arms. Everybody liked Arthur, and Arthur was never in want of a place to be. Merlin just followed behind him and started to understand what shadows felt like.

Arthur asked him to dance once, but Merlin had turned him down (the excuse was lame. Something about his coordination and the people that wanted to talk to Arthur). Arthur didn't ask again after that. The longer Merlin followed behind Arthur, the more invisible he felt. Until he snapped.

(Merlin didn't make scenes. He didn't scream and shout. He wasn't dramatic. He kept his problems closed off. He only opened to certain people. At that moment, that person couldn't be Arthur.)

He'd gone to find Gwen. She was with Lancelot and Gwaine. They were talking about Doctor Who. The Christmas Special vs. The Easter Special. Merlin plopped down beside Gwen and rested his head on her shoulder. She'd glanced at him, stood up, apologized to Lancelot and Gwaine, grabbed Merlin's hand, and led him out the double doors to the courtyard. (Gwen had known something had been off with Merlin for a while, but like Arthur, Merlin had kept her in the dark as to the dissolution of his identity). Gwen sat him on a bench outside the front of the school, next to the tree dedicated to Mrs. Morgause (the psych teacher when the school first started out. She'd died in a car accident). Then Gwen had disappeared, leaving Merlin with explicate instructions to, "Stay put". For once Merlin obeyed, because he didn't have the strength not to.

It wasn't Gwen that came back for him. A jacket fell around his shoulders, and Merlin would've recognized the smell anywhere (he couldn't really describe it. It was a scent all its own. But if he had to he'd say the woods just after a storm) because that was the smell of Arthur.

Merlin sighed, breathing in the scent of Arthurs jacket, and said, "I suppose you'll be wanting an explanation."

"Not really. I got one from Freya."

(Freya had been a summer fling. A part of that smoke-meditation club that hadn't worked out. He never saw her anymore. He'd moved up to the advanced classes, and she'd stayed behind. Barely passing her classes, and loving every minute of it.)

Merlin whipped around to look at Arthur. He looked as cross as his voice had sounded. Crap.

Arthur walked around the bench to stand in front of Merlin, "Well, when were you planning to tell me?"

Merlin shifted a bit, "Probably never. Or maybe when we were really very old and wrinkled."

Arthur chuckled a bit, but caught himself, "Merlin. You should've told me."

"I don't need you to fight my battles for me!" Merlin hadn't meant to snap, but he didn't want Arthur to think he was always in need of saving.

"You're not exactly fighting are you?" Half question. Half statement.

"It'd be a waste of energy. They won't listen to me. I'm no one special. You are. I'll just be Pendragon's for the rest of high school. As long as you and Gwen still call me Merlin, I'm sure I'll be fine."

The slap was unexpected. As was the bruising hug that followed it.

Arthur buried his face in Merlin's hair and his voice was a bit muffled, "You are very special Merlin. If those tossers in there don't realize that, then they're not worth your time. And no matter who I am, you'll always be Merlin. No matter what."

Merlin hadn't teared up at that. At all. He did smile, and wrap his arms around Arthur's waist, "Even though you called me useless?"

Arthur laughed, "You are useless Merlin. You're a useless best mate. You're a useless boyfriend. Later you'll be a useless roommate, and a useless fiancé, and a useless husband, and probably a useless father too."

Merlin had just blushed at that.

(When they got back from break, people were calling him Merlin. He was still Pendragon's, but now he was "Pendragon's boyfriend, Merlin.")

(Arthur denied any involvement with the sudden turn of events. Merlin could tell he was lying.)

(He found that he didn't really mind.)