This was supposed to be a part of a drabble challenge from Eien. But of course, this is me we're talking about here. So it morphed into over 2,000 words long and is now going to have multiple chapters. Just fucking kill me.

I might move this to M rating at some point, I dunno.

I have definitely taken some liberties here with Mard, but oh well.

Prompt: Blood

Pairing: Mard Geer x Lucy

Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.

"Ah."

The simple statement from the often rather quiet demon king was enough to make Lucy raise her head from her manuscript. She glanced over at the kitchen, where Mard had been attempting to cook… something. A rather unidentifiable something that had screamed pitiably – a something the Celestial Mage was really not curious enough about to risk asking more about it. This peace with Tartaros was tenuous as it was without her inadvertently (or overtly) insulting its de facto leader. But she was already deeply regretting teaching him how to use the stove (which had been a bit of nightmare involved singed hair and even more scorched egos).

"Mard?" the Celestial Mage inquired. "Did you say something?"

"No. I merely sliced my hand with your sub-par cutlery."

Lucy winced at the concealed barb in Mard's even-toned statement. "They just don't forge steel like they did four centuries ago," she quipped. "Or at least – not anything in my price range."

"True," he acknowledged, though Lucy couldn't help but wonder if there was another insult hidden in his monosyllabic response. Two weeks of association with the demon made her think there was. Mard Geer was many things, and at least half of them involved high levels of snark and pure sass.

Silence settled over the small apartment.

Uncomfortable with the quiet after having lived so long with Fairy Tail, Lucy called out, "Do you need a bandage, or… uh… help?"

"I wonder if my kind are subject to blood infections," came the Underworld King's musing response.

She took that as license to scope out the extent of the kitchen situation. "I would ask Wendy and Lamy," Lucy suggested, standing up and stretching. Popping sounds emanated from her joints. Perhaps she had been sitting in one position for too long... Come to think of it, her hands were somewhat cramped from writing, as well. It was strange, but Lucy's imagination went into overdrive for her stories the day the king of the underworld chose to bunk at her apartment. Levy was sure to be thrilled by her novel's progress when Lucy brought not one, but three new chapters to the bookworm to proofread.

"Are human bodies supposed to make such ghastly noises? Are you coming apart at the seams?"

Lucy fought back a groan at the snarky demon's words. What exactly had she done to deserve this?

The whole peace thing in general was a novelty that hadn't quite sunk in yet, if she were being perfectly honest with herself. With the Oracion Seis out on good behavior and traipsing around Earthland with Jellal and Meredy, and Grimoire Heart effectively gone, Tartaros had been the only truly noteworthy dark guild around. And yet they had shown up out of the blue one day, seeking a truce with the legal guilds.

Though Lucy had to admit that the strangest part of it all had been the Magic Council going along with the idea. Maybe the fact that Tartaros had turned out to be chock full of demons had something to do with the decision. Or it could just be that the Council thought they could keep a closer eye on the dark mages if they were in the public view. Who knew with the old fogies?

Regardless, when the demons had first arrived, the majority had been rather confused by human civilization. It seemed that a lot had changed in the world since many of their members' creation and they were admittedly rusty when it came to the niceties. Several of the demons had come into being during far more… chauvinistic times, after all. Several powerful female mages had taken it upon themselves to educate those particular individuals in the changed order of the world.

So each of the demons had chosen a human to help guide them through the intricacies that comprised humanity's current social system.

They really should not have chosen Fairy Tail for this task.

In the short time that they'd been there, the members of Tartaros had begun to pick up a number of Fairy Tail's more eccentric traits, and they were getting along rather swimmingly. Silver, for example, had somehow acquired his son's stripping habit. Kyouka and Laki were still comparing notes on different torture methods and implements the last time Lucy had seen them – over two weeks after the pair had begun said topic. Lamy damn near went into a coma over all of the available guild hotties; whereupon Freed had attempted to defend Laxus' honour and had somehow wound up with the small mad scientist as a permanent extra appendage. Tempesta and Porlyusica had inexplicably hit it off (maybe due to the demon being unintrusive to a fault and profoundly disinterested in most everything). Natsu and Jackal, while not exactly friends, did take a shine to a new game between them involving varying magnitudes of landscape destruction. For which Master Makarov, First Master Mavis, and Second Master Precht's soul inside of Franmalth, wept profusely over.

It had come as a great shock to all, however, when the Underworld King himself had smiled benignly at the group and softly stated (with only mild sarcasm) that he was placing himself in the tutelage of one Lucy Heartfilia. None had been more astounded than the blonde Celestial Mage herself by this, though.

She'd been too nervous at the time to ask why. A fact that she constantly and with great vigour mentally berated herself for. Honestly, she was sure to perish of her own curiosity – but at this point she couldn't exactly just come out and ask him why! He'd been camping out on her couch for a fortnight already; asking would just be awkward.

Entering her kitchen, she paused at the strange sight of Mard Geer in a pink, frilly apron that belonged to her. His omnipresent book, with the ominous lettering of E.N.D. sat beside him on the countertop. He was holding his hand over her sink, blood from a ragged cut flowing down and disappearing into the drain.

"That looks really serious, actually," Lucy commented, her feet again able to move. Studiously ignoring the foaming, purple concoction boiling in a pot on her stove-top (with only a mental note to replace that particular piece of cookware sometime in the preferably near future), Lucy placed herself beside the injured demon. She held her hands out to him. "Can I see it?"

His perpetual expression of vague amusement in place, Mard wryly observed, "I don't see the point. It should heal momentarily."

Lucy dropped her hands to her side when it became clear he wasn't going to show her his cut. "You should at least rinse it if you're that worried about blood infections," she muttered.

"Your concern is outmatched only by the cost of your shoes."

Her mouth dropped. "And your gratitude is outmatched only by the cost of your hair care products!" she retorted. How dare he mock her one indulgence!

Mard didn't respond, but he did turn on the tap. Once his hand was rinsed clear of blood, he turned it off. Lucy could see only a thin, rapidly fading line where he'd injured himself with the kitchen knife.

"By the way," he stated, wiping the limb dry with a towel. "I forgot to mention this, but while you were in the shower this morning, your landlady stopped by."

The Fairy Tail mage's mouth gaped like a fish at Mard's remark. The only sound that came from her throat was a mild strangled noise that died before it could properly become any words.

Mard's smile widened a fraction, whilst his eyes were narrowed. It was one of the few expressions that Lucy had managed to decipher over the past two weeks; one of annoyance and yet greater amusement. The demon actually did seem to find a great many things vaguely humorous, truth be told. None of this meant anything good for her, though.

"Why are you giving me that look?" he teased. "It's not as if I told her I was the King of the Underworld and a greater demon. Though to be fair, I suspect her of being an elderich being as well."

Nervous sweat ran down Lucy's neck. "Oh, good," she said faintly. "But um... what exactly did you tell her?"

He raised an eyebrow at the Celestial mage. Lucy hadn't commented on his naming her landlady a fellow demon. Interesting; he would have to file that information away for later. "The prepared statement from the Magic Council, of course. That I'm a mage from a foreign country, here on Council business, and that you're putting me up for a bit." Technically wasn't even a lie. Mard hadn't been created within Fiore's borders after all, his whereabouts at all times were definitely a part of the Magic Council's business, and he was at indeed living at Lucy's apartment.

Lucy stared at him, her incredulity clear. "And she bought that?"

"Not at first. Then I followed Mirajane's advice and smiled at her," Mard informed her. "Seemed to work after that."

"Of... course it did..." Her landlady had quite the weakness for pretty men. For being a demon, Mard certainly was pretty.

Mard's amusement appeared to deepen at Lucy's words, leaving Lucy to hope that he wasn't a mind-reader, or soul-reader like Cobra. "She said your rent was due, by the way."

All of the colour drained from Lucy's face. "...Come again?"

"Your rent is due."

These were not the words Lucy had been hoping to hear. Desperately, she counted the days. Shit. It was that time of the month, wasn't it? Oh, no. She'd been so preoccupied with writing, making sure Mard wasn't there just to murder everyone, and keeping Jackal and Natsu from blowing up anything important that getting her rent money together had completely slipped her mind. "Uh, oh," Lucy whispered. She placed a hand on the counter, leaning heavily on it. "I forgot all about the rent. How angry was she?"

"Not especially. She said that she'd give you a couple more days before she returns for it." He paused, taking in her relieved expression and body language as she slumped against the counter. "Speaking of which, what is this thing called rent?"

Brown eyes regarded Mard's dark ones in surprise. "Rent is money I pay to live here. I don't own the property," she explained.

Understanding swept through Mard's countenance. "Ah. I take it your landlady is the owner, then."

"Right." He hadn't known that when he'd spoken to her? The idea of the Mard Geer talking to her scary landlady about rent when he had no clue what was going on created a simply beautiful mental image. She was sort of sorry she'd missed it.

But the rent obligation wasn't going to go away, just because she was finding the demon king somewhat adorably inept.

Mard shifted in place slightly. "I do understand the concept of rent," he defended himself. "The word itself has just... changed in the past four hundred years, and I was unfamiliar with the new term."

Lucy nodded in understanding. "I get it. But... how am I going to get it?" He stared at her uncomprehendingly. "The rent. I understand your confusion, but how am I going to acquire the money I need in such a short amount of time?"

"Language used to be so much simpler," he muttered.

"Given some of the things Levy has told me, I highly doubt that," returned Lucy. "Maybe the two of you should talk about the language differences the next time we go to the guild." She sighed heavily. "I'm going to have to take a job tomorrow anyway to deal with this. I bet you anything that Natsu is going to want to come along. I'm not going to get any reward money with him... he's my best friend, but sometimes I just wanna strangle with his scarf." A horrifying thought occured to her. "And if Natsu comes along, Jackal is sure to, too! I need to find a way to ditch them..."

"Tutu?" Mard wondered, under his breath. "Ditch?" He shook it off. "I hope you don't think you're going to leave me behind."

The Celestial mage flinched slightly. That had definitely crossed her mind.

He was now smiling quite smugly at her.

"Fine," Lucy acquiesced. "Only if you agree to keep Jackal and Natsu from following me."

"That can be arranged."

Lucy stared at him. "Please don't kill Natsu. Or the book gets it." A pointed look was thrown at the book of E.N.D. next to her.

Mard met her gaze evenly. "That sort of threat might have had an effect at the beginning of this arrangement, but I'm now quite well aware of how high you hold books in your esteem."

"Not as highly as my friends," she told him.

"...Duly noted." When Lucy continued to stare at him, Mard asked, "Is there something else?"

"You didn't actually promise not to hurt him."

The king of the underworld shook a finger at her, his smile cruel. "I believe the original request was not to kill him, not to leave him unharmed. You can't go changing the terms of the agreement on a whim."

Lucy sighed, giving up. She was too tired to deal with this demon's word games right now. Turning in early seemed like a fantastic idea, given that she would have to be sharp for any job involving Mard Geer as a tag-along. "Fine, but just leave him mostly intact, please. Like... with all limbs attached."

"Agreed."

She stepped away from the counter, but she didn't turn her back on Mard. Something inside of her told her that might be a bad idea. "I'm going to bed now," she informed him. "Clean up when you're done, okay?"

An incline of his head communicated his acceptance.

Hesitating for a moment, Lucy suddenly blurted out, "Hey, Mard? I know it's been two weeks, but I have to know... why me?"

His eyebrow lifted. "Why you, what?"

Swallowing a growl, Lucy stomped away from him. He knew full well what she meant! He was just being obstinate!

As she turned down the bed covers some time later, Mard emerged from the kitchen. He flicked off the lights (now that had been a fun lesson).

Crawling into bed, Lucy asked again, "Why, Mard? I'm not sure if we're friends, exactly, but I would still like to know."

Mard regarded her coolly for a moment. "We're not," he stated, blunt. "I suppose some sort of answer is in order, however. Very well; I decided on you because..."

Lucy waited while he contemplated it.

"Reasons," he finally told her. "I have a lot of reasons."

Letting out a light laugh, Lucy shook her head at him. It seemed as if he'd given the matter quite a bit of thought, actually. "I'm guessing you don't feel like sharing them."

"Not at present, no."

"But you will? Someday?" Lucy inquired, hopeful.

He turned off the room's lights. "Maybe."

"I'll accept that."

And that's the first chapter, folks!

I do have an announcement that I left up on my profile, and I ask that everyone take a look at it, please.

Thank you.