Matt Donavan stood leaning against his battered old Ford and watched as each new car pulled into the parking lot. His crystal blue eyes peered into every window as it drifted past him but he still hadn't seen person he was looking for, Elena Gilbert. As the thought of Elena's dark hair and bright eyes took firm root in his mind he felt his heart speed up and his stomach clench. Last year he and Elena had been the couple to beat. He was the star of the football team and she was the home coming queen, at least she would have been before it happened. Her parent's car went off Wickery Bridge with Elena inside. By some miracle she had managed to escape and swim to the bank before losing consciousness. Elena survived but her parents were gone and everything changed. She dropped out of the schools social scene and stopped hanging out with her friends. Finally one night on Old Wood Road she had turned to him and said she couldn't do it anymore. She still loved him and always would, but she wasn't in love with Matt Donavan the football star.

He was so shocked by her tremulous words and blue eyes swimming in tears that he'd simply nodded and took her home without saying a word. Matt regretted it ever sense. Every morning when he got up and every night before he climbed into bed he wished that he'd begged her to give him on last chance. That was why he was waiting there in the parking lot, waiting to beg Elena to give him one more try. Not as the football star but as the boy who'd lived down the road since they were kids. He was still in leaning against his car when minutes before the first bell when Tyler Smallwood and his sister Vicky pulled into the parking lot in his convertible. He watched as Tyler leaned over and tried to eat Vicky's face before climbing out of the car to run for school. Matt watched as his sister climbed out of the car.

She had barely closed the door when a boy he didn't recognize appeared from between the cars and grabbed her arm. Matt started to run over, but he knew that she'd just scream at him for playing white knight and interfering in her life. He watched as she threw her head back in silent laughter and jerked her arm out of the boy's hand. She said something to the boy, her eyes flashing, before turning to stalk off. Matt couldn't help but feel sorry for the kid as he leaned against the fender of Tyler's convertible and buried his face in his hands.

"Who was that?" He asked as Vicky flounced by her hair flying out behind her. She stopped and turned to him her lips twisting into a satisfied smirk.

"Don't you recognize him?" She asked her smiling brightening. "That's your one true love's little brother."

"That was Jeremy?" He asked glancing towards the boy beside Smallwood's car. The Jeremy Gilbert he remembered was short and thin with his hair spiked all over his head. The boy standing forlornly by the convertible was taller, broader, and his hair hung limply around his face.

"Uh huh." Vicky said shrugging suddenly uninterested.

"What is he doing with you?" Matt asked squinting at her. The Jeremy he remembered would never have had anything to do with Vicky Donavan either. Vicky was what the people of Mystic Falls called a wild child. She hung out with a rough crowd and got high in the cemetery.

"He thinks he's in love with me." She said for the first time the smirk fell from her face replaced with something akin to pity.

"How much of that is your fault?" He asked scowling at her.

"It wasn't my fault. He should have known it didn't mean anything. I'm Tyler's girlfriend." She said shrugging as if that explained everything. She walked away before he could ask anymore questions.

By then the bell had already rung. There was no point in rushing to class, late was late. It didn't look like Elena was going to show up either. The least he could do was try to help the kid. Jeremy's hands had dropped from his face to his sides but his head was still bent and his hair still covered his eyes. As Matt drew closer Jeremy heard him coming and began to scrub at his face and sniff loudly. Matt stopped short as he realized that the other boy had been crying. It made him angry. He had watched his sister step on a lot of guys on the way to Smallwood. He had seen screaming fights, boys slamming car doors and driving away, but this was the first one of Vicky's castoffs he'd seen cry.

"What do you want?" Jeremy asked glaring up. The memory of Elena's eyes had caused Matt's heart to race. The liquid brown eyes glaring at him through dark bangs and tears made his heart stop. He stood and stared into those dark brown eyes stammering before the words he wanted to say came out.

"I wanted to apologize for my sister." He said finally. "I don't think she know what's she does to people."

"You know what I don't get?" Jeremy asked a cold facsimile of a smile twisting his lips.

"What's that?" Matt asked still enthralled by the boy's eyes.

"She's with Tyler, the guy's a dick and he treats her like shit but she stays with him." Jeremy said pounding his fist backward against the fender. Matt wasn't sure why but his hand shot forward and grabbed the sleeve of Jeremy's hoodie before he could draw his hand back to hit the car again. The boy tried to rip his arm away but Matt was quicker and stronger. His fingers locked around Jeremy's wrist. A tingle like a bolt of lightening raced through the palm of his hand where it touched Jeremy's skin. He gasped but didn't let go. He could tell the other boy had felt it too by the way he stared down a their locked hands.

"I'm not going to den the car." He said his eyes flickering from their hands to Matt's face.

"No, but you might break your hand."

"Why do you even care?" Elena's not going to take you back just because you're nice to me." Jeremy's eyes went dark and hard.

"You know, it wasn't Elena I spent two or three nights a week playing video games with for months." Matt said smiling at the memory and the boy standing in front of him who was so different…so new.

"Yeah, I also know that you stopped coming around after Elena broke up with you. I haven't seen you since Mom and Dad's funeral." Jeremy said glaring at the blond.

"Yeah, I guess that was kind of crappy." Matt said as he watched fresh tears fill those brown eyes. "I just figured Elena didn't want me around."

"Elena wasn't the only one who lost her parents."

"I'm sorry." Matt said his own eyes were beginning to sting. He couldn't believe how stupid he'd been. Jeremy wasn't that much younger than him but when it came to losing both your parents in one horrible night everyone needed someone to turn to. He had assumed just because Elena turned away from everyone that he should just stay back. All he did was turn away from someone who really needed him.

"What can I do?" He asked. "What can I do to fix this?"

"I want to go home, can you please just take me home?" he looked tired, heavy purple bags drug down on his drying eyes.

"You want to skip out on the first day of school?"

"I don't care about this place, I just ant to go home." Jeremy said his shoulders dropping pathetically.

"Alright, I'll take you home." Matt said sighing as he turned back towards the Ford. Jeremy followed silently.

"I'm really sorry, Jerm. I can't believe I was so stupid." Matt said as he started the car.

"It's not big deal, I'm alright now." Matt could almost feel the cold exterior slide over the younger boy's mind and features.

"Are you really?" He asked as he steered the car towards the exit of the parking lot. Jeremy didn't say anything and the car was silent all the way to the Gilbert's. When they pulled to a stop in front of the house Jeremy tried to open the door without saying a word.

The passenger door was difficult to open from the outside but it was nearly impossible to open from the inside. You had to jiggle the handle exactly right while pulling until just the right moment when you had to push out hard. Jeremy didn't know the system; he tried to open the door a few times before he gave up and sat staring at the floor dejectedly. Matt finally took mercy on him. If he's climbed out of the car and went around to open the door things would have turned out differently but he didn't. He leaned across Jeremy and grabbed the handle. He was busy jiggling the handle when he heard a soft sigh escape Jeremy's lips. The gentle breath blew across his neck and onto his ear causing a thrill of pleasure to crawl up his spine. At first he thought it was an accident until it happened again. The next time the breath was a concentrated sweep across his neck to his ear. He turned his head and his mind went blank.

Jeremy's molten bronze eyes were unfocused and his lips were pursed in a perfect cupid's bow. Matt had never noticed the boy's lips before; he had never noticed Jeremy Gilbert at all like he was that day. But he couldn't help but notice when his senses were filled with glowing brown eyes, soft glistening lips, and the heavy scent of alcohol and peppermint. Matt licked his lips, his eyes never leaving Jeremy's. They opened slightly and Matt pressed his lips to them before he could think, his tongue flicking out to taste the rime of Snaups on the other boys lips. Even as Matt's mind began to rage against him for kissing Elena's little brother his body melted into the kiss, his hand creeping up to fist in Jeremy's tangled hair. Then everything was lost in the sensation of warm, soft, full lips pressed against his own.

When the kiss had ended Matt felt like years had blazed past while he and Jeremy were tangled together. He sat back with his eyes closed and tried to catch his breath while his mind still tried to catch up with what had happened. Only when he opened his eyes did he realize something was terribly wrong. His own breath was slow and calm like a marathon runner after a race. Jeremy's breath was fast and ragged, his pupils had spiraled down to pin pricks. His lips were moving quickly and continuously. Matt had to lean close to hear that the frightful mantra falling from the boy's lips was 'Pleas don't kill me.'

"Jeremy, its okay, calm down." He murmured softly, reaching over to stroke the other boy's cheek. It wasn't something he ever would have done before but with the taste of Jeremy's kiss still on his lips it didn't seem so strange. At first Jeremy shied away expecting pain when none came he leaned into the caress and his breathing finally began to slow.

"What was all that about?" Matt asked when Jeremy looked capable of speech.

"I got really high once and kissed one of the guys who hang out at the cemetery with Tyler. He waited until we were finished then he beat the crap out of me. He probably would have killed me if I hadn't been the only person who knew how to score right then." Jeremy said a small shiver chasing down his spine.

"Even if that hadn't been as amazing as it was freaky I wouldn't kill you over a little kiss." Matt said smiling gently.

"We did other stuff too… I did…" Jeremy stuttered his eyes locked on the glove box while a bright flush crept across his cheeks. Matt felt his stomach tighten as he realized what had happened. He wasn't disgusted by what Jeremy had done. He was disgusted that the other guy had let a fifteen year old do it then beat him for it.

"I don't care what you did, Jeremy. I would never hurt you." Matt said squeezing the other boy's shoulder reassuringly. This was just anther bullet on the list of ways he'd let Jeremy down. If he had been around Jeremy probably wouldn't have fallen in with Vicky's crowd, he definitely would not have ended up high in the cemetery getting his ass kicked.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"Which part was I supposed to tell?" Jeremy asked his eyes going cold and hard. "That I stole what was left of my parents prescriptions and took them to get high, or maybe that I sold some of them to get more money to buy weed, or maybe that I got trashed and went down on some random guy in the cemetery?"

"You could have told me." Matt said desperately.

"Oh, lets see how that conversation would have gone. 'Matt, I think I've been in love with you since I was twelve, but I never said anything because you were obviously in love with my big sister. Then my parents died and you disappeared so I took a lot of drugs and blew a guy behind my parent's tombstone." By then Jeremy was shaking an tears were flowing openly town his face. Matt sat quietly and stared out the windshield. He could feel each word Jeremy spoke tightening around his heart like a steel band.

"Since you were twelve?" He asked finally. He planned to eventually find the guy that had hurt Jeremy and beat him to death but he couldn't bring himself to get it right now.

"Yeah."

"You should have said something."

"Would it have made any difference?" Jeremy asked the ice spreading from his eyes to his voice.

"I don't know." Matt felt like he was going into shock, he was numb and cold, his heart felt like a lump of lead in his chest.

"Does it matter now?"

"Yes, maybe, I don't know." Matt stammered slowly. "You are so beautiful." He said glancing over at the other boy. "The only person in my world who has ever been beautiful was Elena. Other girls were pretty like Bonnie and Caroline, guys were always cool. But you're beautiful and you're Elena's kid brother. And I'm so confused because I want to make sure nothing ever hurts you again but I'm so afraid I'll do something to break you." Matt said covering his face with his hands.

"I'm already broken, Matt, there's nothing left for you to do that can hurt me. If you want to let me out of the car and pretend you never saw me today I can survive that." Jeremy said, that twisted mockery of a smile back on his face. It hurt Matt to see it more than the tears.

"I can't pretend that today didn't happen. I can't walk out on you again and trust you'll be safe. I can't stand to go away and hear that you got hurt again or worse while I was gone. I'm not sure I could go a day without touching you, without being able to hold you, and know you're okay." Matt said reaching over to grasp Jeremy's hand. There was no sudden blaze of electricity lik in the parking lot. There was a flare of warmth that soaked into his bones and melted the lead sheathing his heart.

"What about Elena?"

"Elena made her decision months ago. She didn't need me and didn't want me around. I'm making my decision now. You need me, do you want me around?"

"Yeah, yeah I do." Jeremy smiled; it was the first genuine smile Matt had seen from him. Mad leaned across the middle seat. He grasped Jeremy's face in one hand, his thumb grazing his jaw softly as he flicked his tongue against Jeremy's lips. Neither boy noticed the large black crow watching from the quince tree outside.