I own nothing. The Almighty Larson owns it all.
A year ago on this exact day, I met him. It's such a lucid memory, it almost hurts. Who would have thought I-Thomas B. Collins-would meet someone so wonderful? No . . . he was more than wonderful. He was amazing, marvelous. He was absolutely perfect in every way. I must have been forgiven for all the hellish things I had done in the past that night. I could have frozen or bled to death sitting on the ground in that alley, but he came to my rescue.
As he walked toward me, I noticed there seemed to be a glow around him. It may have been from a distant street light, but I like to think that glow was part of him. It made him seem so . . . angelic. The first words spoken between us came from him. He asked me if I was okay. At first, I assumed he was only asking because it was a holiday. I'd witnessed many New Yorkers damn near tear each other limb from limb one day and as soon as Christmastime came around, those same people seemed to be the best of friends.
I looked at his face. Besides an unbelievable amount of natural beauty, it showed genuine concern. I told him I had been mugged and he tried to clean one of my many wounds with a handkerchief. I didn't want sympathy, so I lied and said I was fine. I secretly wanted him to leave me alone. I liked being independent, despite the situation. He didn't walk away like I hoped he would. Instead, he told me his name.
Angel.
I was in shock. Between his name and the glow that surrounded him, I was at a loss for words. For a moment, I thought maybe he could be my guardian Angel. I decided to try the name out before I introduced myself to him. He continued to stare at me, the look of concern never fading. He helped me to my feet then and I let him take me to his apartment. I found trust in him. Never once did it cross my mind that he could be planning to hurt me, or actually be one of the people who had mugged me.
The skill and care he demonstrated while dressing my wounds reminded me of a nurse. We had a long conversation after that, talking about our pasts and sharing secrets we had never told anyone-not even our closest of friends. He excused himself after a while and when he returned I saw the most shockingly beautiful sight. Angel was dressed as a woman, from head to toe-makeup and all. He smiled shyly at me as I took him in. It seemed as though he belonged in women's clothes.
I could tell he was searching my face for some sign of approval. I smiled at him and the uncertain look on his face quickly faded away. A smile spread on his face.
The next day, I introduced him to my friends. I encouraged him to be himself and wear drag. He nearly cried. I felt horrible. I started to apologize to him, but he stopped me, telling me that I hadn't upset him, I just was the first person-other than his best friend-who had encouraged him to do what makes him happy.
In return for introducing him to my friends, he introduced me to Life Support. I didn't say much that day, I sat back and observed how everything worked. These people cared about one another and it reflected in the conversation. Angel was especially caring, almost motherly. Sensing my slight discomfort of being out of place, he held my hand. The contact made my heart flutter, even though it was small.
I soon became aware of Angel's generosity. He bought me a coat to replace the one that had been stolen. He was beautiful inside and out. I realized that I was falling for him. I wanted to tell him or at least do something to drop a hint. I took the biggest chance of my life by kissing him. At first, I was afraid he would push me away, but he surprised me by kissing me back. It was our first kiss . . . and it was simply magical. I could tell we both felt a spark. Not only was I falling for him, but he was also falling for me.
That night, we had a deep conversation about life and love. It was completely apparent that we were in love. We were young and we were in love. Angel brought up the fact that we didn't know how long we would be together. I didn't want to think about that, but I knew I couldn't ignore the truth.
We spent as much time as possible together. We loved each other so much and it showed in everything we said and did. Our words were always loving, our kisses were always sweet, and our love making was . . . indescribable. We became so in tuned with each other's bodies, the pleasure went beyond what we had been used to.
He's gone now, but not forgotten. My passion for him grows stronger every single day. I can feel him with me everywhere. That's the reason Christmas Eve will always be my favorite day. It's a day of celebration. A day my heart swells when it gets close. Until the day I die, he will be a part of me.
He was the love of my life and he always will be.
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