A/N: This is actually a story I had written years and years ago, and published here. It did pretty well, but I somehow ended up dropping it. I knew I could write it better. So I'm starting it over. From the beginning. Hope you like it!
The hairs upon the back of her neck stood up as her heart beat slowed. She could feel all the eager eyes upon her, pressing her forward through their silent curiosity.
Kallian kept her gaze transfixed upon the wounded warrior hunched at her feet, attempting to catch his breath as blood dripped from his nose. "I yield, "he finally coughed, rolling up to his knees. "Yo-you, are far more impressive than I gave you credit for...Warden."
"As are you, Loghain." She replied quickly, taking in a deep breath. The Teyrn appeared in a way she had never seen him before, small and broken. Even while admitting defeat, the deep furrow in his brow sent chills up her spine. It was as if she were a child again, being scolded for putting mud in Anora's hair. She wasn't Queen then.
"I have never begged for my life, I will not start now." He continued, his sunken gaze meeting hers. A frown settled at the corners of his mouth, the blood from his nose finally slowed.
Kallian became overly aware of the dagger in her hand and the uncomfortable weight of burden it settled in her palm. She twisted the blade over a time or two, the leather of the hilt cracking lightly as she squeezed it tighter. This was not what she wanted.
"Kali..what are you waiting for?" Alistair urged her forward, his disapproval for her hesitation apparent in his tone. She usually loved hearing the way he said her name, laced with love and longing. Today it made her feel sick.
"I understand your duty, I just ask that you make it quick." Loghain agreed, straightening his chest plate with a wince.
"No! This cannot be the only option." Anora cried, moving to block her father. "There has to be another way." Tears streamed down her flushed cheeks, she did not bother to wipe them away.
"Anora." Loghain sighed, moving to his feet "These were the terms we agreed upo-"
"There is another way."
Kali could make out the heavily accented voice from the back of the hall, his words echoing through the stone. The crowd began to murmur speculations, shuffling uneasily, as sheep in the presence of a wolf.
Riordan moved out from beneath the shadows with a limp, "We can conscript him."
"What? You cannot be serious!" Alistair snarled, stomping the heel of his boot into the floor. "This man is a traitor. Kill him already!"
"The Teyrn is a skilled warrior and general of renown, he could still be of some use." Riordan replied, ignoring Alistair and looking directly toward Kallian. "Let him perform the joining."
"I-I don't know." Kallian sighed, her voice beginning to shake. She could feel the seething anger coming from Alistair, and see the desperate plea from Anora's expression. The Queen's elegant composure was slipping, and her true nature began to show. Rosy cheeks were accompanied by swollen eyes, a little watching in terror.
"The illusion of choice is no longer a luxury we can afford, it does not matter what we like. We are also no judges. Anyone with the skill and the chance is welcome. Especially with the large compelling reason to have as many of us as possible to battle the Archdemon." Riordan finished, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
"The joining itself if often fatal, is it not?" Anora asked hopefully, looking between the three Wardens before her. "If he lives, you gain a general. If he dies, you gain your revenge. Is that not enough?"
For the first time in months, Kallian had all but nearly forgotten the looming threat of the blight. Though the reminders now flooded back to her. In this landsmeet stood the only three able Wardens to fight the head of the horde, the dragon whom haunted her dreams relentlessly. The idea became more daunting by the second.
"Absolutely not! Becoming a Warden is a privilege not a punishment. By offering this traitor a position amongst us, you cheapen us all." Alistair spat, moving forward.
"Alistair…"
"No, not you too." He gasped, turning toward her now. "Do you not remember how he left us in that tower to die? How we were hunted like dogs across Ferelden? How he tortured you?"
She stepped forward, reaching for his hands, hoping to calm his nerves. "I remember as well as anyone, but I also know there are greater things at work here than my pride."
He stumbled back, flinching away from her touch as one would with a poisonous snake. "I-I cannot believe you. Any of you! If this is what you will take into the brotherhood I want no part of it."
Kali could feel a heaviness settling upon her chest, acknowledging where this conversation was heading before she was actually ready to admit it. "Anora and Riordan are right, we cannot do this with so few numbers. Having someone like Loghain could beneficial-"
"I will not stand next to that man as a brother, I will not!" he cried out for the entire hall to hear.
Heat rushed to her cheeks as she straightened her stance. "This is not about who has to stand next to who, or what has happened in the past. This is no longer about only our survival, Alistair! The fate of Thedas could be hanging on this one decision. If it comes between your childish ramblings and an actual chance at beating this, I think you already have my answer." Kali finished, nearly out of breath.
Alistair stood silently for a moment, looking toward his feet then back to her. "Then I believe you also have mine."
"Alistair…" Kallian pleaded, immediately regretting her angry outburst. "Please."
"If that is your decision, I am no longer a Warden. I want nothing to do with it, or any of you. Ever." He narrowed his gaze, looking around the great hall.
She stared at him in disbelief. After everything they had been through, after all the bloodshed and midnight promises. It was something so simple to cause him to sway, before she had even confirmed the idea. There were so many eyes upon them now, the murmurs had all but stopped.
"Then go." Kali snapped, standing her ground. The weight in her chest had turned to a knife, plunging deeper into her heart with every word. She could no longer listen to his ranting, "If you are going to leave, then just do it."
"I never saw it ending this way." Alistair sighed, pulling the griffin armor from his chest and dropping it to the floor.
"I am not the one choosing to end it." Kallian replied solemnly.
"Sure you're not." Alistair said with a sarcastic sneer. He turned on his heel, making it to the door within a few boot clicks. She could do nothing to stop him from leaving. The great door opened with a loud creak, she watched as he gave her a final nod, slamming it shut behind him.
The sharp pain in her chest grew stronger along with the urge to hyperventilate. Months' worth of memories flooded to the front of her mind, overwhelming her senses as she did everything in her power to stay upright. They were all gone. Her mother and father, the wardens and now Alistair. All gone. What had just happened?
A quick arm slithered around hers with a delicate precision, "Do not fret, I am still here. You are not alone" a familiar Orlesian voice chimed in a whisper.
"We must perform the joining as soon as possible." Riordan announced.
"He is right," Anora agreed, seemingly back to her regal self. "Ladies and Gentlemen of the court, we still have a blight to face."
"Come, we have no time to waste."